Normal For The Spider
by Happy2BeDee
Summary: What happens when a dangerous man is hell bent on revenge and how does it affect the lives of Olivia and her family? And, will more secrets come to light? This is a sequel to Tangled Webs and it is highly recommended that you read it before beginning this story so that you understand the history of certain aspects. Rated M for content. (sex, rape and violence) Langson
1. Prologue

**You guys wanted it, you got it; the sequel is here. Let me start off by saying that I never expected the response I got from Tangled Webs and I certainly never expected that you guys would want a sequel – there are no words for how amazing you all are and how amazing you all make me feel so thank you, each of you, from the bottom of my heart. Dick wolf owns what he owns, the rest is mine. Enjoy!**

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*****THIS IS A SEQUEL! READ TANGLED WEBS BEFORE YOU READ THIS FIC!*****

**Prologue**

**...**

_While doing sit-ups in his jail cell, he kept his eyes on what had gotten him through this sentence - staring at the 5 pictures on his wall. They were the only things that adorned the white painted brick, the only things that had ever adorned it. Ten years. He had been in this rotten hellhole for ten years all thanks to those stupid, useless whores! Life was good, happy and carefree and then suddenly they'd convinced her to file charges – his own fucking wife allowed those prissy, man-hating bitches to brainwash her; to cry abuse, to cry rape and they even managed to convince the fucking judge!_

"_Ball busting sluts!" he said as he came up for the 200__th__ time and rested his elbows on his knees, done with his sit-ups _

"_A man has the goddamn right to do whatever the fuck he wants to his wife!" he angrily said out loud to himself._

_In ten years he hadn't let go of the rage. They'd taken everything – including his son. He hadn't seen his boy in 10 years; the stupid cunt divorced him the minute he was sentenced – more brainwashing from those bitter twats, then she disappeared; took his fucking kid and disappeared; probably turned his boy into a fucking pansy! But he'd done his time; ten years of hard time, time during which his buddies on the outside begged him to say the word but no, he had to settle these scores himself and he'd been preparing by taking full advantage of the prison gym getting bigger, stronger, ready. Now he'd soon be free; free to make them all pay – the wife, the cop, the doctor, the judge and the lawyer… they'd be begging for death by the time he was done with them and their begging would not be in vain!_

"_You cunts are gonna be sorry you ever fucked with me!" he promised while staring with vile contempt at their pictures and an evil smile spread across his lips._

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**Are we intrigued?**


	2. One Big Happy

**SO I SEE THE INTRO GOT YOU GUYS BUZZING, THANK YOU GUYS! HERE IS CHAPTER ONE AND AS YOU NOTICE IT'LL BE SWEET – THE CALM BEFORE THE… WELL YOU GET THE IDEA. LOTS OF LANGSON FAMILY FLUFF FOR THIS CHAPTER. DICK WOLF OWNS WHAT'S HIS, ENJOY!**

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**Apparently there's been some misunderstandings about the children's names so I'm adding this to clear that up. The twins are Caden James - who's nicknamed Jamie. And there's Adrienne Grace - who's nicknamed Drew. There are not two sets of twins, lol. Sorry for the confusion.**

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**LANGAN HOME**

Things were peaceful on this summer morning. Bluebirds were singing mellifluously outside as the sun began to rise and cast its beautiful light on what would be another perfect summer day. The children were, for now fast asleep while Trevor and Olivia were just starting to rouse from their slumber. 6:12am, Trevor was the first to open his eyes and as he had done every morning since they'd been together, he looked over at his beautiful wife and smiled still unable to believe how completely blessed he was; he was married to the woman of his dreams – the woman who had stolen his heart upon first sight. Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined the life they'd have together – a happy marriage, beautiful children, and it only seemed to get better with each passing day.

Olivia shifted, nestling against his body and smiling before she opened her eyes and looked up at her husband; she loved waking up beside him. _This is really my life. S_he thought as she snuggled closer and breathed him in as her hand reached up to playfully scratch the briskly stubble on his face.

"Good morning beautiful!" he smiled as he looked down at her.

"Good morning" she said as she kissed him.

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" she wondered

"Excactly. Silence, which means the kids are still asleep"

"And you were thinking…"

"I was thinking…" he began as he moved on top of her and positioned himself between her thighs "That since you were too tired last night…"

"You wanna make up for lost time?" she smiled as she ran her fingers through his short hair

"…if you're up for it"

"I can see that you are" she teased at feeling his erection pushing against her mound. She was already growing wet.

"So that's a yes?"

"Always a yes!" she said before he lowered his mouth on to hers and greedily claimed a searing kiss, she quickly parting her lips to allow his tongue to enter as she wrapped her legs around him. He had lined himself up to her entrance and was pushing into her when suddenly the doors to their bedroom flew open and the twins ran inside bright eyed and energized, startling their parents who quickly disengaged and sat up in bed, grinning at each other red-faced as Trevor quickly readjusted his pajama pants. Kids were a definite libido killer!

"Mommy, Daddy!"The three-year-old toddlers cried gleefully as they anxiously climbed onto their parents bed.

"Good morning munchkins!" Olivia smiled as she pulled Jamie onto her lap and kissed him Drew stood up, wrapping her arms around her mother's neck and kissing her cheek.

"Morning mama" Drew cooed softly in Olivia's ear, eliciting a smile and a kiss from her mother before she turned her attention to her father, all while Jamie sat contentedly in Olivia's arms, his head resting comfortably upon her chest.

"Mama, guess what?" he asked quietly, looking up at Olivia while Drew busied herself with trying to perch her stuffed gorilla on top of Trevor's head.

"What baby?" Olivia asked sweetly as she looked down at her son who was a carbon copy of her; he'd inherited his mother's big brown eyes, dark hair, beautiful tan skin and all her features while Adrienne on the other hand had taken completely after her father, except for her nose which was strictly Olivia's.

"Tomorrow we're three!" Drew blurted out, spoiling her brother's announcement

"I wanted to tell it!' Jamie whined

"It's my birthday too!" Drew whined in return

"Hey, guys, how about we not argue so early in the morning?" Trevor interjected then looked over at his wife who was suddenly, urgently moving Caden from her lap. He recognized that look on her face and quickly reached over to take their son as Olivia pushed the covers away from her body and ran for the bathroom covering her mouth.

"Daddy?" Jamie called to Trevor, alarmed at his mother's behavior

"It's ok buddy, mommy's just not feeling well" he assured his son as he kissed his head and put him down beside his sister on the bed. "I want you to stay right here with your sister while I check on her ok?"

"Ok" the twins agreed in unison

"Stop talking like me!" Drew ordered her brother

"I didn't!"

"Guys…"

"Sorry" again in unison as Trevor headed to he and Olivia's bathroom.

...

Trevor walked in to find Olivia heaving into the toilet as she gripped the bowl. She could hear his footsteps on the cold marble floor but she didn't look up or turn around. Instead she took a deep breath through her nose, aggravating her nausea and threw up again while Trevor kneeled beside her and held her hair back with one hand while rubbing soothing circles on her back with the other.

"This brings back memories"

"Damn you!" she said weakly, her head still leaned over the bowl

"You think it's that?" he asked

"I know it is" she assured him before she closed the lid and flushed. He couldn't keep the smile from his face. "I thought I might be for a few days now, I picked up a test last night on my way home, I was gonna take it this morning" she said as she leaned against the wall.

"Are you…if it's positive, are you okay about it? I mean…"

"Am I okay? Baby, I might be carrying our child - or children if we get a repeat of last time" she managed a smile "I'm more than okay… just not looking forward to the morning sickness" she said and with the back of her hand, wiped the beads of sweat that had formed on her forehead.

"What a way to start the day!" he grinned just as the twins entered the room."

"Daddy" Adrienne called waving the monitor in the air while Caden went to his mother who was still sitting on the floor resting on the wall and sat beside her.

"Mama you ok?" he asked

"I'm fine baby, I just have a tummy ache. Why don't you go with daddy to check on your brother?"

"Okay." He said before leaning in and kissing her stomach. "All better?" he asked as he stood. She couldn't help but laugh

"All better Munchkin." she still didn't move to get up as she fought the urge to heave

"I'll take the kids down and start breakfast you gonna be ok?" Trevor asked

"Baby…"

"Okay, okay" he relented with a smile, knowing how she hated when he fussed over her but he was too excited to hold back. "Come on you two" he said as he took the twins by the hands and left the room with them then popped his head back into the bathroom "I love you"

...

Down the hall in the nursery, Trevor walked in to see their youngest child standing up in his crib and smiling happily, his little arms reaching eagerly for his father while his brother and sister played on the other side of the room.

"Hey little man" Trevor cooed as he lifted the 13 month old from the crib and kissed his head. "You're up early"

"Da!" Noah exclaimed with a grin as if in agreeance before leaning in and planting a slobbery, open mouthed kiss on Trevor's chin and apparently deciding that he liked the taste so he continued to gnaw on it while humming enthusiastically causing Trevor to laugh.

"Dude, we talked about this, you can't eat dad's face" Noah stopped, pulled back and looked at his father quite seriously for a moment before letting out a joyous squeal and going back to slobbering on Trevor's chin.

Noah had definitely been a surprise for he and Olivia. He had come as a complete shock to them as they were already learning the ropes, raising Jamie and Drew who were only 11 months old at the time, and very rambunctious since they had just begun walking. In addition to their work schedules, Olivia had just gone back 5 months prior, but neither of them could fathom the thought of not having him even for a second and when he was born Trevor considered himself so lucky to have made yet another son, a son who loves his daddy's face.

Now, almost year later, they had their perfect family which was soon to be made even more perfect by the addition of their new baby – he was already in love with the idea of having another and prayed that the test would be positive.

"What do you think buddy?" he said softly to Noah "You want a baby brother or a baby sister?"

Noah babbled something incoherently, finally done chewing his father's chin and now happily patting his chubby hands against Trevor's cheeks.

"Me too" Trevor smiled as if understanding his son "But for now, we'll keep it between us; come on guys, let's go make breakfast" he called to the twins who jumped up from what they were doing.

"Waffles!" they cried in unison as they four of them left the nursery.

...

A bit later in the kitchen, the children were seated around the table having breakfast while Trevor stood at the counter sipping coffee, in awe at the sight of his children. With the way he loved their mother, he didn't think it was possible to love deeper but then they'd come along and proven him wrong – they were his life and right now, with the prospect of another on the way, he couldn't help but think of Chloe and wished that he and Olivia had gotten to shower their firstborn with the love and adoration they gave her brothers and sister.

"Daydreaming again?" he heard Olivia say and looked up to see her in her robe, walking over to the kitchen table.

"Hey" he replied nervously as he sat his mug down on the counter.

"Hey big boy!" she cooed happily to Noah as she stroked his dark hair before picking him up from his high chair and snuggling him; the twins were at an age now where they didn't care too much for being held unless they were in the mood for it. But she could snuggle her little guy all day and he'd never complain or fuss to be put down after just a few seconds.

"ma ma!" he said as he put a cheerio into her mouth and began clapping his hands as he giggled and she smothered his face with kisses while trying to ignore the queasiness she felt.

"So, did you…" Trevor asked from where he stood.

"I did" Olivia answered in a non-indicative tone as she continued playing with Noah, making faces at him. Trevor waited tortuously for her to say more but she kept her attention focused on their little one, reveling in the sound of his laughter, knowing that her silence on the subject was driving Trevor nuts.

"And?!" he asked anxiously, knowing that she was doing this purposely to make him crazy.

"Oh. Right." She mused, taking her time to put Noah back in his high chair and then kissing all three of her babies before taking her time to walk across the room to where Trevor stood. "Do we have any ginger ale?" she asked coyly

"If you're trying to make me lose my mind, it's working" he confessed, making her laugh as he took her hands in his own before pulling her into his arms. "glad you find it funny" he said while looking down at her.

"I'm sorry baby" she apologized "here" she said as she took something from the pocket of her robe and gave it to him.

"What's this?" he asked

"The reason I'm gonna throw up again!" she said, looking a pale shade of green as she quickly turned and threw up in the sink. He looked over at her then own at what she'd put into his hand and was beyond thrilled when he looked at the little screen on the test stick and saw that beautiful little word staring back at him.

_Pregnant._

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**Soooo… you like the fluff? Diggin the Langson family dynamic? Not liking the fluff or the dynamic? Talk to me. Next chapter, we unfluff a bit. I made Noah theirs biologically. See y'all then!**


	3. And So, It Begins

**BACK AGAIN. I SEE THAT MANY OF YOU WERE VERY HAPPY TO SEE NOAH INCLUDED IN THE STORY; I THOUGHT HE'D BE A GOOD FIT TO THE LANGAN DYNAMIC AND I'M SO GLAD YOU ALL AGREED WITH MY DECISION. SO, JUST WANT TO SAY THAT THE STORY BEGINS TO DARKEN IN THIS CHAPTER AND AS FUTURE CHAPTERS POST, IT ONLY GETS DARKER SO IF THAT'S NOT FOR YOU, PLEASE EXCUSE YOURSELF FROM READING. THANKS YOU TO THOSE OF YOU WHO TAKE THE TIME TO LEAVE REVIEWS AND TELL ME HOW I'M DOING, I REALLY APPRECIATE THE FEEDBACK AND AM GRATEFUL TO EVERYONE WHO'S READING. THAT BEING SAID, DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS, I OWN MINE, ENJOY!**

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**I thought since I'd done reader comments in Tangled webs, I'b begin including them her as well so...**

**LaceNLeather24 chapter 2 . Jul 15**

**I'm loving the family fluff, and I like that you added Noah to the mix! I can't wait for more of this wonderful story. I hope to see Alex and Brian soon with their family!**

No worries, your beloved Cassidy clan will return very soon!

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**One week later…**

"Okay, we're off to the park" Trevor announced upon entering the living room where Olivia was lying on the sofa while Noah sat happily in his playpen, concentrating on chewing the life out of the teething ring in his mouth while drool poured down his chin. Even with Trevor's mother here taking the kids off their hands for the past week, just like with the twins, her morning sickness lasted through the day and she was too tired for anything more than lying down when she wasn't working and even that required great effort lately. This bothered her because she had just made Lieutenant six months ago and didn't want it to appear that the job was too much for her and she knew that she'd have to disclose her pregnancy sooner than she'd planned so that the brass would know that her fatigue wasn't fueled from being overwhelmed by her new position.

"You sure you can handle all three?" Olivia asked

"Honey, I'm super dad, I got this. And don't worry about lunch, I'll feed them and have them back in time for their nap" he said as he bent down and kissed her before going to pick up Noah. "I love you"

"I love you too; you might wanna get back to the car before they free themselves and drive away."

"Probably a good idea. Noah, say bye bye"

"byebye mama" he said , waving his hand in an open-close motion then stuck his teething ring back in his mouth

"Get some rest" Trevor said to Olivia before kissing her again then turning to leave. He got to the open front door and paused, turning around to look at Olivia. "You think maybe we could...I mean if you're up to it" he asked. She suddenly got up and ran from the room with her hand to her stomach.

"So is that a no?' he yelled

"No no no no no" Noah babbled, shaking his head. Trevor laughed at his son, kissing his head as they walked out the door.

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Over at the sixteenth, Fin was just finishing a phone call at his desk when Rollins entered the squad room carrying coffee and a redbull.

""Fin, you alright?" Nick asked while Amanda sat the energy drink in front of him, thanking her as she then proceeded to put one of the coffees down on her partner's desk.

"Yeah, you look upset" Amanda noted

"We gotta head out" Fin informed the two younger detectives

"Okay… that still doesn't explain…" Amanda said as she took a seat at her own desk across from Fin.

"I'm familiar with the address; I better call Liv."

"She's off today" Nick reminded

"Trust me, she'll wanna know about this!"

...

"Sweetie, do you feel like eating a little something?" Tricia asked Olivia who was now sitting out by the pool dangling her feet in the cool water while one of their two-year-old Bullmastiffs, Semper, lay beside her, her head in Olivia's lap and the other, Jax, lay under an oak tree happily playing with a ball.

"Not yet" Olivia answered, sickened by just the thought. She hadn't thrown up since Trevor had left over an hour ago and didn't want to do anything that might induce it.

"How about I get you some ginger ale?"

"Thank you please."

"I'll be right back with it; Sergeant Tutuola's on the phone, he says he needs to talk with you" she said as she handed Olivia the phone

"Thanks Tricia. Semper, Jax inside" Olivia called to the dogs as she took the receiver and Tricia made her way back inside, both dogs having gotten up and followed her. "Fin, it's my day off, this had better be important" she said upon answering.

"You remember Jessica Morgan?"

"Of course, husband's doing 15 for attempt 2"

"Yeah well, we just got a call to her address and it doesn't sound good, me and Rollins are headin over."

"When you say not good…?" Olivia asked, hoping that it wouldn't be what she already knew it was.

"187" Fin listened as Olivia released a pained sigh. Ten years ago, Jessica was 20 and had been put through hell by her ex husband. He'd used her as a punching bag and a sex toy since she'd gotten involved with him at the age of 17, but it wasn't until he'd almost killed her that she finally saw the light and decided to prosecute and rid herself of him as soon as he was put away. Olivia and Fin had both kept in touch with her over the years and she'd done a great job at rebuilding her life. Now, to hear that she'd possibly…

"I need to get changed, I'll meet you at the scene"

"Liv, you don't have to-"

"Yeah Fin, I do.' She said sorrowfully, her stomach suddenly feeling even sicker "I'll see you soon" she said before hanging up the phone then gathered her dress before pulling her legs from the pool, getting up from where she sat and went inside.

...

It was less than an hour before Olivia arrived at the crime scene where Fin and Amanda were already gathered with CSU and the team from the ME's office.

"What do we got?" she asked as she made her way into the bedroom of the small apartment, the walls of which were spattered with blood along with the furniture, curtains and floor a scene that sent shivers through her.

"Liv, you don't wanna-" Fin tried, wanting to spare her from seeing what he'd witnessed, knowing that it would affect her deeply.

"Fin please, this is my job" she said quickly as she squatted beside the blood-soaked sheet that concealed the body and lifted it to reveal a beaten, broken face, sickened to see Jessica's lifeless green eyes staring back at her; tears immediately springing to her eyes

"Neighbors say they heard screams last night" Amanda said

"and nobody bothered to call 911" Olivia said angrily, never taking her eyes away from Jessica.

"Didn't wanna get involved." The young blonde said with disgust "wasn't until her mother got here this morning that the body was found. She was so distraught she had to be taken to the hospital, Nick's there with her."

"She's been dead at least 10 hours. There are fluids in and on her as well as tearing to the vaginal and anal canals" Melinda began

"She was raped?" Olivia asked, more a statement than a question, not even understanding why she'd bothered with it.

"Raped and severely beaten all before her throat was slit and she was stabbed repeatedly in the chest, back and stomach – I can count at least 37 stab wounds; bastard damn near eviscerated her." she continued as Olivia took a deep breath "She fought hard, look at her hands"

"Cuts to her palms, fingernails torn off…" Olivia said as she inspected Jessica's right hand, holding it gently in her own as she felt bile rising.

"She was alive when he slit her throat"

"Liv…you okay?" Fin asked, noticing the look on his lieutenant's face

"Yeah, I'm…" she started, feeling the nausea churning; on top of the morning sickness, she was literally being made ill by seeing this young woman that she'd fought so hard for lying here, slaughtered like an animal. "I want this bastard found yesterday!" she said to her officers as she stood, hurt and anger evident in her voice. She put her hand to her stomach and excused herself, leaving the apartment. Amanda looked on, her own emotion welling up; she had never seen Olivia come apart like this before and looked to Fin for some reassurance.

"I got it." he said and went after Olivia.

...

By the time he'd gotten outside, he found Olivia hunched over the back of one of the squad cars and throwing up; he didn't hesitate to go to her.

"Easy" he said softly, putting a hand to her back while passing her a handkerchief with the other.

"Thank you" she said graciously as she took the cloth and wiped her mouth. Fin lead her away from the back of the squad car and around to the passenger side, opening the door and Olivia sitting down as soon as he did, her legs out of the car. She leant forward and dropped her head between her knees, trying to steady her breathing while Fin kneeled beside her then reached over her to grab the bottle of unopened water from the cup holder and twisted the cap off before handing it to her. She swished some in her mouth and spit it out and again put her head down.

"Maybe you should sit this one out." He suggested

"No." she said, raising her head to look at him "I can't…"

"Liv…"

'Fin, you know the hell she's been through and you know what it took for us to get her out of it and help her recover after it."

"I know. You, me, El, Munch – we all busted our asses to help this girl"

"All for her to end up like this - killed by the very things she'd run away from? Fin, we have to make this right, we have to-"

"Baby girl, we'll get him." he promised "How's your stomach?"

"Better" she said and took a small sip from the water bottle.

"Good. Did you eat anything? You gotta keep up your strength for the baby" a look of shock registered on her face; since finding out a week ago, aside from Tricia, they hadn't told anyone.

"The… what?"

"Come on Liv, I watched you go through this twice, I know the drill" he grinned as she gave a telling smirk "How far along?"

"Six weeks"

"Not telling yet?" she shook her head

"Not for a few more weeks – though I'll probably have to disclose sooner to the brass. We should get back inside" she said, sighing as she stood.

"No, I'll get back inside"

"Fin, I can do my job"

"Of course you can, I just think you're too emotional right now."

"And I appreciate the concern but I'm fine. My emotions will not get in the way of catching this guy." She said just as her phone rang. "Benson" she answered "Yeah, I'm at the scene…okay, I'm on my way."

"Nick?" Fin asked

"Yeah, Jessica's mother is asking for me, I gotta get to the hospital. Go over this place with a fine tooth comb, make sure nothing is missed!"

"Don't worry."

"Call me the minute you have anything"

"Lieutenant. I got it."

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.

Olivia arrived at the hospital to find Nick waiting for her in the emergency room. The look on his face told her that the situation was worse than she thought.

"Nick, I'm sorry there was traffic, I got here as fast as I could." She apologized

"Liv"

"Was she able to tell you much?"

"Only asked for you but Liv…she didn't make it"

"Didn't make it?"

"Doctor said it was a massive heart attack; the shock of seeing her daughter… she died 20 minutes ago."

Olivia was numb as she sank into a chair, dropping her head into her hands as she let out an exasperated sigh.

"This day cannot get any worse!"

* * *

.

Early that evening back at the precinct, Olivia and the crew were going over evidence in the squad room when Melinda arrived.

"Tell us you got a hit" Olivia begged as she turned to greet her.

"We got a hit. The semen, the saliva found in the bite marks to her face and breasts and the blood and skin under her remaining fingernails are all from Paul Faust" Melinda told a shocked Olivia

"The husband?" Fin asked, not believing his own ears

"How is that even possible? He's still doing a 15 upstate for trying to kill her!" Olivia added

"Then you might wanna talk to the DOC, because unless that man can be in 2 places at once, he just finished what he started 10 years ago and the thing that worries me, he definitely wants us to know that it was him!"

Fin and Olivia looked at each other both unsure of how this could have happened and if Faust had been paroled, why hadn't anyone been notified?

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**Sorry if anyone had the impression that the identity of the killer would turn out to be some major character. Pretty much have all of the men in use for the purpose of the story so there would be no way to make that work. Plus, I think it works better to have an OC with where I plan to take this story; it gets worserer, lol! Anyway, I'd love to know what you think so please hit that beautiful review button. See y'all next chapter!**


	4. Serial

**THIS CHAPTER FOUGHT ME LIKE HELL BUT I FINALLY GOT SOMETHING I'M SATISIFIED WITH AN I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE TOO. WE PICK UP RIGHT WHERE THE LAST CHAPTER LEFT OFF. AS WARNED, THERE ARE DESCRIPTIONS OF VIOLENCE SO TREAD CAREFULLY. NOT MUCH ELSE TO SAY, DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU FOLKS, ALL OTHERS ARE MY OWN CREATION. ENJOY!**

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**.**

**That evening at the sixteenth…**

"How the hell do you parole an inmate and fail to notify the person he tried to murder?" Olivia yelled into the phone.

"Lieutenant, we have tens of thousands of inmates currently in the correctional system, it's possible that inmates might slip through the cracks here and there"

""Might?" He's already killed his ex wife! She should have been at that parole hearing; my Sergeant and I should have been at that parole hearing!'

"And again, I apologize on behalf of the parole board but-"

"Save it!" she barked and slammed the receiver down onto its base and growled in frustration before she got up from her desk and walked out of her office and into the squad room.

"You don't look happy" Amanda said

"What gave it away?" Liv said sarcastically as she approached the conference table where her officers were gathered "Faust was paroled from Elmira a month ago"

"A month?! And they didn't think to notify Jessica…to notify us?" Nick asked.

"Slipped through the cracks" Olivia sneered as she took a seat at the table "but they are sorry" she mocked

"My ass!" Fin angrily exclaimed

"They apparently saw no problem when he failed to check in with his parole officer either! The system has failed this girl miserably!"

"Life failed this girl miserably!" everyone could see how upset Fin was "He abuses her, almost kills her, she loses her son to cancer when he's only seven and now… this is bullshit! Do we got any leads on Faust?"

"Homicide's got a manhunt goin but so far, nothin." Amanda said "it's almost like he's vanished just that fast."

"He got what he wanted" Nick chimed in "He's got no reason to stick around; probably in Canada as we speak."

"Wouldn't that just be the cherry on the fucking sundae?!" Olivia mused as she released a deep breath.

...

_He watched her as she got into her car and left the precinct that night… _

"_Idiots! They're so busy trying to find me and here is am, right under their pig noses!" he laughed to himself._

_She looked a lot different from the last time he'd seen her ten years ago – super thin with short-cropped hair. She was beautiful then, but now…wow! Long dark hair, curves for days; when it was her turn, he would enjoy beating and fucking her into submission before he dragged the blade of his knife across her throat and ripped it open but for now, he had to stay out of sight until me made his next move. _

"_One down, four to go!" he said as he started the car he'd stolen and drove away; he'd lay low for a while, while letting this cunt and her team think they'd have a chance of catching him._

...

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_._

**Langan home…**

It was just before 10pm when Olivia arrived home with her mind racing from the day's events. After spending a few minutes with Semper and Jax who eagerly greeted her the moment she walked through the door, she headed upstairs, stopping first in Adrienne's room and was not surprised to find Caden curled up beside his sister, face-to-face with his thumb in his mouth just like when they were still in her womb; she and Trevor had given up on trying to make them sleep without each other - it didn't work when they were babies, doesn't work now and so at bedtime when one would crawl in with the other they just let it be, figuring that they'd be sick of each other soon enough so they might as well enjoy the peace while it lasted. She smiled as she leaned over them, adjusting the covers then kissing both their faces, lingering to take in their sweet scents before pulling back and taking Caden's thumb from his mouth.

After picking up the toys that were scattered across the floor and putting them in the toy chest, she kissed the twins again then made her way to Noah's room to see him sleeping peacefully in Trevor's arms who was himself fast asleep in the rocking chair. Noah's teething had been making it difficult for him to soothe himself to sleep lately and he needed the comfort of being held or he'd be up all night and very fussy.

She gently lifted him from Trevor's arms, rubbing soothing circles on his back when he began to stir and when he was sure that he was again sleeping, she gave him soft kisses before putting him down in his crib, staring down at him for a moment before she went back to the chair and leaned in to give her husband a sensual, lingering kiss on the lips. After a few seconds he pulled from his sleep and opened his eyes, smiling at the sight of his wife.

"There are laws against molesting sleeping persons" he said with a quiet grin on his face

"Hi." She smiled

"Hey" he said and pulled her in for another kiss. "how was work?"

"Shit. But I don't wanna talk about work right now"

"No?"

"No. In fact I don't wanna talk at all"

"Sleep?"

"That'll follow" she said and kissed him again before taking his hands and pulling him to his feet, leading him to their bedroom. Once inside, he looked down at her and put his hand to the back of her neck as he hungrily claimed her mouth and pulled off the band that held her hair, sending a cascade of dark waves tumbling around her face and shoulders then began to undo her pants with his free hand, and stripped her of them, her blouse and bra without tearing his mouth from hers.

Their lips parted for the first time, just long enough for her to grab the hem of his t shirt and pull it off over his head while he hovered over her as she lay on their bed in nothing but her panties. After she tossed his shirt, she pulled him back to her lips as she eagerly thrust her hips to meet his. She could feel his hard on and was desperate to have him inside her, needing him to fuck away the stress of everything. He reached between them, rubbing her clit through her panties - they were already soaked in anticipation and she began moaning into his mouth. When he moved his lips from hers and relocated them to her neck then her breast, drawing her nipple into his mouth as he pushed his fingers inside her she threw her head back and bit her lip to stifle the cry of pleasure that wanted to escape.

"Mm! Lock the door" she panted

"Baby, the kids are as-"

"Lock. The door." she repeated urgently, holding his head between her hands as she looked him in the eyes, speaking to him through her own. The last thing she wanted was for him to stop what he was doing but it had been two weeks; she needed this release and if anything were to interrupt them, she was certain that she would lose her mind! As much as she loved the life they'd carved out for themselves, with three kids and two careers, their sex life was suffering horribly, going from at least once a day to lucky-if-we-get-it-once-a-month. It was so infrequent, and so quick when it did happen, they were both amazed that he'd managed to get her pregnant again. He got the message and almost tripped hurrying to get to the door then made his way back to the bed and proceeded to ravage his wife. They frantically made love again and again, and she got the release she sought again and again, both of them trying to squeeze all of their pent up frustration into one night resulting in the most intense sex they'd had in a very, very long time and sending them both into a contented sleep.

* * *

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**One week later…**

An entire week later and there were still had no leads on the whereabouts of Paul Faust. They had gotten calls from all over the tri-state area – same even as far as Virginia, but every tip led to a dead end. Slowly, his trail was growing colder and it was starting to look like he just might get away with Jessica's murder

"How is it a fuckin week later and we got shit?" Fin yelled in frustration as he and the detectives again sat at the table going over what evidence they did have. He'd been here pretty much the entire week since Jessica's murder; eating, sleeping, showering here, having left only the times when he would have to respond to a call. He was determined that they would catch Faust, and with Liv going through another pregnancy and being drained lately, she couldn't put in the time that he could. He would work enough for both of them and he would make sure that the squad worked equally hard; they would not allow Jessica's death to be in vain.

"We got Becky Wallace's statement, Rollins is over at the courthouse getting Judge Michaels to sign the arrest warrant, this case is as good as closed!" Nick said upon entering the squad room.

"Good work Amaro" Fin praised his detective. "now how about we refocus and try to track down Faust?"

"Sergeant" One of the other squad detectives said urgently to Fin "we got a call"

* * *

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**Langan home…**

Olivia heaved violently into the toilet for the fifth time since she'd dropped to her knees just minutes ago. She was awakened by the smell of Tricia baking cinnamon buns down in the kitchen – she loved Tricia's cinnamon buns but this morning smelling them turned her stomach and she quickly threw Trevor's arms off of her and ran for the bathroom. Now she was sobbing as she hovered over the bowl and Trevor walked into the bathroom.

"I can't do this!" she cried, fighting to keep the next gush from erupting "I was n-never this sick with Chloe or the twins!" she quickly found that it was a losing battle and dropped her head as her stomach again convulsed, her throat burning from acid as she vomited again, making her cough. "What am I throwing up, there's nothing left!"

"I'm sorry baby" Trevor apologized as he offered a hand to help her to her feet then flushed the toilet and pulled her into his arms, kissing her forehead.

"If you have any hopes of ever touching me again after this baby is born, you're getting a vasectomy" she said as she sniffed back her tears

"Aww sweetie, we don't – wait, what?" he asked realizing what she said as she pulled away and went to the sink to rinse her mouth. "I'm going to assume that this is the vomit talking; I mean it is right? You don't really want me to…"

"I don't know what I want" she said after spitting the water into the sink" All I do know is that I'm sicker than I've ever been during pregnancy, I'm more exhausted than I've ever been- even when I was carrying the twins" she said as more tears slid down her face "I just want this over already!" she cried and walked out of the bathroom and into their bedroom.

"Honey, I thought you were happy about having another baby" he said as he followed her

"I am happy it's just…"

"What? Baby talk to me"

"Work, three kids in three years and now another baby; I just feel completely overwhelmed"

"Baby I get it"

"But you don't. You'll never understand from my point of view." Her nausea still hadn't abated and she was trying hard to keep from throwing up again.

"Then help me"

"We didn't plan for this to happen; getting pregnant again; I don't have enough time with the three we have - I thought that after Noah…"

"We'd be done" she didn't verbally respond, she simply nodded after a brief pause wiping her tears.

"And now here I am again, just when we got some balance back; morning sickness, mood swings… I can barely get out of bed in the morning and when I do, I have to tear myself away from the kids to go to a job that I'm not even sure I want anymore!" she was shocked that she'd actually, finally said it out loud and it caught him completely by surprise. He knew how much her job meant to her and couldn't believe that she was reconsidering it.

"Is that what this is about?"

"I don't know!" she cried "Us, the job, the kid, this goddamn case…and now a pregnancy!" She closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath through her nose, exhaling through her mouth while pressing her hand against her stomach.

"Maybe you should lie down"

"I'm fine" he paused and stared at her quizzically for a moment.

"Olivia, do you not want to have this baby?" he asked, it hurt him to even think it and he dreaded her answer even more, his eyes filling with tears as he waited for her reply.

"Trevor-" but before she could get another word out, Noah began to cry over the monitor.

"I'll get him" he said, dragging his hand down his face just as her phone rang.

"Yeah, I should get that, it's probably work" she said then walked across the room to grab her phone. "Yeah Fin?"

"We got a problem!"

* * *

.

**Cassidy home…**

"I want to be notified the very second there's a hit on the DNA, I won't be in the office today so you either reach me at home or on my cell." Alex said into the phone as she stood nursing she and Brian's 14 month old son Jacob. "And no one in the ME's office is to talk to the press, we clear? Good. Have Warner give me a call." She hung up just as Brian came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her on the cheek.

"My beautiful wife doesn't sound very happy"

"Good morning babe" she said, turning her head to kiss his lips "I'm not very happy right now"

"He biting you again?" he asked and rubbed his son's thick mane of hair. "Jakey, Bruh!" he said jokingly to his youngest son who, just like his 3 older brothers was the spitting image of himself but unlike them, Jacob had inherited Alex' blue eyes. "Come on, you cannot damage the goods, those are loaners, man!"

"The toddler stopped sucking but didn't detach from his mothers breast as he smiled at his father. Brian gave a quick tickle to Jake's tummy, eliciting a hearty laugh from the boy who playfully swatted his father's hand away"

"No da dee, my ma ma" he smiled and again busied himself with his breakfast and Brian kissed his head.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked Alex as he poured himself a cup of coffee and took a sip

"You're gonna be late"

"I'm the boss, I can do that" he grinned and took a seat at the island counter.

"The case last week, Jessica Morgan?" Alex reminded as she sat down beside him

"The one who's ex husband… "

"Yeah. Well, we got another rape/homicide this morning, same MO"

"And you think it's the same guy?"

"Sure looks like it; just like with Jessica, he left fluids in an on the body, I'm waiting on the DNA to come back." she sighed and ran a hand through her hair "With all the negative press already surrounding what the public perceives as NYPD's inability to do their job, a serial rapist/killer on the loose is the last thing we need!'

"So what happens next?" Brian asked

"If the DNA is Faust's, I have to call a strategy meeting with the commissioner and chief of detectives."

"I can't believe the system just let this guy slip through. This is gonna be a shit storm!"

"That's putting it mildly."

* * *

.

**Saint Vincent's Hospital…**

"This baby is kickin ya ass, you look like death!" Fin said to Olivia who had just arrived at the crime scene and walked under the police tape that cordoned the end of the east wing of the fifth floor.

"I feel like death! Is Warner here yet?" she asked as she and Fin walked side by side down the corridor

"Just arrived ten minutes ago. You sure you can do this?"

"Unless there's cinnamon on the body, I'm fine"

"Huh?" Fin asked, confused

"Nothing" she said as they walked into the office suite of Dr. Angela Russo who now lay dead on top of her desk, her blood streaked legs dangling from the edge and the office in disarray.

"What the hell happened here?"

"What happened is it looks like Faust done struck again" Amanda said

"Dr. Angela Russo age 55, same MO" Nick added "Beaten, raped vaginally and anally, stabbed repeatedly and her throat slit" he said angrily as Olivia pulled back the sheet to get a look at the victim

"Right down to the bite marks on her face and breasts" Olivia noticed as her eyes scanned the body that was naked from the waist down. The doctor was still wearing her lab coat and her blouse, both which were soaked in blood. Her blouse was torn open to reveal the stab wounds to her chest along with a large, bloody number 2 that was carved deep into the woman's flesh, right between her breasts.

"The doctor didn't put up much of a fight" Melinda said "My guess is, she tried to cooperate, thinking he'd let her live"

"Fluids?" Olivia asked

"In and on her" Melinda answered "Her secretary says she saw her last at about 8pm last night, body temp confirms death ten to twelve hours ago"

"There's something about her…" Olivia said to herself, her brow furrowed as she tried to recall how she might know this doctor but nothing would come to her and she wondered if it was pregnancy brain making her forget as she turned around to face her detectives. "Nick, get me whatever info you can on Dr. Russo. Rollins, I want you to get the security footage from last night. Fin, what about the cleaning woman who found the body?"

"Already took her statement"

"Melinda, the DNA…"

"After Cabot, you'll be the second person I notify."

"Thanks" she said as she headed out of the office with Fin on her heels. Can you handle things here?" she asked him n a hushed tone as they walked the corridor

"You feelin okay?" he whispered as they again went under the police tape and into the waiting area

"Not so much" she was still battling her nausea and so far, it was winning.

"You need me to get you anything?"

"Thanks but I'll be fine."

"You go back to the office, put you head down; we'll see you in a bit"

"Always the big brother"

"Don't you forget it!" he smiled."By the way, congratulations"

"Thanks." Even though she was still unsure if this even was celebratory as she turned and left.

* * *

.

**Sixteenth…**

Back at the precinct in Olivia's office, with the place practically empty and not much work to be done, she sat relaxing on the sofa, slowly sipping ginger ale while absently looking through a file; all the while replaying this morning in her head. She'd given Trevor the impression that she didn't want the baby and part of her wondered if it wasn't true. She was so confused right now but she knew that she couldn't leave the issue in the air; they had to talk about it and tonight, they would she vowed to herself.

There was suddenly a knock at the door.

"Come in" she called. The door opened and Casey walked in.

"How's my favorite sister in law?" she asked as she kissed Olivia on the cheek

"Only sister in law" Olivia smiled as Casey sat in the chair beside the couch. "We haven't seen you and Travis since the twins' party 2 weeks ago"

"We've been a little busy planning our trip. We leave for Paris in three days; I am so enjoying being married to that man!"

"I can tell. I love that you're so happy."

"Love does wonders, even my health is better. Saw my doctor yesterday, my CD4 count is impressively high, viral load is astoundingly low, I'm the healthiest I've been in years!"

"Good because we are not ready to lose you anytime soon." Olivia smiled.

"Any leads in Jessica's case?"

"No unless you call no closer to catching that prick a lead. He disappears into thin air then resurfaces after a week to kill again and he got away; again!"

"This is starting to look like a serial, same MO I hear"

"How did you know about that?"

"Al, we talked this morning"

"Case, I keep feeling like I'm missing something. There is something about that woman that's familiar to me and I don't know what it is."

"That her?" Casey asked, referring to the picture in the file that was open on the table in front of them

"Yeah, Angela Russo" Olivia said as Casey picked up the picture

"Oh my god, it's Dr. Nicholson!"

"No, Russo" Olivia corrected

"No, Liv, this is Doctor Nicholson. She's older, grayer but I'm sure about this. When I prosecuted Faust ten years ago, do you remember he tried to plead insanity? This was the doctor who did his psych eval and determined that he was fit to stand trial."

"…she testified that she believed he was extremely dangerous and that he'd only escalate and needed to be put away…" Olivia said, suddenly remembering "Why would he have reason to come after her?"

"Maybe because her evaluation and testimony nailed his ass; because of her, he didn't skate on a psych plea"

"Revenge" Olivia said

"Looks like it"

"Case, if Faust is killing for revenge… I arrested him, you prosecuted him…"

"And Judge Donnelly locked his ass up" Casey finished "Liv you don't think…"

"I don't know, but we need to get this bastard before he has the chance!"

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**There you have it! Love it? Hate it? Either way, review and gimme feedback. Thanks for reading. **


	5. Protective Measures

**HELLO AGAIN! SO FOR THIS CHAPTER, I'M GOING TO BE BRINGING IN A FAMILIAR CHARACTER THAT WE ALL LOVE, BUT I'LL BE CHANGING HIS HISTORY JUST A BIT. THERE WAS NO PAST RELATION WITH ANY OF THE CHARACTERS SO HE HAS A CLEAN SLATE, NO OLD ANIMOSITIES TO CLOUD THE STORY. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK, I'M GOING TO REVEL IN IT WHILE IT LASTS BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE YOU GUYS AREGONNA HATE ME IN A COUPLE MORE CHAPTERS AND I DO APOLOGOZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE INHUMANITY OF MY ACTIONS. DICK WOLF IS LORD OF ALL AND OWNS ANY SVU CHARACTERS IN USE HERE; ALL OTHERS CHARACTRS ARE MINE. PICKING UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF, ENJOY!**

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**Reader comment from chapter 4**

**Scyndrrella chapter 4 . Jul 28**

**Oh the suspense, the suspense! I really love the pace of this story. You are intermingling their personal lives and work so beautifully! **  
**My only fear is that Casey may end up next, and I don't think my heart could take it. She has finally found happiness despite her illness. **  
**Anxiously awaiting the next installment!**

Don't fret, the next installment is here.

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**.**

**Olivia's office…**

"Yes of course, please have her contact me as soon as she can…thank you." Olivia said into the phone before she hung up. She'd attempted to contact Elizabeth Donnelly to discuss Paul Faust.

"Well?" Casey wondered.

"She's out of the country – vacationing in Italy until September."

"Well, if Faust does have her in his sights then that leaves her safe for a few weeks" Casey reasoned, "Broke ex con with no passport…"

"…airports on alert; there's no way he's leaving the country. But where does that leave us?" Olivia asked

"Maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves"

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, we don't actually know that there's anything to be worried about" Casey said, trying to sound surer than she felt.

"You wanna take that chance?" Olivia asked "because I sure as hell don't, I have four babies to think about"

"No, of course not, but why freak ourselves out over what we don – _four _babies?"

"I meant three"

"But you said four"

"But I meant three"

"Don't bullshit me Benson!" Casey chided, Olivia went silent "Oh my god…are you…you're pregnant?"

"Shhhhh!" there were still a few officers hanging around the squad room and the last thing she wanted was for them to overhear before she was ready to announce.

"Holy shit!" Casey exclaimed, this time much quieter "Why didn't you tell me?"

"We haven't told anyone except Tricia…and Fin, they both figured it out; we wanted to wait until I passed my first trimester before we told everyone."

"How far along are you?"

"Seven weeks"

"Is everything okay? How've you been feeling?"

"Uh, so sick I wanna eat my gun most mornings but the doctor says everything looks good so far."

"They say the sicker you are, the healthier the baby so that's a plus"

"Plus?" Olivia laughed "Kinda hard seeing that silver lining when you're on your knees every morning and most nights, literally sobbing while your head's in the toilet but, I guess…"

"In a few weeks you'll be past it and enjoying your pregnancy." Casey smiled. "Trevor must be ecstatic!"

"He was"

"Was? What…"

"He thinks that I don't want the baby"

"What gave him that idea? I mean, is he right for assuming…?

"No, he couldn't be more wrong! We sort of had a fight this morning… I made the mistake of telling him that I feel overwhelmed, that I don't know how we're gonna handle another baby and that I thought we'd be done after Noah."

"Oh, honey" Casey sympathized.

"Then he asked me flat out if I wanted the baby and I froze but before I could answer, Noah's cries came over the monitor and Fin called about Dr. Russo… Case, the look in his eyes…" Olivia put her hand to her stomach and exhaled slowly

"Queasy?"

"Yeah. Are we really sitting here casually conversing about my pregnancy when this mess with Faust is happening?"

"Look at it like this, not discussing your pregnancy won't make all this shit un-happen…besides having something so good and pure to focus on will make having to deal with this investigation a lot easier" she said as she rubbed Olivia's stomach.

"If only it were that easy"

"I know"

"I don't think you do…Case, I'm tired; I have been for a long time now"

"Of what…the job?"

"I don't have the same passion for it anymore and Jessica's murder made me see just how burned out I really am. I think after this mess with Faust is over; no, I know – I'm gonna be putting my papers in." Casey sat, dumbfounded for a moment

"Wow! That's…wow!"

"I haven't talked to Trevor about it yet so…"

"No worries" Casey promised

"We better call Al and Commissioner Reagan, they need to be on top of this…whatever it is."

...

_Even he didn't understand why he'd done it as he sat in the corner of the dilapidated building where he was hiding out, sniffing the panties of the doctor he'd killed. Why had he even bothered taking them? He wondered. Whatever the reason he'd stuffed them in his pocket as he was on his way out of her office last night, he was suddenly drawn to her scent and smiled fiendishly as he inhaled again, deeper this time before stuffing them back into his pocket, remembering how the doctor begged for her pathetic life, hw she screamed beneath his hand while he took her._

"_Nice and tight for an old cunt!" he mused "I can't wait to my hands on the rest, and a knife in them" he grinned._

"_In time Paulie, in time. But for now we lay low, let it breathe… 2 down, three to go!" he said and drained the last of his beer from its bottle before throwing it across the room where it smashed against a wall._

_..._

**Later that afternoon…**

"We have patrol at every bridge and tunnel in and out if the city" Olivia informed the squad as she sat at the head of the conference table

"…as well as the other four boroughs." Fin added. "Faust is considered extremely dangerous so use all necessary precaution wh -"

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Lieutenant Benson" the man with the scruffy beard said as he entered the squad room.

"I'm lieutenant Benson" Olivia said as she turned around in her chair to look at the man "And you are?"

"Lieutenant Declan Murphy" he answered, extending his hand

"How can I help you lieutenant?" Olivia asked as she shook it

"Actually, I'm here to help you. I'm going to be taking over the Faust case."

"Excuse me?"

"Commissioner Reagan –"

"I just met with The Commissioner and the DA a few hours ago"

"And he took what you said to him very seriously; as of now you are off this case!"

"What's he talkin about Lieutenant?" Fin asked Olivia

"We have every reason to believe that there is a pattern to these killings" Murphy answered before Olivia could even open her mouth.

"What kind of pattern?" Nick inquired. Murphy started to speak again but Olivia put up her finger, quickly silencing him

"It's just a theory right now" she said

"…a theory that puts yourself, CADA Novak and Judge Donnelly as Faust's potential victims!" Murphy interrupted, putting the whole squad in a panic

"What the hell?" Fin exclaimed

"After realizing who Dr. Russo was, Casey and I began wondering what if Faust going after the women who had a hand in locking him up" Olivia explained "…the wife who accused him, the doctor who made sure he stood trial…"

"…you for arresting him, Novak for prosecuting him…" Fin continued, catching on

"And let me Guess" Amanda interjected "Donnelly was the judge who handed down the sentence?"

"Gave him the max, 15 years. He got out in 10 – good behavior" Olivia said as she got up from her chair and headed to her office with Fin and Murphy following

"The point is, if you are a potential target, the Commissioner doesn't want you anywhere near this case, the safety of his officers is paramount to all else and until we catch this bastard, you're on paid leave!" Murphy informed Olivia, handing her an envelope as they stepped inside her office.

"What's this?" She asked, shutting the door

"The official order from Commissioner Reagan…he'll also be assigning protective detail 24/7"

"I don't need protective detail" she protested. Fin gave her a disapproving look. "Lieutenant Murphy, I need a word with my sergeant, do you mind?" she asked

"Not at all, I'll be outside getting acquainted with the squad; I'm sorry we had to meet under such circumstances."

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**Liv is out, what now? And how are you guys liking that I brought Murphy in? I promise, much longer chapter next time but in the meantime, how about some reviews to let me know how I'm doing?**


	6. The Way We Were

**I PROMISED LONGER CHAPTERS WERE COMING AND I HAVE DELIVERED! ALSO, YOU GUYS ASKED FOR MORE FLUFF, HERE'S YOUR DAMN FLUFF FROM ALL THREE COUPLES, GOTTA WARN YOU THOUGH, WE WON'T BE SEEING MUCH OF THE FLUFFY STUFF STARTING NEXT CHAPTER; THINGS START MOVING AND THEY DO NOT SLOW DOWN FOR QUITE SOME TIME. NOW THAT'S NOT TO SAY THAT THERE WON'T BE ENDEARING MOMENTS DURING ALL THIS MOVEMENT BUT… WELL I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO GIVE YOU GUYS FOND MEMEMORIES TO HOLD ON TO SO WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH, I WANT YOU ALL TO REMEMBER WHO MADE YOU SMILE BUT LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW, K? K! WE PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF LAST CHAPTER – BY THE WAY, I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU GUYS LIKED THE ADDITION OF MURPHY TO THE MIX. ANYWAY, DICK WOLF OWNS WHAT'S HIS, I OWN WHAT'S MINE WHICH EQUATES TO ABOUT $3.00 AND A HAM SANDWICH, LOL. ENJOY AND THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS, YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!**

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**Reader comment from chapter 5**

**Bobbie23 chapter 5 . Aug 4**

**I'm so happy you brought Murphy in, for the few episodes I saw him in I adored him. I thought Casey's reaction to the pregnancy was fantastic "Holy shit." You portrayed their friendship really well. I don't think being out of the investigation will stand in Liv's way of helping out, wonder what she and Fin are talking about. Looking forward to the next chapter.**

Lol, you know our Liv!

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**.**

**Olivia's office…**

"Okay, you wanna tell me what that look was about?" Olivia asked Fin as soon as Murphy left her office.

"You're takin the detail"

"Like hell I am!"

"You were smart enough to figure out Faust's plan, be smart enough to let NYPD protect you until the threat is over"

"Fin, you know Faust, he's a coward! Why do you think he's only going after the _women_ who had a hand in putting him away?"

"That doesn't change the fact that he might still come after you, or Casey!"

"Only if he thinks we're alone. Casey's leaving for Paris in three days and now that I've been relieved of my duties indefinitely…" her annoyance that Commissioner Reagan had made the decision without including her was quite obvious

"You'll be home with the kids – alone"

"He's not interested in the kids and I can protect myself" she protested

"And 2 months ago I wouldn't have argued" Olivia shot him a disbelieving look

"Okay I would have argued a little but it's different now, you're pregnant"

"Yes, pregnant, not dead"

"Liv who you kiddin? This kid's been kickin ya ass hard; you been nothing but sick and exhausted for weeks."

"Fin…"

"Olivia, take the detail." Olivia gave a heavy sigh "look, it's either that or I will personally follow you around my damn self and I'm sure Trevor, Nick and Brian wouldn't mind helping me out"

"Are you seriously threatening to tell?" she said with an amused grin on her face "what are we, 5?"

"Whatever keeps you safe" he grinned in return

"Fine, if it'll put your mind at ease, I'll have Trevor take some time off from the firm, problem solved"

"You sure about that?"

"Faust won't come within a mile of me if Trevor's around, we both know it!"

"I know, I just worry about you"

"And I appreciate you for it but now that the threat's been recognized I know to be careful and I promise, I will be. But in the mean time, I need a favor"

"Anything"

"Keep me in the loop? I can't just sit back and watch this investigation happen"

"Liv…"

"Fin please; I need to help in any way I can, I have to see this through"

"I could get in get in a shitload of trouble for this Benson"

"We both could, but it's for Jessica."

There was a long and awkward silence as the two of them looked at each other, trying to read each other's thoughts. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, it was Fin who spoke"

"I'll stop by when I can; get you updated on the investigation – on one condition" he said as he got up from where he sat beside her on her – now Murphy's desk.

"Being?"

"You don't fight Reagan on protective detail"

"Fin!"

"Whatever!" he said as he moved toward the door , his hands raised in mock surrender "Emotionally blackmail Nick…see if Rollins can help you out… of course, they can't get the intel I can and since we both know that this whole paid leave probably came from Cabot's lips to Reagan's ears, she won't be talkin"

"Fine!" Olivia relented, deciding that the case was more important than her stubbornness.

"That's what I wanna hear." He smiled. "come on, I'll follow you home"

"Thanks, gimme a second ok? Tell the new guy I'll be right out."

"You okay with this?"

"Do I really have a choice?"

Fin left the office, shutting the door behind him as Olivia sharply exhaled. How was she going to explain this mess to Trevor? She wondered as she reached behind her and picked up the desk phone.

...

**Trevor's office…**

"Everything ok?" he asked as soon as he picked up

"Depends on how you define "okay""

"The baby?"

"The baby's fine, the kids are all fine"

"But you don't sound fine"

"It's um…something's happened at work that you need to know about"

"Are you alright?"

"I am. I just…well it's a long story. Anyway, Casey and Travis volunteered to watch the kids tonight so I'm gonna stay at the apartment; I'm on my way there and…"

"So early? It's barely 4"

"That's part of the story."

"You sure you're ok?" he asked again

"I promise… I'll see you tonight?"

"I'll finish up here and be there as soon as I can."

"Trevor?"

"Yeah?" Olivia stopped, heavily contemplating her next words but quickly decided that they could wait and allowed them to die on her lips.

"Nothing. I'll see you in a bit." She said and hung up before another word could be said between them.

...

She knew when she left for work this morning that she and Trevor would have to talk when she got home tonight and was secretly hoping that work would keep her late enough so that she could get delay the inevitable but now there was no avoiding it. She thought back again to this morning and again remembered the hurt on his face.

"Would he even believe me now?" she wondered out loud "One stupid pause!" she put her hand to her stomach, looking down at it "Are you already becoming a bump?" she mused, noticing the slight bloat "You're only 7 weeks old, slow down in there!" she smiled. "You know, you were a big surprise for daddy and me; especially for me… BIG surprise! But I promise you little one, I do want you and I love you so much and I can't wait until you're here… just do mama a favor and come alone okay? Oh, and if you could maybe ease up so I'm not so sick, that'd be great!

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**Langan home…**

"Aunt Casey, look!" Adrienne called from the pool where she frolicked with Caden and Travis. Casey looked over at her niece in time to see the little girl pinch her nose and disappear under the water, quickly coming back up with a huge smile on her face.

"Ta daaaaa!" she said, proud of her new trick.

"That was amazing Drew!" Casey cheered from where she sat on the pools edge, carefully holding Noah while he splashed his chubby arms and legs in the water.

"I love how relaxed you are" Travis said to his wife

"I could totally get used to this" she smiled. She hadn't yet told Travis about the possible threat, deciding that she didn't want to ruin the day they'd been having with something so sick. besides, she didn't consider it much of a threat so why worry her husband over what might be nothing?

"Lazy days by the pool? Tell me about it" Travis responded as he lifted Jamie, then Drew out of the water and onto the ground. They went running through the back yard as soon as their feet hit the grass.

"That too" Casey smiled, "but I meant the kids" she finished as Travis made his way over to her

"I agree, we should definitely spend more time with the rugrats!" he said before kissing her

"Up!" Noah smiled and reached for Travis

"I got ya dude!" Travis grinned as he took Noah from Casey's arms and tossed him high into the air while Noah giggled happily and Casey cringed. Travis caught the toddler who was now laughing hysterically and clapping his hands

"You're gonna drop him!" Casey yelled as she reached for Noah

"I won't drop him! Besides, we're in water and he likes it" Travis laughed as he turned away from her

"Want up!" Noah demanded as he threw his arms in the air and Casey shot Travis an _I dare you _look.

"Sorry bud, Aunt Casey says no up" Travis explained to him with a mock sad face

"Aw man!" Noah exclaimed and sighed, slapping his hand against his forhead

"Dude, I know, buzzkill"

"Mama up no!" he continued

"Mama says no too? How do you live this way?" Travis joked, Noah looked at his uncle and quickly shrugged his shoulders, sending Casey and Travis into a fit of laughter.

* * *

.

**Cassidy home…**

Brian was in the living room wrestling with his boys when Alex walked through the front door and dropped her purse and briefcase in the foyer, deciding to follow the noise.

"I'm ho…" she was stopped in her tracks, shocked at the enormity of the mess in the living room. "God I need my daughter!" she sighed. Winnie had one more week at camp and Alex couldn't wait to have her home, she loved her boys with all her heart but she missed her little girl and all the mother-daughter time.

"Hey babe" Brian called

"Hi mommy!" the twins shouted in unison and went about playing with their father

"Hey babies" she said as she took a seat on the sofa and kicked off her shoes

"Hey mommy, love you!" Zach yelled, holding Brian in a headlock.

"Love you more!" she answered. It was only Jake who got up to go to his mother, his little feet toddling along.

"Mama" he called, smiling with his arms outstretched. Alex got up to meet him half way, eagerly scooping him up into her arms and squeezing him tight while plying him with kisses.

"Did you miss me?" she asked as she reclaimed her seat on the sofa

"Miss you" he said giving her a wet kiss before he sat down on her lap.

"How was your day off?" Brian joked

"Very funny! I got called in to a meeting with Liv and Commissioner Reagan…"

"Faust?"

"Of course"

"Mama…milk?" Jake asked sleepily. Without missing a beat, Alex undid her blouse as she continued talking to Brian, quickly getting Jake latched on while recounting the details of her meeting.

"…and if that wasn't enough, there's a possibility that this psycho may be coming after Liv and Casey"

"What?!"

"The victim turns out to be the doctor who ruled Faust competent to stand trial and testified against him. it looks like he's going after the women who were involved with sending him to prison"

"You gotta be shittin me!" Brian said as he got up and joined his wife and youngest son on the couch while Connor, Liam and Isaac continued roughhousing on the floor.

"It's just a theory right now" she said as she looked down at Jake and stroked his hair. His little eyelids were getting heavy as he fed and she knew that he'd soon be asleep for the night. "We won't know until he makes his next move – if there is a next move… and the day wouldn't have been complete without the press getting a leak and bombarding my office and 1PP for a statement; they're already trying to label this a serial"

"You really think Liv and Casey could be in danger?"

"And Liz"

"Donnelly?" Brian asked

"She sentenced him…"

"Tangled fucking web!"

"Reagan took Liv off the case, put her on administrative leave until Faust is in custody and ordered 24 hour protective detail"

"Smart move"

"Tell that to Liv, she's not happy! She wanted to be the one to put him away again"

"No, Reagan did the right thing; once she's had the chance to calm down, she'll see it and let it go"

"Brian, you really believe that?"

"Nah, but it's nice to think it though!" he grinned and leaned in to plant a quick kiss on his wife's lips.

"My mama da dee!" Jake said crankily as he pushed Brian away then went back to feeding.

"Kid, you are askin for it!" Brian laughed.

* * *

.

**Langan apartment…**

Trevor arrived to the apartment just after six and though Olivia's plan had been to tell him all about what had happened with work, seeing his demeanor made her decide to postpone it until after dinner but she wondered if they would talk at all. He hadn't planned on feeling such an overwhelming sense of anger toward his wife but the minute he looked at her, he was taken back to this morning and what she said – and didn't say and suddenly, there it was. They'd shared a brief and awkward kiss when he came through the door and exchanged a few words that mainly consisted of him coolly asking if she was feeling alright.

"I'm fine" she assured him, reaching out to touch his face but he quickly moved past her and toward the living room leaving her feeling dejected but she pushed the hurt down and followed him. For a moment he just ignored her presence in the room as she stood there in the entryway, her arms folded across her chest as she leaned against the arch, but when he could feel her eyes tearing into him as he poured himself a drink, he spoke to ease the tension.

"What was it you needed to tell me?" he asked without looking at her

"I...it can wait"

"But you said…"

"I know what I said; let's just…later, okay? You don't seem to be in a very talkative mood right now." He sighed and turned to look at her.

"I'm not, not really"

"I get that" she said in a near whisper, fighting the tears that were stinging her eyes "Dinner's ready, why don't you go wash up" she said and headed off to the kitchen. He was still visibly upset about this morning and she had no idea how to broach the subject to try to fix it but one thing she knew for sure, him being distant wasn't helping matters and it resonated throughout dinner.

...

They ate at the large dining room table with an even louder silence between them until Olivia couldn't take it anymore.

"This is ridiculous!" she said and threw her napkin down onto her plate then stood up, picking up her plate and taking Trevor's even though he hadn't finished eating and walked out leaving Trevor sitting there alone. He hung his head in his hands and let out a deep sigh.

Olivia got to the kitchen and threw the dishes into the sink, stopping to take a few deep breaths to calm herself while she gripped the sides of countertop with both hands. She knew that he was upset this morning but this...

"I was still eating" Trevor said and she turned around to see him standing in the kitchen doorway

"Are you serious?" she asked incredulously "Help yourself, I made plenty!" she seethed and stormed out of the kitchen. He quickly turned and followed her.

"What did you expect Olivia, that I would come in here all sunshine and roses and just pretend like this morning didn't happen? Just ignore the fact that you don't want our baby?" his words stopped her in her tracks as she turned to face him.

"I never said I didn't want the baby!"

"Oh that's right; you said nothing!"

"I paused!" she yelled "That was not an admission!"

"Maybe there was a reason for pausing"

"You're right – it was because you threw me off by asking such a completely asinine question! Of course I want this baby" she said then stepped closer, taking his head in her hands and looking him square in the eye, her voice softening with her next words "How could I not? This baby is us; what did you think I would do?"

"You want me to answer that honestly?" he asked, his tone dripping with derision

"Always"

"I've been going crazy all day wondering if you weren't thinking about terminating" his words hit hard and she was so taken aback that she had to swallow the tears that were suddenly threatening to choke her as her hands dropped from his face and she stepped away from him. The very second he saw her reaction, he felt like a complete ass because there was now no doubt in his mind that his assumptions had been wrong.

"How could you think that?" she asked in a shaky whisper, her hurt evident

"I'm sorry, I-"

"No, I wanted your truth I, I just… that?" she couldn't hold back her tears and let them roll freely down her face.

"I didn't mean-" he felt like crawling into a hole, wishing to god that he could take back his words.

"Are you forgetting that I went through an entire pregnancy that ended in the loss of my baby girl? Our first child! That my body carried her for nine months and then three weeks before she was supposed to come into the world, I lost her to some stupid accident that I still can't even remember happening?"

Those words immediately sent his mind back to the day he found Mairym's letter and that video of Elliot confessing that he'd… he quickly shook the memory from his head.

"Liv…"

"Five years later and I still live with that pain every day of my life; I still have nightmares about waking up in that hospital and having you tell me that she was gone and you really think that I could even consider purposely taking our baby away from us?"

"You just seemed so upset -"

"Because I am! I never tried to hide the fact that I'm feeling completely overwhelmed right now but it doesn't mean that I'll feel this way forever and I swear, it doesn't detract the love that I already feel for this child; the love I felt from the minute I began thinking I might be pregnant."

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I never meant to imply that I believed you would; I just wondered if…"

"Whatever reservations I may have about whether or not we can handle another, I do want this baby – there has never been a doubt in my mind about that; he or she already means the world to me"

He was silent as he let his fingers skim over the small expanse of skin of her stomach that peeked out from the flowing silk chemise that she wore, tears falling as he pulled her into his arms, wrapping her in his embrace.

"I'm such an ass!" he whispered and held her tighter, kissing the top of her head while his tears continued to fall "Please forgive me!"

"I'm already there" she said, letting the sound of his beating heart soothe her, a sound that was interrupted when her phone began ringing. She sighed and wiped her eyes before going t retrieve it from the coffee table, a smile curling on her lips when she saw that it was a video call from Casey.

"Hey Honey" she said as she connected the video chat, and took a seat on the sofa, Trevor coming over to join her

"Everything okay?" Casey asked, "How'd it go?"

"Hey Case" Trevor said

"Hey big brother!" she smiled "Sooooo?"

"We're okay." Olivia said

"You told her?" Trevor asked Olivia

"Sorry, it slipped" she apologized, he let out a loud sigh of relief

"What's that about? She asked

"I told Brian and Travis two weeks ago" he confessed sheepishly

"You what?!" Liv and Casey both said

"I was excited and they promised not to tell"

"Kept their word on that…" Casey said, rolling her eyes at Travis who entered the bathroom with a sleeping Noah on his shoulder.

"What did I do?" Travis asked off camera

"How could you not tell me about the baby?"

"Trev said not to." He shrugged simply "You talkin to them? Sup bro!" he called from off camera"

"Hey!" Trevor called back as Casey gave a 'Hmph!' all while Olivia shook her head and laughed

"Where are the kids?" she asked

"Noah's asleep but uncle secrets over there refuses to put him down" she said and turned the camera to Travis who waved at Liv and Trevor then waved Noah's limp hand "and the twins are having their bath she continued as he turned the phone so that Olivia and Trevor could see Jamie and Drew in the bathtub, both heir little heads piled high with suds. Olivia genuinely smiled for the first time since this morning. "Say hi to mommy guys"

"Hi mommy!" they screamed gleefully in unison "we miss you!"

"I miss you too, munchkins'

"Daddy, do we have to go to sleep?"Jamie asked

"What did Aunt Casey say?"

"She says we have to" Drew answered

"Then you have to"

"Awwww!" the twins groaned, Olivia laughed.

"None of that, okay? And I want you to behave yourselves for ant Casey and Uncle Travis"

"Okay…love you mommy, love you daddy!" they waved

"We love you too, very, very much. We'll see you guys tomorrow" Trevor said

"Goodnight" they said waving and blowing kisses before Travis and Casey came back on the screen.

"Don't worry sis, they'll be fine" Travis assured her

"I know they're in good hands; kiss them for me?" she asked, growing more emotional as she looked at her sleeping baby boy and heard the twins' laughter in the background

"Babe, don't cry" Casey said, feeling her own emotions welling up"

"I'm okay, hormones…" Olivia said as Trevor put his arm around her

"We'll kiss them until their faces hurt" Travis promised

"Dork!" Casey chided

"You love this dork!" Travis grinned making his wife smile as she pulled him in for a kiss.

'Hanging up now" Trevor said as he heard his twins in the background

"_Ewwwww!"_

Olivia couldn't help but smile at her perfect little family as Trevor kissed her head then took her hands in his

"I love you…more than anything and I just need to know that we're ok."

"I love you too, you know that…but you're not getting off that easily"

"Okay, what do I need to do?" he asked. "…whatever it takes"

"Well for starters…" she said and rose up on her knees, leaning in to him and running the tip of her tongue across his lips then kissed him; catching his bottom lip between her teeth and gently sucking on it "Get your pretty ass in the bedroom!" she grinned

He was more than happy to comply and quickly scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her that way to the bedroom while she laughed.

...

They made love repeatedly for the next few hours, him taking the time to savor and explore every inch of her body as if it were new to him and she, crumbling with every touch and driven to tears with how exquisitely he took her – never failing to amaze her with how new and exciting their lovemaking always seemed even after 5 years. Especially when she lay beneath him like this, orgasm after orgasm wracking her body as she clawed desperately at his skin while wrapping her body around his and as they came down from their respective highs, together. She couldn't imagine that there would ever come a time when they wouldn't be like this and he wouldn't be the very center of her world.

...

**Langan home…**

Later that night, Travis and Casey lay in bed after making love, she contentedly in his arms.

"I can see why Liv and Trevor love it here so much, it's so serene" Casey said lazily as she pulled her husband's arms tighter around her.

"Yeah, I could definitely get used to this"

"Speaking of getting used to… I wasn't talking about seeing our niece and nephews more often – of course I love spending time with them but I meant our kids; Travis, I think I'm ready." She said as she propped herself up on her elbow.

"Doll, please tell me that you really mean this because I am BEYOND ready to do this!"

"I was scared but I'm doing so good now, I mean you heard what the doctor said if I continue doing well with my medication there's no reason that we have a long happy life together and I know how much being a father means to you; I don't wanna deny you that anymore. We can start the adoption process as soon as we get back from Paris.

"Case…" he smiled tearfully

"Travis I love you! So utterly, so completely and I don't care what the doctors say about medicine, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your love is the reason I'm still here. You gave me a reason to smile when all I wanted to do was cry and you showed me the beauty in life when I couldn't see it anymore…"

"You _are_ the beauty in life and I love you beyond everything!" He said before he pulled her in for kiss as he tangled his hands in her gorgeous mane of red hair.

* * *

.

**Precinct…**

Over at the sixteenth it was past midnight and Fin was still there going over the evidence and footage from the hospital security cameras; there was Faust, plain as day, leaving the hospital after murdering doctor Russo, turning to the camera and waving. Fin couldn't get over it.

"Sergeant, maybe it would serve you better to go over it with fresh eyes tomorrow." Murphy said as he emerged from Olivia's office prepared to leave for the night. "When's the last time you slept?"

"I'm good. I'll rest when we catch Faust and in the mean time, this bastard's laughing at us!" He was becoming more incensed each time he played it back, there had to be something there that would give him a clue as to where Faust might be headed.

"If he's smart he'll change his pattern"

"Trust, Faust is a dumb muthafucka! He'll slip up and when he does…"

"Don't over-think it, you'll end up missing more than you find." Murphy advised. "See you in the morning" he said as he left the squad room.

Fin continued pouring over the evidence and after a few minutes had gone by, one of the unis entered the squad room holding a brown envelope.

"Sergeant" The young man called to Fin

"What is it?" Fin asked without turning around

"Sir, I have a package"

"Put it on my desk"

Like every single one of the rookies at the 1-6, Officer Brown was scared to death of Fin and did not take pleasure in having to talk with and risk getting on the older man's nerves.

"Sir…I think you might want to look at it now, it was left outside and it's addressed to Lieutenant Benson…from her friend Paul" the young officer said nervously but he got Fin's attention.

"Good job Rookie!" Fin said as he turned around and took the envelope, proud to see that the young officer had taken measures to not contaminate the envelope and had used a handkerchief to pick it up. "very good job!" Fin smiled

"Thank you, sir!" Officer Brown replied; proud that he had pleased his superior.

Fin looked down at the envelope and sure enough, the writing said exactly what Officer brown told him it did

_To detective Benson from your friend Paul._

"This son of a bitch!" Fin exclaimed.

Moments later, after getting on a pair of gloves, fin sat down to open the envelope. Inside there was a handheld digital recorder with a note secured to it by a rubber band. Fin detached the note and unfolded it to read.

_So you know what to expect when it's your turn._

_-PF_

Fin was shocked to his core when he pressed play and discovered that what he held in his hands wasn't just a threat, it was audio of the rape and murders of both Jessica Morgan and Dr. Angela Russo!

...

_Once night had fallen, Faust had been freer to move about the city with the darkness there to protect him and he walked right up the the 16th precinct and left a little package that he knew Olivia and her colleagues would love!_

_He'd moved on to his next stop, the place he'd be staying until he was ready for his next act of vengeance, ready to show yet another of these worthless whores who held the real power. They would never catch him even if they did figure out his pattern, he'd be long gone and on to the next before the body was even cold. _

"_The best way to hide is in plain sight!" he grinned, thinking how stupid the NYPD was_

_Soon he'd have them all..._

"_But who should be next?" he asked himself as he stared at their pictures on his wall; the same pictures he'd kept in his cell at Elmira all these years. He thought back to that place and he shuddered. During his time there those bastards treated him like he was the bitch; fucked him six ways to Sunday and it only got worse when they'd found out why he was there._

"_Fucking useless cunts! It was their fault, all of this was their fault!" He picked up his knife and angrily threw it at the wall the tip of the blade landing like a dart and embedding itself, straight through one of the pictures. When Faust noticed, a smile spread across his face as if he'd just experienced a divine revelation and he got up from the old bed and went to the wall, pulling the knife out and taking down the picture it had pierced._

"_Well I'll be damned!" he grinned, please with the choice that had been made for him. "The knife has spoken…I guess you're next!" he said to the photo of the woman in his hand._

* * *

_._

**I apologize for the inhumanity of the actions that will begin occurring… remember, I gave y'all fluff!**


	7. Diversion

**BEFORE I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS CHAPTER, JUST WANT TO WARN THAT IT CONTAINS VIOLENCE, RAPE AND MURDER SO READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. NOW WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY, I WARNED YOU GUYS THAT THINGS WOULD GET ROUGH STARTING WITH THIS CHAPTER SO FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CHOSE TO CONTIN UE AFTER THE LAST CHAPTER, PLEASE DON'T SCREAM AT ME…WELL, IF YOU REALLY NEED TO THEN I GUESS IT'S OK. THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THE REVIEWS, THEY REALLY HELP KEEP THE CREATIVE JUICES FLOWING. GOTTA GIVE PROPS TO THE DICK…WOLF I MEAN. HE OWNS IT ALL AND WITHOUT HIM – WELL I'D PROBABLY BE SANE AND PRODUCTIVE BUT THAT'S ANOTHER DISCUSSION, ENJOY!**

* * *

.

**Langan apartment…**

While Olivia lay in his arms that night, her naked body thrown haphazardly around his as she slept, Trevor couldn't close his eyes. Over and over his mind replayed the fight they'd had earlier and one part in particular gnawed at him, making him question for the first time in years if he had in fact made the right decision.

"_I lost her to some stupid accident that I still can't even remember happening…_ _I still have nightmares about waking up in that hospital and having you tell me that she was gone…"_

As he looked down at his sleeping wife, He couldn't help thinking how peaceful she looked and wondered just how she would react if she knew. _Don't be stupid Trevor, it's been too long! _He thought before kissing the top of her head and slipping out of bed, being careful not to wake her then after sliding his robe on to cover his nakedness, he made his way out of the bedroom and down the hall into the cavernous living room where he stood for a long time just staring out of the floor-to-ceiling windows, watching as the summer rain drenched the city in a steady downpour and wishing that it could wash away the sudden feelings of anxiety that now plagued him.

He thought he had been protecting her by keeping the truth about Chloe's death hidden from her, he was sure that it would be too much for her to handle – to know that someone had intentionally set out to harm their child, and not just any someone but the very man she'd once loved and trusted.

Elliot Stabler. _It's been a long time since that name crossed my mind _he thought and just as quickly his anxiety was replaced by rage! He remembered reading Mairym's letter, seeing that video just as vividly as if they were right in front of him. He remembered the sheer devastation he felt, how sickened, how weak and utterly useless he felt at discovering what Elliot had done, it was like he was in that waiting room all over again while the doctors tried to save his wife and daughter. There was nothing he could do to help either of them and after he'd been told that their baby girl hadn't made it, he was still powerless to do anything but struggle to accept the fate that had been decided for them.

"I wish to god I'd found that son of a bitch first that night!" he said to himself. When he'd taken the gun from the safe, he had every intention of using it that night. His father always told him that there is no such thing as too far when it comes to a man protecting his family but he'd never fully understood until Olivia came into his life and suddenly he knew. Now, thinking back to that night, he knew that had he gotten to him first, he would have easily put a bullet in Elliot's head and not felt even the slightest bit of remorse.

He never heard Olivia's bare feet as they made their way down the hall and into the room, nor did he hear her walk over to the windows, he'd only become aware of her presence when he felt her body pressed against him as she slipped her arms underneath his and around his waist from behind.

"You okay?" she whispered. He turned to face her and was greeted by her beautiful smile

"Yeah, couldn't sleep" he said as he allowed his fingers to run through her long, soft waves "What are you doing up?"

"I'm hungry"

"We skipped dinner didn't we?" he suddenly remembered

"We did"

"Well, I didn't so much skip, it was more like taken away" he grinned. "How about the three of us head to the kitchen and heat up the leftovers?"

"Can we find an old movie to watch while we eat?"

"You kidding? That's the best of a midnight binge!" he agreed as they walked off

* * *

.

**Cassidy home…**

Brian and Alex were in bed fast asleep when the phone began ringing, piercing the silence of the night. it was Brian who first began to stir and quickly reached for the phone so that it wouldn't wake his sleeping wife.

"Yeah, hello" he said, still half asleep

"Brian, hey it's Fin, listen I'm sorry for callin so late"

"Nah man it's fine, what's goin on?"

"We got a serious problem; I need to talk to Alex" Fin said urgently. Brian paused briefly, letting those words sink in, afraid to ask his next question. so instead…

"Yeah, hold on a sec…" Brian said as he sat up then turned to Alex and put his hand on her shoulder to lightly shake her "Al, babe, wake up" he called softly

"What's wrong?" she asked as she pulled from her sleep and turned to her husband.

"It's Fin, he says there's a problem"

Alex froze as she stared at the phone in her husband's hand, wondering if it was news about either of her best friends.

"Babe?" Brian called to her

"Yeah…" he nervously took the phone from his hand and put it to her ear "Fin…what um…"

"Don't worry, it's not another murder" He assured her, soothing the panic he heard in her voice. She immediately let out a sigh of relief.

"They're okay!" she cried, thankful that Liv and Casey were safe, Brian feeling that relief right along with her.

"But there's been a direct threat, you need to get down here

"Threat…to whom?" she asked as she got out of bed

"To Liv. Faust left us audio of Jessica and Dr. Russo's murders along with a note; I called forensics to run the prints…"

"What did the note say?"

"That the recordings are so Liv knows what to expect when it's her turn"

Alex went white as a ghost, her heart dropping to her feet as she was stunned into silence.

"Alex?" Fin called, unsure if she was still there.

"I'm on my way!" she said and hung up the phone

"What the hell's goin on?" Brian asked, feeling as frightened as his wife looked

"Faust made a threat against Liv…I need to go!" she said, giving him a quick kiss before she walked off to get dressed.

* * *

_He had to admit, he hadn't planned on taking her out just yet, in fact, she was to be last – his special project and he had planned to take his time with her, his golden kill! _

"_But hey, life's a crapshoot and your number's up!" he said as he looked down at the picture in his hand. It hadn't been an accident that the knife had gone through her photo; he thought of it more as fate – divine intervention guiding his hand. Besides, what did it matter the order in which he got them? As long as he made sure that each and every one of the useless whores suffered up until the moment they drew their last breaths, all would be right with the world._

_As he stood outside the place, he thought how perfect it was to go after her tonight instead of laying low, waiting a while for the next kill like he'd planned. No one would be expecting it tonight after just finding Russo's body and even with their so called "manhunt" going on, once again, he slipped right past the stupid pigs and was ready to do himself and this bitch a favor and end her miserable life._

"_cunt's walking right into my trap!" he said as he got off of the elevator and made his way to the room where she would take her last breath…_

* * *

_._

**Langan apartment…**

Later, midnight dinner and a movie led to sensuous kisses and romantic whispers in the dark which led to discarded robes and Trevor's head ending up between Olivia's legs, his mouth and fingers working her into a frenzy that in spite of her best efforts to be quiet out of respect for the hour and the neighbors, left her screaming as she came. Trevor laughed as he came up for air and kissed her lips.

"You keep screaming like that and someone's gonna call the cops" he said as he pushed his cock inside her.

"I am the cops!" she cried out as she arched her back and greedily devoured his mouth with her kiss, her arms and legs snaked around his neck and waist, pulling him ever closer. She'd barely come down from the orgasm he'd just given her with his mouth and now, fucking her hard and fast and hitting her g spot at the perfect angle, he was quickly coaxing another from her and there was no being quiet as she again came undone.

….

At the sixteenth, after calling in Alex and Commissioner Reagan concerning the threat they'd gotten, it was decided that Olivia's protective detail would start tonight, right now and police were filling squad cars to rush over to her apartment as well as to she and Trevor's home, since detail had now been ordered for Casey as well.

"We can't just barge in at almost 2 in the morning" Fin protested as he and Murphy got in the car, him in the driver's seat "We need to give a heads up" he said as he dialed Olivia's cell.

….

"Holy fucking God!" Olivia panted as Trevor lay on top of her in a sweaty heap, his head on her breasts as she held him and they both fought to steady their breathing. "That was amazing!" she exclaimed, still trembling from the intensity of it all.

"YOU are amazing!" he said, looking up at her and catching her lips in a kiss before going down and devouring her breasts.

"Oh god...mmmm! Hope you're ready to lose these again for a few months!" She said. Noah had decided to stop breastfeeding completely, two months ago, same as Drew had at his age. She'd had a harder time with Jamie, he'd nursed straight through her pregnancy with Noah, sore nipples be damned and he kept with it for 6 months after he was born! When Noah finally quit it took some getting used to, having been nursing for well over two years straight but she and Trevor were happy to not have to worry that a crying baby would interrupt their alone time to "hog the breast" as he put it but now, just a few months and they'd be back to her being a milk machine.

"Guess we'll just have to make it work, but in the meantime..." He bit her nipple making her go crazy, sucking to soothe it just as the phone rang and their bliss was suddenly replaced by panic thinking that a call this late would only be coming if there were something wrong with the children. Trevor immediately sat up and reached for their robes, as Olivia reached over her head for her phone that sat on the end table, flinching as Trevor pulled out of her so abruptly.

"Case?" she answered anxiously with the phone on speaker, not bothering to check the display as she too sat up and Trevor handed her her robe

"No, Liv it's Fin" that did nothing to ease her anxiety

"Fin, what's going on?" Trevor asked, hearts still pounding while he and Olivia covered themselves.

"Lieutenant Benson, we're on our way to you, Sergeant Tutuola and me" Murphy interjected

"Lieutenant Murphy? Why?" Olivia asked "what…?"

"Everybody is safe if that's what you mean" Fin assured her

"Then why…?"

"Because Paul Faust has issued a direct threat against you and your protective detail starts now!" Murphy informed her before Fin could speak. Trevor's eyes went wide with fright as he looked over at Olivia for an explanation.

"Threat? Protective detail…what the fuck is he talking about and who is this Lieutenant Murphy?" Trevor demanded, surprising even himself at his choice of language.

"Fin, I'll see you when you get here" Olivia said and quickly ended the call

"Olivia?!"

"He's my replacement" she said sheepishly

"Your replacement…what the hell is going on?"

"The thing I said that happened at work that I needed to tell you about? He's sort of the thing" Trevor again looked at her, now even more confused "Why don't we get some clothes on before they get here and I'll tell you as much as I can" Trevor paused, wanting to speak but having been stunned into silence, he just nodded absently and followed Olivia to their bedroom.

* * *

_From the moment she walked in and was blitzed, she never stopped fighting even for a moment, determined that her life would not end this way; not here, not tonight, and certainly not by his hands but her determination was no match for his rage and he'd bludgeoned her into submission with the desk lamp after he'd beaten her violently with his fists, nearly destroying every bone in her face and breaking several others in her body but stopping before he'd killed her so that she would be awake and aware as he mounted and raped her, the severity of which depended on how much time he had and it would be a while before anyone realized that she would be in need of help. _

_She lay beneath him unable to scream and choking on her own blood but feeling every ounce of the pain he inflicted on her body. After he'd raped her with his member, he now viciously tore into her with the statue of liberty paperweight that she'd beaten him with when the initial struggle began. She could feel her insides being shredded as he thrust it mercilessly in and out with brute force._

"_You like that, bitch? How does it feel to get fucked the same way you fucked me?" he taunted, giving one final thrust on the statue before pulling it out and tossing it across the room. Then, looking down at her, he decided to have one last go and turned her over onto her stomach and forced another anal assault on her, pummeling her hard as he pulled her head back. As he came, spilling himself into her, he reached for his knife and pulled it across her throat, ripping it open and sending blood shooting everywhere then dropped her dying body onto the floor and readjusted himself before he went about stabbing her repeatedly, stopping only when his anger allayed then carved a giant number 3 between her breasts, grabbing his recorder and leaving, security paying him no attention as he casually exited the building and disappeared underground when he entered the subway just a block away._

* * *

_._

**Langan home…**

Travis was wide awake pacing the house with a very upset Noah in his arms. The toddler had woken up twenty minutes ago and hadn't stopped crying since, his little mouth in agony from the teeth that had been pushing their way through for the last couple weeks. After trying everything to soothe him, Travis went downstairs so that the crying wouldn't wake anyone and walked the house with his nephew, hoping to get him back to sleep. Semper and Jax noticed the baby's frustration and immediately came over to help, licking at his little feet in an attempt to make him laugh but Noah only smiled briefly at the tickly sensation before bursting into tears again.

"Aw, buddy Semper and Jax want to play" Travis cooed

"No doggie, want mama!" Noah cried. Travis, finally at his wits end, headed to the kitchen and opened the freezer.

"Your mom asks, this never happened!" he said to Noah as he took a popsicle from the freezer and quickly unwrapped it, sticking it in the toddlers mouth and massaging his sore gums with the frozen treat. Noah's cries quickly slowed to sniffles as the taste of the sugar hit his tongue followed by the cold and numbing sensation that quickly began to take effect on his gums and within seconds, a serious look plastered his little face as he put all of his focus into gnawing on that popsicle, grinding his gums on it and drooling as he grunted happily and looked at his uncle with sincere gratitude.

"Dude, you're welcome!" Travis said, eliciting a smile from the baby who continued with his popsicle "And we didn't wake anybody!" he grinned, pleased with himself and sat Noah in his high chair just as the phone rang. Travis answered it on the first ring.

"Guys, the kids are fine" he said, assuming that it would only be Liv or Trevor calling the house at this hour.

"Travis, it's Alex. I'm on my way there but I need you to let Casey know that we have a serious problem."

"Everything alright?" he asked

"Everything's fine for now" Alex said without further elaboration..

"Yeah, I'll let her know but what…?"

"We'll talk when I get there" she said and ended the call.

…..

Back at Trevor and Olivia's apartment, he sat dumbfounded as she told him the last of the details about Faust and why she'd been sent on leave and ordered protective detail.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this earlier?" he asked

"I planned to but we kind of got sidetracked"

"Sidetracked? Olivia, this is your life! No matter what little squabble we may have gone through, there is nothing more important than your safety and wellbeing; NOTHING!"

"I'm sorry, but if it's any consequence, I swear I was going to tell you first thing in the morning. I just wanted to try to fix things and have a night of normal before it all went crazy."

"Just the thought of losing you…" the words died on his lips and he pulled her into his arms.

"You won't, I promise!" she said and plied his face with several kisses before kissing his mouth "I love you!"

"I love you too…and I'm going to guess that since this also involves my equally haphazard sister-in-law, Travis also has no idea what's going on"

"I'm sure he does now?" Olivia said and offered a smile.

….

Downstairs in the lobby, several police officers, Lead by Fin and Murphy had just entered the building and made their way to the elevators as the concierge looked on curiously.

"Can I…help you?" he asked as the officers loaded into the elevator when the doors opened. Fin turned around, looking quite annoyed…

"No" he said with a scowl and went on about his business.

...

Upstairs in the apartment after getting formalities out of the way, Trevor sat with Murphy, Fin and Olivia's newly assigned detail, detectives Martin and Leight, while the other officers waited downstairs in the lobby.

"What about this threat you mentioned?" Olivia asked as she entered carrying a tray of coffee that she sat down on the table and took a seat beside her husband as everyone took a mug.

"Faust left a package for you in front of the precinct along with this note" Fin answered as he handed Olivia the letter that was now sealed in plastic

""So you know what to expect when it's your turn"" Olivia read out loud, the seriousness of the situation now crystal clear. Trevor reached for her hand, feeling angry and sick at the blatant threat his man had made against his wife.

"He will never come near you; I'll kill the son of a bitch before I let that happen!" Trevor vowed. Olivia squeezed his hand tight, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Fin. She was scared and he could see it and he dreaded having to tell her the rest.

"What was in the package…what did he want me to see?"

"Liv, you don't…"

"Fin…please. We already know that the threat's been made, I need to know" Fin sighed and looked over at Murphy, then at Trevor who simply nodded.

"Not see…hear" Fin corrected as he slid the recorder across the coffee table to Olivia.

"What is it?" she asked, afraid to know the answer and began nervously rubbing her stomach, feeling sickness churning. It was Murphy who spoke up

"Along with that letter, Faust sent you audio recordings of the rapes and murders of Jessica Morgan and Dr. Angela Russo."

"Liv, you don't have to listen to it" Fin interjected, knowing what hearing Jessica's death as it happened would do to her.

"I want to"

"Honey…" Trevor objected

"It was sent to _me!_ No matter how much Commissioner Reagan tries to keep me away from this case, I'm in the middle of it, why doesn't he let me do my job and help find this sick freak before he kills again?"

"Because, Lieutenant, you know as well as the rest of us that you cannot be in charge of a manhunt when you are the target of the man you are hunting!" Murphy continued

"Play it" Olivia ordered dismissively, tired of being told that she can't do her job effectively.

"Liv are you sure you want…" Fin began

"Play it" she repeated. Reluctantly, Fin hit play on the recorder and the room fell silent as Jessica's screams filled the air.

* * *

.

**Langan home…**

"What is this?" Travis asked Alex as she, Nick and Amanda rushed into the house and he saw the barrage of squad cars outside. He had finally gotten Noah back to sleep and didn't want the commotion to disturb him.

"Casey 's Protective detail" Alex answered. "This is detective Fox and detective Cohen"

"Hello" the two men greeted in unison, moving to shake Travis' hand but he ignored them and turned his attention back to Alex.

"Counselor, what is this? Why does my wife need protective detail?"

"She didn't tell you? "Alex sighed angrily and ran her hand through her hair "Jesus Case! Get her ass down here!" she demanded

"I would but she's not here?" Travis said

"What do you mean she'd not here? I said to let her know we were on our way and you said ok!"

"I meant that I'd call her and give her the message"

"Where did she go?" Alex asked

"Her office; She got a call around eleven, said there was some emergency that needed her attention, she's still there."

"Have you talked to her?" Amaro asked. Travis was now agitated and extremely nervous

"What?"

"Have you talked to her?" Nick repeated louder, urgently

"No, I…not since she called to tell me she'd gotten there safe." He stammered

"What time was that?"

"I don't know… a little after midnight?" Travis guessed.

"Dear God!"Amanda cried, the realization hitting her hard

"What the hell is going on?" Travis demanded to know

"Bait and switch" Alex uttered, terrified and suddenly feeling sick to her stomach

"He sent the threat to Liv…" Nick began

"So he'd be free to go after Casey…" Amanda finished

"Call dispatch, get every available unit over to the Manhattan EADA's office, NOW!"Alex ordered her officers.

* * *

.

**Casey's office…**

Fin and Murphy arrived on the scene that was already littered with dispatch units and found police tape had already been placed to cordon off the building.

"What do we have?" Murphy asked

"Somebody did a real number on her" The detective said as he led Fin and Murphy down the corridor to the office "I mean face smashed, throat slit, stab wounds…I don't even wanna say what was done below the belt!" the young detective continued "It's all yours! He said and walked away as the first Fin then Murphy entered the office to see Casey lying there in the middle of the floor, naked except her bra. Her face and body had been beaten to a pulp and her throat had been ripped open. Fin continued to access the damage and quickly saw that the officer had been right, what had been done to her down below was the most horrifying thing of all – between her open legs was nothing more than a gaping, shredded hole that had not even the slightest semblance to what it once was.

"How did we let this happen?" Fin said aloud to no one in particular as he fell to his knees beside the woman he'd called friend and hanged his head in sorrow.

"I promise you, sergeant" Murphy said as he took in the sight before him "We will get him!"

* * *

.

**I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I am so, so sorry and even sorrier to say that the next chapter doesn't get much better. To those of you who continue to keep reading, thank you and to those who choose to stop, I understand. Talk to me either way. Until next time!**


	8. Gloating

**I KNOW, I KNOW, I SUCK FOR WHAT I DID. BUT I GAVE FLUFF! I GAVE FLUFF DAMNIT! I KNOW THAT WHAT HAPPENED UPSET YOU GUYS AND I'M SORRY BUT IT ALL HAS TO HAPPEN. THIS CHAPTER ISN'T AN EASY ONE, IT DEALS WITH THE AFTEREFFECTS AND, WELL JUST READ IT AND MUCH THANKS TO THOSE OF YOU ARE STILL WITH ME, I APPRECIATE THE LOVE MORE THAN YOU KNOW AND THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THE WONDERFUL REVIEWS. THAT BEING SAID, WE PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF, DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS, I OWN FAUST'S CRAZY ASS! CAN YOU FEEL MY GLEE? ENJOY!**

* * *

**Reader comment:**

**Bobbie23 chapter 7 . Aug 18**

**Oh my god! I think my heart actually stopped when I realised it was Casey, I was expecting Donnelly through the whole thing. The loving moment with the kids in the last chapter makes this one even more heart breaking. As much as the graphic detail makes me cringe and wince, I'm glad you included it because it adds so much to the story and wants Faust stopped before he can do anymore.**  
**Completely agree with your note about Wolf, we would be more productive, but please don't let that discourage you from working on the next chapter (quickly, please?).**  
**Also, Martin and Leight, Fox and Cohen? Nice.**

* * *

To Lynnesha, your comment was rude and very disrespectful. You have a right to feel anger over what I wrote but you do not have a right to approach me in such a classless, tasteless and downright ignorant manner – GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!

* * *

.

It had been two days since Casey had been viciously murdered by Paul Faust and her death had hit their family harder than any of them would have imagined and Trevor found himself being the glue that had to hold everything together. His parents grieved as would any who'd lost a daughter that they loved very much but his mother took it especially hard. The attachments she'd grown to both her daughters were nothing short of amazing to her sons. Tricia Langan never saw any woman as good enough for her boys and had sabotaged many a relationship throughout their adult lives but when Olivia and then Casey had come along, something in Tricia shifted and even with the baggage that came with the two women, she embraced them openly and loved them both without judgment or condition and grew fiercely protective of them, her heart being completely broken by the news.

...

**Casey's office, two days prior...**

When Olivia and Trevor had rushed over to the scene, he wasn't allowed through but she'd gotten past the police with her badge, the officers unaware that she shouldn't have been there and when she got to the door of Casey's office and saw her lying there, she crumbled inside.

"Lieutenant, you are not supposed to be here!" Murphy scolded but Olivia paid him no attention as she stood in shock at the sight in front of her. Fin had to physically pull her away before she could step into that office.

But Travis…Travis was inconsolable. He'd arrived at the crime scene with Alex, seen the carnage, seen his wife lying there lifeless and desecrated in the aftermath of what that animal had done to her. He'd cradled her naked, broken body; screaming while he begged God to take it back.

"Just breathe! Doll please just breathe for me…PLEASE…please… don't leave me." he said in a whisper as his tears fell in torrents

"Travis, we need to take her" Melinda said gently

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" he screamed then looked down at his wife in his arms "Please breathe for me" he begged. "We were supposed to go to Paris…she loves Paris" he gently caressed her face, his tears falling onto her bloodied skin as he spoke to her "I promised to take you every year…this is gonna be our 5th …doll please…we have to go to Paris…I can't let you miss Paris!" he sobbed brokenly as he rocked her lifeless body and forth.

It took over an hour before Travis would let go and let the M.E. take her away. Trevor insisted that Travis come home with he and Olivia but Travis refused saying that he wanted to be in their home, with her things. Olivia, seeing the state that Travis was in, begged Trevor to stay with him. She would go home and have her children there, Travis was alone and he needed his brother more than she did in that moment. Trevor was reluctant – all things considered but he knew that Olivia was right and reluctantly allowed her detail to take her home to the children and worried that she hadn't reacted at all.

…

"You're an idiot, Martin! Michael Jackson wore the glove on his left hand!" Detective Leight argued to his partner while shoving chili fries into his mouth.

"Bite me, he wore it on the right!" Detective Martin argued back

"I followed the Thriller –"

"Here we go again…" Martin said, rolling her eyes

"It's true, I followed the Thriller tour through 18 cities in 1984 and I had front row seats in 12 of those cities and in Toronto, I'll never forget it, Michael pulled me up on stage while he sang Billie Jean - the glove was on the left, I- Lieutenant" he said when he saw Olivia and Trevor approach. "Counselor"

"Please see to it that she gets home safe" Trevor asked

"Absolutely." Detective Martin assured "Lieutenant, if you're ready…"

Olivia looked back at Trevor with sad eyes as she held on to his hand.

"Are you sure you'll…" he started

"I'm sure. Take care of Travis" she said near a whisper. Trevor leaned in and kissed her.

"Call me the very second you walk in the door!" Olivia nodded, tears stinging her eyes but she wouldn't cry them. instead, she hugged he husband before turning to leave with her detail.

* * *

.

**Trevor and Casey's home present…**

Now here they were, the afternoon of day two and things went from bad to worse. Trevor had driven into the city to check on Travis and he'd arrived at the townhouse where Travis and Casey had lived together. Trevor walked through the front door to be met with darkness and stifling heat. They were in the middle of an August heat wave and Travis hadn't bothered to turn on the air or even open the windows. Trevor stopped in the entryway and opened the drapes to let in the afternoon sun then found the thermostat and switched the air on.

"Travis?" he called as he made his way to the living room which was also black. Thankfully Trevor was familiar with the layout of the house and easily made his way to the windows to open those drapes as well.

"I wanted it dark you know!" Travis grumbled, his eyes glaring from the light from the armchair where he sat slumped with an almost empty bottle of Jack dangling precariously from his fingertips

"It's three o'clock" Trevor protested

"So!" Travis said angrily and took another swig. His clothes were rumpled, eyes still red-rimmed and swollen and his face was covered with 2 days of stubble.

"Man, how much of this stuff have you had?" Trevor asked as he snatched the bottle way from his brother.

"All of it!" Travis confessed without looking up at his brother

"Travis…" Trevor said as he sat on the coffee table in front of his brother "I know you're hurting-"

"Hurting?" Travis said and gave a laugh then dragged his palm down his face "I'm uh…I'm…" he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and buried his head in his hands, sobbing.

"Travvie?" Trevor called softly to his brother, putting his hand on Travis' shoulder to comfort him but Travis continued to cry for a long moment, sobbing pitifully. Finally, he forced himself to look up at his big brother and with tears running down his face…

"The autopsy…Warner, she…she was pregnant"

"What?" Trevor ask in total shock

"We had a mishap a couple moths back… but neither of us thought…10 weeks" Travis answered through his sobs

"…and you guys didn't know…" Travis shook his head as he wiped his nose with his sleeve.

"She told me the night that we watched the kids…she was ready to start looking into adoption. She knew how much I wanted to be a dad and she wasn't afraid anymore." Trevor couldn't stop his own tears

"I'm so sorry" Trevor wept

"It was healthy. When Warner found the baby she tested…somehow, Case hadn't transmitted…our baby would have been born healthy…it was a boy"

"My God…"

"My wife…our son…one phone call took everything away. One stupid phone call! Why did I let her go; how could I be so stupid?!" he sobbed

"This was not your fault!"

"She was my whole world…now, I have nothing! I might as well be dead with them!"

"Oh Travvie!" Trevor exclaimed as he pulled his brother in and threw his arms around him "Please don't say that! I love you, you hear me?" he kissed his little brother then held him tighter "I love you and I'm here for you! When we lost Chloe and Liv checked out, you were the one who kept me going; you were the one who didn't let me drown and I swear to you baby brother, I am going get you through this, no matter what; I will never let you fall!" he promised as they cried together.

* * *

.

**Langan home…**

"How's Travis?" Olivia asked as soon as Trevor entered the kitchen after having just arrived home. She didn't turn to look at her husband but instead continued scouring the already immaculate space.

"Not Good" he answered as he made his way over to his wife where she stood scrubbing what he could only think had to be imagined dirt from the kitchen sink. He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"The kids asleep?"

"You just missed them" she said as she pulled her cleaning gloves off and rinsed the sink, finally satisfied that it was clean enough.

"You alright?"

"Yeah" she said as he broke from his arms "You must be hungry, why don't you sit down and I'll get your dinner."

"Have you eaten?" he asked as he took a seat at the island

"I tried, I…"

"Honey…"

"I know...I just can't keep anything down right now" she said as she busied herself with preparing a plate for him.

"Liv, maybe it would help if we talked about it"

"Talked about what?" she asked, still refusing to look at him

"About Casey; Liv, it's been two days and you haven't cried even once. I'm worried about you."

"Don't, I'm fine." She assured him and set his plate in front of him

"You're not fine. I can…"

"Trevor!" she began to yell but reeled herself in and took a breath, resuming with a calmer voice "I don't need to talk, I don't need to cry. I'm fine!" she lied again. Trevor reached across the counter and very gently took her hand in his, running his thumb across the back and looking up at her. For a brief second, she averted her eyes but quickly found his and allowed him to hold her gaze.

"I'm worried about you" he said so softly, it sounded like a whisper

"I know" she whispered as she reached out and caressed his face. "but I'll be ok" she leaned in and kissed him then forced a smile. "Eat before it gets cold. I'm gonna go take a nice…tepid bubble bath" she grinned as she gently patted her stomach.

"I love you" he said, knowing that she wasn't okay but also understanding that she needed space to grieve in her own way right now.

"I love you too"

...

"…_meaning, we don't actually know that there's anything to be worried about" _

As she lay soaking in the bathtub, Olivia's mind wandered to what Casey had said in her office that day; she had been near her, hugged her… then just as quickly she saw that office again, saw her best friend, her sister lying there in a pool of her own blood. Her throat slashed, her mouth agape as if it had frozen mid-scream.

"No!" she said, quickly shaking the memory away as she wiped the tears that were now rolling down her face. this was the very reason why she had to keep herself busy; she couldn't let herself dwell on it – any of it because to do so made it real and if it was real then Casey was really gone and if Casey was gone, then that meant that this was real! That her life was in jeopardy, that at any time, she could become his next victim, that it could be _her _husband falling apart, her children left without her. No, she wouldn't allow herself to think about it because even when she did, she just didn't know how to wrap her mind around the fact that she would never see Casey again; never hear her laughter or see her smile…

"Damn it Novak!" she cried, burying her face in her palms as she let her tars fall in private, away from Trevor. She couldn't have him worrying about her when Travis was so beside himself, especially with the news of the pregnancy.

"We were having babies together and didn't even know it!"

…

**Later that night...**

_Olivia ran and ran through the dark corridor, trying every door she passed, praying that one would open and give her a place to hide, offer a barrier between herself and the monster who was quick on her heels and determined to make her his next victim but none would give. Door after door she frantically tried each handle, only to be met with the resistance for the locks, her heart threatening to pound its' way out of her body and she suddenly felt sick to her stomach._

"_I won't let him hurt you" she promised the child inside her but she was completely gripped by fear and as tears of terror streamed her face, she wondered if it would be a promise that she could keep. Continuing to run, she tried the next door that appeared after several yards only to find it locked as well. She could hear fast approaching footsteps down the hall and began banging her palm against the glass panel._

"_HELP MEEEE!" she screamed, desperately shaking the doorknob, the very air she needed to survive now thick and heavy and threatening to choke her as her chest heaved in erratic gasps. Suddenly, a creaking sound caught her attention and she turned her head to see that a door was slowly opening further down the hall. Without wasting a second, she again put her feet in gear and ran the distance to the open door, stepping inside the semi-lit room and finding herself startled when the door slammed shut behind her. _

_After nearly jumping out of her skin, she quickly turned around to be sure that he hadn't followed her inside and checked to make sure that the door was locked. Satisfied that she was safe for now, she released a breath of relief as she rubbed her stomach._

"_We're gonna be okay little one" she assured her baby but that assurance quickly dissipated when Faust began trying to break down the door. _

"_You can't hide from me you stupid whore!" Faust yelled from the other side of the door while trying to tear it off the hinges. She covered her mouth with both of her hands, praying that he wouldn't hear her whimpering cries and just go away._

"_OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" _

_The banging got worse and the door began shaking. Her body was trembling with terror coursing through her veins and she took a step back, and then another, then another and another as the banging continued until her legs came in contact with a sofa and she stumbled backwards onto it, putting her hand down to steady her landing as she fell into a sitting position only to find that her hand had come into contact with something wet…very wet._

_She looked down and screamed in sheer horror at seeing that not only was she sitting on Casey's corpse whose lifeless eyes stared back at her, but her hand had landed and was lodged in what was left of Casey's neck where it had been ripped open._

"_Your turn bitch!" Faust said as he busted through the door._

As he was putting Noah back to bed, Trevor was startled by the sound of his wife screaming from their bedroom.

"Olivia!" he called to her as he shut the nursery door and made a dash down the hall to their room, quickly turning on the light once inside. Olivia was thrashing about in the sheets as pained, horrifying and terror filled screams tore from her throat over and over. Trevor ran to her, climbing onto the bed and trying to wake her up. Suddenly, her eyes shot open and she bolted upright gasping for air in her disoriented state as she looked around the room and then over at her husband before throwing herself into his arms, her body collapsing and shaking hard against his as she began sobbing uncontrollably. Just as Martin and Leight came bursting through the door, guns drawn and Leight completely out of breath.

"We heard…" he panted, hunched over with his hands on his knees "We heard…" he put up a finger to signal that he needed a minute.

"We heard screams. Everything ok?" Martin asked

"just a bad dream" Trevor assured them, never taking his attention from his wife.

"Okay…" Martin said. We're outside if you need us. Trevor paid no attention as they left and shut the door

"You're ok... I got you; it's just a dream" he said soothingly as he held Olivia tight and kissed her head but his words were missed. She was hysterical and could only choke out pitiful, gut-wrenching cries as she held on to her husband for dear life and Trevor sat trying desperately to soothe her after the horrifying nightmare that left her trembling. And now suddenly, in the face of Casey's death, the truth about Chloe that had begun to rattle him didn't seem so urgent. He would tell his wife the truth, he knew that he had to but right now, getting his family through this horror that had befallen them was paramount to everything else.

* * *

.

**Cassidy home…**

Alex sat in the dark nursery with a sleeping Jake in her arms as the rocking chair slowly moved back and forth. The toddler's sleep had again been disturbed by teething pain and having his mother nurse him was the only thing that would soothe him however, he'd gone back to sleep well over an hour ago but Alex found herself unable to put him down and was content to hold and sing softly to her sleeping boy, finding that it helped the pain that was threatening to crush her soul.

Usually on nights like this she would be up texting Olivia who would be up with Noah for the same reason and then they'd wake up Casey. Once they'd get their little ones back to bed, they'd each sneak off to a quiet room away from their sleeping husbands and children and call each other, laughing and talking practically all night so even when work and family would drag them through long periods where they couldn't get together, their late night text and call sessions were something they looked forward to. Tonight however…

"How could this have happened?" Alex asked herself quietly as she found herself crying again. It was all she'd done these last two days, even when giving statements to the press she was powerless to keep her emotions in check and had made the cover of many a newspaper with tears streaming her face. She allowed her hand to smooth Jake's hair then caress his little cheek before reaching to swat the tears that ran down her own.

"Babe" Brian called softly as he entered the room

"Hey" Alex said as she looked up at him, forcing a smile.

"It's late, why don't come to bed?"

"I should, I just…every time I close my eyes…" she started and began to weep.

"Tell me what to do…tell me how to make this better for you, how to make it easier" he implored as he took her hand.

"I don't know…I don't think you can."

Brian stood there unsure of what to say. He wasn't hurt by her words, just saddened because he knew that they were true. His wife Casey and Olivia shared an unbelievably close bond. When one hurt, they all felt it, but this…this went beyond hurt and he and Trevor were both going out of their minds. They both wanted more than anything to be what got Liv and Alex through this but both men found themselves pushed away; their wives seeking comfort only in each other these last two days.

"You want me to put Jake down?"

"No. I just wanna hold him a little longer." She refused

"Okay." Feeling dispirited, Brian turned to leave the nursery and had made it to the door when…

"She was pregnant" Alex softly, her voice painfully full of emotion. Brian turned around to look at his wife in complete disbelief.

"How was that even…Travis never told me…"

"He didn't know; neither of them did. There had been an accident a little while ago…Casey was freaked out about it…Melinda found the baby during the autopsy. I got the preliminary report this morning"

"This just keeps getting worse…I can't even imagine what Travis is going through!"

* * *

.

**Travis and Casey's home…**

"_Hey, this is Casey, I missed you but please leave a message and I promise to return your call as soon as I can."_

The beep sounded and Travis paused before he began speaking.

"Doll…it's me. I don't know what I'm doing, I just…I needed to hear your voice. I feel so alone. Case, I can't do this without you!" he sobbed "I need you…I need my best friend. Please come home…please! Don't leave me like this…just come home!" he begged through his cries.

…

"_You know counselor, I gotta say, you were one sweet piece of pussy!" Faust said as he sat talking to Casey's picture "Definitely the best so far…I bet somebody is cryin a fuckin river over losing that! Too bad, if you hadn't been such a dumb slut he would still have it…not that there's much left to have after I got through. Did you enjoy having me rip that pretty cunt to shreds?"_

_He gave a wicked laugh, suddenly finding himself becoming hard and unzipped his pants, freeing his semi-erect penis then spitting in his hand before he began stroking himself, getting harder and more aroused as he replayed Casey's screams in his head._

"_Three down, two to go…mmmmm" he moaned" And I can't wait to get inside that cop bitch!" he continued to get himself off, growling as he came and released himself all over Casey's picture._

"_Only makeup a woman ever truly needs!" he grinned as he readjusted himself."And now, for my next trick…"_

* * *

_._

**The following morning…**

Brian was out for his usual crack-of-dawn run and was on his way home, stopping at the newsstand like he always did to grab his morning paper. He was reaching for the Times when his attention was drawn to the front page of the Ledger.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

…..

At the Langan home, Trevor was down in the kitchen at 6am putting on a pot of coffee when he got a text. He grabbed his phone from the counter and quickly opened it when he saw that it was from Brian.

_Front page of the Ledger _the caption read and when Trevor saw the attachment he immediately turned to the kitchen sink and threw up, clumsily dropping his phone into the mess!

…

On his way in to work, Fin grabbed a coffee from the food truck and then went to the neighboring newsstand, dropping his cup when he saw the Ledger and quickly snatch up a copy, anger coursing through him when he saw the cover.

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT!" he exclaimed, paid for the paper and went inside the precinct.

Upstairs, he stormed into the squad room where only Amanda, Nick and a few of the unis were at this early hour.

"Get commissioner Reagan on the phone, now!" he barked

"Why?" Nick asked

"Those assholes at the Ledger!" he seethed as he angrily slammed the paper down on his desk just as Murphy walked out of the office, quickly picking it up.

"Dear God!" he exclaimed in utter shock and disgust.

"I'm gonna be sick!" Amanda cried.

There on the front page of the once respected newspaper under the headline "Let's take a selfie!" was a full page, color closeup of Paul Faust smiling into the camera beside a dead Casey; her slit throat and broken, bloody face in gory, graphic detail for all of New York to see!"

"Son of a bitch!" Nick exclaimed.

"Would somebody like to tell me what the hell is going on around here?! I'm gone a few weeks and the city has gone insane!"

"Judge Donnelly?" Fin said incredulously

"Hello Sergeant Tutuola. Where's Benson?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I got her message and cut my vacation short when I heard about Novak. I hear this psycho has his eye on me as well."

"We have every reason to believe so" Murphy said

"And you are?"

"Lt. Declan Murphy. I'm filling in for Lt. Benson while she's been assigned leave and you are in very real danger!"

"Not nearly as much as Faust will be in if he tries!" Liz said matter-of-factly.

* * *

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**I know…**


	9. Monkey Wrench

**Y'ALL DONT KNOW THE HELL I WENT THROUGH TO GET THIS CHAPTER. WORST CASE OF WRITER'S BLOCK EVER! AND DURING THOSE MOMENTS WHEN I WOULD CLEAR…I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE HAD A STORY FIGHT ME SO HARD…EVER! IT FOUGHT ME SO HARD THAT I LITERALLY ALMOST GAVE UP AND WAS READY TO SAY TO HELL WITH IT BUT I DIDN'T AND HERE WE ARE, CHAPTER 9, YAY! I DECIDED TO GO A BIT LIGHTER WITH THIS CHAPTER BUT DON'T WORRY, THE HORROR WILL BE BACK SOON ENOUGH. THAT BEING SAID, DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS IN USE, I OWN MY STORY. ENJOY!**

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**Reader comments. I honestly wanted to post every review I got from the last chapter, you all rock but i couldn't so I chose 4.**

**Lauren chapter 8 . Sep 4**

**This whole chapter broke my heart! My heart is in two crushed, broken-hearted pieces. Thank God this is only fan fic! :/ I need fluff, where's the fluff? Lol.**

**Mariskafan2364 chapter 8 . Aug 27**

**Your doing an excelent job with this story because I had to stop reading three times because you made me cry. That piece of shit needs to die. He doesn't deserve a trial I hope when the cops find him they just shoot his ass it will be justifiable. Olivia needs to stop keeping everthing bottled up and share what she's feeling with Trevor. It's not good for the baby. I'm looking forward to the next chapter even if you did make me cry while reading this one.**

****Saradawn723 chapter 8 . Aug 27****

**Why do you do this to me? You like to rip my heart out and chop it up in a million pieces? I thought so like . Poor Travis. I legit almost cried I hate you. You killed another baby! Why?! You said you wouldn't! I'll never trust you again! We're in a fight. Not really, but really. I'm sad. Fuck Faust. Not really, but fucker needs to die.**

****Guest chapter 8 . Aug 27****

**The only makeup a woman ever truly needs.**  
**I can say that this was the sickest thing I have ever heard, but I like it.**  
**I like the creativity.**  
**I have heard a few foul things but this one caught me off guard**

**Lauren - this chapter is fluffesque, lol! Mariskafan2364 - so sorry but I appreciate the deep emotion! Saradawn723 - I apologize for the inhumanity of my actions; no more dead babies...for real this time. And to the guest reviewer - I truly love you for liking that!**

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"_Push Olivia!" the doctor ordered. She was in the home stretch and needed just a couple more for it to be over._

"_I'm trying!" she cried, pushing with all her strength through the blinding pain that wracked her body "Oh God, where's Trevor, why isn't he here?"_

"_I told you, he's on his way."_

"_I need him NOW!"_

"_I SAID PUSH, NOW QUIT WHINING YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE!" the doctor suddenly yelled, pulling off his face mask to reveal himself as Faust._

"_NO!" Olivia cried as she backed away from him and got off the delivery table but the baby was coming out and she barely made it a few shaky steps before she leaned against the wall and doubled over._

"_I got a better idea, why don't I just cut the little bitch out of you?" Faust taunted, taking slow, deliberate steps toward as her agony sent her sliding down the wall to the floor._

"_Please don't" she panted, holding her belly protectively as her body went against her will and took over, and forced her to push although she tried to fight it._

"_Don't worry, it'll be over quick!" he grinned as he stroked her hair then raised the knife high in the air._

"_TREVOOOOOOR!" She screamed in absolute terror as the blade came down and plunged deep into her belly._

Her hands immediately flew to her stomach as she jolted from her sleep, struggling to catch her breath after the nightmare. Number five.

"It's just a dream." She reminded herself in a whisper, her voice shaky and full of fear. "You're ok little one." She assured her baby before lying down and snuggling close against Trevor who suddenly opened his eyes.

"You alright?" he whispered. She turned her head and looked up at his face through the light of the moon that shone through their bedroom windows and sweetly ran her fingers along his cheek as her breathing slowed to normal. Only he had ever made her feel this safe.

"Yeah" she smiled, not wanting to worry him "I thought I heard Noah crying." Trevor kissed her cheek and snuggled her closer to him, putting his arm around her and, holding her close.

Aroused by the feel of his body against hers, she again turned her head to his, this time to catch his lips, quickly turning her body so that they were now chest to chest as they continued kissing and she snaked her leg around him.

"Make love to me" she whispered breathily, needing nothing more right now than to feel him as close as possible as his lips made their way to her neck. She hadn't needed to ask as he was already putting her on her back, his lips trailing even further down her body, kissing their way to that place between her thighs where he slowly but eagerly made love to her with his mouth, making her come hard; inhaling sharp, quick breaths as her body jerked. When a scream threatened to erupt, she bit her lip so hard in trying to contain it, she tasted blood but even that didn't stop him from taking her lips in a torrid kiss as he pushed his thick shaft inside her and she moaned into his mouth.

* * *

.

The fallout from the Ledger's front page had been huge! The media had a field day with it, further pushing their agenda to prove that the NYPD was completely incompetent for allowing the death of the EADA who was to have been under protective detail. They attacked the Mayor, the Police Commissioner, the DA and when that wasn't enough sensationalism for them, they set their sights on the grieving family after someone from the ME's office leaked the news about Casey's health and pregnancy to the press. This drove everyone over the edge and now for Trevor, in addition to grieving parents, children who didn't understand why their aunt Casey had gone away and a wife who was beside herself with heartache, he had to worry about his brother who was bordering on being suicidal, having sunk so deeply into his sorrow. Casey's funeral and burial on top of the media exploiting her death had destroyed Travis, scaring Trevor to the point where he'd refused to take no for an answer and forced his brother to move in with him, Liv and the kids so that he could keep an eye on him. Olivia agreed with Trevor; even in dealing with her own pain over losing Casey she was still worried about Travis and helped Trevor convince him to stay.

…..

The day Trevor arrived with Travis, the brothers walked into the house and Adrienne and Caden immediately ran out to meet their father and uncle followed by a pale-faced Olivia carrying Noah on her hip. She hadn't seen her brother in law since the funeral the day before and she was suddenly very overcome with emotion as she handed Noah off to Trevor, walked up to Travis and hugged him.

"It's so good to see you!"

"You too sis." he said as he kissed her cheek. She caught a whiff of his aftershave and it went straight to her stomach, further aggravating her morning sickness and causing her to pull back. "Liv, you ok? You don't look too good."

"I'm…" she paused, taking a shaky breath "I'm okay." She promised, even as she felt the nausea getting worse.

"Honey maybe you should…" Trevor started but didn't get to finish as Olivia ran, her hand over her nose and mouth down the hall to the bathroom.

"Mama wun" Noah said

"Daddy, does mama have another tummy ache?"Caden asked

"Yeah bud" Trevor answered as he handed Noah to Travis and headed down the hall to see about Olivia.

"Uncle Travis, I bet you can't find us!" Adrienne teased "Come on Cady, hide!" she called to Caden and the two went running off in opposite directions.

"Okay go" Noah said and pointed. Travis looked at his smiling Nephew in his arms as he listened to his other nephew and niece joyfully laughing as they sought their hiding places and he thought of Casey, recalling that the last time he kissed her was right here in this entryway as she left that fateful night and he thought about their own baby and the life they could have had. He wasn't even aware that he had been so lost in his thoughts until he was brought back by the feel of Noah's hands on his face attempting to wipe the tears that he hadn't even been aware were being cried.

"Thanks bud" Travis whispered. Noah responded by planting a sloppy kiss to Travis' forehead and though the gesture caused Travis to cry harder as he held Noah close to him, he also did something that he hadn't done in over a week…he smiled.

* * *

.

**Sixteenth...**

With all the hoopla surrounding Casey's murder, even someone as deranged as Faust knew when it was time to lay low. The heat was on and he did exactly that – layed low. The FBI had stepped in to lead the manhunt after declaring Faust a serial killer and brought in a familiar face to lead the investigation.

"Everyone" Murphy addressed the squad room. "As you all know, the FBI will now be leading the Faust investigation which means that all NYPD departments involved will now answer to them - in particular, one man who will oversea all operations from this point on. I want you all to make yourself familiar with special agent –"

"Dean Porter!" Fin exclaimed in both surprise and disgust. "What the hell are you doin in New York?" he was not at all happy to see the man he'd served with during his time in the Army Rangers.

"Working. Same as you dect-"

"Sergeant"

"_Sergeant _Tutuola"

"And of all people, they had to send you!" Fin sneered

"When Washington wants something done, they utilize their best" Dean said in his usual arrogant, nonchalant manner, the very manner that made Fin despise the man even when they fought together in Desert Storm twenty-some-odd years ago

"I take it you two are acquainted" Murphy smirked at the obvious tension between the two men

"Unfortunately" Fin rolled his eyes "We served together in the Army and after he went fed, he worked a few SVU cases with us back in the day"

"You make it sound horrible" Dean said as he sat down the box he was carrying at the conference table.

"It was" Fin said, remembering how each time Dean had stepped in on their cases, himself, Elliot, Munch…the whole squad hated the guy. "You were a pain in the ass!" he finished and walked off, not caring to be near the man a moment longer.

"Hi, Amanda Rollins" she greeted, her hand outstretched with a big toothy smile that got bigger as Porter took her hand and shook it. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to let me know!" she was obviously liking what she saw in the 6'2" Olive skinned, dark haired god with the chiseled features standing in front of her.

"I'll keep that in mind" Dean said dismissively as he pulled his hand away "Be a sweetheart and grab me a cup of coffee"

"Wha…"Amanda opened her mouth to protest

"Black, thanks" Dean said, cutting her off without turning to acknowledge the blonde detective as she rolled her eyes and walked away

"Nick Amaro" Nick kept it curt. He didn't care for what glimpse of the man's demeanor he had gotten so far and could see why Fin wasn't a fan.

"Nice to meet you Nick." He said and quickly turned his head in Fin's direction "So uh, where's Benson?"

"Still on that huh?"Fin suddenly jumped back in the conversation as Nick and Amanda looked on quizzically "1PP took her off the case and sent her on leave in light of the circumstances"

"Well, once again those idiots down at 1PP got it wrong. Get her down here; I want her back on this case!"

"Agent Porter, I don't think that would sit well with Commissioner Reagan" Murphy interjected

"Too bad I outrank him. She's the best NYPD has and if I'm gonna get this fucker, I need her. Now get her here!" He demanded.

* * *

.

**Langan home…**

Olivia dragged herself from she and Trevor's bathroom after this today's first round of brutal morning sickness and flung herself across the bed face-down, quickly realizing her mistake as the impact sent pain shooting through her breasts; pain that caused her to draw in a sharp, angry breath but she didn't move. Nine weeks in and she was already over this pregnancy!

She noticed the sound of paws on the bedroom floor, slow at first but then quickly speeding up before Semper came around to the side of the bed and began pushing her snout against Olivia's hand that was hanging from the bed. She could sense that Olivia was in a bad mood and wanted to offer comfort even it that comfort was simply her presence but Olivia just sighed miserably and continued to lie as she was, face down. Semper gave a few more nudges before she gave up and lovingly began licking at Olivia's fingers. that did the trick and Olivia slowly moved her hand from Semper's tongue to the dog's head and began to lightly scratch her behind the ears.

"You're such a good girl; but I'm okay" she assured her when she looked up and into the eyes of her loyal pet and saw the worry they held. Ever since she'd gotten pregnant, Semper couldn't keep away from her and was more protective than ever which is saying a lot for a bullmastiff.

"Go find Jax and play, I'll take you for a walk soon" but even the promise of a walk wasn't enough to make Semper happy when her master looked so miserable and she gave Olivia a questioning look. "Semp, I'm fine" she said while scratching Semper's chin. "Outside" reluctantly, Semper did as she was told and turned, leaving the room as Trevor walked in.

"I brought you some ginger ale" he said as he entered the room carrying a glass half filled with the bubbly beverage.

"I can't" she groaned, still unmoving as he took a seat beside her

"… just a sip?" he tried bargaining

"Trevor, no" she refused, feeling sicker just thinking about the liquid touching her tongue

"Do you feel like nibbling a little something? Toast, oatmeal…eggs?" she pulled herself into a partial sitting position, the idea of slimy cooked oats and egg yolks causing her to dry heave as she vigorously shook her head in protestation.

"stop"

"Liv you haven't eaten more than a few crackers in two days…"

"Because I can't keep anything down" she wept "My own saliva makes me nauseous!"

"I'm sorry, I know. I'm just worried" he confessed. Usually, in spite of her nausea, Olivia would complain of being hungry but that hasn't been the case at all lately. She's not sleeping much, the constant nightmares have her afraid to close her eyes and her paranoia has made her jumpy. As Trevor took her in his arms he wondered if her tears were more about hormones or emotional exhaustion.

"You're holding me too tight!" she complained, pushing him away just as her phone suddenly rang and she angrily grabbed it from the nightstand to answer it. "WHAT?!" she barked.

Hormones.

"Maybe I should call back" Fin said

"Fin, no it's okay"

"You sure?"

"yeah, what's goin on?"

"Your presence has been demanded"

"By who?"

"Feds took over the Faust case, they want you back on"

"What? Since when?" she suddenly perked up. Although she wasn't crazy about the job anymore, getting justice for Jessica meant everything to her and now with Casey having become Faust's victim, she wanted more than anything to be the one to find him.

"I'll get there when I can"

"You take as much time as you need. Trust me, you want to" Fin grinned, anticipating what Olivia's reaction will be at seeing Derek

"What are you not telling me?"

"You'll see"

"Fin, you know I hate surprises." She said as she lay back against the pillows

"Don't I know it!"

"Oh God! I'll see you later." She sighed and hung up, tossing her phone across the bed

"What's that about?" Trevor asked

"The FBI took over and I'm wanted back on the Faust case"

"No!" he said, leaving no room for argument but this was Olivia he was dealing with…

"Excuse me?" she suddenly sat up

"You heard me, no! You are not going anywhere near that case!"

"I'm sorry, are you father or my husband?" She asked incredulously

"I'm whoever I need to be to get it through your head that it's not happening!"

"I haven't agreed to go back but if I did, I'm an adult, it's my decision. Besides, what do you think can happen to me while I'm surrounded by federal agents all day?" she argued as she stood up and quickly got dizzy, Trevor catching her just as she fell.

"I get it okay?" he said softly, looking into her eyes "I understand that you want justice for Casey, we all do…"

"It's more than that. Don't you see?" she again sat down on the bed "This…all of it is my fault! If I had stayed on top of this, kept track of Faust, he would never have gotten out; I would have made sure of it"

"Liv, you can't blame yourself; no one could have known that he would do this."

"But if I have a chance to make it right…"

"You're too close; you're too emotional right now; we don't need to invite any more of this into our lives, we need to focus on healing – all of us!"

"Don't you think I want that?"

"Then let's do it. Baby let's just forget about Faust and his threats. We can take the kids, the whole family and take a vacation; just get away from the stress and heal."

"Vacation…that's how we ended up with this little surprise" she smiled while patting her tummy then looked at him with suddenly sad eyes. "We would have gone through our pregnancies together, would have been having the babies just a couple of weeks apart…you and Travis would have become dads together"

"I think about it too" he confessed "this is why we need a break from all of this, not you being smack dab in the middle"

"Trevor…"

"Liv, this is not up for debate, not when our kids need us. Noah's too young to know what's going on but Drew and Jamie…even though they don't quite understand what death means they do understand that something big has happened and that it's affecting the family in a negative way. We made a vow that we would always put their needs first, always do what's best for them…you working this case while they're going through so much confusion is not what's best for them. They need both of us." she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He was right. Her focus hadn't been where she needed it to be and it hurt admitting it to herself. When she felt his hand on her stomach, gently rubbing, she placed her own on top of his, letting her fingers lock with his.

"The baby's first sonogram is tomorrow and if the doctor okays' it, let's fly the hell out of here for a couple weeks." it had to be done.

"Yeah?" he smiled, not believing she'd let him win and mentally logging it in his mind out of surety that it would never happen again and he wanted to remember this moment.

"I'll go down and tell them in person that I won't be working the case."

* * *

.

**Sixteenth…**

Just after 2pm, Olivia stepped off the elevator at the 1-6 with Adrienne and her security guard in tow – an accessory that made her feel ridiculous but she reasoned that one bodyguard was better than the two bickering detectives that had initially been assigned to protect her; neither she or Trevor could put up with the pair any longer and Trevor decided to hire private security, employing the very best from Brian.

"What? They made this place central?" she asked as she entered the squad room, her guard waiting in the hall by the elevators. The place was crawling with agents who'd set up what looked like a situation room in the precinct.

"Pretty much" Amanda said, a huge smile on her face as she walked over to greet her lieutenant. "Feels good to have you back, all this testosterone is drivin me crazy! Hey Drew!" she said and scooped the little girl up in her arms.

"Unfortunately, you're gonna have to get used to it a little longer…I only came by to tell them that I won't be working the case"

"Lucky you…they guy in charge is a real d…" She suddenly remembered that there was a child in the room "How's the family holdin up? I know this can't be easy right now."

"We're dealing…it's a journey." So where the heck is my squad?" Olivia asked looking around "All I see are feds in this place"

"Well, most of the detectives are out following leads, Murphy's down at 1PP, Nick's in court and Fin is in your office with…oh, here he comes now"

"Hey!" Fin smiled as he hugged Olivia" You made it he said before turning to kiss Drew

"Barely."

"You sure about this? It's a lot to deal with now with Casey…"

"I'm not joining the investigation; Trevor talked some sense into me"

"I knew there was a reason I liked that dude!"

"Ha! So the guy running this circus, he in my office?"

"Yep, been waiting all day for you" Fin grinned mischievously "Lemme walk you in…" Olivia looked over at him wondering what was so funny, she was immediately let in on the joke when she walked into her office and Dean Porter spun around in her chair to greet her.

"You have gotta be kidding me!" she exclaimed

"Hello Olivia, it's good to see you." Dean said as he approached her

"_He's _in charge?" she asked Fin incredulously

"Yep" Fin laughed.

"And you couldn't tell me this before I bothered coming?"

"Is that my phone ringing?" Fin said as he left the office and shut the door behind him, suddenly feeling the need to leave.

"It's been a long time" Dean smiled

"Not long enough. Look, I just came by to say thanks for the offer but no thanks!" she said and turned to leave.

"Lemme guess, Stabler still being a jealous ass?" he asked upon noticing the wedding ring that still adorned her finger.

"You're about five years too late. Goodbye Dean!"

"Wait…you and Stabler…done? But if you're single…your ring…"

"I said Elliot was out of the picture, I never said I was single."

"So you're…"

"Very happily married. And it would probably serve you better to focus on this investigation, not my private life."

"I was getting back to that. You really not interested?"

"I am but I have more important interests"

"Novak was your friend-"

"She was more than my friend, she was family!"

"So what could be more important than bringing her killer to justice?"

"Don't you dare try to manipulate me; I said what I came to say and now I'm leaving. Thanks, but no thanks!"

"I never could get past how hot and heavy you and I-"

"There was no you and I!"

"Tell that to the many…MANY screaming orgasms I gave you!"

"We had sex a few times, so what?! Single consenting adults are allowed!"

"Except one of us wasn't very single at all that one time"

"You're delusional!" Olivia said angrily at being reminded of the indiscretion that actually wasn't. About a year after she and Elliot had gotten together, before they were ever engaged they had a huge blowout and called it quits. Dean happened to be in town on an assignment and she'd called him up for the first time in over a year. It happened the one time – and was the last time she'd slept with Dean. She and Elliot eventually made up and from that point on, the only contact she'd have with Porter would be the few cases he would step in on occasionally.

"I never understood why you broke things off…I mean you and Stabler? The man was a Neanderthal; you were definitely too much woman for him but you and me…we could've-"

"Wow! What's it been…eight, nine years since I saw you last? Amazing…you're still the same arrogant, self-centered asshole you always were!"

"I'll own that.

"Find Faust and get the hell out of my city!"

"And I will, but I want you with me while I do it."

"Not happening" she said as she again headed for the door

"I'm giving you a direct order"

"And I'm telling you to go to hell" she said calmly. There were two quick knocks on the office door before it opened and Fin stepped in carrying Adrienne. Olivia smiled.

"Liv, sorry to interrupt but baby girl is getting restless"

"Mommy can we go now?" Drew asked.

"I'm sorry baby, of course we can" Olivia apologized as she reached for her daughter, taking her from Fin's arms and holding her close.

"You have a kid?" Dean asked in semi shock

"Hi" Adrienne smiled at him as she gave a timid wave

"I'll see you later Fin" Olivia said, ignoring Dean as she walked out of the office with Adrienne on her hip.

"Bye uncle Fin"

"Bye baby!" Fin waved before turning back to Dean "She looks pissed. That's a record even for you" he taunted, eliciting a cold glare from Porter.

* * *

.

**Madison square...**

Later at the park, Olivia an Alex sat on a bench watching as Winnie and Drew enjoyed themselves on the small playground.

"Winnie's so good with her" Olivia smiled

"Yeah, she's amazing with her little brothers. I still can't believe she's almost ten."

"Time…"Olivia mused sadly, a long silence following. I haven't slept since…"

"Nether have I; not more than an hour here and there. I can't close my eyes…"

"Without seeing Case. I know" Olivia said as she wiped her eyes "It just doesn't seem real you know? I keep waiting thinking that every day is gonna be the day that I wake up to find that this was all just one big nightmare then I'll pick up the phone and call Case…"

"And she'll call me and we'll laugh about it because we're completely twisted like that" Alex finished through her own tears and she and Olivia laughed in spite of them.

"When she told us she was sick, we tried to prepare ourselves for the day when…it wasn't supposed to happen like this."

"I know" Alex took Olivia's hand and held it tight and there was the silence again. "Liv I'm scared" she whispered, trying desperately to hold back her sobs. She didn't know what she would do or how she would survive if Faust got to Olivia too. Olivia knew exactly what Alex had meant and as she looked over at Drew, the sound of her child's beautiful laughter filling the air, she confessed to Alex three small words as she continued holding her hand, three small words that solidified the crippling fear that Alex already felt.

"I am too."

* * *

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**Langan home, late that night…**

Again, Olivia lay in bed beside Trevor unable to sleep. She and Alex being able to talk about her fears helped a lot but there was still so much on her mind, so much she wished she could say to Trevor but she couldn't possible lay anymore on him that he was already dealing with, couldn't give him more to worry about. 1:17am…would sleep come at all? She was deciding whether or not to check on the kids for the 5th time when the bedroom door slowly opened…

"Mama?" Drew called in a frightened, tiny voice from where she stood in the doorway. Olivia could tell that she had been crying.

"Adrienne, baby what are you doing up so late?" she asked as she leapt out of bed and went to her daughter, scooping the three year old up into her arms as Trevor began to stir.

"I had a bad dream!" Adrienne wept as she threw her little arms around her mother's neck and buried her face there.

"It's ok now baby girl" Olivia promised, as she kissed her daughter's face "Mama's got you."

"She ok?" Trevor asked

"Just scared" Olivia answered before turning her attention back to Drew "You wanna talk about it?"

"You left me…I couldn't find you" Drew cried, obviously still shaken up by the dream"

"Oh, my sweet girl, it's just a silly dream. I would never, ever leave you; not for anything in the whole world!" Drew lifted her head and looked at her mother.

"You promise?"

"I promise" Olivia smiled as she gently wiped Drew's tears then kissed her cheeks. "Would you feel better if you went to sleep with Daddy and me?" That perked Drew right up

"Can I?" she asked happily.

"You sure can" Trevor said as Olivia made her way back to the bed and when they were settled in, Olivia kissed Drew once more.

"I love you" she whispered in her daughter's ear

"I love you too mommy. Mommy, when can I see the baby?'

"Not for a few more months"

"Are you still making it?" she asked, Trevor Laughed

"Sort of" he answered

"But when will it be ready?"

"When Springtime comes"

"Mommy?"

"What sweetie?"

"Can the baby be a sister?" Drew asked with a yawn

"I'll see what I can do" Olivia laughed, genuinely amused at her daughter's question. She was pretty sure that had it not been for the children giving her a reason to smile every day, she would have gone insane.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah baby?"

"Did I grow in your tummy too?"

"You did; you and Jamie together."

"How did we get in there?"

Both Trevor and Olivia froze as they looked at each other wondering what to say.

"Um…you know what baby? That's actually a daddy question…honey?" she smiled, Trevor's eyes went wide as Adrienne looked over at him, waiting for an answer.

"Well you see sweetie…um…" at a complete loss for words, he feigned a stretch and yawn "Oh wow! Daddy is really tired. How about we all get to sleep and talk about it later?"

"Hmmm, okay." Drew agreed, much to their relief. "Goodnight mommy, goodnight daddy" she said as she curled against Trevor's chest and let her eyes close.

* * *

.

**Sixteenth…**

As he prepared to finally leave for the night, Dean had one thought on his mind: Olivia. Eight long years since he'd seen her last was she was still as beautiful as ever – even more so; and feisty! It was the thing that had drawn him to her when they first met.

"Stabler's finally out of the picture and just that fast she hooks herself up with another loser!" he sighed. "Cute kid though…but how could she not be with a goddess for a mother?" He hasn't been able to focus on anything else since she walked out of here today; he hadn't prepared to be so completely stricken all over again.

"God, she was absolutely glowing!" it had been so easy for her to just move on from whatever it was that they had, to just start a life with Stabler, not caring that she'd broken his heart…he guessed it was his own fault, he'd never truly made it clear how he felt, even when they first began sleeping together, she'd made it clear that it was just sex and he allowed her to think that he could be okay with that but each of the ten times they'd hooked up during those two years, he fell deeper in love with her every single time and even all these years later, he still remembered every inch of her body, remembered how she liked to be touched…those spots that drove her crazy.

Paul Faust wasn't the sole reason that he'd agreed to come back to New York, he had intended to reclaim what he'd let slip through his fingers. She'd never been truly happy with Stabler but now…seeing her with her little girl in her arms, she looked more content than he'd ever seen her and he wasn't sure if he could interfere with her life now as easily as he would have when he thought that she was still with Elliot. What if she was truly happy now?

"One way to find out" he thought aloud as he finished gathering his things, then headed for the squad room.

Amanda was the last one to be leaving for the night.

"Rollins…right?" Dean asked. Amanda turned around, surprised. He hadn't addressed her at all since he'd arrived this morning

"Listen, I want to apologize for this morning. This case has me really wound up – it's excuse for being rude but I am sorry." He didn't mean a single word of what he was saying but it had the desired effect on the blonde and suddenly that big, toothy grin was back on her pale face.

"It's okay…lord knows we're all feeling the stress." She said, suddenly very interested all over again.

"Even more stressful now that Benson won't be here to help us out.

"Well, you know, she's got a lot on her own plate right now. I hate it too but I get it."

"You two close?" he asked

"She's a good friend"

_Bingo!_

"Amanda…can I call you Amanda?"

"Sure…" she was all too happy to have

"I don't know about you but I'm starving and I was planning to have dinner in my hotel suite…would you like to join me for a very late meal? We could go over the case, get better acquainted since we'll be working together"

"Um…I don't have anywhere to be…yeah, I'd like that; just gimme a minute to get my stuff okay?"

"Okay" he smiled. "And call me Dean"

...

**Bryant Park Hotel  
3:44am**

"Oh God, Dean…Dean…DEEEEAAAAAN!" Amanda screamed as her climax ripped through her and Dean rolled off of her, both of them panting heavily.

"That…was incredible!" Dean said then got out of bed and went to the bathroom to dispose of the condom he was wearing.

"The last man to fuck me that good…hell, he died!"

"What?"Dean asked with a laugh as he climbed back under the covers.

"long story that I'd rather not talk about."

"Oh no?"

"No. you took real good care of what I needed…now lay back and let me return the favor" she smiled as she slipped under the covers and before he could say a word, she had wrapped her mouth around the head of his cock.

"I can definitely do that!" he moaned as a huge smile spread across his face. This would be easier than he thought; in no time at all, he'd have all the information he needed about Olivia to decide what his next move should be.

* * *

.

**So, as I did with all of the characters in this story, I decided to take certain liberties with Dean Porter to make the story more interesting. Will he casue trouble for Trevor and Olivia? I'd love to hear your feedback on this chapter so please take a moment to leave a little review (or a big one, I love those, lol!) anyway, thank you all. See you next chapter…the hell returns.**


	10. Closer

**I DON'T EVEN WANT TO DISCUSS WHAT A COMPLETE BITCH THIS STORY HAS BEEN TO ME BUT WHEN I TELL YOU ALL THAT THE STRUGGLE HAS BEEN REAL, PLEASE BELIEVE ME! SO HEAR WE ARE WITH CHAPTER TEN, THE HELL RETURNS, FAUST…WELL, HE'S FAUST AND…WELL HE'S FAUST. NOT MUCH ELSE TO SAY EXCEPT DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS AND I HOPE THAT YOU GUYS ENJOY THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE IT WAS MY OWN PERSONAL FAUST FOR WEEKS!**

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**Reader Comments**

**Bobbie23 chapter 9 . Sep 13**

**You were right, Dean Porter annoys the hell out of me. On par with Dani Beck, he is. I think you captured his personality with perfection - he is such a prick. I loved the chapter, especially Fin and Drew. "How did we get in there?" So funny. You gave us fluff and now I'm wondering how much that will cost us when the horror returns. Can I request that Porter is Fausts' next victim? - **LMAO, there seems to be alot of that same wish going around!

**SVUAddictTherapyNeeded chapter 9 . Sep 13**

**NO! Ok, I do not like Porter, he is one annoying person! But I also do not currently like Amanda! Well, I love her in your fic, but the show.. I am rambling. But I cannot tell if I am going to like that Porter(douche) is with Amanda or not. I fell like something is off with him. I also love that Liv decided to stay away from the case. But something tells that with Faust, and the creepy character that fool is, he is going to come after Liv. The case will follow her where ever she goes. - **Oh darling, if only you knew!

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**Three weeks later…**

_He'd gotten restless in the weeks that followed Casey. For over a month he kept a low profile as he planned – stalked and planned for his next two, and final kills but they hadn't made it easy. The cunt judge…It was just a matter of finding the right moment when he could breach her security and get to her but the cop…she was a whole other kind of difficult! _

_In addition to security, she has a husband who never leaves her side…and he's big – a fact that scared Faust but he figured that if it came down to it, he would just have to deal with the guy if all else failed…but he prayed that it wouldn't come to that._

_He had developed a taste for the kill beyond just that of the five women he'd originally targeted. And before a month had fully passed, the urge came again and with no way of getting close to his intended victims, he wandered out into the night to seek someone that no one would miss and who could satisfy his urge. Nothing else mattered, not even the possibility that he may be infected with the AIDS virus. He was past the point of caring._

"_Hey papi, whatchu lookin for?" the young woman in the bikini top and micro-mini skirt asked while loudly and annoyingly popping the gum in her mouth. It was easy to tell that she wore no panties underneath. He was interested._

"_How much?"_

"_25 to suck yo dick, 50 to fuck" she said and licked her already over-glossed lips. _

_Whores! Every single one of them, whether they were walking the stroll or living within a white picket fence, they were all whores and they all had a price! But he would show this little whore; he'd show her good!_

_After he'd fucked her to within an inch of her life, just as she was coming he wrapped his hands around her neck and squeezed and when she realized what was happening and tried to fight, clawing at his hands as it became harder to breathe, he squeezed harder, taking pleasure in her struggle and as her eyeballs bulged from her head and her pulse faded beneath his hands, he felt powerful!_

"_Who knows" he thought "Maybe once they find out that it was me they'll be stupid enough to look away again! Idiot pigs! _

* * *

**.**

"What do we got?" Fin asked as he and Amanda approached Melinda, them having just arrived at the crime scene underneath the subway platform in Spanish Harlem. It was 3am and they'd been disturbed from their respective sleeps; to say that they were both somewhat grumpy was an understatement.

"Dead hooker" Melinda said as she kneeled over the body of the young Puerto Rican girl in front of her.

"Hooker? I got suits older than this girl!" No matter how much depravity the seasoned Sergeant had seen over the years, it never got easier, especially when it came to children and Fin could tell with all certainty that this victim was still a baby.

"15 according to some of the other working girls, Selena Rodriguez, went by the name Heavenly. From the looks of it raped, strangled and dumped." Melinda informed Fin and Amanda

"Christ!" Amanda mumbled

"Fluids?" Fin asked as he looked at the body

"Semen. Vaginal and anal; blood and skin under her nails…she fought while she was dying"

"What psycho rapes and murders a kid then dumps her naked in an alley?" Fin angrily wondered aloud

"The kind who obviously doesn't care about getting caught!

...

After a long night of interviewing witnesses who really weren't since no one saw anything - at least not that they would admit, Fin and Amanda finally made their way back to the house just as the sun had come up over the city and now they were working hard trying to make sense of what little information they could get out of the other working girls who knew young Selena while praying that CODIS would give them a match on the fluids they'd collected.

Now, just after 9am and they had nothing more than when they'd arrived at the crime scene at 3am.

"15 years old and nobody sees or says a damn thing!" Amanda complained as she took another sip of her coffee.

"Until now!" Nick announced as he entered the squad room

"You got something?" Murphy asked

"Yep, went back to the neighborhood, talked to a few people, I got a timeframe and a description"

"How the hell you do that?"Fin grumbled

"…it's a Latino thing" Nick grinned

"I'm afraid what it is, is out of your hands!" Dean interjected as he entered the room

"What are you talking about, Porter?"

"What I'm talking about, Lieutenant Murphy" Dean began while reaching for a bear claw then taking a huge bite. "…is the fact that we got a hit in CODIS. The DNA found in and on Selena Rodriguez belongs to none other than Paul Faust!"

"Son of a bitch!" Rollins exclaimed "he's getting antsy! It's been a month since he got Casey, that's the longest he's gone between kills so far"

"He's deviating from his plan" Murphy added "Psycho's developed a bloodlust!"

"And that's exactly how he'll slip up. He can't get to Benson or Donnelly but he needs to kill" Fin concluded.

"Call 1PP" Dean ordered to no one in particular "Tell them I want more plain clothes patrol on the strolls!"

"On it!" One of the FBI agents answered

"Detective Amaro, give whatever info you got to my guys before you make a move. Rollins, I need a word with you in my office" Dean called to Amanda who got up from her desk and followed him.

"Shut the door" he ordered once she stepped inside. No sooner had her hand released the knob he was on her; pinning her petite body to the wall as he ravaged her mouth with his, them carrying on a full on make-out session like overheated teenagers until they were forced to break for air.

"Miss me?" he asked breathily. She responded by slapping his face so hard that his neck gave a crack as his head went spinning. "I'll take that as a no"

"You son of a bitch! Do you think I'm gonna just get over the fact that you tried to use me?!"

"Is that a rhetorical question? Because after the way you just kissed me…"

"First, you kissed me; second…" she finished the sentence with another equally violent slap to the other side of his face.

He hated to think what she'd do if she knew that sex wasn't what he was actually using her for; he'd only let her think it after he'd gotten all the information he wanted from her about Olivia and Trevor, then dumped her a week ago. But after getting bored with long hours and no way to release his stress and the fact that Amanda was a complete freak in bed, he decided that for the time being, he'd keep her around to satisfy his carnal needs - until he could worm his way back into Olivia's good graces…and her bed

"How long are you gonna hold a grudge?"

"I don't know. How much longer you plan on livin?"

"Okay…I deserve that"

"You deserve a hell of a lot more than a few slaps! If all you wanted was sex that would have been fine, you didn't have to let me think that you actually cared!"

"You're right, I was an ass, so how about a do-over? Amanda; will you engage in strictly platonic sex with me for the remainder of my stay in New York City?" he asked with a smile. Amanda, with a look of disgust marring her delicate features, huffed and slapped him again.

"Ass!"

"Will you stop hitting me?!" they were both distracted by a knock at the door that came just before Nick poked his head in.

"We got another one" he announced, looking oddly at the two with a feeling that he'd just walked in on something.

"Where?" Rollins asked

"Brooklyn SVU called it in, Brownsville. Exact same MO, another working girl"

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Amanda exclaimed as she followed Nick out of the office and Dean let out a frustrated sigh.

"What the hell is goin on with you and Rollins?" Fins voice suddenly cut through the quiet of the office.

"It's called knocking, Tutuola!"

"What the hell is goin on with you and Rollins?" Fin asked again, ignoring Dean who had taken a seat behind the desk.

"Nothing is going on between your partner and me – not that it's any of your business"

"Make sure you keep it that way, you are not gonna mess with her head!"

"Look, whatever you think is happening between Rollins and me is not what's happening so why don't you shut the hell up!"

"I don't need to know the details to know that you're an asshole who can't be trusted! Stay away from her!"

"I don't need this, I have work to do and I'm sure that you do too; close the door on your way out!" Dean didn't bother looking at Fin but could feel the ice-cold glare that Fin shot him before he left the room and slammed the door behind him.

Porter leaned back in his chair as he pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes shut. This case was a complete mess but the way he saw it, it was nothing that he couldn't handle; he had a reputation to uphold and he was determined that he would catch Faust before the maniac had a chance to finish his list – he'd die before he'd see that maggot harm Olivia!

"Olivia…" he sighed wistfully "The one that got away" even he couldn't understand why he'd never gotten over her. He'd always known that she and Stabler would never last and he had come back to town expecting to find them divorced or at least so rocky that the slightest nudge would break them but no, he comes back to find that the asshole is six feet under and not only is she now remarried with three kids – a fact he still can't wrap his head around; but her husband is actually a decent guy who's worthy of having her and after everything that he'd gotten out of Rollins about their life together and everything they'd gone through, he had actually begun having a change of heart about trying to come between the couple, even if it meant losing a second chance with Olivia.

"But hell, marriages fail every day…what's one more? Especially if it gets me what I want" he tried reasoning, but deep down, he knew it was wrong and struggled with his conscience – the one nobody even believed he possessed and do the right thing.

… And I have the idiot blonde to thank for giving me all the info I need to know how to play my hand; should I decide to play it!" Little did he know, Amanda wasn't the stupid girl he pegged her for and had plans of her own to get something she wanted…him!

* * *

.

**Tilden Houses, Brooklyn**

"Imani Jackson, 22 raped and strangled. From the looks of things, I'd say she died near 5am." The medical examiner said to Nick and Amanda when they'd arrived on the scene. The naked body of the young African-American woman was lying on the ground near the garbage pile by the curb where she'd been found underneath several large bags of trash. Amanda took one look at her and…

"Oh my god! I know this girl!" She cried

"From where?" Nick asked

"Last year, she was raped and beaten by a john in Clinton projects; he walked and she went back to her pimp, never heard from her again and now…" she explained to Nick before turning to the Brooklyn detectives "He left fluids didn't he?"

"In and on her and this one's got pubic hair in her teeth. You thinking it's the same guy?" the graying older female detective asked Amaro and Rollins

"You were right, definitely the same MO" Nick confirmed "Looks like another one on Faust!"

...

**Sixteenth…**

"They just found a third body in Queens, the Rockaways!" Murphy announced as he slammed the receiver down onto its cradle. "Same MO as Brooklyn and Manhattan, another working girl"

"I don't get it, three bodies in less than twenty four hours" Dean said as he shook his head in absolute disbelief

"Less than twelve hours" Murphy corrected.

"How is this possible? We got the NYPD and the FBI all over this so how the hell does this guy keep slipping past us?" The anger and frustration in Dean's voice was unmistakable

"Guy's a modern Houdini" Fin added.

"And making a complete fool out of us…" Murphy again "I can only wonder what his next trick will be!"

* * *

.

_The last whore proved to be difficult…she fought him hard, not as hard as the lawyer cunt had but harder than the black whore did earlier. Still, he got her! Too bad she looked just like his fucking ex wife, if she hadn't he wouldn't have needed to bash her face in until he broke every bone. Now, instead of the pretty blonde whore he'd picked up Far Rockaway an two hours ago, she looked more like bloody play dough and after dumping her body on the roof of a building, he went about his way. _

_Now as he stood in his run down room, staring at the last two pictures on his wall, the final pieces to his murderous puzzle of revenge and he wondered how much longer before it would be complete._

"_These__ bitches can't avoid me forever…I just have to figure out a way to get past the fucking security guards, fuckers follow then everywhere they…" he suddenly paused "Paul you fuckin idiot!" he said, hitting himself upside the head as it became clearer._

"_They're with the whores everywhere they are… but not where they aren't." a wicked smile crept upon his face; he'd just found his way back to the puzzle! Now, the only problem was deciding on when._

"_Nothing will keep me away from you Olivia!"_

* * *

_._

**Langan home**

"Do you have any idea how amazing you feel?" Trevor groaned as his lips found Olivia's neck and nipped at her pulse point while he continued driving into her. She whimpered as she continued to rock her hips against his, meeting each of his thrusts and now, by the way her walls had begun to twitch around him he knew that she was close.

"Just like that baby, come for me" he demanded, his eyes locked on hers as she moaned beneath him.

"I…" she gasped unable to even speak, her words cut short by the feel of his fingers on her clit, her back arching, eyes rolling as her orgasm exploded but Trevor continued his pace, tripling the intensity of her climax and sending her completely over the edge; she sank her teeth into his shoulder; her nails into his back as she writhed beneath him and he happily went over with her, giving her every drop of him while they kissed each other with consuming intensity before quietly drifting off to sleep in each others' arms.

It had been just yesterday since the family had returned from their vacation - three glorious weeks in Aruba that hadn't been so glorious for Olivia with her constantly being sick but this morning she'd woken up feeling great and with Trevor's parents having had insisted on taking the children after the family vacation ended, she and Trevor took full advantage of the situation.

They'd been enjoying a fitful sleep when after a while, Olivia began dreaming again.

_She was back at her old house; the one she'd grown up in and she had just walked out of her front door when she noticed Elliot standing on the sidewalk but it was strange; Elliot was wearing a mask, plain and white, one with no expression._

"_What are you doing here?" she asked_

"_I came to see you."_

"_Really? Because I have a restraining order that says otherwise!" _

"_Restraining order…Liv, you forget I'm ex NYPD? I still have a lot of cop friends; that restraining order might as well be written on a donut for all it's worth!"_

"_and you seem to forget that I'm still NYPD, and I will have your ass behind bars so fast, you'll be bent over in the shower before you can even drop the soap!" she didn't turn to look at him as she made her way down the street…that were vividly colored like bright rainbows._

"_I just want my wife back!" he yelled. She stopped just as she was about to cross the street._

"_I'm not your wife; we're not even friends anymore." She reminded him as her baby began kicking._

"_You will always be mine!" _

"_I am done with this ridiculousness Elliot! Whether you like it or accept it, this is Trevor's child! I am with him, and I love him! Why can't you just let me be happy?"_

"_Because that baby should have been MINE! It wasn't enough to DEFILE yourself by fucking him, no, you had to make it worse by letting him knock you up with his bastard! YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING ABORTED IT! You will always be mine Olivia…ALWAYS! You will never get away from me, you will never escape me and no matter what you do, I will always be in here" he said in a sinister whisper as he tapped his finger against her temple._

Olivia inhaled sharply, deeply, her hand immediately reaching for her baby as her eyes shot open and she looked over to see that she was still lying in Trevor's arms. She quietly got up and made her way into the bathroom where she threw cold water on her face and ran her hands through her hair, still shaken by the dream. She hadn't thought about Elliot in years and now suddenly she was dreaming about him and had no idea why, nor did she know why she suddenly felt the need to scrub every inch of her skin but she went straight to the shower to do just that.

….

Back in the bedroom, Trevor turned to reach for her but was only met with cool sheets, causing him to open his eyes. Immediately, his ears were met with the sound of water running from the shower and he was able to relax. This mess with Faust…it kept him on edge all the time. Travis, even though he tried as hard as he could to go back to some semblance of normal, he was still destroyed by having lost Casey to the madman and Trevor couldn't help but be afraid that he and the children would suffer the same fate with Olivia and that was the one thing he knew in his heart that if it did happen, he simply could not bear!

Sure, he'd been doing all he could to keep Travis holding on in the month since Casey had died but truth be told, if the shoe were on the other foot Trevor knew that he wouldn't survive and grew more in awe each day when he saw the way that Travis tried to keep going, even getting up and going in to the office this morning for the first time in a month. Still, Trevor knew that no matter how many protective measures he took to ensure Olivia's safety, as long as Faust was out there, he was a threat and Trevor wouldn't rest until the man was put away; or dead!

…

Later that afternoon, the two of then lay out by the pool on one of the double loungers, Semper beside Olivia and resting her head on her thigh while Jax lay at Trevor's feet.

"You hear that?" Trevor asked

"No…what?"

"Exactly. No one is crying, or fighting, or whining or making enough noise for 30 kids when they're just a group of three." He laughed

"Quiet; yes…I could get used to it. But just imagine when this one comes and there are four of them." she sighed as her fingers trailed lightly over her stomach

"We still have a few months before that becomes a reality and I choose to live them in denial"

"No denying, look at this…" she said as she pulled up her t shirt and ran her hand over her very pronounced bump "I literally just started my fourth month and I'm huge!"

"I'll have you know that your pregnant body to me, is the sexiest thing in the world." he smiled seductively as he intertwined his fingers with his wife's and leaned in to kiss her.

Jax decided that he didn't like the contact and lazily got up from where he lay and parked himself right in between Trevor and Olivia. Whereas Semper stayed glued to Olivia since she'd gotten pregnant, Jax had become protective to the point where he didn't like anyone touching her except for the children. After Trevor had no choice but to let go of Olivia's hand and unlock his lips from hers to accommodate Jax, Jax then looked back at Trevor with what appeared to be a smug grin on his face as he settled himself, snuggling against Olivia's tiny belly.

"Oh, you think that's funny, huh?" Trevor asked. Jax bucked his head in a shrug like motion and settled back against Olivia who couldn't help but laugh as she scratched his head while Semper continued to lay still, unaffected.

"He's just being protective, aren't you boy?" she cooed to the canine who ate up the attention.

"You know, I could always make you leave" Trevor taunted. Jax quickly raised his head and shot a look to Olivia that said _You wouldn't let him do that, right?_

"Daddy's only kidding" she assured "But you might wanna be nice!"

Quickly heeding Olivia's advice, Jax turned his attention to Trevor, raising up to put his two front paws on his chest and gave him a big sloppy _I'm sorry _lick to the face.

Trevor smiled as he threw his arms around Jax and hugged him. "We good?" Jax responded with a hearty '_WOOF_' before laying his head down on Trevor's chest.

"Yeah he's not moving" Olivia laughed.

"Oh yeah he will" Trevor was reaching down to the grass to pick up the ball that lay beside the chaise. "Here Jax, go get the ball" he said, making sure he had Jax' attention before throwing the ball far across the massive span of the back yard, making sure that Jax would have a tough time finding it. Jax happily ran from the lounge and went about retrieving that ball, Semper running after him and Trevor pulling Olivia closer the second they were gone.

"Smart move" Olivia grinned as she cuddled against him, letting out a sigh as she lay her head down on his chest.

"You know, we don't _have_ to stop at 4…" Trevor said, picking up their conversation from where they'd left off

"Ha, nice try baby, but this little Langan will be our last!"

"What if it's a boy?" Trevor smiled with a look about him that reminded Olivia of Jamie when he'd beg for something she wouldn't give him and she laughed.

"Then it's a boy"

"BUT…Drew really wants a sister…"

"Then we'd better pray REALLY hard for a girl!" she teased, lightly raking her nails down his torso. "I'm horny again" she whispered against his neck while her fingers continued trailing downward and into his shorts

"Three times in one day…feels like old times" he grinned then moaned as her fingers wrapped around his shaft.

"Get me off without making us late for Liz's dinner and I'll make it four when we get home!"

"Deal!" no sooner than their lips touched they were interrupted by the phone ringing from inside the house. "You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Really does feel like old times" she grumbled, quickly kissing his lips before moving to get up

"You really want to answer?"

"Want to? No, but it might be the kids" she said then sprinted inside, grabbing the phone and seeing on the display that it was Fin.

"This had better be good!" she answered

"Hello to you too; how was your trip?"

"Uh, between severe morning sickness, exhaustion and chasing after three kids all day? Peachy; how's the case coming?"

"That's why I'm calling, thought you'd like to know Faust is at it again, we got three dead working girls in the morgue killed in the last twelve hours, Brooklyn, Harlem and Queens. The youngest only fifteen"

Olivia felt her stomach drop, cold fear coursing through her and rendering her silent for a moment.

"Baby girl you there?"

"I…yeah…and you're sure it's him?"

"We got a positive hit from CODIS on the first vic, still waiting on the other two but we're pretty sure it's him"

"He's getting restless" she whispered, running her hand through her hair as that night one month ago suddenly flashed through her mind and she could see Casey's lifeless eyes staring back at her.

"And we both know that that's when they get sloppy. Don't worry about this baby girl, we're gonna get him!"

If only they'd known the trick that Faust had up his sleeve tonight.

* * *

**Judge Donnelly's home...**

In spite of the tension at the whole situation with Faust, Judge Donnelly's dinner party was a great distraction for everyone to take their minds off him even with it serving as a memorial to Casey. That night they all sat around and shared their fondest memories; Liv, Trevor, Travis, Alex, Brian, Fin, Munch and several other friends and colleagues whose lives had been touched by having had Casey in them.

It was after a couple hours that Travis had found himself so full of emotion that he needed to step away to collect himself and now sat outside on the stoop, looking up at the night sky, focusing on one star in particular that shone especially brighter than all the others and he knew that it had to be her.

"Doll I'm trying…every day I'm trying but it's so hard when every day I miss you more." He hung his head for a moment, letting his tears fall before looking up at her again. "It's like your funeral all over again in there; everybody has such beautiful things to say about you, such beautiful memories but all my memories do are haunt me and make me wish that I could turn back the clock, go back to that night and…why can't I be where you are? I should be with you and our son, there's nothing for me here. there's no re-"

"Hey; you alright?" Brian asked as he and Trevor stepped outside and sat down beside him on the stairs.

"I um…I'm having…it's; with everyone talking about her it's just…" Travis could barely find the words.

"I know" Trevor said as he put an arm around his little brother "And we're here for you."

"That's right" Brian agreed, Travis was so overwhelmed, he just hung his head again and cried.

…

"I'm so glad you all could make it!" Elizabeth said to Olivia and Alex, as they bid their goodbyes in the main hall while Brian and Trevor brought the cars around "And the baby, congratulations; you're almost caught up with this one!" referring to Alex while patting Olivia's bump

"I think I'll let her win" Olivia grinned.

….

After the guests had all departed and the wait staff was done cleaning and left for the night, Elizabeth let out a long sigh. The day had been a tiring one between court and the dinner party but now there was nothing left to do but take it easy. There were no cases to hear tomorrow so she could just sleep in she thought as she turned off the lights and headed upstairs for a long, hot bath.

* * *

.

**Langan home…**

Inside the main house, Trevor and Olivia were lying in each other's arms, having made love as soon as they'd gotten home. Olivia was already drifting off to sleep but Trevor couldn't close his eyes; he lay there in the dark gently sweeping through Olivia's mass of dark waves with his fingers as a feeling of absolute panic began washing over him. Olivia, whose head was on his chest, was pulled from her sleep by the now frantic beating of her husband's heart and she worriedly reached to caress his chin as she looked up at him.

"What's wrong?" she asked

"I don't know…something doesn't feel right" he answered through now heaving breaths, frightening Olivia who quickly sat up

"Baby?" she questioned as she reached for the bedside lamp and turned it on.

"I need to check on Travis!" his tone was urgent as he got up and quickly threw on his pajama pants not bothering with a shirt or shoes. Something inside him knew. "Call an ambulance" he instructed Olivia before he ran from their bedroom and down the stairs.

…..

He got to the guest house to find the door locked and he began pounding against it as he frantically called out to his brother only to be met with silence.

"Travis...TRAVIS OPEN THE DOOR!" he begged but there was only more silence. By now the security guard Mike, had heard the commotion and had come around back.

"Everything ok Mr. Langan?" Mike asked when he saw how panicked Trevor was.

"Help me get this door open!" Trevor pled. Mike didn't hesitate to comply and the two men threw their bodies against the door, feeling it give on first impact. On second impact, the frame shattered and the door flew open. "Travis!" he called before turning to Mike "Make sure the ambulance gets through"

"I got it"

"Travis!" Trevor continued calling as he made his way through the house and to the main bedroom, horrified to find his brother unconscious on the floor and barely breathing. After they'd gotten home, being completely distressed and thrown even deeper into the abyss he'd been trying to pull himself out of, Travis had swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills and washed them down with a bottle of vodka.

"No, Travis no!" he cried and without wasting even a second, Trevor got down on the floor, pulling his brother's limp body into a sitting position in his arms and shoved his fingers down Travis' throat, once, twice and finally a third time, forcing him to heave and vomit the poisonous contents of his stomach all over himself and the floor as he held his brother, tears streaming his own face.

"You're gonna be alright little brother" he sobbed and kissed the side of his face "I should have never left you alone but I promise you're gonna be fine!" he swore, just as Olivia appeared in the doorway, heartbroken and rendered speechless at the sight in front of her.

* * *

.

**Judge Donnelly's home…**

Feeling relaxed and tired, Elizabeth climbed out of her bathtub after a luxurious hour-long soak and was eager to pull on her nightgown and sink beneath her covers. She was toweling off and she never heard his footsteps, didn't feel his presence as he got nearer. After wrapping her towel around her slender body, she turned around to exit the bathroom and found herself face-to-face with the last person she would see.

"Paul Faust" she exclaimed without expression, refusing to let him see the absolute terror that gripped her every nerve right now.

"It's good to see you too" he smiled menacingly and before she could speak another word, he'd snatched a handful of her hair in his fist and smashed her face into the bathroom mirror twice then snatched her towel away from her body as he dropped her to the floor, her head hitting the edge of the bathtub as she went down and knocking her unconscious.

"Now that's no fun" he said as he began unbuckling his belt "But I'll take it!"

* * *

**Next chapter gets worserer…way worserer!**


	11. Resignation

**OKAY SO UM…THIS IS CHAPTER ELEVEN AND I KNOW THAT YOU GUYS ARE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT WILL TRANSPIRE IN THE COMING...THERE'S NO WAY TO SOFTEN ANY OF THIS; JUST LET IT RAIN! DICK WOLF OWNS THESE SVU CHARACTERS AND UM…YEAH!**

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**Reader comment**

**Bobbie23****chapter 10.****Oct 5**

**First, I'm going to wait 'patiently' to see what happens - am I going to be reading through my fingers? I like how you've put across Faust's spiraling blood lust, it just makes me wonder how it's going to escalate. I'm so worried about Travis, I hope he pulls through and gets the help he needs with his grief. I adore how you interweave the fluff and the horror. Finally - Amanda should have hit Porter harder.**

LMAO! She'll hit him where it counts! As for the rest…um, I apologize for the inhumanity of my actions?

* * *

_His plan had been brilliant and he was only angry that he hadn't thought of it sooner. While her security was busy following her to the courthouse, her home was left unguarded and he was free to slip inside and wait for her; of course he hadn't counted on the house later being filled with caterers and wait staff who'd arrived even before she herself had gotten home so he picked one of the many unused extra bedrooms upstairs and he waited for what seemed like an eternity._

_As the day wore on and turned to evening he could hear house becoming fuller as her guests arrived – cops, lawyers and more judges, all of them with their fancy jobs and fancy words sitting around talking about the redhead he demolished last month...man he wished that he could have another go at her even at the risk of catching what he later learned she had. Still, he wasn't worried about disease, not that he planned to live long anyway; no, as soon as his list was complete he'd be offing himself anyway. There was no way he was going back to prison so he had nothing to lose. _

_Finally after what felt like forever, the guests departed and he was alone with the esteemed judge – not so high and mighty now that he had her spread wide and fucking her like a madman naked on her bathroom floor; he only wished that she'd been conscious so he could hear her scream but he played the hand he was dealt! He'd just ejaculated all over her and zipped his pants when he heard her security detail enter the house and in the quiet he could hear their footsteps as they performed a check of the lower level of the home._

"_FUCK!" he screamed in his head. He was nowhere near finished with her but time was suddenly against him. He quickly grabbed his knife, looking over his shoulder as he heard the footsteps coming nearer and hurriedly drew the blade across her throat, dropping her head when he saw the blood begin to pour from her neck and without looking back he dropped the knife and hurried down the back stairs as he heard security approaching the front to check the second floor. The very second her opened the back door, the alarm sounded but he didn't care about that, he'd done what he came here to do and as he ran off into the night he laughed with an incredible feeling of accomplishment at knowing that there was just one final piece to his puzzle!_

* * *

_._

**Hospital, White Plains…**

"How's Travis?" Olivia asked the moment Trevor emerged from the doors of the treatment area in the emergency room. She was still a mess from having seen him unconscious in Trevor's arms after trying to take his own life; it was one thing to see these kinds of horrors on the job but when it touched her own family it was a whole other ballgame.

"He's still unconscious but the doctor says he's gonna be fine" Trevor assured her as he took her in his arms and held her tight. "The doctor says if I had found him just a few minutes later…" he trailed off, too choked up to even think about having found his little brother's corpse and instead, held his wife closer, comforted at feeling her in his arms.

"You got to him in time, that's what's important. I knew he was grieving I just didn't think he'd…" Olivia couldn't stop her tears.

"None of us did. He was upset tonight…why did I leave him alone?"

"Baby, you didn't know"

"I'm his big brother, it's my job to keep him safe; Liv I failed him" he cried, breaking down in her arms

"Shhhhh! Baby you didn't…you didn't" she soothed, plying his face with kisses. "Travis knows how much you love him, how much we all love him; he just misses Casey so much and he doesn't know how to deal with it…he just wants the pain to stop. This is not your fault." She held his head in her hands while looking him in the eyes and wiping his tears with her thumbs. He nodded and took a deep breath that he blew out through his mouth.

"It's late, you shouldn't be up"

"I'm fine"

"It's after 1AM, you need to rest for the baby" he reminded her as he skimmed his fingers over her tiny belly "he or she needs you to sleep"

"And I will when I'm tired, but right now you need me here and I'm not going anywhere"

"Liv…"

"Baby, pick your battles" she advised

"Why did I have to marry the world's most obstinate woman?" he sighed as he pulled her into his arms.

"Because you love this obstinate woman"

"Yeah, yeah!" he teased, his mood softening as he leaned in and kissed her. "But you don't win that easily. Excuse me, nurse" he called to the RN passing by.

"Yes ?" the young woman turned and smiled, eager to help.

"It's been a long night for us and my wife is pregnant, is there somewhere she can maybe lie down and rest for a little while?"

"Trevor!"

"Of course there is. Why don't you both follow me and we'll get her nice and comfy."

"Thank you but my husband worries too much" Olivia said while looking back and giving Trevor the evil eye.

"It's no problem, Mrs. Langan." The nurse assured her as they made their way down the hall, followed by Olivia's security guard "congratulations on the baby, how far along are you?"

"Thank you. Four months…" Olivia smiled.

… … … … … … … … …

"_You think this is a joke? Is that what it is, you think I'm a joke? I already told you; if I can't have you, he sure as hell can't! You understand that Olivia? You are mine, or you are no one's!" Elliot screamed. "That baby should have been MINE! It wasn't enough to DEFILE yourself by fucking him; no you had to make it worse by letting him knock you up with his bastard! YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING ABORTED IT!"_

"_I'm not doing this; you stay the hell away from me!" she demanded and ran away from him. suddenly, everything around her had gone black and a door appeared before her she opened it to see herself lying in a hospital bed with Trevor sitting beside her…_

"_Trevor? Where's the baby?" _

"_Liv, honey…"_

"_Trevor where is the baby?" she asked again, this time there was desperation in her voice_

"_Sweetie, try to calm -" his eyes were filling with tears._

"_Oh God, where is my baby?!" tears began spilling down her face "TREVOR, WHERE IS MY BABY?_

"_She didn't make it." he said quietly as tears ran down his face._

"_NO!" she cried and sprang out of bed. Trevor tried to hold her back but she fought him hard until her body gave out and she collapsed in his arms screaming. "NOOOOOOOOOO!" she shrieked again and again, hysterically. _

"_MY BABY! OH GOD MY BABY, MY BABY, MY BABY!" Her sobs and screams were vicious as they tore from her and her gown quickly soaked with blood._

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"CHLOE!" Olivia screamed as she shot up and opened her eyes. In spite of her protests, she had fallen fast asleep the moment her head hit the pillow but now sat up, holding on to her baby as she looked around the dark room trying to compose her breathing, her body shaking.

Trevor happened to be just outside, having been on his way in to check in on her and immediately ran inside when he heard her scream.

"Liv!" he called as he got to her and pulled her into his arms and she threw hers around him "Baby, what is it?"

"He was screaming again that I should have aborted her!"

"Who was screaming?"

"Elliot…I had the same dream yesterday, only this time I was back in the hospital and you told me she was gone!"

What she said caught him complete off guard and he drew in a quick breath, not knowing what else to say and worried that this may be her mind starting to recover the lost memories, Trevor pulled her tighter to him while silently praying that that she wasn't remembering; that her mind would continue to suppress it all. With everything that was going on right now, he wasn't sure how, or, if Olivia would be able to handle facing Chloe's death all over again.

"It's just a dream, he can't hurt you" he promised, kissing her against her temple as he rubbed her small belly. "It's okay baby, they're just dreams"

…especially having to face it and find out that her ex husband had purposely killed her unborn child!

* * *

.

**Mercy Hospital, NYC…**

Alex came rushing into the emergency room, Brian by her side and ran straight to Fin who was gathered with Nick, Murphy and a few uniformed officers.

"Fin!" she cried. He quickly turned around, a look of sorrow on his face.

"Hey man" he greeted Brian

"Hey"

"What happened?" Alex asked

"Looks like Faust got to her; security found her in her bathroom raped, throat slit"

"Oh God!" Alex sobbed as Brian put his arms around her from behind "Is she…?"

"We don't know yet. They took her into surgery a couple of hours ago" Murphy answered

"So, what? We just wait?" she cried

"Not much else we can do babe" Brian said. Alex turned her head to look when the doors to the waiting area opened

"How the hell could you let this happen?!" She screamed at Dean Porter the moment he walked in

"Counselor, we're dealing with a madman. I didn't 'let' this happen anymore than you 'let' him kill EADA Novak on your watch!" He sneered, causing Alex' eyes to fill with tears at the painful reminder.

"You son of a bitch!" Brian yelled as he lunged at Porter and grabbed him, pinning him against a wall.

"Still thinking with our fists are we Cassidy?" Dean said nonchalantly.

"Yeah, and they still hit pretty damn hard! Don't you EVER talk to my wife that way!"

"Brian don't…" Alex begged as she pulled at his arm to no avail.

"She's right man, he ain't worth it!" Fin agreed

"You might wanna listen to them" Dean advised. "Now I'll give you three seconds to take you hands off me before I charge you with assault of a federal officer!" Brian didn't budge, just stared Porter down with hatred.

"Come on man, let it go." Nick said softly

"You're still the same intolerable asshole you've always been!" Brian seethed as he let go of Dean.

"Next time, I'll knock your goddamn head off!" he promised then turned and put his arm around Alex, pulling her close. "I'm sorry babe" he apologized and kissed the top of her head.

"It's okay."

"Can I do something?" he asked, knowing how hard this situation was for Alex. Throughout their professional relationship over many years, Liz and Alex had formed quite a bond and Alex loved the older woman very much. "Do you want me to call Liv?"

"No…no babe, it's late. Thank you but I don't want to bother her until we know the prognosis, the baby's taking a lot out of her and she needs the rest."

"Okay…then can I get you something?"

"You're here, that's all I need…god, this is gonna be another shit-storm when the media catches wind!"

Porter sighed loudly and rolled his eyes.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Murphy asked

"CODIS got a hit on the swab taken from Donnelly… it's Faust."

"Oh God!" Alex cried

"That means Donnelly's our victim and we need everything you guys have, starting with her security. We need to know how Faust got in that house with two guards on patrol! As for you, counselor…"

"Excuse me" Alex said as she ran off, shaking and in tears.

"Al?" Brian called after her and followed while Murphy walked outside to take a call that had just come in on his cell.

"What's her deal?" Porter asked

"Her deal is you bein a complete ass!" Amanda barked

"Detective, a word…" Dean said without looking at Amanda and walked off

"Sorry, I'm busy" Amanda sneered

"That was not a request!" Dean said haughtily and continued walking. Amanda sighed and looked at Nick and Fin before going off to follow Dean.

… … … … … … … … …

In the hospital chapel, Alex and Brian sat in one of the back pews…

"Babe, it'll be okay"

"But it won't. Brian he got to Liz…now there's just Liv"

"He won't get to Liv!" Brian said with surety, cutting her off. He couldn't even fathom such an outcome.

"Just like we thought he couldn't get to Casey… or Liz"

"Al don't do this to yourself, Liv will be fine"

"You don't know that"

"Babe, you cannot make yourself crazy worrying about 'what ifs'"

"How?" she asked as teas rolled down her face. "He took Case…she's dead. And Liz is lying on an operating table with her throat slit and god knows what else! He got to them; he found a way and he got to them because he's determined…the same way he's determined to get to Olivia…I couldn't handle that!" she threw herself into his arms he held her all the while wondering how he could possible ease her mind when he had to deal with his own mind swimming in doubt.

… … … … … … … … …

"What the hell was that?!" Porter demanded as he pulled Rollins into an empty bathroom and locked the door.

"What was what?"

"Whatever your issue with me, I am your superior and you answer to me which means I demand that you show me the proper respect. Is that understood?"

"Go to hell Porter. Is THAT understood?" Amanda asked with a smug grin on her face and a defiant look in her eyes.

"Oh I understand…" he said in a low, suggestive tone as he stepped closer to her

"Oh yeah?" she teased and took a step back

"Yeah" he grinned and leaned in, crashing his lips against hers in a passionate kiss that continued for a long moment before she pushed him away. "What are you doing?"

"You don't think I'm gonna make it that easy for you, do you?"

"You did the first night"

"Cocky bastard."

"You love my cock-iness"

"And I can find another just as quick as I found yours…who's to say I haven't?"

"After the many, MANY magnificent orgasms I gave you…I don't think you want another"

"Why agent Porter, if I didn't know any better I'd say you sound a bit pussy whipped!"

"What?"

"You want it bad, don't you?" she continued teasing. "I'll tell you what, I will let you bend me over that sink and fuck me silly if you answer me somethin truthfully" Dean was practically sweating with desire at this point.

"And what if I don't want the sink? What if I want to fuck you senseless right here against this wall?"

"You can have it any way you want it if you're honest" she bit her lip as she slid her hand down his stomach and between his legs to rub his now raging hard-on through his pants, making him swallow hard and shudder. She had him right where she wanted him.

"A..Ask away!" she smiled at knowing that this would be way easier than she thought.

"How long have you had feelings for Olivia and why are you trying to use me to get to her?" she asked, the lusty, seductive tone now completely gone from her voice

"I…what?" he was completely caught off guard and could do nothing but stammer as he struggled to find words that wouldn't make him look like a total ass. "Who…I don't know…"

"What I'm talkin about? Like hell you don't! Since I've never seen you in all the time I've been with SVU, I'm guessin that whatever went on between the two of you goes way back and I see that you haven't gotten over it.

"I can explain"

"Don't bother. I knew what you were doin the second you started askin me questions about her and her husband."

"Then why did you bother answering? And why'd you continue to sleep with me?"

"Because I was horny and wanted to get in your pants! And because I was hoping that if you knew how amazing her life is right now you'd rethink tying to interfere! Stabler was an ass who treated her like shit…he treated a lot of people like shit and he got exactly what he deserved because of it but she's found someone who truly makes her happy and you come back here after God knows how long trying to spark an old flame without thinkin about what you're doin!"

"Amanda…"

"I saw the way you looked at her that first day you got here; it suddenly made sense why you were so desperate to get her back in on the investigation. I also saw the look of hatred on her face when she stormed out of her office, she wants nothing to do with you!"

"She's confused"

"No, Dean, I think you're the one who's confused. I don't know what went on between the two of you back then and to be honest, I don't care but you've gone this long without it…"

"Because I was trying to respect the choice she made love someone else!"

"Then respect it now!" Amanda yelled. She's happy; she has the family she's always wanted and a husband who worships the ground she walks on. Stay away from them!"

"What if I don't wanna stay away?" he asked flippantly, causing Amanda to shake her head, not believing how glib he was.

"We're not gonna do this dance. Back off!" Amanda warned, leaving no room for misinterpretation; eyes looking through him as she unlocked the door, then turned and walked out of the room.

* * *

.

**Langan home…**

"I know, but we just have to trust that he knows what's best for himself right now; he'll be fine" Olivia assured Trevor as they walked in their front door just after 8am, Jax and Semper running to greet them.

"Hi sweeties!" Olivia smiled as she kneeled to pet and kiss them both. It had been a long night at the hospital, one that resulted in Travis making a huge decision this morning.

Even in spite of his grief, Travis knew in his heart that Casey wouldn't want him to be this way and after surviving his suicide attempt, he vowed to make a sincere effort to get better to honor the memory of the woman he loved so much and knew that Liv, Trevor and their parents; no matter how much they loved him, couldn't give him the kind of help he needed and decided to have himself checked into a wellness facility upstate for six weeks.

"I know, I just…he's my little brother, I should have done better for him" he said as he scratched the dogs behind their ears. Semper and Jax lovingly ate up the attention.

"Honey, you did all you could, and he knows that"

"I hope so." He pulled her close and held her. "You hungry?" he asked as they walked toward the kitchen

"Starving!" she replied just as the doorbell rang "I got it"

"No, it's okay, I'll get it" he protested

"Baby, you're here; security's right outside, I can answer the door" she grinned.

… … … … … … … … …

"That was quick" Trevor said while grabbing eggs from the fridge when Olivia entered the kitchen carrying a large envelope.

"Certified mail…if you cook those I'll vomit." She reminded him upon seeing the carton. He quickly put them back while she took a seat at the counter and grabbed an apple and took a big bite. "Rob and Sara…"

"The couple renting your house?"

"Yeah. They sent some mail that came for me" she said, opening the large envelope. She read the letter inside, smiling at the short, friendly correspondence then removed the smaller padded envelope from inside.

"Okay, we seriously need to go grocery shopping." He informed her as he looked through the fridge for other breakfast options and found nothing. She offered him her apple and he leaned in and took a bite.

"Oooh, let's go now; cookies!" Olivia said with an excited gasp, having a sudden craving as she dropped the envelopes onto the counter.

"Cookies?" he laughed "you sound like the twins"

"The baby wants them." she said innocently, looking at Trevor with her big brown eyes while rubbing her bump.

"I will go to the market, you go upstairs and rest" he said, leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the lips

"I will, just as soon as I'm done cleaning the guesthouse" she promised and took another bite from the fruit in her hand.

"I'll take care of it when I get back"

"Babe, you can't do everything, you're gonna burn out! Besides, dry vomit…mom job! Go; hunt…gather…bring me food!" he gave a laugh

"Okay, be back soon." He kissed her one last time then helped himself to one more bite from her apple before walking out of the kitchen.

"Chocolate chip!" she called after him

"Oatmeal Raisin?" he called back from the hall

"Funny!" she yelled "come on guys, let's go clean" she said to the dogs who happily followed her out the back door.

… … … … … … … … …

A little over an hour and ½ later, she had cleaned the guesthouse pristinely. The other rooms barely needed much, just a bit of tidying that she did in less than twenty minutes, but Travis' bedroom was a complete disaster and she'd wasted no time in getting it done. The floor had been scrubbed and waxed, trash picked up, walls washed down, linens changed and the soiled ones thrown into the wash. Now she had just finished folding the sheets and towels and stopped to stretch her now aching back, pressing the fingers of both hands into it while letting out a deep breath.

"NOW, I'm tired!" she sighed before picking up the laundry basket and heading to the linen closet as her phone rang. "Al, hey"

"Is this a bad time?" Alex asked.

"No I was just putting laundry away" Olivia answered, shutting the closet door after quickly shelving the sheets and towels. "What's goin on?"

"I um…Liv, it's not good"

"What…?"

"Don't be angry with your squad, I asked them to hold off on telling you until we got word from the doctors."

"Doctors? Al, you're scaring me!"

"Liv after the dinner party last night…we don't know how but Faust…"

"Faust?" Olivia cried, suddenly feeling sick, devastation setting in and she took a seat on the sofa

"He got into Elizabeth's home…"

… … … … … … … … ...

_He was becoming antsy; why hadn't he heard anything about the judge? He knew for a fact that her guards had discovered her body so why nothing in the news? Why no reports of her death? What kind of game were they playing? He'd hated that he'd been rushed – no chance to take pictures for the Ledger and the audio was unremarkable; not much to sensationalize with just the sounds of his own grunting as he fucked a woman who was unconscious!_

"_What are you fuckers doin?" he wondered aloud. Though it hadn't been his aim when he began this mission, he had grown accustomed to the media attention and he now craved it just as much as he craved the thrill of the kill and if they wouldn't pay attention, he'd just have to make them pay attention and with his next kill, his final act when he got to Olivia, he would go down in history!_

"_Let's see them ignore me when I cut that baby out of her womb and leave it at the front door of the Ledger…I think I'll send them her head right along with it!" he grinned._

* * *

_._

**Mercy hospital…**

A couple of hours later, Trevor and Olivia arrived at the ICU to be met in the hall by Alex.

"We got here as fast as we could. How is she?" Olivia asked.

"Critical…they think he must have gotten spooked when he heard security coming, when he slit her throat he missed her missed her jugular; she was in surgery all night, coded twice but she's alive"

"Barely…" Olivia whispered as she looked at Liz lying in the small room, tubes and monitors everywhere and a respirator pumping air in and out of her lungs. The woman she'd grown to respect and love so much over the years- this beautiful, wise, strong and often intimidating woman now lying here looking so frail and small.

"Will she…?" Trevor turned to Alex as Olivia stood motionless, staring through the glass.

"The doctors say that if she can get through the next twenty-four hours she may have a chance, but right now it doesn't look good" Alex explained. "Her brother is on his way, he just touched down at LaGuardia."

"Take me home" Olivia suddenly spoke up, turning to face Alex and Trevor. Her voice was dull, expressionless, as was her face.

"Honey…" Trevor began.

"I can't do… I can't be…" she was trying hard to keep her breathing steady. "Just take me home."

"Honey are you okay?" Alex asked. She understood better than anyone what this was doing to Olivia and was worried at seeing her best friend coming undone, which was exactly what was happening; Liz's attack was the proverbial straw and although she tried to mask it, Olivia was breaking right in front of her eyes.

"I'm fine!" she lied using every ounce of her strength to fight the tears that desperately wanted release; she wouldn't allow it. Trevor looked over at Alex nervously and saw that her eyes held the same concern he felt.

"It's okay honey, come on" he said as he put his arm around his wife, feeling as her body trembled so slightly, it couldn't be seen, only felt. Olivia leaned in to his touch and let him lead. She was exhausted emotionally, physically and so afraid; even right now wrapped in her husband's arms, the one place she always felt safe, she was sick inside because she knew that no matter how long they held it back it was inevitable – she would become this madman's victim and though she didn't know when, she prayed to god that she would be able to safely deliver her child into the world before Faust took her life!

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**I know, apologies do me no good at this point but how about a quick review to tell me how you feel? And please no twitter spoilers, thanks for reading.**


	12. The Safe Route

**I decided to break this chapter into two parts because…well you'll understand when you read the next chapter. But for now let's enjoy a bit of calm instead of the mayhem. We pick up where the previous chapter left off, not much more to say, enjoy.**

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**Reader comments**

**FayeVDM****chapter 11 . Oct 19**

**OK, this Faust guy has me completely creeped out. Cutting the baby out and leaving it on The Ledger's steps, that is so scarey and disgusting. It's Halloween a little early! Great writing :)**

**LaceNLeather24****chapter 11 .****Oct 19**

**I hope he doesn't get to Olivia. I hope Liz makes it and it still sucks that Casey is gone! So Liv is remembering what really happened to her and how she lost the baby. Trevor can get ready because her mind won't continue to repress those memories. I wonder if Trevor will come clean about knowing? I hope he does, it adds to the drama. And Dean is still stuck on the girl that got away ha! If he don't stop he will end up going crazy like Elliot did. What is it about her that makes all these men crazy in love with her. And why does Amanda always fuck Olivia's leftovers? LOL**

**Saradawn723****chapter 11 .****Oct 19**

**Wow Donnelly might survive this?! God I hope so. Laughing at Amanda confronting Porter. Douche. Poor Travis, glad he's getting help. And omg Liv is remembering...and she's gonna be mad at trevor for not telling her and I can't handle that. Bangan needs to stay intact. And can you not make Liv catatonic again because the last scene in the hospital worries me thanks. And aw this Rob and Sara couple sound intriguing. Maybe they need their own chapter!**

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**.**

**Sixteenth…**

_Then respect it now! She's happy; she has the family she's always wanted and a husband who worships the ground she walks on. Stay away from them!"_

There was fire in Amanda's eyes when she'd issued that demand to him and though he was angry about her being so blunt with what he considered to be his personal business, he did give what she'd said some thought… it just so happened that after giving said thought, he decided that he didn't give a shit!

"Who the hell is she to tell me what I can and cannot do?" he said out loud to himself. "She doesn't know me and she only thinks she knows Olivia! This is a second chance for us and I'm not going to let it pass me by!" he got up from the desk and walked out of the office, into the squad room.

"If anyone needs me, call my cell!" he announced and exited before anyone could ask him questions. Amanda sat giving him a cold glare from her desk as he walked out. He'd gotten outside and into his car and before he could change his mind he was pulling out of the parking lot and headed to Westchester.

* * *

.

**Langan home…**

"Deeper…deeper baby…now harder…oh my god, right there!" Olivia moaned. "Don't stop!" She gasped as he continued drilling her, hitting her spot so perfectly and with such intensity that she was on the verge of tears, wanting this orgasm more than her next breath but they were suddenly interrupted by pounding on the front doors.

"Are you kidding me?" Trevor exclaimed

"Ignore it! I'm so close…I just…"

More pounding, even louder this time; they looked at one another and Trevor growled in frustration, stopping his movements as he dropped his head onto her chest. Moment ruined.

"Go!"Olivia sighed, her annoyance obvious as she dropped her legs from around his waist and let them dangle from the kitchen counter. Trevor kissed her lips and reluctantly pulled out while the banging continued on the door, heartbreak on his face as he stepped away and readjusted himself in his pajama pants, leaving them hanging ridiculously low on his hips

"Don't move!" he instructed

"Hurry back" she said as she pulled her silk robe closed to cover her nakedness.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Trevor made his way to the foyer, still quite annoyed at the banging that hadn't let up and ready to thrash whoever was on the other side.

"What?!" he practically yelled upon flinging the door open to see the Dark haired man standing outside.

_Wow…tall!_

"Uh…Agent Porter, FBI" Dean said, flashing his credentials. He had expected that Olivia would answer the door and was disappointed at seeing who he assumed to be her husband standing in front of him; sweaty…breathless… shirtless… and with a semi-erection.

"How can I help you?" Trevor asked, even more annoyed now that his blood flow was quickly leaving his lower extremities and returning to the head on his shoulders.

"We got a tip that a wanted criminal by the name of Paul Faust was spotted in the area and we're checking the homes to make sure the residents are safe"

"Yeah, we're plenty safe, so if that's all…" he was beyond eager to get back to the kitchen. Dean felt a pang of pure jealousy cut through his because he knew exactly why Trevor was giving him the bums rush and he hated him.

"Baby, who's at the…" Olivia began as she made her way into the foyer but paused when she saw Dean there in the doorway. She swallowed hard, preparing to hear whatever terrible news he had come to deliver. Porter took one look at her, the robe, her skin glistening with sweat, hair a mess…

"Porter, what are you doing here at this hour?" she asked

_Freshly fucked!_

"You're…pregnant" he said somewhat in shock, his mind reeling.

"I am…has something happened? Is it Liz?"

"Uh, no"

"Then what…"

"I um…we got a tip…someone thought they might have seen Faust." He repeated his lie then paused to gauge Olivia's reaction. She didn't give one outwardly but he saw the way her body stiffened slightly and she leaned into her husband, subtly grabbing onto his hand while her other instinctively cradled her baby. Dean didn't miss the way Trevor gently brushed his thumb across the space between her thumb and forefinger, giving his wife a silent reassurance that everything was okay and suddenly, he felt terrible for driving all the way up here to scare Olivia with a lie in hopes of getting some time with her and he scrambled to fix it.

"But…I mean, you know how it is with a manhunt going on; people get hysterical and think every face they see is the fugitive" he smiled "…I'm sure it's nothing, but we had to check it out…public safety and all." He hoped that that last part would put her at ease. "Anyway, I'm sorry to haven disturbed you…goodnight."

"Yeah, you too" Trevor said before shutting the door. Without releasing Olivia's hand he secured the locks and quickly turned to her and pulled her into his arms. Her tangled his fingers in her hair as he held her close and she let out a deep breath that came accompanied with tears as she trembled slightly against his body.

This was exactly the reason she couldn't look at Liz and had to get away from that hospital. It had become too much and she felt like she was suffocating. She slept the entire drive home from Manhattan and refused to talk about it no matter how much Trevor pushed. She felt that voicing her fears made them all the more real – as if she'd be speaking into their lives the very evil she dreaded. She didn't want to talk or even think about it and sought solace in their lovemaking every time she found herself overwhelmed and needing to stop thinking.

"Baby talk to me"

"You promised no more pushing."

"And I meant it"

"Then don't; just hold me!"

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

After security opened the gate to let him out, Dean sat in his car outside the property wanting to kick himself for what he'd just done.

"Nice going Porter, you just scared a pregnant woman half to death!"

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Following more lovemaking, much later into the night they were both fast asleep – at least Trevor was; Olivia had woken up after another crazy dream in which she'd argued with Elliot who began shaking her violently before pulling a gun that he put to her belly and pulled the trigger, the sound of the blast causing her to startle from her sleep panting heavily. It took her a moment to realize that she was at home, in her bed and safe in her husband's arms and she quickly relaxed her body against his while Trevor kissed her and whispered assurances in her ear that the dreams were just dreams and that she shouldn't give them too much thought.

2am and she'd been lying wide awake for an hour when she decided that she wouldn't be getting back to sleep and moved Trevor's arm from around her before slipping out of bed. The chilly night air in contrast to the warmth of being beneath the covers snuggled against her husband's naked body immediately sent goosebumps and over her skin. She walked over to armchair by the window and picked up Trevor's shirt, sliding it on and closing a couple of buttons just as she heard him stir.

"You ok?" he asked sleepily

"Yeah, the baby's hungry, I'm gonna run down to the kitchen..."

"Why didn't you wake me? I would've gone for you"

"I needed to get up anyway…I have to pee" she said before kissing him "Go back to sleep."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Later in the kitchen she stood at the sink drying a just-washed bowl after finishing off an indecent amount of chocolate ice cream. She put the bowl away and was now reaching for a cookie from the cookie jar, savoring the taste of the sweet confection after taking a huge bite from the giant treat.

"Don't worry, we won't eat like this normally" she said to the baby as she felt it fluttering in her belly. she suddenly missed Noah and the twins terribly and had to stop herself from picking up the phone and calling Connecticut at almost three in the morning and instead picked up her phone and sent a text to the one person that she knew would be up this late.

...

Alex had just nursed Jake and put the now sleeping child down beside his father in their bed. Jake wasn't feeling well and hadn't been sleeping tonight, waking every couple hours for her so she'd decided that it would be best to just keep him with her and Brian. She was leaving her bedroom to check on the kids when her phone buzzed with Olivia's text.

_Asleep?_

_..._

Back at Olivia's she was finishing her first huge cookie, grabbed a second and had taken at the counter when her phone rang and she opened her facetime.

"Asleep? I'm not even blinking!" Alex responded when the video call connected

"I can always count on you to share my insomnia" Olivia quipped and took another bite from her cookie

"Are you eating cookies at2:45 in the morning?"

"Chocolate chip… and don't judge me"

"Judge? You're taking to a woman who, not twenty minutes ago, breastfed her son while munching on brownies and chocolate milk; no judgment here!" Alex said as she made her way down the stairs.

"You win!" Olivia grinned. There was a short silence that followed.

"Honey talk to me"

"I'm okay"

"You're anything but…"

I could say the same for you, ya know?"

"Yeah, you could"

"Then you already know what I'm feeling"

"Not fully"

"What do you want me to say? Do you wanna hear that I'm scared to death? Because I am; there had never been a time in my entire life where I've been as terrified as I am right now! I miss my babies but I'm afraid to bring them home and I'm horrified with thoughts that this one inside me will never draw its first breath!"

"Liv don't…"

"You wanted me to talk to you, I'm talking… I've been trying to find a way to say this to Trevor… we have to prepare for the very real possibility that Faust will kill me!"

"That will NEVER happen!" Alex said sternly, tears streaming her face too "I will not even entertain the thought!"

"But you need to. If we had known that Casey would leave…we could have made so much more of the time we had left with her but we didn't because we thought we had more of it.

"STOP!" Alex sobbed "Do you hear yourself? You're talking about your death; leaving your husband and your children…leaving me!"

"I'm not trying to scare you..."

"But you are! Casey was the stronger one, she could deal with this kind of thing even if it killed her inside. You know me, I'm weak, I fall apart at the smallest thing!"

"You're strong when it counts and that's why I'm saying this to you!"

"Liv please, listen to Trevor, let him send you and the kids out of the country until this is over!"

"And separate them from their home, their family and their friends for God knows how long? Al I can't do that to them!"

"…because them having to face the possibility of a madman killing their mother is a better alternative? Noah's only a year old, the twins just turned three; they're still at the age where happiness means being anywhere their mother is!"

"Trevor said the exact same thing"

"Listen to him, he knows what he's talking about"

"What would I even do in Paris?"

"Uhh, eat fabulous French food, shop Triangle d'Or, roam around your huge Parisian townhouse and have every minute of the day with your beautiful babies without the threat of Faust hanging over your head. I never thought I'd say this to my best friend but, you need to leave!"

"Never one to mince words, huh Al?"

"Liv…"

"I will talk to Trevor in the morning"

"And plan to get the hell out of here!"

"Al…"

"Olivia so help me, if I have to drag your pregnant ass to France myself, you are going!" just then she heard Jake crying over the monitor

"You'd better see about Jake…I promise, we'll talk about it more tomorrow"

"I love you, you know that!"

"I know, and I love you too."

"Get some sleep"

"I will. Goodnight Al."

"Night Liv"

* * *

.

**Porter's hotel suite…**

Bright and early the next morning, Dean held open the door to his suite to allow Amanda to enter as he sipped espresso from the small cup in his hand.

"I just had breakfast delivered...there's plenty if you'd like" he offered, shutting the door

"No thanks. Why'd you call me to come here? I need to get to work"

"Well, since technically you work for me right now…"

"Right. What do you want, Porter?"

"Actually? To apologize" he said as he took a seat at the table in the dining area of his suite

"Come again" she said, not believing her own ears.

"You heard me. I want to apologize" he restated with an amused grin on his face

"and just what are we apologizin' for?" she asked, having removed her jacket and joined him at the table

"You were right. I was wrong to want to interfere in Benson's marriage and I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

"What… all of a sudden? Why? You workin an angle"

"No angle" he laughed with his hands up in mock surrender. "I just…I got a glimpse of the bigger picture; husband, kids, baby on the way…"

"How'd you know about that?" Amanda asked

"She told me"

"She told you?"

"I couldn't help but notice when I saw her last night" Amanda gave him a disproving look "…with her husband!" he clarified. "They um…they seem like the real deal"

"They are"

"You can stop worrying, I'm not a threat anymore"

"Story time: You never were!" she said mockingly

"I'm trying to be valiant here, will you can the attitude?" he grinned

"It's hard when you been such a complete douche since you got here"

"Noted and I apologize for that as well…I treated you terribly and I'm sorry." Amanda just stared at him long and hard. "what?"

"I'm wonderin if I shouldn't give you a lie detector test"

"I'm FBI, I know how to beat a polygraph!" They both gave a curt laugh "But I mean what said, I'm sorry." She paused briefly before she spoke.

"Maybe I will stay for breakfast" she smiled, but not at all fooled by his sudden change of heart. However, she decided to play along.

"That's a start.

"but tell me something first; what got you so stuck on Olivia?"

"I can't get into all of that because we'd be here all day but I can tell you one thing… she rides cock like a goddamn cowgirl!" he said wistfully.

'Too much information Porter!" Amanda scolded as she covered her ears.

* * *

**.**

**Langan home...**

"How's she doin?" Brian asked Trevor upon entering the house later that morning.

"Not good. She'll say she's fine…she's not" Trevor sighed as they made their way to the living room. "can I get you anything?"

"Nah man, I'm good" Brian said as he took a seat on the sofa. "I brought it" he said to Trevor before handing him the envelope he took from his pocket.

"Thanks man"

"You sure about this?"

"No. It's the last thing I wanna do but…"

"But?"

"She's been having these…I don't know, weird pregnancy dreams where she sees herself fighting with Elliot. I've been trying to convince her that they are just dreams but… I think she's starting to remember"

"And you think you should tell her before she does?"

"Not right away but as soon as I get her and the kids settled…yeah"

"You really think that's a good idea? Her finding out that you've known all this time… you think that's gonna go over well?"

"…about as well letting a mouse loose in a room full of cats!"

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Upstairs, Olivia lay in bed, her mind racing with thoughts of everything that had happened over the last few months; so much devastation…so much loss! Jessica, Dr. Russo… Casey and her baby, Travis trying to take his own life; not to mention those three girls, and now Liz… she'd made it through those 24 hours the doctor talked about but she still wasn't out of the woods and had coded twice more during! She felt as if all of it was her fault, that she hadn't kept close enough tabs on Faust; if she had, he never would have been released from prison, never would have gone on this murderous rampage and her best friend would still be…

"Stop!" she scolded herself then got up; she had a lot to do today and needed to shower and get dressed. After she'd go stop by the hospital to see Elizabeth today, she had lots of packing to do. Trevor was right, the only safe thing for her and the children was for them to leave until Faust was caught and Alex made her understand that. As much as she hated the idea of uprooting the children indefinitely, she had to think about the bigger picture and they'd be better off uprooted for a while than to have to grow up without her. The first thing she and Trevor did this morning was talk long and honestly about it and it was settled; for the time being, she and the children would be moving to Paris!

* * *

.

**Next chapter, I pull no punches! Be prepared!**


	13. Silver Lining

**THIS FREAKING STORY! I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO EVEN BEGIN OR WHAT TO SAY. THIS CHAPTER LITERALLY FOUGHT ME LIKE HELL! IT WOULD NOT LET ME WRITE IT, I THINK IN PART BECAUSE I WANTED TO SPARE US ALL WITH WHAT WOULD BE COMING AND THEN WHEN IT FINALLY DID DECIDE TO LET ME WRITE IT, IT WOULDN'T SHUT UP AND I WAS ALMOST 12,000 WORDS IN SO I HAD TO BREAK THIS CHAPTER INTO TWO PARTS, BUT NO WORRIES, PART TWO WILL GO UP VERY SOON AND YOU WILL BE THANKFUL FOR THIS LITTLE RESPITE BEFORE THE STORM THAT IS CHAPTER 14. SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT, DICK WOLF OWNS WHAT'S HIS, I OWN WHAT'S MINE AND EVERYBODY IS HAPPY, Y'ALL ENJOY!**

* * *

**.**

**Langan home…**

A week later, everything was in place to leave for Paris the next day but Olivia lay in bed that night too nervous to sleep. Tomorrow night she and the children would be leaving their home with no idea of how long it would be before they'd return, not to mention the fact that Trevor would be gone a lot of the time. With the firm going through major changes in merging with another firm, the attention of all partners was absolutely necessary to make the transition a smooth one. He'd fly with them to Paris and stay a week to get them settled but had to return to the states after that and it would be two weeks before they would see him again; to say that she was anxious was an understatement.

Unable to deal with the quiet that was only interrupted by the sound of Trevor breathing she got out of bed and went downstairs to call Alex figuring that talking to her best friend would at least help to still her nerves.

* * *

.

**Sixteenth…**

Amanda sat at her desk staring at the door to Olivia's office, watching Dean inside from the windows that looked out onto the squad room. She couldn't believe that she'd been so foolish and had given in to him a week ago. What started out as breakfast and an apology ended up as filthy, mind-blowing sex; sex that she swore would never happen again but that didn't stop her from wanting it to.

They hadn't since that day even though Dean tried but she had a hard time believing that he was letting go of his preoccupation with Olivia so easily no matter how much he tried to convince her otherwise. So far, he'd given her no reason to doubt him but she was still gun-shy after the way he'd tried to use her the first time. She liked Dean a lot, maybe a lot more than she should but she would not be involved – even indirectly with helping him cause trouble in Olivia's marriage. She considered her boss a friend and still hadn't forgiven herself for the moment of weakness she had with Elliot years ago and there isn't a day that goes by that she isn't thankful that Olivia never found out about that indiscretion – or where she doesn't wonder what she and Elliot's child would have looked like had it lived through the beating that killed it.

She didn't notice that Dean had emerged from the office and was now standing beside her desk pretending to be reading a file.

"Penny for your thoughts"

"I... nothing important" she said as she shook out of her reverie.

"Well, it's late so I'm gonna call it a night. You wanna come back to my hotel, let me help you get nothing important off your mind?"

"I don't think that's such a… "

"Come on" he insisted as he leaned over her shoulder and dropped his voice to a near-whisper "a nice, hard fuck; my mouth on every inch of you"

"I could have you brought up on sexual harassment for this you know" she grinned

"But you love the way I harass you sexually!"

"Cocky bastard!" she rolled her eyes, thankful that the squad room was practically empty this time of night.

"And I own it! Your nipples hard yet?"

"Why, you wanna feel em?" she smirked

"Would that I could without getting us both fired. Hell, I'd bend you over this desk and fuck you senseless right here, right now if I could. But we'll just have to settle for every surface of my hotel suite, all night long – that's _if _you agree to come.

"fine, but I catch you even lookin like you wanna think about Liv and I will tie your dick in a knot. We clear?"

"Crystal"

"Good. Wait downstairs."

"I knew you wouldn't be able to hold out much longer" he said before turning to leave. She watched until he was out the door before she let out the sigh she was holding inand sank her head down into her hands.

"What the hell are you doin Rollins? He's toxic!"

… _just the way you like em, right?_

* * *

_._

**Paris, France…**

It had been three weeks since Olivia and the children had arrived in Paris and although she was terribly unhappy with being there, the children were happy for the most part and so she tried to make the best of it. They missed their father as much as she did and even though they talked to him daily by video chat, it wasn't the same as having him there and they all felt his absence terribly. Since he left it's been two rainy, miserable weeks of being homesick, heartsick, wondering if they'd ever catch Faust, or if Paris would be home for the long haul; the one good thing that came out of it was that the terrible dreams about Elliot had stopped, just to be replaced by her going through her days in a constant state of things dangling on the periphery of her memory but never actualizing and leaving her even more frustrated at her inability to remember, Trevor assuring her that she shouldn't force it and allow it to come at it's own pace when the truth was, he was terrified of her mind possibly unlocking those memories and prayed that they would just stay buried. He'd never gotten around to discussing the truth with her and was beginning to wonder if it would be worth it.

She'd gotten the news that Liz had awakened from her coma – a fact that they were trying desperately to keep concealed from the media for her safety. But she was awake and doing well and according to Alex, already being a pain in the ass to the doctors and nurses.

Tonight Olivia lay in bed after the children were put to bed and were fast asleep in their rooms while she talked to Trevor, as was their ritual; he'd call after dinner to talk with the kids before bed and then once they were asleep, he and Olivia would have their own private time, just for themselves.

"Any kicking yet?"

"Not yet" she sighed as she rubbed her bump "but I'm sure it'll be any day now…baby, I miss you!"

"I know. I miss you even more but "'ll be there soon"

"Tomorrow's not soon enough, I need you now!" she said in a near whisper, keeping her voice down so as not to wake the children. "God, everything about this pregnancy is extreme! I'm so goddamn horny all the time and you're not here and I just get so frustrated…I really need to have sex!" she wept, fully in tears out of nowhere

"Honey, please don't cry"

"Trevor I killed three vibrators in the last two weeks!" she sobbed

"What?"

"It's my hormones, I cry about everything lately"

"I meant the part about the vibrators; three of them?"

"Soon to be four" she said as she wiped her tears, her crying spell suddenly disappearing. "this one won't make it through the night" she absently waved the shiny black toy on front of the camera before carelessly dropping it somewhere in the bed.

"Craving it huh?" he asked with a cocky grin on his face

"Don't tease me, I can't take it. I just want you here; on me, under me…I don't care as long as you're in me!" she whined, her fingers dipping to her clit.

"Don't worry, I'll be…"

"Here tomorrow…" she said with a whimper as her fingers applied more pressure "God, my fingers just aren't cutting it" she sighed in frustatration

"You're so sexy when you make that sound… if you'd let me finish, I was going to say that I'll be there in a minute" her eyes went wide as a huge smile crept on her face "Now get down here and open the door; I'm hard as hell and can't find my key!" he said then ended the call. He'd barely gotten the phone back in his pocket before Olivia had undone the locks and was flinging the door open.

"Get in here!" she said as she grabbed his collar and pulled him inside. He dropped his bag there in the entryway.

"That was fa…" he began but before he could finish, she'd jumped into his arms, wrapping her body around his and smothering his mouth with desperate kisses while tearing at his clothes"

I should stay away for two weeks at a time more often!" he mused

"Like hell you should!" His lips found her neck, kissing and sucking a trail to her breasts, then grazing her silk covered nipples with his teeth before pulling one into his mouth and sucking it through the fabric. "baby…" she cried in a whisper, holding the back of his head as he turned and pushed her back against the wall.

"Fingers not doing the job huh?" he asked after tearing his mouth away from her. She simply shook her head, biting her bottom lip in anticipation as she moved her hips against him. "Let's try mine" he said, reaching between them to push two fingers inside her. She moaned and arched her back as her mouth fell open.

"My God, you're soaked!" he whispered, pushing his fingers in and out of her, kissing her ravenously before pulling her other nipple into his mouth while he continued fucking her with his fingers. She came quickly this way, wanting to scream but suppressing it to a loud whimper, biting her lips as she came, then, devoured his with her kisses after she helped him suck her wetness from his fingers

He carried her to their bedroom where he laid her atop the bed and stood looking down at her, marveling at his beautiful wife as he took off his shirt and removed his belt, tossing them both to the floor. She sat up and undid his pants while planting kisses to his abs, letting them drop around his ankles; her mouth watered when she saw his hardness straining against his boxer briefs and she didn't waste a second before she pulled them down and took him in her mouth.

"Oh, fuck!" composure always flew right out the window when her mouth was on him like this and it wasn't long before he came and she happily swallowed every drop, savoring the taste of him.

He hungrily claimed her lips before they sank down to the bed where he climbed on top of her, careful of her growing belly. They never tore their lips away from one another as their hands explored everywhere and it didn't take long to bring him to another hard on.

"You ready for me?" he whispered against her lips between kisses and while rubbing his thick tip up and down her slit.

"You're determined to make me beg for it, aren't you?" she whimpered as she arched into him and he gave a cocky grin.

"No, I just love seeing how bad you want it" he confessed and kissed her deep as he pushed his length inside and she threw he head back and gasped, her hands fisting the sheets as he moved inside her just the way he knew she liked it

"Oh… GOD I've missed you!" she cried in a breathy moan, devouring his lips as she wrapped herself around him "Please don't stop!"

* * *

.

_He'd been trying unsuccessfully for weeks to get to the judge and finish her off but that hospital was locked down tighter than Fort Knox! He tried to put it out of his mind the fact that she'd survived, but he felt like a joke; as if her survival mocked him and he wouldn't be mocked again, except he had been. He was so focused on getting to the judge that he hadn't noticed that the cop had disappeared. _

"_These cunts think they can just make a fool out of me… they're wrong!"_

_He hadn't slept in three days. The need to kill was just too strong and his mind couldn't rest. The city had seen him as powerful once, now they all thought he was incompetent because he botched the judge but he'd show them…he'd show them all because his next move would be grand, so grand that they would have no choice but to respect him and know that he was a force to be reckoned with!_

* * *

**.**

**Paris, France...**

Morning came and for the first time in two weeks, even though the windows showed another dreary, rainy day outside, Olivia smiled upon opening her eyes. She hadn't dreamt their lovemaking last night; Trevor was lying beside her, holding her protectively in his arms. She inhaled a deep breath, taking in his scent and it made her even more aware of just how much she'd missed him these last two weeks and quickly had her libido stirring again in spite of the fact that they'd only fallen asleep three hours ago. She took a look at the bedside clock, 6:47am. The kids had taken to sleeping later with the colder weather and since it was Saturday and they didn't have school or a class to go to, they probably wouldn't wake before nine.

"Baby…" she whispered, planting kisses to his chest

"Hmmm" he grumbled, still asleep

"Honey, wake up"

"Olivia, so help me god if this is for sex…" he warned with his eyes still closed

"Just a quickie"

"Woman, we literally just went to sleep!"

"Trevor!" she protested

"I'm kidding" he grinned as she flipped her over onto her back "When have you ever known me to turn down sex with my gorgeous wife?" he asked, looking down at her

"You're not usually exhausted from an all-nighter after a 7 hour flight"

"I could have just run a marathon, pleasing you will always be my first priority." He assured her as she caught her lips in a kiss.

* * *

.

**Four days later, New York City…**

"911, what's your emergency?"

"I…I NEED HELP, I THINK I JUST KILLED SOMEBODY!" the man screamed frantically into the payphone

"Sir?"

"THERE'S A GIRL… HE WAS RAPING HER! I TRIED TO STOP HIM…I STABBBED HIM AND HE FELL INTO THE RIVER!"

"Sir… sir I need you to calm down. Where are you?"

"I'M…OH GOD I'M AT THE WEST HARLEM PIERS. HOLY CHRIST! I ONLY WANTED TO STOP HIM. PLEASE HURRY, I DON'T THINK SHE'S BREATHING!" he cried before hanging up.

... ... ...

Nick and Fin arrived at the piers just in time to see the EMTs putting a young black woman into the back of the ambulance while she lay unconscious and bleeding on a stretcher.

"What do we got?" Fin asked the uni already on the scene as Nick made his way over to the homeless man who had stopped the attack.

"Sandrine Simon 23, film student at NYU. Sleeping homeless guy is woken by what sounds like crying and sees her being attacked by the bushes, rushes over to help, assailant attacks our good Samaritan with a knife, gives him a nasty cut to the arm, they struggle, our Samaritan stabs the assailant who then takes off running but Dwayne, our Samaritan catches up to him, another struggle and the assailant falls into the water. Dwayne tried to catch him but only came away with a piece of the guys shirt – it tore when he fell into the river. We got the divers goin in to search for him."

"We get an ID on the attacker?"

"No but Dwayne can describe him, you guys are gonna want a sketch artist.

"What about the girl?"

"Raped, couple of knife wounds, pretty bad head injury…doesn't look good. CSU has both knives and the shirt, they're still collecting evidence.

"Alright, I'm gonna stay with her. Amaro, after Dwayne's all stitched up, get him to the house and get everything that he can remember, hopefully we find this fucker!"

"I'm on it, Sarge!"

"And call Rollins, have her get hold of Sandrine's parents and get em to the hospital" Fin ordered before he climbed into the back of the ambulance.

"Dwayne, my man, looks like you're the city's newest hero!" Nick beamed as he followed alongside the stretcher Dwayne was on as the paramedics loaded him into the other ambulance.

"Nah; I ain't no hero, just did what anybody woulda done if somebody needed help" the man humbly protested

"You up for a trip to the station after they get your arm patched up, get some details recorded?"

"I ain't got much of a choice so let's get it out the way." He said

"Good. We'll see what we can do about getting you a nice hot breakfast while you're there"

"You serious?" the man asked, the thought of a hot meal seeming like too much to be true

"We'll get you a menu, anything you want, my treat" Nick promised. I'll follow you to the hospital and we can get started on whatever details you remember.

"Awww man… bacon here I come!" Dwayne grinned, rubbing his hands together in eager anticipation.

... ... ...

**Amanda's apartment…**

She lay back, naked on her sofa, Dean on his knees n front of her, his head between her legs that were spread impossibly wide while his mouth devoured her clit and she fisted two hands full of his hair while grinding against his face. Screwing Dean had become her most favorite past-time these last few weeks.

"That's it, don't you dare fucking stop!" she cried as she reached for her phone when it rang. "Yeah Nick? Yeah… just…" she whimpered when Deans fingers pushed into her wetness while his mouth continued on her clit.

"Mmmm! No, just text me the info, I need to get dressed" she said and ended the call, tossing the phone aside then looking down at Dean as she pulled his head away. "I need to go, you got five minutes t make me come all over that pretty face!"

"Don't worry baby, I only need two!" he smirked in his smug manner before burying his face in her once more and adding more fingers, making her back arch and eyes roll in ecstasy.

... ... ...

After getting Dwayne's statement and bringing in a sketch artist who worked while Dwayne ate his breakfast, the squad waited anxiously for any hit on the blood that was on the knife and shirt. With Sandrine still unconscious, her parents gave permission to allow a rape kit to be done and they'd lucked out, her assailant left lots of DNA evidence behind on her body and Amanda had personally taken the kit to the lab for testing.

Five hours after receiving the initial call for the case, the sun had come up over the city and after two hours with Dwayne, who they'd found had a photographic memory and was meticulous about details, the sketch of their suspect was finished and everyone in the squad room was shocked when they saw that the man Dwayne had stabbed and who had fallen into the icy river and possibly drowned was none other than Paul Faust, a fact that was confirmed mere moments later when CSU informed them that the blood on the shirt and the knife were his. They had no doubt that the results from the rape kit would tell them the same thing!

* * *

.

**Paris…**

With Jamie and Drew off at school and Noah taking his nap, Trevor and Olivia took advantage of the time, and now lay in bed after having made love; the bed sheets tangled and barely covering them as they lay tangled around each other.

"You should always be pregnant…always!" Trevor sighed as he traced his fingertip over Olivia's belly

"And if you had your way, I would be" she grinned softly against his skin before planting a kiss to his chest

"Can you blame me? Your body's so beautiful right now"

"I'm a mess"

"You're a Queen…my Queen, and I love you more than anything" he said, looking at her adoringly before leaning in to kiss her lips sweetly.

"I don't want you to go"

"We still have four more days"

"Four days, four weeks, it doesn't matter. It's still not enough and I know that I'm sounding like one of those clingy women that I hate but I hate that you're so far away!"

"I know, but I promise when I come back, the next time I leave we'll be going home together as a family."

"I miss our house."

"This is our house too"

"But it's not home. Christmas is coming in a few weeks…"

"We can fly the family here"

"You have an answer for everything, don't you?" she smiled as she snuggled closer to him. Trevor smiled and kissed her forehead. "Love you baby"

"I love you more"

"Impossible" she playfully protested as he leaned in and kissed her sweetly on the lips. She'd climbed on top of him as they continued kissing, straddling his waist before she had to break for air and sat up, the bed sheet fell away from her body. Trevor reached up and cupped her breasts and was working her into a frenzy by playing with her nipples when the phone rang.

"Don't move!" he said as he reached over to the nightstand with one hand without moving his other from her breast. No sooner than he picked up the phone, Noah came over the monitor.

"_Mamaaaaa…" _

"Talk about bad timing!"

"Had to end sometime" she groaned, kissing his lips before getting out of bed and putting on her robe.

"Langan" he answered

"_MAMA!"_

"Mama's coming baby!" she called to her youngest, tying her robe before leaving the room

"Fin, hey, what's going on?" Trevor asked as he sat up "Yeah, she's with the baby… what? And it's not a mistake, I mean… you guys are sure?"

"Not a hundred percent, but the boats and divers were out all night trying to find a body, and from the strength of the current that night on top of the freezing water, there's no way he could have survived the river last night"

"He's dead?"

"Looks like it"

"I'll be damned!" Trevor smirked. "So what exactly does this mean? Can I bring my family home?"

"It's looking that way but I'll keep you updated. We don't wanna get Liv excited until we know more"

"I hear you man, keep me posted"

* * *

.

**2 weeks later…**

After the footage from the cameras along the piers confirmed Dwayne's story and the officials having spent three entire days combing the river in search of his body, the NYPD and FBI after speaking with tide specialists, declared the search over and Faust dead after deciding that there was simply no way he could have survived, just as Fin had told Trevor; the water temperature plus his injury mixed with the current, he was doomed the moment he hit and they were pretty sure that the river had most likely already pushed him out to sea, in which case there was little to no chance of ever recovering the remains.

They'd monitored every hospital and medical facility in the tri-state area for an injured man who fit Faust's description but there had been nothing. Faust was gone and finally, after six long weeks, two of which had been taken as precaution after they'd been given the clear, Olivia and the children were allowed to come home 2 weeks before Christmas none of them could have been happier. Commissioner Reagan had officially taken Olivia off of leave and allowed her to come back to work, resuming her position as commanding officer – of course with a much lighter workload with her being now six months pregnant.

At her request she would only work four days out of the week with Saturday through Monday off and would be starting back after the New Year. A week after Liv and the kids had been home, Trevor was called in to the office one afternoon for an emergency meeting of the partners that ended up running well into the evening. He'd called Olivia to say goodnight to the kids

" I'm gonna be late so don't wait up"

"You sure? I don't mind"

"You should be resting"

"I will, but promise you'll wake me when you get home"

"You really cannot go a day without it can you?"

"A day? I can't go a few hours and it's been seven so get your ass in gear!"

"Yes ma'am!" he laughed

"I love you, your dinners' in the warmer, wake me!"

"I'll wake you , and I love you too"

As he sat in his cavernous office gathering his things, he'd opened his briefcase to toss in a file and noticed that he still had Mairym's flash drive inside. He'd meant t talk to Olivia about it so many times over the last few weeks but the timing never seemed right. That plus the dreams had stopped coming so he really hadn't felt a need to. Things were good right now and he saw no reason to sully it with this and as he put the drive into the pocket of his suit jacket he made a mental note to erase it tomorrow and then get rid of it. If Olivia ever remembered, he'd let it be a revelation to him too and they would mourn and deal with it together.

* * *

.

**Langan home…**

By the time Trevor had gotten home that night it was just after 10pm and Olivia and the children were fast asleep. He walked into the house to be greeted by quiet and for the first time in a long time, breathed a sigh of relief at the peace that had been restored to their lives since Faust had drowned three weeks ago.

He was hanging his coat in the closet when Semper and Jax came running down the hall to greet him, so happy to see their master after a long day and even happier with hope that they'd each score a late-night treat and were thrilled when after a few minutes of play time, Trevor led them to the kitchen and gave them what they wanted before grabbing the dinner plate that Olivia had left for him then doing a quick cleanup after he was done eating and headed up the back stairs.

On his way to his and Olivia's bedroom, he stopped to look in on the children, first the nursery, then Drew's room which was empty before he continued to Jamie's room, grinning at seeing he and Drew curled up together and sleeping peacefully in his bed. He planted kisses to both their faces, causing Drew to stir and lazily open her eyes to look up at him for the briefest second.

"G'night daddy" she yawned before closing her eyes again.

"Goodnight princess" he smiled. She was always such a light sleeper, while Jamie would be dead to the world; Noah was very much like his brother in that regard.

Later he climbed into bed beside Olivia and snaked his arm around her ever-growing middle as he placed a kiss behind her ear. "I'm waking you"

"You're home." she smiled sleepily, snuggling her backside closer against him.

"I am and I've been missing you terribly all day!"

"That makes two of us!" she said as he leaned in and kissed her. "How was work?"

"Stressful. Looking forward to a nice, long weekend with just you and the kids…and Eden!" he grinned, making her smile, then moan as his fingers made their way between her thighs and to his favorite place, dancing at its entrance while his head dipped to her breast, grazing his teeth across her hardened nipple before sucking it into his mouth as she reached behind her and took his shaft in her hand.

"Not your fingers…you…now!" she begged in a breathy whisper while stroking him "Please baby!" her tore his mouth away from her breast and took her lips in a scorching kiss while he pulled his fingers from her and used them to rub her clit, letting his rock-hard length push inside her and catching her moans in his mouth when he began fucking her from the spooning position in which they lay.

... ... ...

Later after she'd exhausted Trevor and he'd fallen asleep, Olivia lay there in the dark, her head atop his chest, watching it rise and fall as she listened to him breathing and she smiled. He was so cute when he was sleeping and as much as she wanted him again right now, she knew how tired he'd been lately and so decided instead to eat her frustration and let him sleep, easing out from beneath the covers and quickly grabbing her robe to cover herself before leaving their bedroom and heading quietly down the hall, stopping to check on the children before making her way down to the kitchen.

... ... ...

While sitting on top of the counter enjoying a huge serving bowl of chocolate cereal and milk that she ate with a wooden cooking spoon, she began picking through the basket that sat beside her. After looking through a few of the items inside, she noticed something familiar and picked it up after shoving the last spoonful of Cocoa Puffs into her mouth.

"Pregnancy brain!" she shrugged then turned the bowl up and drank the cold chocolate milk that was left over from the cereal. When she'd swallowed the last of it, she let out a loud burp before hopping down off the counter and tossing the bowl and spoon into the sink.

"I know, I know…" she said to the baby while running her hand over her bump "Not the best snack choice, but you're the one making me crave this stuff!" she grinned and went about picking up the envelope she'd taken from the basket on the counter. It was the package that Rob and Sara had forwarded to her weeks ago. Dealing with everything that's happened lately, she'd totally forgotten about it and now was anxious to see what it was she tore the top off the envelope and looked inside. No one had sent her mail to that address in years and now as she stood looking at the envelope, she was perplexed to find that there was nothing in it.

"That's odd, it's empt…" she stopped when, after shaking the envelope, something fell from it and into her palm, sending her mind reeling "Is this a joke?" she seethed, fear and confusion gripping her. She couldn't even begin to wrap her head around this.

"It can't be" she told herself, stunned at what lay in her palm. How was it even possible? And why would someone take it upon themselves to do this she wondered as she looked down and checked for the one thing that she knew would tell her if this was real, and it was, exactly where it should be:

_forever yours, forever mine_

Her heart stopped cold in her chest for a moment as she drew in a shaky breath. Someone was playing a very sick and very cruel joke, how else could she explain the fact that she was standing in her kitchen in the middle of the night, looking down at the wedding and engagement rings that Elliot had given her? The very rings that were tied with the exact same blue ribbon that had bound them the day she left them at his grave 5 years ago?

Reaching for her cell phone, she picked it up and scrolled through her contacts list before finding the number she was looking for and rolling her eyes at the fact that baby brain caused her to forget a number she'd known for well over 14 years.

... ... ...

"Hey, baby girl, it's late, everything ok?" Fin asked upon answering the phone.

"Yeah, everything's fine I just, the baby was hungry. Um… did I wake you?"

"No, no I'm still here at the house goin over case files, me and Rollins. What's goin on?"

"I need a favor"

"Anything"

"I'm gonna send a messenger over tomorrow with a package. When you get it, can you take what's inside and run it for prints?"she asked while staring down at the rings.

"Why does that worry me?"

"It shouldn't. Just…I can't really talk about it"

"Right now?"

"Fin…"

"Because I'm pretty sure that you didn't call me up at 1 in the morning to ask me to run prints for you without explaining why you need it" he grinned

"Fine! I'll tell you tomorrow" she relented with a sigh.

"That's all I need. I'll call you when the messenger gets here with the mysterious package" he laughed "get some rest"

"You too. and Fin, let's just keep it between us?"

"I got you baby girl" he promised before hanging up. She put her phone down on the counter and took a deep breath, deciding that there was no need to get herself worked up but her mind was still going a mile a minute trying to process this from every angle. She was still staring disbelievingly at the rings in her palm when she heard Trevor's footsteps descending the kitchen stairs. Quickly, she shoved the rings into the pocket of her robe and made a mental note to remember to call a messenger just as Trevor wrapped her in his embrace from behind and kissed the top of her head.

"How come you're up?" she asked as she looked up and planted a quick kiss on his lips.

"I'm starving. We burned off dinner pretty quickly…not that I'm complaining" he smiled as he nuzzled her neck. She relaxed against him, allowing his hand to slip beneath her robe, his fingertips gently pulling at hr nipple while the other hand caressed her belly as it travelled downward until it came to rest between her thighs and his fingers dipped between her folds, her wetness already coating his them.

"Jesus, woman! Are you ever _not _ready for me?" he whispered with a cocky grin

"Nope!" she moaned at the feel of his hands on her nipples and below "And that's not food" she said, kissing him hungrily.

"If I put it in my mouth, it is!" he murmured, kissing her deep, his fingers now buried to the hilt inside her, thrusting in and out while his thumb rubbed her clit, she reached up and snaked her arm around his neck, grabbing a handful of his hair in her fist.

"You can taste it later, right now, just… oh god! Keep doing just that!" she begged, letting out a whimper then biting her lip when he hit her spot just right, bending her over the counter so that he could go deeper as her walls began clinching around his fingers and she lost it! He didn't ease up on how exquisitely his fingers were fucking her even as she climaxed, prompting him to have to clamp a hand over her mouth when the beginning of a scream erupted so that she didn't wake the children. He always did know exactly how to take her mind off of things, even when he didn't know he was doing it!

... ... ...

The following morning after breakfast, Trevor had left for the office, Liv had dropped Jamie and Drew off at school and made her way back home and had a messenger come by to pick up the rings then she and Noah had their morning time together to read and play before mid-morning then she'd gone about cleaning the house while on the phone with Fin, filing him in on the rings while Noah toddled happily, following her from room to room with his favorite stuffed turtle tucked under his arm.

"And you're sure they're the same rings?"

"Yes but no… I don't know, I mean the inscription is there but I just… if they are, how? And why now? Five Years!"

"Don't worry, baby girl, we'll get to the bottom of it. In the meantime you stay calm for that little one and I'll let you know as soon as we get somethin."

"Thanks Fin" she said with a yawn before ending the call.

She was picking up Trevor's suit from the chair in their bedroom when she looked over and smiled at Noah who was sitting in the middle of their bed. He returned the smile as he dropped his turtle and sleepily rubbed his eyes.

"Mama want up" he whined, his tiny arms reaching for Olivia

"Uh, oh. Is my little guy tired?" she made her way over to the bed and dropped the pants and jacket she was holding, onto the bench, wasting no time in scooping Noah up in her arms and holding him atop her belly, softly rocking him back and forth. He put his head down on her shoulder, burying his face in the crook of her neck and breathing in her scent as his eyes grew heavy and he babbled incoherently on his way to sleep. She smiled at the tickling sensation of her baby's breath on her skin but his weight coupled with the her belly quickly had her back aching and she sat down on the bed, gently patting his back as his babbling dwindled to tired humming and he closed his eyes one last time and gave in to sleep. She whispered something sweet in his ear before kissing the top of his head. She was already tired and decided that she could use a nap as well as she lay down with him in her arms and curled up beside him, her arm wrapped protectively around his little body while she fell asleep, not having noticed the flash drive that had fallen from the pocket of Trevor's suit jacket and landed under the bed.

... ... ...

Later that evening after the kids were in bed asleep, Trevor finished locking up the house and made his way upstairs, entering their bedroom to find Olivia on her and knees searching for something under the bed.

"Honey, what are you doing down there?" he asked curiously

"Drew and I were playing dress up, earlier and she dropped my emerald broach" she explained without looking up. He gave a sigh.

"You mean the heirloom that's been in the family for a couple hundred years? _That_ emerald broach?" she gave him and 'I'm sorry' look "I can't believe you let her play with it" he whined as he got down on the floor on the opposite side of the bed.

"It's gonna be hers someday anyway" she reasoned prompting him to playfully roll his eyes and she smiled in return. "We can fight later; just help me look for it. I'm horny and being in his position is taking my mind places

"Oh yeah?" he asked, feeling himself becoming aroused just thinking about whatever she might be thinking, his mind quickly abandoning the broach. "Like where?"

"Like the very nearfuture where you're behind me and I'm getting some very serious rug burn to my knees!"

He turned his head and quickly noticed the priceless piece between the legs of the bed and night table "Got it!" he cried as he got up

"I love you!"

'No, no, don't get up!" he grinned in all seriousness. But then his eyes saw it first; the flash drive underneath the bottom left corner of the bed near the bench…near Olivia and his heart began pounding nervously. He had to get it before she…

"What's this?" she asked as she picked up the pink plastic jewel that housed the drive and sat up, stretching her back.

_FUCK! _He cried in his head

"I don't know" _you don't know? Argh, you idiot!_

"It's not mine" she said as she got up, using the bed for leverage

"Here" he said, handing her the broach "Why don't you go put this back in your closet safe and I'll toss this…thing"

"What if there's something important on it? My laptop is right here, I'll take a quick look while you put the broach away" she insisted and handed it back to him then took a seat on the bed and opened her computer

"What about sex? Remember…rug burn?"

"Okay you're being weird, what's…"

"Nothing" he promised while looking down nervously at the drive in her hand.

"Good because the sooner you get that put away, the sooner we can get to the good stuff" she said as she plugged it in to the USB port while he watched, frozen in place.

"Liv wait…just don't…we need to talk first, I should have done it a long time ago but I…"

"_I don't get you" _she hadn't heard that voice in years but it was unmistakable as it filled the bedroom; Mairym!

"Liv, baby just turn it off!" he demanded

"_What's to get? You keep your fuckin mouth shut and I don't choke you to death!" _Elliot threatened as he came into view

"What is this?" Olivia asked again as she briefly looked up at her husband, utterly confused as to what she was looking at and why it was in their home,

"Honey please, I'll explain" he begged "Just turn it off"

"_How can you treat this like it's nothing?" _Mairym's voice sent Olivia's attention back to the screen a voice inside telling her that her husband was right and that she should stop but her curiosity had her in a vice grip and she continued anyway.

"_Because it is nothing! I'm a firm believer that fate puts us right where we need to be. Did I intend for that car to show up? No, but it did and you know what that tells me? Tells me that the little fuck should never have been conceived in the first place and Liv not remembering is an added bonus, I get rid of Lagan's bastard and no jail time; perfect!" _ Elliot bragged then took a long sip from his drink as Olivia watched in horror, his words hitting her like a bomb and Trevor stood, his heart having sank.

"Tell me this isn't real!" she cried in a whisper, tears flooding her face "Tell me that he didn't …" she couldn't breathe

"Liv…"

"He wouldn't have gone that far…would he? I…" her chest began heaving as she struggled for air through her sobs, months of dreams suddenly bombarding her memory as the video continued playing but neither of them paid attention to it.

"I didn't want you to find out this way. I was gonna tell you, I swear, I just…I hadn't figured out how"

"Oh my god! You knew?"

"I…"

"How long?"

"Liv, I swear…"

"HOW LONG?" she demanded

"Since…just before he died." She put her hands to her mouth, covering it after a loud sob escaped and she turned away from him absolutely reeling from shock.

"And you just; all this time? You watched me blame myself for what happened to our baby. You saw the hell I put myself through because I didn't remember, I thought it was my fault that I'd done something to hurt her and you let me! You let me put myself through that when you knew!" she sobbed

"I didn't think you could handle it" he explained with his own tears falling in torrents "You were so fragile for so long after we lost her…you broke so badly I was afraid, I… I thought you'd break again. I couldn't do that to you"

"It wasn't your call! Do you have any idea how badly I needed that closure; to know that I wasn't a bad mother, that I didn't put my baby in harm's way, that it wasn't my fault that we lost her?!"

"I didn't see it that way… I just didn't you to go through more pain, I…"

"So instead, you let me blame myself for the last five years? Letting me think that my dreams were just a weird pregnancy thing when you knew!" at a loss for words, he pulled her into his arms and held her trembling body as she cried against his chest.

"I'm so sorry" he said softly "I never meant to hurt you" she continued to cry for a long moment during which he continued to hold and kiss her and apologize over and over until she was able to steady herself and she pulled away from him.

"I want you to go" she told him. She was so devastated, she was unable to even look him in the eye.

"What?"

"Please… I can't be around you, I can't…look at you!" she sobbed

"Liv, no, I'm…I'm not leaving you like this!"

"Then I'll go! I can't be near you right now, not anywhere near you" she said as she rushed past him toward the closet; he quickly turned to stop her, taking her hand in his.

"You don't mean that"

"Don't touch me!" she seethed, snatching her hand away. Breaking his heart in that instant and he hung his head in defeat.

"I'll go" he said almost inaudibly, his voice thick and broken with tears. Before he could utter another _I'm sorry_, she fled the room and took off down the hall, while over on the bed, the laptop continued playing the video

"…_and therein lies the beauty of it all; she's so devastated that she pulls away from him. Langan loses Liv and I come out on top…win, win! _Elliot laughed sadistically.

* * *

.

**Chapter 14 posting very soon since it's already written. Reviews are a beautiful thing. thanks for reading.**


	14. Shattered

**SEE? I PROMISED A QUICK UPDATE AND I DELIVERED. NOT MUCH ELSE TO SAY HERE, WE PICK UP WHERE CHAPTER THIRTEEN LEFT OFF AND THIS WILL BE ANOTHER LONG CHAPTER. DICK WOLF WNS THE SVU CHARACTERS, I OWN ALL OTHERS. ENJOY…NOT THAT ANY OF THIS WILL BE VERY ENJOYABLE BUT…YEAH.**

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**Reader comments**

**LaceNLeather24 chapter 13 . Dec 3**

**One of the best chapters you have written for this story! I can't wait to see what happens next. And who in the hell sent Liv her old rings? Weren't they left on Elliot's gravestone years ago? You'd think they would be far gone by now. But you know what I think it was faust, he sent her the package and he is not dead. I know Dean isn't over Olivia, and he is just stringing Amanda along until he sees Liv again. And poor Liv, poor Trevor. I know she will eventually forgive him, but he did what he thought was best. I loved this and I can't wait for the next chapter to be posted!** \- THANK YOU LOVE! HERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTER, DON'T HATE ME K?

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**rebeccak2009 chapter 13 . Dec 3**

**knowing you, I know there's always something unexpected going to happen...** \- YOU KNOW ME WELL.

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**Saradawn723 chapter 13 . Dec 2**

**LANGSON SEXY TIMES LANGSON SEXY TIMES LANGSON SEXY TIMES...and then...** \- AND THEN THIS CHAPTER! *INSERT BAWLING EMOJI*

.

**Nicole chapter 13 . Dec 2**

**Please tell me Faust is really dead. Please don't have him come back now that Liv is vulnerable without her big strong man to protect her. I don't think you'd be so Evil as to do that, but then again, with your author's note at the beginning I never really know... **

**Also, even though it was a small detail, I loved the stuffed turtle, it made my heart swell.** \- I'M GLAD I MADE YOUR HEART SWELL BECAUSE NOW I STAB AND DEFLATE IT. I'M SORRY.

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**scyndrrella chapter 13 . Dec 2**

**Wow oh wow! Even without the bastard Faust doing any major work in this chapter, my heart is still breaking at the end of it. I fear the worst now. With Liv and Trevor being apart, this is when Faust is going to make his move. That is going to make it that much harder to deal with! I know he's not dead! We don't get to be that lucky with this story! I leave now to let my imagination carry me on to what might happen in chapt 14. Please don't let me go too long without a new installment, my imagination can be a scary place sometimes!** \- AS SCARY AS MINE?

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*****chapter contains rape and violence*****

**Langan home...**

A bit later, Olivia sat curled up in one of the living room armchairs by the window, staring absently outside. It had begun snowing. Her mind suddenly wandered to Christmas. They'd alternated where they'd spend them every year between home and Trevor's parents house in Connecticut and she'd been so happy that this year was a home year. The moment she and the children returned from France she'd begun preparing the house; seven Christmas trees downstairs, the grandest of which towered ten feet tall in the main foyer, it's ornaments and lights sparkling beautifully. She let out a sigh. Her mind had a way of focusing on menial things when she was going through turmoil, she knew this but this time, no amount of distraction would take her mind away from what she felt was a betrayal from the man who promised again and again that he'd never hurt her.

She anxiously rubbed her hands over the expanse of her belly as more tears trailed her face. With the baby being so active tonight she was feeling some discomfort but not so much that it was bothersome. She smiled, thankful for the tiny life inside her, so thankful for all of her children because they've been her very sanity. She remembers when she was carrying Chloe, how excited Trevor was at becoming a father for the first time, probably more excited than she was at becoming a mother even in spite of the hell they'd been going through because of Elliot and Trevor not even knowing for sure that their daughter was indeed his; yet still, he loved her from the very moment he knew that Olivia was carrying her. Too bad neither of them had a clue that their world would fall apart within the 3 months that followed finding out that she was, in fact Trevor's but it did and now here they are…

"Fallout…" she whispered to herself through her tears. She looked down at her belly, noticing how much bigger it had gotten and her sobs overtook her when she thought of the day she woke up in that hospital five years ago. One look at Trevor's face and she knew. The news had crushed her then and right now, she felt like she was being crushed all over again.

Trevor stood in the doorway of the living room watching her and wanting nothing more than to take her in his arms and make everything right. He'd done this to her, he was the reason her heart was breaking right now and he hated himself for it. He wanted to protect her but only ended up hurting her worse than he ever could.

"Liv…" she immediately wiped her tears away when she heard his voice, then his footsteps as he made his way over and stood in front of her, looking down. She wouldn't raise her head to look at him so he got down on his knees in front of her. "Baby, please look at me" she bit her lip, hesitating before turning to face him.

"You have to know that I was only trying to protect you"

"By making me doubt myself and my ability to be a good mother?"

"You are an AMAZING woman and an even more amazing mother! You love our kids with everything inside you and they know it, they are the luckiest kids in the world to have you."

"Was there ever a time over the years that you thought to yourself… " she began but changed her mind "you know what? It doesn't matter because the fact is you had every opportunity over the last five years to tell me the truth and stop me from hating myself for what I thought I did to our baby girl but you didn't! You just sat back and watched me wallow in the pain of something that I never should have blamed myself for; the nightmares, the heartache… the amount of therapy alone, just to stop hating myself! it was the reason I obsessed so hard about getting pregnant again. I felt like you hated me for losing her; even though you wouldn't say it, in my mind I was convinced that you saw me as less of a woman because I didn't protect our daughter and get her here safely and I thought that the only way you'd ever truly forgive me was if I gave you back what I lost. I just… I don't understand how you could keep something like this from me"

"Baby…"

"Just go. I can't do this right now. The baby can feel my stress and it's not good for either of us"

"For the record, I don't want to do this but I love you enough to respect what you want"

_And I love you for that._

"How honorable"

"Do you need anything?"

_Hold me until the hurt is gone_

"No, I just need you to go."

Trevor dragged his hand down his face, clearing his throat as he wiped his tears.

"I'll um, I'll be at the apartment. Will you call when the kids wake up tomorrow?" she nodded as more tears fell from her eyes

"As soon as they're out of bed"

"Liv please! Scream at me, hit me, tell me what a complete fucking moron I am! Tell me you hate me, hell, actually hate me but please; don't make me leave, please!" he begged, his head on belly, soaking her shirt with his tears. She looked down at him while he sobbed and her heart hurt even more but at the same time, she felt herself becoming angry again and it was in that anger that she stood up after pushing him away from her and walked out of the room without so much as glancing back at him.

... ... ...

Later that night she lay in bed, curled up with Trevor's pillow as her tears continued while she listened to the sound of the rain outside that had quickly replaced the snow. He had only been gone for two hours but she missed him even in her anger.

She'd watched the video again after he'd left and it devastated her all over again. All the years she and Elliot were together and she never knew him at all, never knew that he was capable of such evil. He'd done a lot of terrible things, but this? This was sick even by Elliot's standards and it hurt to know that he would never pay for what he'd done. Death had been too kind a fate for him.

"Even from the grave, every time I think I've managed to shut you out, you find a way back in!" no sooner had the words left her mouth, her phone rang.

"Fin, hey… did you hear from the lab?" she asked, wiping her tears

"You don't sound like yourself, what's wrong" he asked, immediately having picked up on the sadness in her voice.

"Nothing…I'm just tired" she answered dully

"Baby girl that's not tired. Look, you know you can talk to me, right? About anything" her eyes quickly filled with tears again

"I know; I just… I'm still processing some things. I just need time"

"But other than whatever's on your mind you're okay? The kids, Trevor, everybody's okay?"

"We are. And I love you for being concerned."

"You know I got you." Fin smiled "So the lab… didn't find any prints on the rings but I tracked down the jeweler who made them, he authenticated; custom design and he never reproduced"

"So they are my rings, but how did they get back to me after five years?"

"This is the thing we need to figure out. I'll look in to a few things and get back to you when I can but in the mean time, I don't want you worryin about this."

"I'll try."

"Liv… you sure you're okay? Is Trevor home?"

"No. He's um…we had a fight and I asked him to leave"

"What do you mean fight? Do you need me to come over?"

"Fin it's not what you think, he didn't hurt me; he wouldn't…"

"Mama" Adrienne's small voice called from where she stood in the doorway rubbing her eyes.

"Fin, I gotta go, Drew just woke up" she said as Drew made her way over to the bed

"Call if you need me"

"I will. Good night Fin" she said before ending the call "Baby, why are you awake?" she asked Drew who had climbed up onto the bed dragging her gorilla behind her.

"The bad man scared me" she answered as Olivia reached for her and snuggled her close

"What bad man?" Olivia asked, alarmed "Did you have another bad dream?" Drew nodded her head where it lay on her mother's breast "You wanna talk about it?" Drew shook her head and held tighter to Olivia.

"Where's Daddy?" Drew asked in a small, frightened voice, her eyes full of tears

"Daddy's not here right now sweetie"

"But I want my daddy" she sobbed into Olivia's nightgown

"I know baby" Olivia soothed as she held her daughter, trying to calm her but Drew was having none of it and cried even harder for Trevor.

* * *

.

**Langan apartment…**

"I should have destroyed it" Trevor said to Brian and Travis as they sat around the living room of the apartment drinking beer while the game was on. Trevor didn't actually drink so much as he peeled at the label on his bottle.

"No you shouldn't have" Travis disagreed. He'd come home from the wellness facility a week ago and had gotten back to himself. "I told you, you should have told her the truth years ago"

"_After _you told me that I was right for not telling her in the first place" Trevor reminded him

"Yes, but then I realized that it was stupid advice and corrected myself" Travis retorted

"Hey, I agreed that he shouldn't tell her" Brian interjected "You callin my advice stupid?"

"I'm just saying, secrets destroy relationships"

"We are not destroyed" Trevor disagreed

"No, because you guys are strong." Brian agreed "I know Liv, she's pissed right now and undoubtedly hurt but once she calms down and clears her head she'll see that you did this to protect her"

"And look at the bright side" Travis added

"There's a bright side?"Brian and Trevor asked in unison

"Yep. Now that it's out, you guys don't have any more secrets between you. Try to keep it that way genius!" he grinned before throwing a handful of popcorn at Trevor while Brian sat laughing.

"Noted" Trevor said while brushing popcorn from his hair. His phone rang and he froze with excitement when he looked at the display and saw that it was Olivia "I'm gonna take this in the den" he said as he got up and hurried down the hall. Once inside the den he quickly shut the door before answering the video call,

"Hey" he said but his smile quickly faded when he saw the frazzled look on Olivia's face while Drew lay on her shoulder sobbing "Baby, what's wrong?"

"She had a bad dream and she's been crying for you since she woke up; baby look, it's daddy" Drew lifted her head from her mother's shoulder and looked at Trevor.

"Daddy…when are you coming h-home" she cried, slobbering on her fingers that where in her mouth. Trevor looked to Olivia before answering Drew

"I don't know sweetheart. But hey, how about you tell daddy why you're so upset" he said softly and just like she'd done with Olivia moments earlier, she shook her head, no.

"I don't want to"

"It's okay, you don't have to. How about you stay in bed with mommy tonight and we'll talk until you fall asleep?"

"Can I mommy?" She asked looking up at her mother, her bright blue eyes glistening with the tears that trailed her cheeks. Olivia smiled as she wiped Drew's face, grateful that Trevor had succeeded in calming their hysterical child.

"Of course you can, baby." She said as she delivered a kiss to Drew's head. "Why don't we get comfortable and daddy will tell you a story" she promised as she lay Drew down on the pillow next to her, settling them both beneath the covers and wrapped her arms protectively around her baby girl. Trevor smiled looking at his girls and wished more than anything that he could be home with them right now.

"Semper and Jax too?"

"They're at the groomers until tomorrow, remember?" Olivia reminded her.

"Oh!"

"Okay princess, what's it gonna be?" He asked Drew, trying to stave off the tears that he felt stinging his eyes.

"Jack and the Beanstalk" she said, already yawning

"Good choice" Trevor smiled, preparing to begin the story but before he could begin, Drew began giggling.

"Mommy's tummy is moving" she laughed sleepily as she reached back and patted Olivia's belly.

"I guess your brother or sister wants to hear the story too" Olivia said

"Sister!" Drew protested before yawning again. Liv and Trevor both smiled then Trevor began telling the story.

"There once was a boy named Jack…"

... ... ...

Adrienne had fallen asleep not even 5 minutes into the story and was now snuggled peacefully against her mother who lay whispering to Trevor.

"Thanks for calming her down"

"It's nothing. I just wish I were there"

"Trevor"

"Liv…I get it, and I'm not gonna push. I know that you need time and I'm okay with that." Olivia gave a nod, her eyes filled with sadness. "Anyway, you get some sleep. I'm sending Mike over to keep an eye on things, he'll be there sometime tonight but call if you need me?" Olivia didn't protest. She knew that Trevor was just taking precaution for her safety even if it was unnecessary.

"I will… Trevor?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you"

"Still?"

"Always" she promised. They were both in tears at this point .

"I love you too. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." She smiled before ending the call.

If only they had known that Adrienne hadn't dreamt the bad man at all and that he had been inside the house.

* * *

.

**Sixteenth…**

"We got a call" Murphy announced to the squad just after 11pm "Young man found raped and beaten in Central Park; the weapon used in the beating is lodged inside him"

"Now that's just nasty!" Fin frowned

"Thank you for volunteering, Sergeant, why don't you and Amaro take this one since Rollins is nowhere to be found"

... ... ...

**Cribs…**

"I won't miss you, but I'll sure as hell miss this!" Rollins breathed heavily as she lay on top of Dean in just her bra, both of them in a sweaty heap after they'd just fucked each other senseless.

"Gee, thanks!" he quipped

"Just being honest!" she grinned as she rolled off him and stood up, searching for her clothes "So what are you gonna do when you get back to DC?" she asked as she stepped into her panties and pulled them up over her hips

"I don't know, play golf with the president?"

"You don't know the president" she laughed, putting on her jeans

"Sure I do! Great guy!" he smiled before reaching down and pulling his boxers up. "It's my last week in town…why don't you let me take you out – on a real date?"

"Why?" she asked as she pulled her sweater down over her head

"Look, we may have started off on a very…we had a rough start but the thing is, you've grown on me. And it's not just the amazing sex – it's a HUGE plus but it's not all."

"Then…?"

"Look, I like you, alright? There, I said it!" Amanda couldn't contain the smile that pulled at the corners of her mouth

"Hmm! You sure this isn't some new ploy to get Olivia's attention? Because as much as I like you I'm not about to put myself in a position where I have to compete with a woman who isn't even interested, for your attention; I can't do that to myself again… I won't."

"And I'm not asking you to. I get it, you've had a string of jerks in your life – self included" he confessed "But that was before I got to see you, as a person and not a ploy. You're bold and spontaneous; and sweet." He said with a soft smile

"You think I'm sweet?" she blushed

"I do"

"I don't think I ever heard that one before."

"Well you should, often. Can we have a proper date?"

"What the hell, you're leavin next week, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Good. Saturday… I'll pick you up tomorrow at 7?"

"If you're late don't bother!" she said before opening the door to the cribs and leaving. Dean shook his head, a huge smile on his face.

"Never expected to come back to New York and find her!"

* * *

.

**Langan home…**

Unable to sleep with the baby being so active, Olivia decided to go downstairs for a snack and eased out of bed, careful not to wake Drew then threw on her robe before kissing the child and leaving the room, making sure to leave the door slightly ajar, deciding to check on Noah and Jamie before heading downstairs.

* * *

.

**Sixteenth…**

"Nice of you to appear, detective" Murphy chided as Rollins reentered the squad room

"I had to uh…call my momma" she lied

"Either way, it's a slow night, join your colleagues. The faster we get the statements from everyone, the faster we can begin looking for this guy.

"Yes sir. Guys, gimme five" she called to Nick and Fin.

"And drive safely, the rain is a bitch tonight!

... ... ...

**Hospital…**

By the time Nick and Fin arrived to the hospital, they were told that the vitim, 19 year old Jose Maldonado had just been brought out of surgery and that he should be waking up soon. While they waited, Nick talked to the boy's mother, Maribel while Fin and Amanda talked to the officers who were on the scene when Jose was discovered. After twenty minutes, Nick and Fin were allowed inside to talk to Jose and he told them everything he could remember about the attack that had occurred two hours prior.

... ... ...

**Langan home…**

Olivia was making her way down the hall to take the back stairs to the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Assuming that it was Mike, she turned around and took the front stairs instead.

"You've got to settle down in there" she said softly to the baby, looking down as she rubbed her belly while descending the stairs. The baby responded with a gentle kick that made Olivia laugh. "It's a good thing you got here when you di…" she was saying as she opened the door, but it wasn't Mike on the other side and when she saw Paul Faust standing there, thunder booming as lightening flashed, without wasting a split second she attempted to slam and lock the door but he pushed it in, knocking her to the floor in the process before entering the house.

"I've been waitin a long time to get to you!" he said, his voice dripping with hate

Her first thought was to run upstairs to her sleeping children but Faust was faster and by the time she could scramble to her feet he'd grabbed her by the hair from behind and slammed her face into a wall before throwing her across the foyer, sending her body crashing through the French living room doors and tearing out a fistful of her hair in the process.

... ... ...

**Hospital…**

Jose told them that it was a man, white, late thirties. He wore a skull cap and a hood so Jose didn't get to see his hair or much more detail about his face other than the scruffy blonde beard that covered his face.

The very mention of the beard sent shivers through Fin and he needed to know if there were any other details that Jose could give.

"Jose, this is important, did he say anything that could help us track him down?"

"He said…"Jose stopped when a fit of coughing overtook him and his chest rattled violently as he hack repeatedly.

"It's okay" Nick said as he poured and held a cup of water to Jose's lips. Jose gratefully took a long drink before settling, with Nick's help back against his pillows then took and released a deep breath. "Do you need to stop?"

"No. no I want you to get this guy" Jose said in his thick Puerto Rican accent "after he beat me; when he was raping me with the bat" he found himself choked up again and needed a moment to collect himself before he could go on.

"It's ok man, take your time" Fin said sympathetically

"I'm okay" Jose wept, fanning his hand as he wiped his tears in a very dramatic fashion. "When he was raping me, he was talking all this crazyness, saying make sure I tell the police what a good little decoy I was"

"Decoy?" Nick asked, confused

"Si papi, he said he was gonna go get him some cop pussy and that she had it coming a long time and that to make sure to tell y'all" Nick and Fin felt their hearts drop as panic quickly overtook them. it couldn't be.

"Did he say where he was going?" Fin asked with all urgency. Jose nodded before answering, frightened at how strongly the two officers were reacting.

"Westchester"

... ... ...

**Langan home…**

She landed hard amidst the broken wood and glass having tried her best to shield her baby from the impending crash and fall and now had several cuts to her face, legs and forearms as a result. She groaned, feeling pain radiating through her entire body and before her mind could register something other than the aching she felt, Faust's boot kicked her hard between the legs then kicked her in the face, smashing with such force that she felt her jawbone crack as blood flew from her mouth before he had again grabbed her hair and began dragging her across the living room through the broken glass and wood creating even more cuts to her legs. Olivia put her hands down to gain traction but she only managed to slice her palms on the shards as Faust pulled her body away.

... ... ...

As fin, Nick and Amanda sped as fast as they could to get to Liv, Amanda repeatedly tried to call only to be met again and again with no answer.

"Nothing!" Amanda cried

"Keep trying!" Fin ordered, trying to make a radio call for backup while Nick Dialed Trevor who didn't hear this phone because he was in the shower.

"FUCK!" Nick yelled in frustration.

... ... ...

When he'd gotten her clear of the mess, Faust dropped Olivia in the middle of the living room and she immediately tried to pull herself up but a swift kick to her ribs stopped her and landed her flat on her back, hurting and panting for air.

"I've waited ten long years for this!" Faust seethed as he got down and straddled Olivia's body, an evil snarl on his face and loving the sight of the bloodied pregnant woman beneath him as he used his fists to viciously pummel her face, she clawed and screamed and swung desperately at him, trying with everything she had to stop the assault, but with her energy quickly depleting she was no match for his strength.

Olivia's lips parted to emit a plea for mercy but before she could speak, both his huge hands were around her neck squeezing as he yanked her to her feet this way, slamming her against a wall and cutting off her air as she tried to speak but it came out nothing more than an unintelligible gurgle.

"What's that?" he grinned

"Please!" she managed to squeeze out.

"You don't have to beg for it baby!" he grinned, still holding her by the throat "I'm gonna take real good care of you!" he brought his face closer, looking her in the eye before leaning in even closer and dragging his tongue along her cheek as he squeezed her breasts. She let out a cry of pain, and felt bile rising in her throat at the feel of his hands on her. When his mouth moved to hers, roughly kissing, she bit down on his lip hard and as he screamed, her frantic hands finally grasped something from the side table against the wall and she slammed an antique brass box against his skull twice before his hand dropped from her throat then she hit him a third time with all the strength she could muster, causing a gash to open on his head and knocking him to his knees before she turned to run.

Upstairs, the ringing phone and the noise had woken Drew and she sat up in bed, frightened by the sounds of things crashing downstairs, her little head whipping nervously around in search of her mother and when she didn't see her, she began to cry, suddenly frightened wanting the comfort of her arms.

"Mommy…Daddy?" she called in a tiny voice, hoping Trevor had gotten home before running into their bathroom only to find it empty as well. But she could still hear the loud noises from downstairs and she wondered if maybe her parents were the ones causing it, quickly deciding to see for herself as she made her way down the main staircase.

Faust caught Olivia's ankle in his grasp and she again went tumbling, this time, falling on her stomach, slamming violently into the floor and having the wind knocked completely out of her. She couldn't breathe! She opened her mouth to scream but no sound would come, just a deluge of silent tears as she writhed in agony and when she finally managed to inhale through the pain…

"My baby!" she cried, trying to pull herself up with one hand while cradling her belly with the other, sobbing on her hands and knees as she attempted to crawl away but he put a stop to that with a kick to her stomach, knocking her back down then stomped as hard as he could on her right leg then knelt, grabbing the back of her head with both hands and repeatedly slammed her face against the floor, shattering her nose and splitting her forehead before twisting her left arm so violently behind her back, the bones snapped and she screamed like hell, crying hysterically "Don't do this!" Olivia begged through her sobs, blood pouring from her nose, mouth and head

"Not only am she gonna do this" he assured her as he tore off her robe then continued to tortuously twist her broken arm, causing her to scream even louder as it broke in a second place "I'm gonna enjoy it!" he said, using his free hand to unbuckle his belt and undo his jeans. She thrashed beneath him, trying desperately to get away from him while pain shot through her body from every direction.

"No! No please don't…please!" she begged but he paid no mind to her cries as he forced her legs apart.

Drew froze when she heard her mother's cries upon reaching the landing and she started to run for the living room but stopped upon seeing the broken glass all over the floor and instead ran down the hall to enter from the library. She entered the living room unseen by her mother and Faust and what she arrived in time to witness sent her cowering behind the sofa.

"NO!" Olivia cried as she continued to struggle beneath him. Tears began pouring from Adrienne's eyes and she clamped her hands over her mouth so that she wouldn't make a sound

"Might as well enjoy it bitch!" he grinned with his torn, bloody lips as he pushed himself against her entrance, ripping into her mercilessly while she screamed against his hand that was now clamped over her mouth,gripping her hair with the other as he took her, all while Adrienne sat watching, out of sight and too afraid to speak or move

She knew that she should call someone, her parents had taught her what to do in an emergency but they never told her that an emergency could ever mean witnessing her seeing her mother horribly beaten and raped or that the shock of it would render her motionless and so terrified that she'd be unable to do what they taught her; that she'd be unable to do anything more than exactly what she was doing right now: hiding and hoping that her daddy would come and make the bad man stop hurting her mommy.

… … …

Olivia had no idea how much time had passed but it felt like an eternity. She lay there beneath Faust, blocking out his grunts and heavy breathing as he moved viciously inside her. When he'd had his fill of violating her face down, he turned her onto her back and beat her again before violating her further, biting her like an animal while he continued to force himself on her but her focus was on was the child inside her; she hadn't felt it move since she'd fallen on her stomach; now she lay there praying to God to let her baby be alright, unaware that her other baby sat in a puddle of her own urine behind the couch having been completely traumatized by what she'd seen.

_Even if he kills me, you have to save my baby_ she begged as tears poured down the sides of her face and she put her hand to her belly, praying for a sign of life.

With a loud growl, Faust came for the last time and pulled out, shooting the remainder of his ejaculate onto her stomach. She didn't fail to notice that his member was covered in blood, the sight nauseating her, forcing her to dry-heave as he picked up her discarded robe and used it to clean himself; tossing it afterward and putting himself back into his jeans. She hurt terribly, and with her body broken and beaten, she couldn't move, she couldn't do anything but lie there, anticipating his next move while she prayed for her baby as absolute fear gripped her.

"I knew you'd be worth the wait" he taunted as he buckled his belt then pulled up his pant leg to reach for the knife that was strapped securely to his calf in its holster. The second she saw the blade, she came undone and began pleading with him.

"Please…please I'm begging you, don't do this to my baby, don't…I..p-please! Whatever you want I'll do just don't hurt my baby; please!" she sobbed as he pressed the blade to her neck. Her voice was weak, fading in and out but full of desperation.

Faust gave an amused laugh before he sent his fist smashing into her already broken face, the excruciating pain leaving her panting in heaving gasps. "You took away ten years of my life and you think I give a shit about your kid?!" he pressed the knife harder against her neck, drawing blood then pulled it away, holding it up in front of him as he gave an admiring look at the blade.

"Paul, Paul look at me…" her body trembled with terror "you don't have to do this you can just go no one will come after you you can just disappear I promise just please don't do this to my baby PLEASE!" she continued, her worlds all one big jumble as they tumbled beseechingly from her lips but fell on deaf ears.

"On second thought, I want you awake while I cut this little fucker out of you!" he said with a nonchalant smirk as he raised the knife. When Adrian saw this, she understood that the man intended to hurt mother in a way that couldn't be fixed and she had to do something.

"God please!" Olivia cried but before he could stab her, Adrienne came running to her, terrified and in tears.

"Mommy!" Adrienne sobbed as she ran to Olivia with her arms outstretched.

"BABY NO!" Olivia screamed as Faust quickly reacted, turning and swinging the blade at the child, stabbing her in the side near her ribcage and twisting the knife before pulling it out, sending her little body falling to the floor and bleeding profusely; and as Olivia lay screaming, tying to reach for her daughter, Faust then plunged the knife deep into the center of Olivia's chest, withdrew it and was about to plunge it into her belly when a gunshot sounded, the bullet entered his head, causing him to jerk and fall over.

"H-help her!" Olivia gasped, struggling to breathe while trying desperately to get to her daughter as Fin, Nick and Amanda rushed into the room. Nick quickly pulled Faust's body away from Olivia while Fin rushed to her aid and Amanda rushed to Drew, quickly removing her scarf and pressing it to the generously bleeding wound in her side while using her radio to call for help.

"Nick get towels!" Amanda yelled

"I'm on it!"

"Is she…?" Olivia cried, looking over at Drew

"She's breathing" Amanda responded frantically, unable to stop her tears when she looked at Olivia realizing that neither she or Drew might make it "You both have to hang on…"

Fin was sickened at the scene in front of him; Adrienne badly injured… the blood pouring from Olivia's chest… her naked from the waist down and more blood collecting in a small pool from where she shouldn't be bleeding 6 months into her pregnancy. He'd taken off his coat to cover her and was now applying pressure to the wound in her chest, not even bothering to fight the tears that were now rolling down his face. Olivia continued breathing laboriously as she looked up at one of her oldest friends while Nick ran back into the room with an armful of towels giving some to Fin and some to Amanda before turning to look at Faust, who lay unconscious but still breathing in the corner. He'd never felt more helpless in his life.

"Fin; Drew…the baby…!" she choked out in heaving breaths, gripped by pain and exhaustion and unable to tear her eyes away from her oldest child who lay bleeding out, the color quickly leaving her. "Drew… stay with mama…" she cried weakly, the horror of what she'd just been put through barely registering while her child lay hurt.

"Shhhh… save your strength; you're all gonna be fine" Nick promised as he fought his tears "We're gonna get you to the hospital but you need you to stay with us okay?" Nick couldn't help but notice the grotesque angle at which her left arm lay, badly broken.

Fin was trying hard to stem the blood flow from the wound in her chest. She nodded as she drew deep, erratic breaths.

"You have to save them… please!" she begged reaching out to Adrienne, taking her tiny hand "Hang on baby girl!" she cried as they heard the sirens in the distance it was becoming harder for her to breathe

Liv…baby don't close your eyes, where are Jamie and Noah? Did he hurt them?" Fin asked, needing to keep her awake when he saw that her eyes were starting to close. "Liv…come on baby girl!" he cried as Nick ran upstairs to check for the children.

"s-sleeping… I…I didn't know she…what if she saw…" more tears fell from her eyes "Don't let them die…" was the last thing she said before she closed her eyes.

"Baby girl… baby girl open your eyes!" he cried "Liv wake up!" but she had already slipped away.

... ... ...

Upstairs, Nick was relieved to find that miraculously, Jamie and Noah had both slept through the mayhem . And now, as he stood in the nursery taking his phone from his pocket, he dreaded what he had to do next and began dialing, feeling sick to his stomach as the phone began ringing on the other end. One ring…two rings…three…

"Langan"

* * *

.

**So um…I was just gonna and then…I mean it didn't exactly…I'll leave now. **

**Please no twitter spoilers.**


	15. Aftermath

**WELL JUST LOOK AT ME GETTING IN QUICK UPDATES. I KNOW THAT MANY OF YOU WANTED MY HEAD ON A PLATTER AFTER THE LAST CHAPTER AND I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT WHEN I SAY IT'S GONNA GET BAD, I WHOLEHEARTEDLY MEAN THAT SHIT, LOL. SO ANYWAY HERE WE ARE WITH CHAPTER FIFTEEN AND I LOVE AND THANK THOSE OF YOU ARE STILL HERE WITH ME. SO LET'S GET TO IT, DICK WOLF OWNS THE SVU CHARACTERS, I OWN A PSYCHO KILLER/RAPIST WHO STABS TODDLERS FOR FUN – AHHHH, AIN'T MY LIFE GRAND? ENJOY!**

* * *

.

**Cassidy home…**

"I'm over it!" Alex declared with a sigh as she finished wrapping the last of the many gifts she and Brian had bought for the children for Christmas. "Tell me again why we bought so much?" we asked and took off her glasses, pinching the space between her tired eyes while squeezing them shut.

"Don't be a Grinch" Brian said, finishing with the box in front of him and adding it to the massive pile that sat in the middle of the dining room. "Christmas is the only time we indulge them like this. Plus…" he continued as he pulled her onto his lap so that they were facing one another, her long legs straddling his lap "It's Jakey's first real Christmas that he'll know what's going on and be able to enjoy it with the rest of the kids. God, you smell so good!" he said as he began sensually nuzzling her neck while pulling her closer.

"Speaking of kids… babe, that feels good!" she sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck while his lips continued on hers, trailing ever lower…

"Hmmm?" he hummed against her skin, his fingers quickly undoing the buttons of her blouse. His teeth skimming her collarbone before his lips lightly sucked and kissed her there.

"I think I want another baby" Brian stopped cold and looked up at her

"Babe, do not say things you don't mean because I have no doubt that I can get you pregnant right now, in this chair!"

"I'm serious. I mean I know it's crazy, we already have five and we said we were done but we're still fairly young and we're both in great health and I don't know if maybe it's being around Liv and watching her belly grow that's giving me baby fever all over again but I really want one! So can we…please?"

"You really want five – or maybe six boys running around here?"

"I'm hoping that we'll get a girl this time" she smiled.

Their moment was cut short by Brian's phone suddenly ringing "You should tell your girlfriend not to call so late" she joked. He shook his head and laughed as he removed his phone from his pocket.

"It's Travis. Hey man…WHAT?"

* * *

.

**Phelps Memorial hospital…**

Eerie. As they all sat and stood around the hospital waiting room, they were all haunted with an eerie sense of déjà vu, reminded of a time not so long ago when they found themselves in the same situation, Trevor feeling it the most; his wife and child, both their lives at risk while he sat here able to do nothing but wait, except this time around, instead of just the child that Olivia carried inside her, their oldest was fighting for her life on an operating table as well and Trevor was completely overcome with helplessness.

"Here, drink this, you need it!" Brian said as he sat beside Trevor and handed him a paper cup

"I don't want coffee" Trevor could feel his nerves coming further undone with each passing second

"It's not coffee" Brian said. Trevor took the cup with a shaky hand, relieved when the smell of alcohol hit his nostrils as he raised the dark liquid to his mouth and downed the whole cup in one swallow before crushing it in his hand.

"They're gonna be okay" Amanda assured him "…They have to be"

"I should have been the one to pull that trigger" Trevor murmured

"What?" Fin asked, not having heard him properly

"I said, I should have been the one to pull that trigger" Trevor repeated

"Trevor…" Brian started

"He's a floor down from my wife and daughter, lying in a hospital bed and he'll probably never answer for what he's done to them; not to me or to the law… he just gets to lie there and sleep while my wife and children are fighting to stay alive. I should have been there…I should have been the one to end his miserable life, to tear him apart with my bare hands, to make him suffer the way me made my wife and daughter suffer! The way he made Casey suffer and Liz…" he couldn't contain the angry tears that fell from his eyes and made him tremble with rage.

"Why? So you can be sitting in a jail cell for takin him out?" Nick asked "Have to go through being separated from your family at a time when they'll need you more than ever, and leave Liv pregnant and alone while she has to deal with what happened to her and to Drew; is that what you want?" Fin wondered. Trevor simply hanged his head

"That's exactly what would have happened; man that piece of filth deserved to die and he will. He won't make it, but if I'm bein honest, I wish that I didn't have to take him out so fast, I wish that I had had the option to not pull that trigger so I could have killed him slow and made it look like defense but that fuck had already stabbed Drew, stabbed Liv and had that knife ready to stab the baby…" Travis, who had been sitting there in somewhat of a daze the entire time continued doing just that, the whole situation taking his mind into dangerous territory.

"Don't apologize for the choice you made" Trevor insisted "You're the only reason that there's even a chance for them right now. If you hadn't gotten there when you did, pulled that trigger when you did, if you hadn't been there; all of you… I left them alone! I never should have gone when she told me to leave; I left her and our babies alone and I should have been there to protect them…I should…"

"Mr. Langan" The doctor called as he entered the waiting area. Trevor couldn't move remembering the last time this had happened when a doctor walked out of surgery to tell him that Olivia would be fine but that they hadn't been able to save Chloe and right now, as he looked up at this doctor's face for any telling sign of what he might say – there was none. His heart pounded so loud that he was sure the whole hospital could hear it as fear gripped him.

_Chloe was three months further along than her brother or sister. She was bigger, stronger but we lost her. _He thought to himself. Somehow, he found himself suddenly face to face with the doctor and he had no recollection of having stood up.

"Doctor?"

"Would you rather talk privately?" The doctor asked, his face still unreadable. Trevor's mind again jumped back to that day five years ago when he stood alone in the hall with the doctor. Maybe he as being silly right now, but any little thing he felt he could do to change the course of fate this time around…

"No…everyone here is family. Please."

"Your wife suffered a severe Pneumothorax - the knife did some very serious damage to her lung, causing it to almost completely collapse. Thankfully she was brought in as fast as she was and we were able to repair it."

"She'll be alright?"

"She should make a full recovery" Trevor nearly collapsed as the weight of that burden was lifted from him. As thankful as everyone was to hear that Olivia would pull through, it was Trevor's next question – the one he was most afraid to ask now that he knew his wife would make it that had everyone holding their breath.

"The baby?"

"Heartbeat strong, no sign of injury. The amniotic sac did exactly what it was supposed to do and protected her from the fall; we'll continue to monitor but your daughter looks fine.

"Daughter? It's a girl?"

"It's a girl and she's healthy." Trevor let out a huge sigh

"When can I see her?"

"Not for a while. While the lung was our main concern, she's got some other pretty serious injuries, She'll be in the O.R. a bit longer but the important thing is, she'll make it"

"And our daughter, Adrienne, is she…? Nobody's told me anything"

"I'll have my nurse go up and see what she can find out, but in the meantime, we need to discuss your wife's treatment. If you'll follow me…"

"Thank god!" Alex cried as Trevor left with the doctor, throwing her arm around Brian. "I need to call Ca…" she caught herself before she could finish but the hurt had already hit Travis just as hard as it had her. "Travis, I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"It's okay. I'm gonna just go and get some air"

"You need company?" Brian volunteered

"Nah, I'm just uh… I need to update our parents so…" Though he tried desperately to keep his tears at bay, it didn't work very well and Brian, knowing what happened the last time Travis was left alone in a mood like this…

"It's okay, I could use some air too." He said before kissing Alex on the cheek then leaving with Travis. And as he and Brain made their way down the hall and out the door…

"Thank you" Travis said simply but Brian understood the weight of those two little words and put his arm around Travis to let him know that he did in fact understand.

... ... ...

Back in the waiting room…

"Guy's I'm gonna go" Amanda said as she stood up

"Before we know if Drew is alright?"

"I can't…I just need to go" she said, her eyes filling with tears.

"You need me to…"Fin started

"No, no you need to be here, I'll be fine."

... ... ...

Amanda walked out of the hospital and was shocked to see the amount of reporters crowding the hospital entrance who quickly descended upon her.

"_Detective, what can you tell us about the condition of Lieutenant Benson?"_

"_Was she raped?"_

"_Is she alive?_

"_Do you have any news of Paul Faust?"_

"_Is it true that Lieutenant Benson's young daughter was also raped and then murdered by Faust in her home tonight?"_

Amanda, fed up with the questions in spite of her attempt to ignore them finally turned around and screamed

"NO FUCKING COMMENT!" before continuing to her car and in doing so gave the papers their morning headline.

... ... ...

Trevor sat listening as he doctor gave him a rundown of Olivia's injuries; left arm and hand broken with a dislocated left shoulder, fractured right tibia, bruised ribs. Her nose had been badly broken and she suffered fractures to her eye socket, cheek and jaw as well as multiple cuts, lacerations and bite marks to her face and body, the majority of which required stitching.

With so many injuries, the doctor thought it best to keep her sedated once she came out of surgery – at least for 24 hours.

"Under the circumstances, we think it would be best for your wife and the baby to place her on a ventilator – I know it sounds worrisome but it's just to assist her injured lung so that we can be sure that her body receives sufficient oxygen. Normally we would let the lung do this on its own, but with Mrs. Langan being this far into her pregnancy, her body has to work harder to support itself and the fetus. With so many other injuries, it would just be asking too much of her lung."

Trevor considered the doctor's advice, all the while praying that when they did wake her up, it wouldn't be a repeat of five years ago and that he would be able to tell her that their baby girl would be fine.

* * *

.

**Dean's hotel suite and hour later…**

He'd just ended a call with Fin who'd reluctantly told him that Olivia was fine and would recover. Dean sighed, thanking God that all would be well. Even though he'd decided to back away, he still cared for Olivia and wanted nothing more than for her and her children to be alright. He had tossed his phone onto the table as his mind went to Amanda. He'd tried to call her all night but she wouldn't pick up the phone or answer his texts. He would have worried if he hadn't known that she was safe at the hospital with Nick and Fin but still, he wanted to hear her voice just to be sure that she was okay, knowing how much she truly cares for Olivia and how hard this all must be for her right now.

He'd gotten up from the sofa and was headed to the bedroom when the doorbell rang and he quickly got up to answer it.

"Amanda" he was surprised and yet relieved t see her standing there, even if she did look a frazzled mess.

"I didn't… I didn't know where else to go, I…" she stammered with tears in her eyes as he stood there in front of him looking so small and helpless.

"Come here" he said as he pulled her into his arms and held her against his broad chest. It only took a second for her to let herself go – something she never did with men and she found herself sobbing there in his arms.

"It's okay… just let it out, I'm here" he soothed, surprising even himself as the words left his mouth and Amanda, still shocked that she had let herself fall apart like this in front of him but when he said that word to her, she knew, somehow she knew that it was okay to let herself fall a little because of that word, because it was the one thing that no man had ever offered to be for her; _Here._

* * *

_._

**Hospital…**

Down in the intensive care unit, a guard posted outside the door, Paul Faust lay with both arms cuffed to the hospital bed. The bullet that Fin had put in his head was unable to be removed because of the precarious location where it lay and the doctors were pretty much not interested in trying to do more for him, all of them ashamed to even have treated him and eagerly waited for the feds to take him away so that they could be rid of the filth. He would be dead soon anyway, they were sure that his injury would kill him and no one would be less missed that Paul Faust.

While Trevor and his friends and family were upstairs rejoicing in the fact that Olivia, the baby and Adrienne would pull through, even in spite of Adrienne's kidney having been shredded. Paul Faust lay there in that bed, his life supposed to be fading faster with every moment but everyone seemed to forget that it was quite hard to keep an evil man down and this man was the devil in the flesh so it shouldn't have come as a shock to the young doctor on duty when Faust's brain monitor suddenly began to go crazy as activity picked up or when the young doctor got closer to listen to Faust's heartbeat and was scared shitless when Faust's hand gripped his wrist as his eyes shot open.

* * *

.

**K, that's it for now. No twitter spoilers. Love you all and see ya soon!**


	16. Aftermath Part II

**Sorry for the wait. Thank you all who are reading and following, not just this story but any of mine that you may be into. You guys inspire me. Let's get right to it shall we? Dick's is his and mine is…well, it is what it is. Enjoy.**

* * *

**.**

_**For Rebeccak2009 – you have the patience of a saint.**_

**Hospital…**

"It's not the most unusual thing I've ever seen" the older doctor said after examining Paul Faust who was now wide awake.

"There's a bullet in his brain!" The younger doctor reiterated anxiously as if his older colleague didn't understand.

"…and there have been many cases in which people have taken bullets, even spears to the brain and not only lived to tell about it but lived normal, productive lives."

"But should he?" the younger doctor asked

"Should he…?"

"Get to live a normal, productive life? That woman upstairs, his latest victim…she's six months pregnant and he raped her, beat her, stabbed her and stabbed her three year old daughter, not to mention the seven other women he killed."

"We're doctors, we're here to heal"

"Yeah? Well if it were up to me…"

"But it's not." The older doctor reminded him. "He's stable, I better call county and let them know it's okay to move him." he said before walking away and leaving the younger doctor standing in the corridor outside Faust's room.

"I hope they fry this sick fuck!" the young man said under his breath as he looked through the window at Faust who lay in his bed with a sinister smile on his face. An eerie chill went through the doctor as he walked away

"You and me both!" The agent who stood guard outside Faust's door mumbled in agreement.

... ... ...

**Upstairs, Olivia's room…**

"...t_he ventilator, yes. But do you think it's absolutely necessary to keep her under for 24 hours?" Trevor asked the doctor as they sat discussing Olivia's treatment in the doctor's office._

"_For her comfort, we think it's best"_

"_I have to make decisions on my wife's behalf because she can't right now and I know my wife; the baby's safety, not her own comfort would be her priority and the baby has already dealt with the trauma of the attack, then being exposed to anesthesia for hours during surgery and now you want to keep her sedated for another 24 hours? I can't…the baby's already been through too much…Olivia wouldn't want this, she'd be too worried about the effects it would have and she wouldn't allow it. I have to do what I know she would want – we can keep the ventilator for now but no more drugs."_

"_You're sure about this? She'll be in a considerable amount of pain when she wakes up" the doctor reminded him._

"_I'm sure that this is what she would want… you said that you expect a full recovery whether or not she's under, correct?"_

"_I did and I do"_

"_Then I'm sure."_

He'd replayed the conversation with the doctor again and again in his head and prayed again and again that this was the right thing but as he sat here looking down at his wife, he was quietly assured that his decision was the best. He couldn't risk anything going wrong with this pregnancy, causing it to fail. He hated the idea of Olivia being in even the slightest amount of discomfort but she would kill him for not putting the baby's wellbeing first – no matter what the consequence to her. The baby would be alright, the doctor had promised him and Trevor wouldn't do anything to upset that outcome.

"This time when you wake up…" He couldn't bear the thought right now. Drew's surgery had been going well but she wasn't out of the woods yet; until she was off that table and in recovery Trevor knew his fears wouldn't rest. They had been in danger of losing not one, but two children tonight. He couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around what that would have done to Olivia – to their family. He was beyond grateful that his parents had spared no time in getting here from Connecticut and that Noah and Jamie were with them, safe.

"I should have fought you on it…I never should have left you and the kids alone" Trevor said tearfully as he sat at his wife's bedside "This never would have happened if I'd been there"

He kissed her hand that he held delicately in his own so as not to aggravate her stitched, bandaged palm then gently reached out to move a stray lock of hair from her face, giving a feather light caress to her cheek. Even through the bruising, stitching and horrible swelling he still saw the beautiful woman he loved more than life but looking over her, taking in her injuries, his anger threatened to get the best of him. He quickly reminded himself that Olivia was here and she was alive; their unborn baby was alive and so was Drew and no matter how much he hated Paul Faust for hurting them they would live, Faust wouldn't; or so he thought.

He looked at his watch. It had been an hour since Olivia had come out of surgery and the nurses had promised to let him know the very second Drew was out. All they'd told then so far was that her kidney had been badly injured but that they were doing everything they could to try and save it.

"_How much longer can they keep her under?" _he wondered. It had already been five hours and he wasn't sure how much more her little body cold take. His baby girl…as much as he loved Jamie and Noah, Drew had his heart in a way that that he couldn't explain. _"Soon there'll be two of them"_ he thought as he looked over Olivia's exposed belly, at the fetal monitor that was attached to it and the large purple and black bruises that covered pretty much the entire surface of her skin there. As gentle as he could, he touched her skin just below her belly button; it was already starting to pop out and he could feel their little one lazily moving about inside her mother and he again thanked god for sparing them while hoping that neither his touch or the baby's movements where causing more pain to Olivia's badly-injured body and he quickly pulled his hand away, deciding not to chance it.

"Your mom would have a fit if she knew that I know you're a girl…" he said, leaning in to his wife's belly to talk to their daughter "she wanted it to be a surprise for us both when she gave birth to you" he whispered to the baby "But your big sister is gonna be so excited… she really wanted you to be a girl" he smiled through his tears, listening to the sound of the baby's heartbeat filling the room while the ventilator did its job of filling Olivia's lungs with air.

"Maybe knowing that she's getting a sister will help her get better." He said just as the door to Olivia's room opened and in walked a nurse.

"Mr. Langan…"

"Yes?" he answered, nervously pulling himself into a standing position as he turned toward the door to face the woman.

"Your daughter's out of surgery" relief washing over him, he turned to his sleeping wife

"Liv… baby, did you hear that? Drew made it through surgery." he said, tears streaming his face before turning back to the nurse. "How is she? Can I see her?"

"She's stable; vitals are good. They're getting her settled in her room and you'll be able to see her. In the meantime, the doctor is waiting to talk to you."

... ... ...

**Drew's room…**

Trevor's breath caught in his chest the moment he set foot in the room where Drew lay. She was so pale and looked so tiny in the bed where she laid, eyes closed with tubes coming out of her little body in every direction. He paused, almost afraid to go in further and looked back at the doctor for some assurance that he could do this.

"It's okay" Dr. Klein said softly with a smile and her hand softly upon Trevor's shoulder "I know it looks scary…"

"Yeah…"

"She's a fighter, this one"

"Just like her mom" he said tearfully, suddenly finding the strength he needed to go to her and walked slowly across the room and stood at the foot of the bed. "Why are her arms subdued?" he ask, noticing the restraints on Adrienne's wrists

"Usually with children waking up from surgery the very first thing they tend to do is pull tubes out. I promise they aren't tight enough to hurt; they're only there to serve their purpose of keeping little hands from doing damage until she's lucid. She'll be groggy and a little disoriented when she wakes up… don't panic, I promise it's normal. She'll probably be scared not recognizing where she is so it's a good thing that you're here, it'll help. Is her mother coming?"

"Uh no, she uh…her mother…she was injured in the same attack"

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't aware. Will she be okay?"

"Yeah, she..." his emotions were quickly overtaking him and he took a deep breath, hanging his head as his tears began falling again.

"I'm so sorry" Dr. Klein said with all sincerity as she gently squeezed his arm. I'll give you some time." she said as she turned to leave.

"Am I able to sit with her?"

"Of course. Just be careful of the tubes."

"Thank you" he said quietly as he took a seat beside Drew on the bed and took her tiny hand in his, leaning forward and kissing her forehead, noticing how cool and clammy her skin was and he allowed his lips to linger for a moment before pulling back.

"Daddy's so sorry, baby!" he wept "I wasn't there to protect you from this and I am so sorry... What were you doing downstairs? I can't imagine how terrifying this must have been for you!" he cried

"You have to be okay baby, you have to keep fighting. Mommy and I love you so much and we need you to get well." he gave a weak smile as he looked down at her. "You know what I just remembered? You fell asleep in mommy's arms before I could finish Jack and the Beanstalk… how about we finish now? Let's see, where was I? …oh yeah, the next morning Jack woke up in his bed and looked to his window to see that a giant beanstalk had grown overnight…"

... ... ...

**Waiting room…**

Fin, Nick, Brian and Travis sat worriedly waiting to hear more on Drew and Olivia's condition. Though they'd been told that both were expected to pull through, none could bring themselves to leave the hospital.

"I just talked to Cragen" Fin announced upon re-entering the room.

"What's this, like the fifth time tonight?" Brian joked half-heartedly, trying to break the monotony of the room, Fin and Nick gave curt smiles.

"He's worried out of his mind Fin said "Especially since he can't get here before tomorrow afternoon"

"He loves Liv like a daughter… he's grandpa to her kids, this has to be killing him" Nick said "I can't even imagine what this is doing to Trevor"

Travis sat quietly taking in everything that was being said, his mind wandering back to the fateful night his own life changed forever, the night this same sick bastard took away what meant most to him in the world, took away the love of his life and while he didn't begrudge his brother for fate having been so kind to spare Olivia's life, he couldn't help but wonder why it hadn't been so kind to do the same for Casey. Why hadn't someone heard her screams and come to her aid? Why did she have to leave him? This year would be his fist Christmas without her and right now, dealing with everything that was going on he missed her more than ever and his heart ached with a pain so terrible that he physically could not stand it and when Alex called her name tonight it pierced him right through the chest!

Over the hours since he'd been here at the hospital, his head began pounding; worse and worse as the hours wore on and now he felt as if it would split apart. He forced his hands to stop trembling and without even realizing it, he found himself standing and wandering away. He had no idea where he was going but he couldn't sit here a moment longer.

_Soon he'll be as dead as my wife and son! _He thought to himself about Faust. Maybe Faust's death would be just what he needed to help soothe the pain in his soul.

"Travis, where you goin, man?" Fin asked in all concern. They didn't like the look about his face

"Bathroom" Travis answered simply, dully without stopping to turn around. He just wandered, seemingly aimlessly but he definitely had a destination in mind – two floors down to take his first and last look at a dying man!

... ... ...

**Olivia's room…**

"You might as well open those great big eyes" Alex said to Olivia who was still unconscious "You and me, we got a whole lot we still have to do!" she wiped the tears that were falling down her face as she looked at her best friend so horribly beaten.

"When we got that call… I couldn't breathe. All the way here I couldn't breathe… I told you before, you are not allowed to leave me and I meant it so hurry up and get better. You know, when the doctor told us that you'd be okay the first thing I thought about was calling Case to give her the news but then I remembered... I still can't wrap my head around it sometimes and if we had lost you tonight… thank god for miracles. And speaking of miracles, it's a girl!" she said while gently touching Olivia's belly "But I'm sure Trevor already told you…" there was a long pause before she spoke her next words.

"Faust won't hurt anyone every again, and if there's a god he'll be dead before sunrise and you and I are gonna do some serious dancing on that fucker's grave!"

* * *

.

**Dean's hotel suite…**

Amanda had been lying in his arms since she'd gotten here hours ago. They hadn't had sex – Dean hadn't asked it of her or tried to lead them there and even when she'd wanted to, he simply held her, allowed her to cry and when she'd exhausted her tears he just continued to hold her. There was never a time in her entire life that she could remember lying in a bed with a man for hours without sex and she had to admit, it made her feel good to not have to feel like she needed to get physical. No one had ever just held her like this and she felt that it was something she could very easily get used to- it felt nice to be cared for.

"You wanna talk about it?" Dean whispered against her forehead where he'd just planted a lingering kiss.

"For as long as I live, I don't think I'll ever be able to get it out of my head" Amanda spoke just as quietly, following a long silence. The emotion was still very raw in her voice and Dean picked up on it, pulling her tighter against him when her tears began again. "There was so much… he beat the hell out of her, smashed her face, broke her arm and then there was a gapin wound in her chest where he stabbed her and blood was just gushin " Dean couldn't help grimacing at the thought. Though he'd resigned himself to staying out of Olivia's life, he still cared deeply for her and hearing Amanda describe the condition they'd found her in…

"And baby Drew… she was bleedin out so fast… Fin was tryin to help Liv and I was with Drew and Liv, she's lyin there near death but all she could think about was her babies; she kept beggin Fin not to let them die but I thought we'd Lose Drew; I thought we'd lose all three of them… after he stabbed her and Drew he had that knife holdin it over her stomach when we got there, he had it raised and he was gonna…" the thought was too much for her and she couldn't continue through her sobs

"It's over now" Dean soothed, trying his best to comfort Amanda with his own heart now shattered into a million pieces

"if Fin hadn't shot him…"

"Don't think about it. That son of a bitch won't survive and that's what's important" they were interrupted when his phone rang. "I'm sorry, I gotta take this" he apologized before reaching for his phone.

"It's okay"

"Porter. Wait… how is that even possible? You gotta be kidding me…no, don't do a damn thing, I'm on my way!" he shouted angrily before ending the call. "I gotta go" he told Amanda as he shot out of bed

"What's wrong?" she asked as he pulled off his pajama pants, revealing his nude body to her. Amanda couldn't help biting her lip at the sensations that went through her body.

"Faust" he answered while throwing on clothes, just the mention of that name immediately killing her libido.

"He died! Thank you Jes…"

Don't go thanking Mr. Water-to-wine just yet, the bastard's alive. He has a bullet lodged in his brain but he's alive and awake"

"That's not possible!" Amanda was stunned

"Oh it is, and aside from a headache, he's as good as new!"

* * *

.

**Hospital, Drew's room…**

Trevor stood by the window watching as the rain continued to fall outside. It had slowed considerably, nowhere near as bad as it had been earlier when it was coming down in icy sheets and had caused Mike's car to skid off the road and into a utility pole as he was on his way to Olivia and the children. He never made it there and hadn't been able call because he'd been unconscious.

_God, there were so many things that should have gone differently tonight! _Trevor thought. Things that if they had, his wife and child wouldn't be lying here in this hospital but knowing that no matter the other circumstances that led up to his wife and daughter suffering so horribly at the hands of that madman, the accountability was all his. In his mind he'd failed as a father, failed as a husband. His family is the most important thing in his world and he failed to protect them and in his eyes there was nothing that would ever make up for that fact.

He was so lost in his dark thoughts that he hadn't noticed the tiny moan that came from Drew before…

"Daddy…" he thought his heart would stop! That beautiful, tiny little voice, as weak and tired as it sounded suddenly brightened his life and he couldn't get to her fast enough.

"Drew…baby I'm here…daddy's right here!" he said as he sat beside her and again took her little hand in his while pressing the call button for the nurse. Drew's big blue eyes fluttered heavily. He'd never been so happy to see those eyes.

"Where's my Jojo?" she asked groggily about her favorite stuffed gorilla, her eyes already starting to close again. Trevor was so overwhelmed with joy that he could barely speak. She'd just been through so much and she wanted her monkey…of all things, her monkey!

"Jojo…" he cleared his throat and wiped his tears before continuing "Jojo is at home baby, but daddy will get him for you, okay?"

"Well, look who's awake" the nurse said upon entering the room. "How are you feeling little one?"

"It hurts" Drew answered in a near whisper. The nurse was already administering pain medication through one of the intravenous tubes.

'I'm sorry sweetie but you'll feel just fine in a second" she turned to look at Trevor "I just gave her something for the pain. She'll be okay. I'll get Dr. Klein"

"Thank you" Trevor said just as the nurse exited the room

"Daddy?" Drew called again, this time in a sadder voice. Trevor could tell that she was fighting to stay awake in spite of having just woken and her eyes were glassy

"What is it princess?"

"Did the bad man take mommy away?" she asked, becoming agitated and causing her heart and blood pressure monitors to speed up

"What?" Trevor asked, shocked by his daughter's question

"I want mommy… the bad man is hurting mommy daddy please make him stop!" she cried "Please please make him stop!" she begged. Suddenly the monitors were sounding alarms as Drew's eyes rolled back and her body began convulsing.

"Adrienne…baby, stay with daddy" he cried, terrified

"She's crashing!" someone yelled as a team of doctors and nurses quickly filled the room

"What's wrong with her?"

"Sir we need you out side, NOW!" the nurse yelled as she rushed him out into the hall where he watched helplessly from the window as the team worked desperately to save Drew, his heart pounding so hard that he was sure it would knock its way right out of his chest.

"God please… Please!" he cried as he collapsed against the wall and sank to the floor, unable to hold his weight up, his body shaking as he choked out deep sobs that he could no longer contain. "Not my baby!

"Trevor?" Brian called, immediately assuming the worst and ran the rest of the way down the hall when he saw his best friend in a heap on the floor by Adrienne's room "Nooooo...no no no no!" he cried, barely able to breathe "OH God! When?" Fin and Nick had been called on a case and Brian had gone looking for Travis and thought he might be with Trevor

"What?" Trevor asked

"You...Drew's not?" Brian was confused

"I don't know...I don't know. She was fine and then...I don't know!" he cried as Brian sighed long and deep.

"What the fuck is happening?" Brian wondered, taking a look through the window at the doctors working on Drew and deciding that he couldn't stomach it before he decided to join Trevor on the floor, putting his arm around him and pulling I'm into a hug. Trevor broke even harder, crying in his best friend's arms. An orderly passing by gave them a judgmental stare.

"Ay, what the hell you lookin at?" Brian yelled before turning his attention back to Trevor "It's alright man, let it out"

"She saw it"

"Who...saw what?"

"Drew..." Trevor explained as he sat up "she saw what Faust did to her mother!"

... ... ...

**Outside Faust's room...**

He really gonna make it?" Travis asked the agent as he stared inside the room of the man who killed his wife.

"Looks like it" the agent responded, none-too-thrilled. "You are?"

"Travis Langan"

"Langan… oh...your wife and daughter. I'm so very sorry sir."

"Actually, they're my sister and niece… Faust raped and murdered my wife months ago...she was his third victim. Maybe you heard or saw how he sent a picture of her nearly decapitated, to the ledger...they plastered it all over the front page." the FBI agent listened heartbreakingly "He took everything from me, my wife, our baby...and all I've wanted for months was the chance to look him in the eye and know why. Please...I just want a minute"

"Do you have any idea he kind of trouble I'd be in if I let you walk in there? You can't be here, now leave!" Travis hung his head "...now if I were...I don't know, going down the hall to grab a cup of coffee right this very minute, therefore not seeing you come back and sneak into that room, well that would be another story now wouldn't it?" the agent continued in a whisper while using all the necessary body language to put on a good show for the cameras that he knew where watching.

"I'm sorry" Travis mock-apologized and walked away.

"Coffee time!" Agent Pine said loudly when Travis was out of sight then walked away. After a few seconds Travis came back around the corner and slipped unnoticed into Faust's room.

... ... ...

"Who the fuck are you?" Faust demanded to know upon opening his eyes after hearing Travis' footsteps in his room.

"You really don't remember me?" Travis asked as he stood at Faust's bedside "I bet you remember my wife though."

"Wait a minute, wait. a. fuckin. minute!" Faust grinned, rattling his cuffs. "Yeah...I know exactly who you are and I'm glad you came. pull up a seat, we got shit to talk about!"

"No, actually we don't got shit to talk about"

"What? You hear to cry about your fuckin wife? Hashtag: old news! I'm surprised your brother ain't the one down here considerin the way I wrecked his wife!"

"That's because they're still here. Trevor has something to live for so he doesn't need to waste his time on you. Me on the other hand...I got nothin. Nothin to live for and nothin to lose!"

"Aww, but I wanted to tell him how good his wife's ass and pussy felt... Oh well, I guess I'll just tell you about yours...she was prime! Shame though, no matter how hard I fucked her, and I fucked her bloody just like I did your sister but still, I couldn't get her to come!"

Without a word or a warning, Travis threw a punch at Faust, hitting him square in the jaw before jumping on top of the man and continuing to beat him mercilessly with his fists. Blood began flying but Travis wouldn't stop, he pummeled Faust's face as if he were possessed by a demon and when his hands grew tired, he grabbed the telephone from the night table and began bashing the base of his against Faust's, who had long been unconscious skull and continued to beat him until he'd broken every bone in the man's head and there was nothing left but a caved-in, grotesque horror. Faust was dead and Travis sat in a state of utter nirvana on top of him, a macabre grin on his face as he looked down at the man he'd just killed, reveling in the sound of his heart monitor having gone flat.

He didn't attempt to move as the medical personnel and law enforcement ran into the room. He'd made it right. He'd avenged Casey's death, he'd avenged Liv and Drew and now that it was all, as far as he was concerned, over, he began sobbing as he sat atop the dead man.

"What the Fuck just happened here?" Dean Porter yelled as Amanda stood watching in horror from the doorway.

"Tell Trevor it's okay now" Travis said as tears streamed his face, then before anyone could react to stop him, he pulled a gun from his jacket, put it in his mouth and pulled the trigger, blowing his own brains out and falling dead on top of Faust.

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**Soooooooo…yeah. I'm just gonna go. Feedback would be nice. no twitter spoilers please, Thanks for reading.**


	17. Concealing

**A million apologies but this chapter fought the holy hell out of me- it wanted to go one ay and I wanted something else and I finally got a compromise so here we are. If anybody is still with me, I hope that there will never be another wait this long. You guys are awesome, I mean that! here we are, chapter seventeen at last. Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters and I… yeah. Enjoy!**

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He doesn't sleep, just roams the house all night consumed by his thoughts. He has no idea how everything fell apart so quickly, how everything could be turned completely upside down. He couldn't stand being in this house, felt that it was tainted – his wife and daughter had been attacked here; viciously attacked but even in the wake of it Olivia insisted that they couldn't shake up the children's lives, that they needed as much normalcy as she and Trevor could give them.

Life has a funny way of changing the rules and leaving us asking ourselves 'what if?' For instance: What if Liv hadn't found that flash drive? And What if she'd never watched what was on it? What if she hadn't discovered the truth about what happened to Chloe and what if she hadn't made Trevor leave?

Then, what if just hours after he did, there had been no maniac who forced his way into their home and while their children were upstairs sleeping, raped and brutalized Olivia then badly injured their baby girl and sent an already fragile Travis completely over the edge, leaving them all devastated?

Faust had already taken so much from their family but now, with this final act he may have destroyed it!

One month.

One month of grieving the loss of his brother while his daughter lay unconscious for three weeks of that month and his wife was in and out of consciousness for two days of that month oblivious to the chaos going on around them but for a total of five days Trevor had to watch her suffer through the worst pain she's ever gone through, pain that though she tried to downplay its severity for his sake, gripped her to the point of cold sweats and trembling and on the days where it was at its absolute worse, she could do nothing more than lie there sobbing in agony, sometimes screaming while holding on t him for dear life.

"_I'm sorry… I'm sorry!" she apologized after letting out a pain-filled cry that made known every ounce of the suffering she was experiencing. She was fully awake and fully alert and the pain had quickly become too much for her to tolerate._

"_Honey please, let them give you something" he begged again for the umpteenth time. It killed him to see her this way but she refused to be swayed. As long as she could feel her baby moving inside her and healthy, she drew strength from it and knew that she was doing what was best for him or her. She suffered selflessly for the sake of their child. Trevor hadn't yet told her that she was carrying another girl._

"_No! It'll hurt the baby…I'll be okay, please just… I'll be fine. As long as he or she is okay…" she insisted as she swallowed her tears. _

"_She" he said with tears in his eyes as he palmed her belly._

"_What?"_

"_The doctor slipped and told me the night you came in; we're having a girl." _

_Though it hurt tremendously, Olivia couldn't stop the huge smile that spread across her face as more tears trailed her cheeks but these were happy tears._

"_A baby girl…Drew wants a sister!"_

"_Yeah…she does." He smiled, finding joy in seeing Olivia happy._

"_Casey… I want her name to be Casey" she said through her tears as she placed her hand on top of his where it rested on her belly. It wasn't something she needed to think about._

'_I think that's beautiful, babe"_

"_Trevor, you need to go to Drew, I don't want her to be alone!"_

"_My parents are with her, she's fine"_

"_Noah and Jamie need them. It should be one of us with Drew."_

Jamie was devastated because he could sense that something was very wrong and felt lost without Drew – since Olivia gave birth to them they'd never been apart for more than a few hours and on top of it he missed his mother terribly. Noah cried constantly, wouldn't eat and didn't sleep very well. He wanted Olivia and no matter what Trevor or his grandparents did to comfort the boys, they couldn't. Even going through her own hell Olivia's first and only concern was for their children. She hadn't known then about Travis, had no clue the sheer hell that Trevor was going through on top of trying his best to live with Faust's attack on her and their daughter and the after effects. Meanwhile, Trevor was completely ignorant to the true extent of the attack. While he'd known about the horrific injuries his wife and daughter had sustained, he didn't know that Olivia had been raped; that Faust had violated his wife in such a vile manner or that his daughter had witnessed it.

Olivia didn't know how she would tell him, she struggled with it and it haunted her every thought. She knew for sure that it would cause Trevor to come undone but she also knew that she couldn't keep it a secret and decided that once Drew was out of the woods she would tell him. But then came day six. On day six her mind was clear enough from the pain that she wondered why Travis hadn't come to see her. Everyone else had been there except for her brother-in-law and with how close the two of them where, she couldn't help but wonder why. It was when she'd asked Trevor about it later that day that he'd broken down and told her. She'd known that Faust had died, had repeatedly thanked God for it every time she was wheeled into Drew's room and looked at her baby lying helplessly in a coma but she'd never been given the details. It was only on that sixth day that she earned the truth about the circumstances leading to Faust's death and as soon as Trevor got it all out…

"_Why didn't you tell me?" She asked as she looked over at her husband, her heart breaking at watching him try and fail miserable at holding himself together._

"_Because this was the last thing you needed."_

"_All this time, you…your parents, even Brian… you've been here worried about us while you've had to deal with planning to bury your brother…"_

She decided right then that her pain was done and refused to put anymore focus on what happened to her.

"_It's my turn to be here for you." S_he promised him and she meant it. Trevor had always been her rock and right now he needed her more than ever. It was with this in mind that she threw out any plans to ever tell him about the rape and after insisting that Trevor take the day to spend with his parents, she called Fin, Nick and Amanda to the hospital.

"_The four of us… I know that you three know what happened…know ALL of what happened to me."_

"_We didn't…" Nick wanted to deny _

"_Nick, it's okay, I…" she said looking away. "I know exactly what you all saw when you got there" she finished in a much quieter voice; her teeth worrying her bottom lip anxiously. She never thought she would be here having this conversation with her squad – about her own rape but she couldn't run away from it – she would have, if not for Trevor's sake but she didn't have that luxury right now._

"_Who else knows?" she asked._

"_Aside from the doctors, and maybe Trevor?" Fin asked._

"_Trevor doesn't… he doesn't know …and I wanna keep it that way, it's why I asked you all to come."_

"_Liv…"_

"_The doctors can't tell him without my consent and I need the three of you to promise me that you won't either; __he couldn't handle it, not with everything else that's going on."_

_"What about you? Amanda wondered._

_"I'll be fine. My family needs me and I don't have time to fall apart."_

_"So you just what? Forget about what happened to you?" Nick asked._

_"My daughter is in a coma and we lost Travis. I can deal with what that animal did to me but Trevor can't, he can't deal with any more right now. The best thing is to just put it behind me and move on, I have bigger things o worry about…"_

And she did. It would be three weeks before Drew would come out of her coma and when she did she wasn't the same - she had lost some motor skill and her speech had been affected. The doctors assured Olivia and Trevor that this was all temporary and that it could be fixed with therapy but what couldn't be fixed was her memory. Drew woke up with no recollection of anything that had happened to her or her mother. The doctor called it _Psychogenic amnesia, _was no physical trigger for it, it happened purely out of need to protect oneself from things that were simply too traumatic to deal with. Sometimes the memories came back but there was a chance that they never would. Trevor and Olivia considered this a blessing, neither of them wanted Drew burdened with whatever she may have witnessed that night and thankful that she wouldn't. For Trevor however, this all just more incentive for him slowly falling to pieces.

He hadn't been handling any of this as well as he let everyone believe and no matter how much Olivia tried to shoulder his burden, he wouldn't allow it. The same way she'd sacrificed to protect him, he did the same to protect her so on the day they buried Travis, he kept a strong face for her, his parents and their friends but that night, he went to the hospital to sit with Drew and he cried the entire night there at her bedside. There hadn't been a person in the world that he loved the way he loved his little brother; they had a bond that was unbreakable – at least that's what he thought but then suddenly…

The days that followed the burial found him daily at his brother's grave. They'd lain him to rest beside Casey hoping that he'd find comfort in being with her again but Trevor knew that he'd never have comfort again without Travis.

_"It's not supposed to be this way. I'm trying to make some sense of it, trying to understand why but I can't…"_

...no matter how hard he tries and now a month after that fateful night, Trevor doesn't sleep. The stress of Olivia and Drew's attack coupled with the stress of losing his brother, he just roams the house all night consumed by his thoughts. He runs every scenario through is head of everything that he could have done differently, every way that he could have been more diligent in protecting his wife, his brother, his children. His wife shouldn't be nursing a broken body seven months into her pregnancy, his daughter shouldn't be practically re-learning to walk and talk at the age of three while adjusting to life with just one kidney and his bother shouldn't be in a grave. But more than anything, he shouldn't be finally snapping under the pressure of being superman - of always trying to make things right for everyone around him, trying to be the glue for everyone he loves while ignoring the cracks in his own façade. He's been strong for too long and it's chipped away at him, finally chipped away leaving him raw, exposed to his own insecurities and unable to keep going without help but he did it; he found that strength he needed and as he sat there in his den at midnight, thankful that his wife could sleep without waking up every couple of hours tormented by pain, he said a _thank-you_ to his newfound strength and as he had every night for the last three weeks, he filled the glass again and again, determined to keep drinking until the madness inside his head was quiet. He never could stand noise.

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**I'm sorry. Don't hate me, okay? Okay, even if you do hate me, don't let it stop you from reviewing. See y'all soon! No twitter spoilers.**


	18. Doors

**Chapter eighteen... And you guys didn't even have to wait very long. There isn't much to say in terms of the setup so we'll just jump right in. To everyone who reads and comments, I thank you all. It makes us ff writers feel good to know that you guys appreciate what we do. Enjoy.**

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**Reader comments**

**Saradawn723**  
Well secrets don't stay buried. He's gonna find out she was raped and he's gonna flip out. And now he's drinking...what have you done to my Trevor?! I can't handle his heartache dammit!

**losamantesclandestinos**  
Oh, damn. Why do you have to do this to me? This was SO good but so heartbreaking. My poor heart. Poor Trevor. I just want to give him a big hug. Well done. BUT DAMMITALL FOR HURTING MY HEART!

Bruh... Y'all can't even fathom the heartache that's coming!

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*****Chapter is VERY adult, consensual and nonconsensual sex, not for kids, take heed!*****

"_Trevor, I love you!" Olivia moaned into his mouth between kisses that were as languid as the manner in which their bodies moved with one another's, flawlessly and with purpose. Having him inside her, filling her so wonderfully while his mouth and hands tantalized every inch of her body was oftentimes more than her senses could handle and she would come quickly, repeatedly; her body taking the pleasure he gave until it was almost painful, like now. She's lying on top of him, her back against his chest while he fucks her in slow, deep strokes. His arm is across the upper swell of her belly holding her against him while his fingers tease her clit, applying more pressure with each stroke. She grinds her hips in circles against him, each time he pushes into her his thick cock rubs against her spot – it's the reason she's already come twice but his touch on her clit has become too much and she tries to squeeze her thighs shut to stop his hand from moving but he's strong and just smirks at her attempt, catching her mouth in another mind-numbing kiss while twisting her nipple, his fingers continuing their pace on her too-swollen clit while he fucks her good and deep. When her belly was smaller, he would have flipped them, putting her onto her stomach without breaking contact and fucked her harder, increasing the pressure of his fingers until she came screaming. But every pregnancy was different and with this one she just couldn't take him as roughly as she could with her first and second. He knows that she'll let him know when she really needs him to stop, but until then…_

"_Baby please!" She whimpers through ragged breath and near tears, having broken the kiss and now pulling at his wrist. She simply cannot take it and he doesn't hesitate to stop, quickly pulling his hand away from her center. _

_"You okay?" He whispers against her ear, her pleasure being his first priority. He could never bear the thought of hurting her, however unintentionally._

_Instead of words, she answered with a cry of pleasure as he pushed up again. Shd drew his fingers to her lips and sucked her wetness from them, maneuvering her hips to meet his continuing thrusts. Olivia was so wet around him that he slipped out. She whimpered when he left her and without missing a beat he quickly reached down to push himself back in and after a couple of strokes he could feel her walls already clenching around him._

_"Deeper baby" She purred, nipping at his chin before claiming his lips. A few more strokes and she was coming and he knew he wouldn't last much longer with her now being so unbelievably tight; he could barely move. He rocked his hips; one last time, burying himself incredibly deep and putting pressure on her g-spot, sending her over the edge and falling with her, digging his fingers into her hips while she reached back and fisted his hair as their sweat-soaked bodies rode out their respective climaxes, Trevor littering her skin with kisses as they came down._

A hard kick from the baby jarred Olivia from her reverie and she looked down at her seven and a half months pregnant belly, cradling it with her good hand. All day her mind had been preoccupied with thoughts of last night. She wasn't sure what had come over Trevor - he'd been terrified to even hug her ever since that night Faust... He'd blamed himself for what happened to his family that night - still blames himself six weeks later and won't talk about it with her or anyone, refusing to lean on their friends and family - refuses to even lean on her. Instead, he opts to just keep it all locked inside. He's barely able to look at her because of his guilt and has been distant, which was why it surprised her after the kids had been put to bed last night and he had come up to help her with her bath he got a little frisky when he was helping her to dry off.

He'd let his fingers linger over her scars, kissed her, held her, told her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her.

_"I know I haven't been the easiest to deal with and I'm sorry."_

_"Baby... Don't apologize, you've been doing the best you can." And she honestly didn't fault him. When she said that she'd put what happened to her behind her for the sake of her family, she meant it; she locked it away, swallowed it and never looked back. She just wanted her life back before Faust, she wanted her husband back, needed to reconnect with him to rid herself- her body of the ghost of that night and when Trevor kissed her - not just a quick peck but really kissed her finally after so many weeks and touched her like she'd needed him to... It was like water to the desert. The desperation in his kiss told her how much he needed her and she didn't hesitate to give herself completely and finding herself emotionally overwhelmed with the intensity of their lovemaking. she'd missed him so much and to be in his arms like this again meant everything; she didn't even question the alcohol on his breath - something she'd been noticing more and more frequently these last few weeks, deciding that they'd have that talk tomorrow; they needed tonight to just revel in each other. it came as a shock to Olivia however when they were done, they both came undone and broke down, sobbing in each others arms and made love over and over through the night, seeking solace in one another then, as if some switch had been activated, Trevor got up this morning and was back to his distant self, leaving Olivia feeling that as wife, she was failing him._

"You're determined to kick mama senseless today, aren't you?" She smiled, and was met with another kick beneath her palm. In spite of how incredibly difficult these last six weeks had been, both physically and emotionally, her children had been the one constant that kept her afloat - especially feeling her baby growing stronger inside her every day. She remembered all-too-well the dread that coursed through her when she woke up in the hospital in so much pain she thought she'd black out; prayed she would but her first thoughts after Drew went to their unborn child. She had almost been afraid to ask but her fears were put to rest when before the words left her mouth, as if on cue, Casey shifted and kicked to let her momma know that she was still safe and sound inside her and that was all Olivia needed to keep going.

Now, sitting here with everything in shambles, she wondered if anything would truly ever be okay again. the media circus had finally died down a few days ago, the press did everything in their power to make not just their lives hell, but their family, their friends – anyone slightly connected to them had become a target for gossip-hungry reporters – even poor Rob and Sara fell victim when someone found out that Olivia owned the home they live in; it was a nightmare for all involved for weeks and now. She'd almost let Semper and Jax loose on the reporters on more than one occasion. Now, for the first time since this whole thing happened, she wondered if maybe Trevor hadn't been right in saying that they should just sell the house and start someplace fresh. As much as the children loved it here, for she and Trevor it just didn't feel like home anymore; the memories they'd created here now seemed tainted and as she sat feeling her baby girl moving about inside her, she was sure of one thing…

"I don't want to bring my baby home to this house" she said to Trevor upon entering his home office where he sat at his desk on a phone call.

"Mark, I'll have to get back to you" he said into the receiver before hanging up and looking over at Olivia.

"You were right; this isn't home anymore and I don't want Casey starting her life here. it's tainted." she said as she sat down on the leather sofa, thankful to take the weight off her leg and aching back. Though the cast had been removed and she was able to walk, the doctor didn't want her putting her full weight of the leg and she was ordered to use a cane and brace until the fracture was fully healed - at least another six weeks.

"What brought this on all of a sudden?" he asked, suddenly sounding happier than he'd been in a long time.

"I just... The kids are young, the twins are only three and a half, and Noah's barely two. It's not this place the matters to them, it's us; our family. If we leave here they won't even remember it in a year but as long as our family is together, we'll be okay. I was selfish to say we should stay, it doesn't feel like home anymore… I get how hard this is for you and I don't want to be what's causing you stress."

"You are not the cause of my stress. Put that out of your head." he said as he came over and sat beside her.

"This, everything that's happened and then to have to come back to this place and be surrounded by the press, day in, day out trying to get a story…"

"Liv, honey, I'm fine."

"Except you're not." She said as she took his hand in hers. "Trevor, I know about the drinking."

"The…" the shame was evident in his voice.

"Drinking. You've been drinking to cope with all of this and… baby, I love you. I love you in ways that I didn't even know I was capable of loving someone but as much as I do love you, I won't live with the drinking. It stops, now."

The silence that suddenly filled the room was almost deafening. Trevor looked down at their joined hand before clearing his throat and getting up to sit sit on the edge of his desk.

"Is it that obvious?"

"...to a woman who grew up with an alcoholic for a mother? A pink elephant would be less obvious." She joked, he gave a half-hearted smile. He wanted more than anything to avoid this conversation, to make an excuse to drop it but he knew that she was right. It was time to stop shutting himself off.

"I don't have a problem if that's what you're thinking." And he honestly didn't believe that he did. "I just... It calms the noise in my head when I'm not able to shut it out." He didn't want to lie to her.

"And I swear I wasn't trying to be secretive about it I just... Everything comes crashing on my head hardest when it's late and I'm alone. A couple of drinks relaxes me and helps me sleep." He'd omitted the day-drinking detail but he had a feeling that she already knew that too.

Olivia pulled herself up from the sofa and went to him.

"That's what I used to be for... _For better or worse_, remember? Your pain is my pain, you just need to let me help you carry it."

"Liv, you already have so much to deal with, it wouldn't be right or fair to give you more."

"What wouldn't be right or fair is me, letting you go through this alone."

"What about you? After what he did..." An image flashed through her mind of Faust on top of her, embedded deep in her anal cavity and slamming into her mercilessly while she screamed beneath him.

_"That's right bitch, take it...I almost wanna let you live so you'll remember this for the rest of your life!_" _He taunted. "Don't worry baby, I'm gonna hurt your cunt just as bad!"_

She quickly shook it off and looked at her husband.

"I few broken bones and a stab wound... I'm fine. And I'm here... Take what you need from me. Whether you need to talk or vent or just make love to get it out like last night; I'm here!"

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me, I know that I was rough with you, I didn't mean..."

"No... Don't do that. We both needed last night and regardless of how intense you may have been, you made sure that I was okay, and I am. Baby I'm not fragile... That bastard meant to break me with what he did to me but he couldn't. I'm here for whatever you need so let me help you. You can't keep shutting me out while you console yourself with booze. Trust me, you don't want to take that route."

"You make it sound like I have a problem - I don't."

"Good, then stopping won't be an issue."

"No… no issue." He promised as he pulled her close and sweetly kissed her lips. One thing that hadn't been affected by all of this was her hormones. Even during the few weeks that followed, when she was physically unable to do anything about it and repulsed by the idea of even trying, her body wanted it. then after a month she'd healed significantly and was able and willing but Trevor… and then suddenly last night happened. She needed him and her body was screaming in agreement.

"The twins won't be home until two and Noah won't be up from his nap for another thirty minutes…"

"…And you were thinking we should start looking for a house. We're on the same page!" He joked, knowing full well what she wanted.

"Trevor!"

"I'm kidding" he laughed against her lips between kisses. "I know _exactly _what you want."

"But are you gonna give it to me?"

"You have no idea how good!"

"If last night is any indication..."

"Come on, let's get you off that leg." He said, quickly swooping her up in his arms and heading out the door.

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**Trevor has no idea what he's in for - what **_**they're**_** in for. Next chapter we visit the rest of our characters and revisit the rings. As for Liv and Trevor... Yeah. How about a moment to drop a review? Good or bad, I love to hear what you guys think. Until next time.**


	19. Back To Square One

**Sorry for the holdup. It's been an issue and I'm sorry but I'm here now so hopefully that makes up for things. Well I gotta say- you know what, I won't say. I'll just let you guy read on. Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters, I just borrow them.**

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"Honey, remember I have a doctors appointment at eleven." Olivia said, entering the kitchen, Semper right behind her. She couldn't seem to get rid of them and instead just ignored the fact that they were around though sometimes it was hard.

"Don't worry, I won't forget." He gave her a good morning kiss. "How're my girls?"

"Peachy. She's eagerly looking for space, meanwhile I'm busy with my head in the toilet. I swear it's getting small in there, and plus she's sitting on my bladder."

He kissed her and Semper stood watching him. "I wish there were something I could do. Hey Semp, you wanna take it over there?" The dog stood and watched Trevor closely.

"You can, have this baby for me!" She said, reaching down to rub Semper's head, letting her know it's okay. The dog looked at Trevor before walking away to join Jax who was sitting by Drew, which was his usual place lately.

"Maybe these two months will fly right by." He said as she made her way to the teapot.

"...and maybe I'll find gold; or a unicorn!" They're sharing a laugh when the baby starts giving hard, fast kicks and she puts her hand to her belly to try to calm it.

"Kicking?" He said as he put his hand to her belly on top of hers.

She nods. "This kid is gonna be all legs. These kicks are getting more painful."

"You sit down, I'll get your tea. Hey Jamie, why don't you run and use the bathroom before we go."

"Okay Daddy." He pushed his plate away and got up from the table.

"No kiss?" Olivia said, giving a big laugh, Jamie made his way over and threw his arms around her.

"Good morning mama." He smiled while she lifted him into her arms.

"Good morning bug." She kissed him while she hugged him tight. "Sleep okay?"

"Uh huh. You sleep okay?"

"I did. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to get you up this past week, mama's been tired."

"It's okay. Daddy helped me."

"He did?"

"Yes, and guess what?".

"What?"

"I have to pee!" He laughed. She kissed him and put him down. "Wash your hands when you're done. She giggled.

"I will." He shouted as he ran down the hall. She made her way to Drew who was sitting at the table eating.

"Good morning baby." She said with a kiss to her daughter's head as she slowly sat down.

"Mo-ing mama."

"Ready for school?" Olivia asked as she kissed Noah.

"Uh huh. I ready." She said and popped some fruit in her mouth. "Mama, want some?" She asked, holding out a piece of fruit.

"Aww, thank you baby." She said as Drew put the fruit in her mouth.

"Welcome mama." Trevor rubbed Drew's head as he handed Olivia her tea.

"Thanks baby." She said, trying hard to get the baby to lessen her kicking.

"Mama, baby hurt?"

"Wanna feel it?" She said to Drew who sat in awe and shook her head, yes with a huge smile. Olivia took her little hand and placed it on her belly to feel the baby's powerful kicking. Drew pulled her hand away and gave the biggest laugh.

"There was a time when you kicked Mommy like that." Trevor said as he sat.

"Nooooo!" She laughed.

"Oh, but you did." Olivia laughed and tickled Drew. She gave an even bigger laugh as Jamia ran back in and threw his arms around Olivia, resting his head on her belly.

"Hi baby."

"Hi."

"Did you wash your hands?"

"Yes Mama. See." He said, darting a hand out in front of her. She took it and kissed it.

"You're such a good boy, Jamie."

"You're such a good Mama!" And he hugged her even tighter.

"The best!" Trevor said, looking at her with a smile that she returned. "So after I take them to school, we have two houses to look at and then we're off to the doctor's" Olivia sat playing with Noah for a moment.

"Well, here's to hoping." She said, now buttering a bagel. "Do we have any chocolate sauce?"

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Over at Brian and Alex's home they sat in the kitchen, Brian getting the kids ready to leave while Alex sat nursing Jake and reading the paper.

"Winnie, let's go, you're gonna be late." Brian called up the stairs as he packed their lunches. "This kid is impossible!" He said to Alex.

"Welcome to ten." She said. "babe, did you remember to..."

"Got it right here." He said, setting the permission slip by her lunch. "You boys ready?"

"I am." Liam said.

"Me too." Connor added.

"Me three." Zach chimed in.

"Good to know." He said and yelled once more. "Hey Winnie..."

"Sorry Daddy, I'm right here." She said coming down the stairs and kissing Alex and Jake. "I had to find my headband." She said and planted a kiss on him, softening his mood. He smiled as he looked at her.

"You look pretty."

"Thanks Daddy."

"Where's our kiss?" Connor asked.

"Eww!" Winnie squealed. "Daddy, did you..."

"Next to your lunch. Alright boys, get your coats, let's roll. And no wrestling."

"Awww!" The three boys said together. "Bye ma."

"I'll see you guys later. Be good." She said with kisses to them all. "I love you."

"Hey Winnie, go and put your coat on."

"Bye Mommy."

"See you baby." She kissed her again before Winnie exited the kitchen.

"Be there in a second." He watched her leave and then... "So I was thinking, it's been thirty six days since we...well, you know..."

"Oh, I know."

"Anyway, you're off today and I can take the morning off..."

"Brian."

"Yeah."

"Hurry back!" He stood and looked at her.

"Hey kids..." He shouted as he rushed out of the kitchen. Alex sat laughing and looked down at Jake who was falling asleep while he nursed, twirling his hair in his fingers.

"I think somebody is due for a nap."

"No." He said sleepily and continued sucking.

"You've been awake since five, Aren't you tired?"

"No."

She watched him as he continued sucking, slowly, as his eyes got low. "I'm sorry you're sick little guy." She said as she caressed his hair. She was starting to get up when her cell phone rang.

"Hey Liv."

"So you remember I was supposed to go back to work?"

"Yeah but I thought since the accident..."

"I did but now..."

"Have you told Trevor?"

"I'm going to tonight, but..."

"...you're not sure how it'll go over."

"A lot has happened over the last two months but now I'm having second thoughts. If I just get my feet back in there, maybe it can help me decide, plus Drew's all better and I still have a little over two months before this baby comes; I think it's time."

"Well you know whatever you decide, I'm on your side."

"That makes one." She said with laughter. "How are the kids?"

"Noisy." She gives a laugh. "But they're fine. What about the boys and Drew?"

"They're good." Olivia says, as she gives Noah a piece of banana.

"Thay you mama."

"You're welcome sweetie." She went back to speaking to Alex. "Anyway I should get going. Trevor and I have another house to look at; strike that, another two."

"Don't worry, you'll find something and it'll be the house of your dreams." Olivia's mood suddenly turns regretful.

"I thought I'd found that here..." She said sadly.

"Liv...would it be so bad to stay?"

"I um..." She flashes back to being raped in the living room. Being held down and berated while Faust did unspeakable things to her.

"Liv?"

"I'm sorry; I was just... But no, staying would not be an option." Alex was thrown off by the way she was acting.

"Honey...you know that if there were anything you needed to talk about...I'm here. Always."

"I know. I'm uh...I'll call you later okay?"

"Yeah, you take care." Alex said, feeling alarmed. For the first time in almost two months, she was seeing a side to Olivia that made her wonder and feel guilty; what exactly had she missed while she was so busy with work and the kids and Brian? She'd been there for Liv as much as she could and she hated to think that she had neglected her best friend, if something more had happened...Alex disconnected the call.

* * *

.

Later that morning as Olivia and Trevor were looking at a house...

"How many bedrooms?" Olivia asked the realtor.

"Six. As well as seven bathrooms."

"Hmmm." Olivia said. Trevor just looked on and carried Noah.

"As you can see, the bedrooms all have beautiful carpet..." She looked at Liv and decided against it. "...but we can change that if..."

"We'll need to rip it up." She complained to Trevor.

"That can be done." He said with a smile.

"Dada down," Noah said. Trevor immediately put him down and Noah walked the room with all confidence holding his turtle.

"Most of the bedrooms are equipped with beautiful window seats as you can see, plus the bathrooms are quite spacious and..." The realtor indicated that Trevor and Olivia should follow her, Olivia took Noah's hand and and looked at Trevor before following.

When they caught up with the realtor she was standing outside double doors further down the hall.

"I saved the Master Suite for last..." She opened up the doors to reveal the large, elegant bedroom. Trevor and Olivia looked at each other before walking in, she holding Noah's hand.

"Mama nice."

"It is nice, huh Noah?" She said. The realtor went about showing them the huge walk in closet, the beautiful huge bathroom, and the fireplace as well as the steps that led up to the giant, wrap around window seat as well as a giant balcony.

"What do you think?" Trevor asked as they came in from the balcony. Noah ran off into the closet with his turtle. "We got more than the space we need, lots of windows, plenty closets..."

"It is nice." Trevor took her in his arms from behind and planted a kiss to her neck.

"And it's perfect. Plenty space, a beautiful pond, gorgeous guest house. Say the word and it's yours."

"You do have a say-so."

"I want you happy. After the hell you've been through..." She saw Faust attacking her and closed her eyes.

"...you've been through just as much. I know that this hasn't been easy for you even though you've tried to make it easier for me and the kids." He kissed her hand.

"I'm okay, this is for you. Besides, we've looked at eleven other houses over the last two weeks and I am opinioned out." She turned and hit him playfully.

"Hold that thought, I need to pee. You might wanna get Noah from the closet." She said as she walked off to the bathroom.

* * *

.

At Alex and Brian's apartment, Jake was finally asleep and they were going at it like crazy. They were at the foot of their bed with Brian on top of Alex and he rode her hard, the sounds of their lovemaking filling the house.

"Come with me babe." He said as he fucked her harder.

"Oh God... oh God... Brian!" She screamed, wrapping herself around him as she started to come and he came with her, burying himself to the hilt inside her then collapsing on top of her.

"Holy shit!" He exclaimed as he collapsed on top of her. "That was ..."

"Holy shit!"

She kissed him several times and smiled. He rolled of her and lay beside her. "You wanna tell me now what's on your mind."

"Who said anythings on my mind?"

"Oh I knew when I got back."

"Then why didn't you say anything?"

"Babe no offense, but it's been thirty six LONG days."

"It did feel good to reconnect." She snuggled closer against him.

"That it did." He planted a kiss on her. "Talk to me

"Brian I think Liv; that night of the... I think...she...wasn't exactly..."

"Babe, come on."

"Brian I'm serious. Today we were talking and she...I can't explain; it just; I know it's crazy but you didn't hear."

"Babe I don't get it, what..."

"She paused. We were talking about finding a new house and she just... You think I'm crazy don't you?"

"No. I don't think you're crazy, you're just; I mean come on you know Liv, if she were- that, she would have told you. It's been two months, think about it, Drew was attacked that night. She could have easily been reminded of that."

"I guess you're right, I just, I don't know. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions."

"Hey, don't drive yourself nuts." He kissed the side of her head. "Come on." He said as he got up.

"Where are we going?"

"To the shower, I gotta be to work in an hour and I want a little more of you!"

* * *

.

In DC at Dean's apartment he and Rollins could not tear their interest away from each other long enough to keep off of each other longer than an hour. This morning was no different as she teased him to another orgasm as they lay in bed.

"I don't think I can move!" Amanda said. She was covered in a sheen of sweat after their lovemaking, splayed out on top of him.

"That's too bad..." He said and kissed her long and deep.

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah, cuz I'm not even started with what I wanna do to you!"

"No?"

"No!" He pulled her in for another kiss and flipped them while they were locked, pinning her arms down as he continued hungrily kissing her, trailing her neck and breasts.

"Dean, slow down baby...!" A cry escaped her lips.

"You want me to?" He held her hands above her head as he rendered a bite to her breast then sucked her nipple into a hard peak, blowing it softly and sucking it even harder as he used his free hand to explore between her legs.

"Dean... Baby..."

He continued kissing her neck and rubbing her clit, putting two fingers inside her and pumping them.

"That's some of what I wanted." He said, working his fingers in and out of her while she panted heavily against him. She tried to squeeze her legs shut but she couldn't, his fingers kept moving, adding a third and making her pant even louder.

"...you're gonna make me come again!"

"Maybe I should stop?" He said and kissed her, releasing her hands but still manipulating her clit. She was too far gone and he wasn't about to stop in spite of his teasing. She quickly wrapped her arms around him.

"Don't you dare!" She took his mouth in a smoldering kiss as he continued to finger her, going deeper while he played with her clit and making her scream in ecstasy as she moved against his hand.

"I love it when you're like this!" He said as he continued with his hand while he went down on her.

"Don't stop... Oh God make it come!"

* * *

.

At the sixteenth, Fin and Nick sat at their desks going over case files when Nick shut his file and stretched.

"I'm orderin lunch, you want somethin?"

"Nah I'm alright man." Fin said and sighed. "I miss Liv."

"Me too. And there's too much work here. When is Amanda coming back from DC?"

"Sunday. She finally took some time off; I tell you that four day weekend sounds real relaxing!"

"Tell me about it! I think I'm taking some long due vacation when she returns." He says and picks up the phone just as Cassie walks in.

"Hey Fin." She said, Nick immediately hung up the phone.

"Hey beautiful, look at you." He kissed her cheek and gave her his seat. "How many months?"

"Six; almost done."

"Yeah well don't forget, if it's a boy, Odafin."

"I'll keep that in mind." She laughed as he walked off.

"Hey, what are you doing here? Today's your day off." Nick said as he kissed her again and rubbed her belly.

"I know, but I was bored so I decided to make lunch and bring it down."

"Babe. You didn't have to do that." He kissed her again. "Thank you Mami."

"You're welcome. I gotta get home and get a nap before Zara and Mateo get home."

"Call me when you get home, please." He kisses her.

"I will, oh and there's more than enough there for Fin."

"We'll enjoy it. Come on, I'll walk you out." Just then the phone rang. "Damnit!"

"It's okay, I'll see you tonight." She kisses him. "Give Olivia my love."

"I will." He picks up. "Dt. Amaro."

* * *

.

It was just after two o'clock when Trevor and Olivia got home, Trevor carrying a sleeping Noah.

"Would you put Noah in his room?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired. This little one is wearing me out!" She said with her hands on her back. "Still kicking the life outta me!"

"I'm sorry baby." He pulled her close and kissed her. "Come on, we'll go upstairs, I'll put Noah down then I'll run you a nice bath. How's that sound?"

"Like heaven."

They arrived upstairs and she went to wait in their bedroom while Trevor put Noah in this crib and tucked him in. He turned on the monitor and closed the door, making his way down the hall to he and Olivia's room.

"Okay, I'm rea-" He looked and Olivia was fast asleep on their bed, cradling her belly. He stopped and smiled, going to kiss her cheek and cover her.

"I love you." He said and he looked at her one more time before he took Noah's monitor and walked out the door, shutting it.

He walked downstairs and entered his home office, setting the monitor down on the desk as he made his way around. He sat in the chair and failed a quick number.

"Hey Leslie, any calls? Yes... Okay I'll deal with them tomorrow... I'll be in at 12... Okay, I will." He ended the call and sat at his desk for a moment, folding his hands and dropping his head then running his hands through his hair before he opened his desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of vodka from behind his files.

"I can quit when I'm ready!" He said before he poured a drink into his glass and knocked it back, quickly refilling the glass and downing it then closing the bottle and putting it back in the drawer.

* * *

.

In a clinic in Switzerland, the doctor came in to his patient's room, utterly amazed to see that after five years, the patient seemed to be on his way to full recovery, it truly astonished the doctor. When he had first learned of this case he was skeptical; a man in the condition this man was in seemed like far too much to ever come back from, but they had done it before and would do everything in their power to heal this man. The questions of how or why he'd ended a up this way; well that was one thing Doctor hadn't been told; only that he was to keep this man alive and he had been paid handsomely to do it. Now looking at the man, five years later - he still couldn't believe it.

"You look well."

"I feel- well." He responded in his slow, rough voice. Five years had taken a toll on him, he was thin after so much time in a coma, and had to learn to walk and speak again. Five years in a coma had robbed him of most of this and since he woke up a year ago there had been a lot of work. He mostly slept at first, being so tired, that first month having been a blur; but there was one name that kept coming back to him, even in his haziest of days when nothing made sense, the doctors said he would utter a name, and as his memories came back this past year; so did his memories of that person and those memories are what has been motivating him to get better.

"How are we today?"

"Stronger- than a m-month ago." He said with all confidence.

"So I see." The doctor smiled.

"Doc, when can- I get out of here?" The man asked. "No offense- but it's been- a long time and I've got- scores to s-settle."

"You don't forget do you?"

"It's what's kept- me alive."

"I would hate to be your enemy, then."

The man suddenly stopped what he was doing with the huge hand weights and allowed them to rest beside the bench he was on and looked the Doctor straight in the eye.

"You have no idea!"

* * *

**.**

**I'm not saying anything, now give me some reviews, you know you want to. **

**P.S. No spoilers please. See y'all next time.**


	20. Expanding

**Chapter 20. I don't have anything to say so let's get to it. Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters.**

* * *

**Reader comments.**

**LaceNLeather24  
*mouth hangs open***

**But... wait... who...**

***still speechless***

**Could it be him...**

***thinks it's impossible***

**You know the fuck what...**

***Excited but impatiently waits for the next chapter***

\- Good, I've got your attention!

**Britkneerose  
I hope Olivia finally tells someone what happened that night. She needs to get it off her chest even though it seems she has been handling it well... Granted with all that happened with Drew it makes since. Omg only person I can think of it being at the end is Elliot. Oh boy**. - Bruh, you don't... Bruh!

**Bobbie23  
I knew this chapter seemed too happy at the start. I can't wait to find out who is in the hospital. Looking forward to the next chapter**. - Looking forward to it to.

**Saradawn723  
Dammit Trevor nooo! Put down the bottle! This is not good. And Liv is suffering from PTSD. This is not good. And who the fuck is that guy at the end? Fucking Elliot?! This is all not good. What are you doing to me? **\- In time.

* * *

.

"What do you guys think?" Trevor asked as the kids ran through the new house..

"Are we gonna live here?" Jamie asked stopping excitedly with a big smile on his face, his nose crinkled just like Olivia's when she was excited.

"That depends." Trevor said.

"On what?" Jamie asked. Drew ran over to Trevor and lay against his leg, he quickly lifted her into his arms, softly rubbing her back and she just as quickly put her head down on his shoulder.

"On if you and your sister like it." Olivia said. She put her hands to her back and stretched.

"You okay Mama?" Jamie asked.

"I'm okay baby." She let out a deep breath.

"What about Noah?" Jamie asked.

"Well, Noah is pretty much happy anywhere as long as we're together. Aren't you Noah?" She said to the toddler who was following Jamie with his turtle stuffed under his arm. He uttered something that Olivia and Trevor didn't understand and then he burst into laughter.

"I'm thinking that's a yes." Trevor said, causing Olivia to laugh. "So, guys, what do you think?"

The kids agreed that the house was a good buy prompting Trevor and Olivia to go for it. That Saturday morning, they said yes to the realtor and agreed to buy the house, Olivia feeling especially relieved that they'd found somewhere she could finally call home. She'd tried but she never could get past what Faust had done to her in that house, what he'd done to Drew; though she'd tried to forget. But now they'd finally found someplace new where they could start fresh and the weight that that took off her was immense; and hopefully in a new house, Drew would never recall the memories she hadn't yet.

* * *

.

Later that afternoon, when the kids were down for their nap, Olivia walked to the bedroom, stopping before she went in, and she looked at Semper and Jax.

"Come on guys, you stay out here." They looked at each other, then at her as if they hadn't heard her, intent on following.

"I mean it." They gave each other another look and whimpered sadly.

"Oh stop..." They whimpered louder, even sadder. "Fine." she opened the door to her room and went inside, the dogs on her heels. She went into the closet to pick out an outfit for tonight, the dogs following and she quickly pointed them out. She was searching through her pants when she heard a noise on the other side of the closet and froze, quickly regretting her decision.

"Trevor?" She whispered with a wish, her heart pounding nearly out of her chest. Slowly she grabbed her gun from the lockbox on the shelf. There was no answer so she called again. "Trevor, are you in here?" She called, inching ever closer to the door; she was relieved when he answered her.

"I'm here hon." She came around to the other side, gun still trained and stopped, dropping the gun to her side when she saw him there, sitting on the floor.

"You scared the bejesus out of me!" She said.

"I'm sorry, are you okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine...I almost shot you!" She exclaimed as he took her gun and removed the clip. "Are you okay? What are you- oh." She said, noticing the box lying beside him, it was the box that Travis' lawyer brought to him a week after... He had been holding on to it for almost two months and never had the nerve to open it, feeling like it would be saying goodbye. He just wasn't ready to do that.

"I still... I can't open it."

She stood there at a loss for words, not sure that anything would comfort him right now but knowing that he needed her, she took his hand and slowly got down on the floor, carefully, and sat beside him holding his hand as she put her head on his shoulder. They sat that way for a long moment before either of them spoke.

"Why don't you talk about it." She said.

*Because it's..." He felt his eyes well with tears. "I can't."

"...I know how hard it was; especially because you couldn't talk to me about it..."

"Liv..."

"I am so sorry that you couldn't come to me when you needed to."

"I dont blame you for that. You were in the hospital, you could hardly..." The tears in his eyes started to spill when he thought back to the days she was incapacitated because of the pain she was in due to her injuries.

"Because of what...because of the same man that killed Casey and drove Travis..." She gets teary. "I was the one who was here when things got bad bad and this time I couldn't be; I was injured and when I started to come back there was Drew and maybe you felt like it was too much then but baby I'm here now."

"Liv I swear to you, I'm okay. I promise."

"But you're not."

"I'm fine." He assured her, caressing her face. "I don't want you to stress yourself."

"I try but...how can I not when you're sitting here, in a closet with the box he left you, a box that you still can't open because you can't deal with what may be inside... I'm worried about you."

He leaned in, their foreheads touching before he claimed her lips hungrily. He kissed her as he cupped her face with his hands and they continued for a long moment in which she felt herself getting ridiculously aroused.

"Don't try to distract me." She moaned into his mouth as he continued.

"I'm fine." He murmured against her skin, now nibbling her earlobe. The pressure driving her insane. "Now I can explain that until you believe it..." He kissed his way down to her neck.

"...or I can make love to you until you..."

"We're going to talk about this...damnit Trevor!" He lay her down and climbed on top of her. She pulled off his shirt and planted kisses all over his chest and neck, working her way up to his mouth and devouring him. He lingered on her mouth then worked his way down her body, sucking and kissing her breasts, going lower, paying special attention to her belly before he pulled off her leggings; kissing the inside of her thighs then diving in, working her with his tongue until she screamed out loud.

"Oh God! Trevor-" He came up and kissed her mouth, she licking her juices from his then giving him her tongue, theirs dancing together languidly as he stroked her between her thighs eliciting another squeal from her.

"I love that you're so sensitive." She gave a moan as she bucked against him but he didn't stop and went back to kissing and nipping at her body. They continued, him putting her on top before she undid his pants and took him in her hand, jerking him slow before she rose up and came down on him, stopping once he was fully inside her.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just need a minute. Just...don't move." She said with a hand to his chest. He reached up and pulled her nipples, releasing a stream of milk upon letting them go. She smiled as she started to move her hips, slowly taking him, moaning as he went deeper. All the while she never knew about the vodka bottle Trevor had stashed in the drawer.

... ... ...

Later that evening, Olivia was all dressed and carrying Noah who was nearly asleep in her arms. Jamie and Drew sat playing in Jamie's room while Semper followed behind Olivia.

"Okay guys, how do I look?" She said walking towards the children, Semper sniffing at Noah's feet.

"Pretty mama." Drew said

"Thank you baby."

"You look nice." Jamie said.

"Thank you Jamie. Okay you guys, Daddy and I are going out and I want you on your best behavior."

"Where go mama?" Drew asked.

"We're having dinner at Uncle Fin's."

"You're leaving?" Jamie said, hugging her.

"Don't worry baby, I'll be back. In the meantime, can you be a big boy and watch your sister?"

"Hmmm, okay."

"_Okay?_" She gave him a kiss to his lips.

'"I love you mama!"

""I love you too Jamie. Drew, honey, come give mama a kiss." Trevor walked into the room and picked up Jamie.

"Daddy, can you bring me a hulk?"

"A hulk?""

"Uh huh."

"Tell you what, tomorrow we'll go to the toy store and you'll pick one out. How's that?" Jamie nodded and happily threw his arms around Trevor. "Alright. I'll see you in the morning sport."

"Okay daddy."

"Ready?"

"In a minute..." She looked up at Trevor then turned to Drew and hugged her almost too tight. She hadn't been away from them in so long, this was going to be a challenge she thought as she felt tears coming. "Will you be okay?"

"...be okay."

"Maybe we shouldn't go..." She said turning again to Trevor, he rolled his eyes as he gave an exaggerated sound.

... ... ...

Fifteen minutes later they were driving, on their way to the city.

"The nanny and nurse have our cell numbers and Fin's home and cell as well as the doctor's if anything goes wrong, which it won't- stop worrying.

"I know, it's just been so long. And then soon we'll have this little one." She rubbed her belly. "Are we ready?"

"No. But when the time comes." He kissed her fingers.

"What if Drew has a relapse? Or better yet, what if she has one while I'm giving birth so I can't be there for her?"

'What?" He said with a laugh.

"Don't laugh at me! I'm serious!"

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"So if Drew had a relapse and I was indisposed-"

"Liv- Adrienne is the picture of health, thank God. She is living and breathing, she can walk and talk and give us hugs and kisses everyday and everyday she's getting stronger and learning by leaps and bounds. I don't wanna think about her not being able to do that; not being able to laugh, or smile because she's fought that battle. We got lucky babe; or blessed- whatever you wanna call it we got it and I don't want to spend time thinking about what if. We got lucky. You both did." He said with tears in his eyes. She reached out and entwined their fingers together, squeezing his hand as they came to a stop sign.

"Yeah, we did!" She smiled. He turned and looked at her, smiling himself. That was why she loved him. She thought. Far beyond anything. He gave her faith when sometimes she couldn't see it and right now, always, she thanked god for him.

* * *

.

At Fin's dinner party later that evening, he, Melinda, Nick &amp; Cassie, Liv &amp; Trevor, and Alex &amp; Brian, everyone was sitting around having drinks after dinner and Trevor took it as his opportunity to really let loose, taking in the lion's share of the alcohol. It was now after ten and everyone was mellow, sitting around talking...

"So everyone, I was gonna save this but I figure now is as good a time as any." Nick said, looking at Cassie and holding her hand.

"She's having twins? I knew it." Fin said.

"No, no, it's nothing like that...thank God! No offense!" He offered with a smile.

"None taken." Olivia and Alex said then looked at each other and laughed.

"I uh...we're moving. I got a job offer in Miami; and I accepted it. I leave next month."

Everyone sat with their mouths open.

* * *

.

Close to midnight, having said goodnight to everyone, Trevor and Olivia made their way to the apartment and by this time, Trevor was falling-down drunk and in no shape to drive so they took a cab to the apartment. Downstairs outside the lobby as the doorman held the cab door for them, careful with it starting to snow, he couldn't help notice that Trevor was inebriated and with Olivia so largely pregnant he offered his assistance.

"Hey Mr. Langan, Mrs. Langan."

"Rico, hi. How are you?" Olivia said, somewhat embarrassed.

"Hey man." Trevor said reaching for the man's hat. Olivia grabbed his arm.

"I'm fine ma'am; can I help, he seems heavy."

"Thank you Rico." She said as they walked into the building. "If you could just get him to the elevator I could handle it from there."

"It's okay Mrs. Langan, I'll handle it." He said with a smile.

... ... ...

Later when they'd gotten upstairs, Olivia thanked and tipped Rico against his insistence and locked up, taking a breath before she picked up her phone and called Fin.

"Hey, I'm home, you can stop worrying."

"Everything good?"

"Yeah..." She took a deep breath. "I'm just tired."

"Trevor ok? I see he had a bit to drink."

"He had a lot to drink, but yeah, he's out."

"What about you? You seemed..."

"I'm past it." She snapped"

"I was gonna say you seemed to be doing good."

"I'm sorry...thanks for the concern though. I'm gonna get some sleep, I'll call you tomorrow."

"Alright baby girl, you take care."

"Say goodnight to Melinda for me."

"I will." He hung up and Melinda walked into the bedroom. "Liv says goodnight!"

"Was that her?"

"Yep." He goes over to her and kissed her neck. "Damn you smell good."

"I thought i smelled good earlier." She snaked her arms around his neck.

"Yeah, but i couldn't taste you earlier." He moved his hand seductively over her body, opening her robe and removing it then pulling her closer and kissing her. He picked her up and carried her to the bed where he laid her down and climbed on top of her, removing his shirt before he went back to kissing and making love to her.

* * *

.

Over at Liv and Trevor's apartment, she was in the kitchen finishing a glass of water. She took a final gulp and sat the glass on the aisle counter then turned and left the room, turning off the light behind her. She walked through the living room, turning off the lamp and making her way down the hall, finally into their bedroom.

She looked over to the bed where Trevor was knocked out. She walked over to him and leaned over, making sure he was breathing and kissed him.

"You're a dummy, you know that?" She kissed him again then went about undressing, draping her clothes across one of the chairs. When she was done, she stood and caressed her naked belly.

"Two months and you're here." She said full of emotion. She made her way into the adjoining bathroom and stepped into the shower stall after putting her hair up.

... ... ...

Twenty minutes later, showered and wearing one of Trevor's tee shirts, she turned out the lights and climbed into bed exhausted from the day. She soon realized that she was unable to get comfortable, eight months pregnant and comfort was not easy, especially lying down when she didn't have her body pillow. She let out a huff before turning and snuggling up to Trevor for comfort. Satisfied, she closed her eyes and was on her way to sleep when Trevor interrupted her, opening his eyes and turning to face her, kissing her.

"Trevor, it's late and I'm tired, go to sleep." She said as he kissed her.

"Just a quickie..." He said drunkenly and continued kissing her neck.

"Trevor stop. I mean it." She said, pushing against him. "Trevor...don't please." She closed her eyes and she saw Faust in her mind. She was about to scream when his movement stopped and she noticed that he had again fallen asleep.

"Trevor?" She called, frightened. She moved as fast as she could, pushing him off her and climbing out of bed, shaken and in tears and trying to collect herself.

Running from the room she quickly darted into the guest bedroom down the hall from the den, holding her belly and in tears and locked the door. She climbed into the bed and sat up, pulling the covers tight around her. If she hadn't been so traumatized she would have known that he'd never hurt her; in fact she would have seen that he stopped the minute she told him to but in her mind all she saw was Faust.

She lay there and cried for a long time before she finally went to sleep. She'd never once cried over what was done to her, the hell Faust made her endure for his sick pleasure; she couldn't cry and she couldn't tell anyone, she never discussed it with Fin or Amanda or Nick, she just ignored it and suffered in silence.

... ... ...

Later that night, early in the morning at four AM she woke up needing to use the bathroom and got out of bed and made her way to the adjoining one. After finishing up, she headed to the kitchen for a drink of water, feeling thirsty but not sure about leaving the room. She was still shaken up over what happened and didn't relish going out but she slowly unlocked the door and went out.

It was dark in the hall as she made her way out, the windows in the master bedroom giving light from the moon and the snow and the lights of the city. She stopped as she drew closer and went in, to see Trevor on his stomach fast asleep, looking peaceful like he had no idea that anything was wrong. She swallowed the fear in her stomach, deciding that it was unnecessary and she sat beside Trevor running her fingers through his hair as tears fell from her eyes and she sat there for a minute crying silently as she inhaled deep breaths. She knew that she couldn't keep this up for long; she had to tell her husband the truth but after so long, how?

In the kitchen she was drinking water when the baby started kicking again. She sat down her glass and rubbed her belly attempting to calm the baby.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" She said looking down. the baby responded with more kicks. "I see, snack huh? I doubt there's much here..." She said as she opened the fridge letting her eyes scan over the almost empty shelves, not seeing anything that looked appealing so she shut the door and opened the freezer, her eyes immediately settled on the ice cream, double chocolate chip, and her eyes lit up.

"Look what I found!" She quickly took it from the freezer and shut the door, popping it into the microwave for a few seconds and getting a spoon, digging in. She had eaten about four spoonfuls, leaning over the counter and was digging in for a fifth when what felt like a contraction hit. Putting the ice cream down she rubbed her belly as she drew in a breath. The pain lasted a few seconds then disappeared. She was about to shake it off when she had another pain, this one sending a stream of liquid running down her leg and when she looked down, it sent her into a panic.

"No... Trevor!" She screamed and made her way through the kitchen door, getting as far as the living room when the small drip turned to a gush and her water was coming out fast; too fast, sending her holding the wall for traction but dropping to the floor.

"Trevor...oh god, Trevor please wake up!" But he was already running towards her.

"Liv, baby what's wrong?" He asked holding her hand but saw the amniotic fluid. "Oh my god! Okay...okay, I'm gonna call your Doctor, and we're gonna go to the hospital...you'll be fine!"

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**More to come. Meanwhile, please review it's much appreciated. See you all next time.**


	21. Laboring

**Chapter 21, let's go.**

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"The baby can't come now, it's too soon!" Olivia cried as the doctor examined her. It had taken them almost an hour to get to the hospital because of the snowfall and she was in a lot of pain and wanted Trevor, who was at the registration desk getting her admitted.

"Olivia, I need you to try to calm down." Dr. Roth said as she removed her gloves and tossed them. "Listen to me. I know you're scared but we are gonna do everything we can I swear to you." She promised as she held Olivia's hand.

"Can you stop the labor?"

"Unfortunately we can't, your water's ruptured and you've already dilated 3 centimeters. This baby is coming, but you're eight months along, we've delivered babies a lot earlier and they've been alright. You have to trust us."

"Please, you have to-" she grimaced as a contraction came and she struggled to catch her breath.

"Squeeze my hand... That's it, easy."

"I'd forgotten how much this hurts!" Just then Trevor entered the room going straight to Olivia.

"How's she doing?" He took Olivia's hand and kissed her brow to calm her but the contraction didn't let up and her breathing got heavier as the pain got stronger.

"Liv, it's okay honey, breathe!"

... ... ...

Two hours later, light was just breaking outside while inside Olivia was trying her best to get through a contraction from bed while Trevor stood at her bedside, a cool cloth to her head but it was proving too much, and she lay there on her side gripping the handrails.

"Come on honey stay on top of it, eight centimeters, you're almost there!" He said but she didn't say anything. She was so caught up in the pain of the contraction, she couldn't respond.

_"Please stop." She cried weakly to Faust as he pummeled her maniacally. He was on top of her and she could smell every drop of sweat that rolled off him while he moved brutally inside her, grunting. It hurt like hell, he knew this and enjoyed it and she could feel herself tearing as she whimpered and cried._

_"You know, I thought your ass was sweet but this pussy... Almost a shame that I have to kill you!" He said and punched her across the face while..._

With tears in her eyes, she came back to the present with a look of nausea about her. "I feel sick; I'm gonna be sick!" She murmured. Trevor quickly bought a pail to her mouth and she grabbed it as he held it and threw up.

"Maybe I should get the doctor-"

"No..." He signaled the nurse anyway to get the doctor. Olivia continued vomiting, tears in her eyes as she emptied her stomach three times before she was done. He quickly set the pail away on the table.

"Just stay with me." She cried as he wiped her mouth with the rag and lovingly caressed her, climbing into the bed with her to alleviate her stress.

"I'm right here." He promised, kissing her face. "I'm not going anywhere."

She broke down and started to cry in his arms. "I'm so sorry that I couldn't tell you."

"Couldn't tell me what?" Suddenly another contraction came and she began trying to ride it out while he tried to help her through it.

"T-Trevor... Oh god, I can't do this, it's happening too fast!" She cried.

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"When is Mama coming home?" Jamie asked as the kids sat around the breakfast table. Jax was by Drew's feet as usual and poor Semper had nowhere to be and just lay at the front door waiting.

"Mama, Daddy hah baby." Noah said and continued eating.

"Thats right Noah, couple more months, good boy." She said and turned to Jamie. "They should be here soon; how about you have a little breakfast in the meantime?" Rebecca, the nanny said to him as she sat his plate of a mickey mouse pancake with sausage and fruit in front of him.

"I made your favorite."

"Thank you Beccy!" He said happily, throwing his arms around her.

"You're welcome little man!" She smiled just as the phone rang. "I'll be right back. Lucy would you cut this for him?" She asked Drew's nurse.

"Sure thing."

"Hello. Oh hey Trevor... Yeah, they're fine, they're having breakfast; what's going on... What? You're kidding... Well, is she gonna be okay I mean... O-okay. Yeah they're alright don't worry, you just do what you have to do, they're in good hands... I will... Wish Olivia good luck and tell her I'm praying for her and the baby." And she hung up.

"Tha daddy?" Drew asked as she put toast in her mouth.

"It was." She said as she sat down between Noah and Jamie and helped Noah with his spoon. "Daddy's going to be late."

"Why?" Jamie asked.

"Well, your little sister is coming "

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At the hospital it was getting close. Olivia's contractions were nonstop and her pain was over the top. Trevor stayed by her side through everything, holding her hand, giving her reassurances, whatever she needed. But now that they were in the homestretch, there was nothing he could do that brought her any comfort and to top it all off, she was dealing with flashbacks from her rape and Trevor didn't know what was happening. He thought that her tears were out of worry for the baby, some of them were but she needed to deliver soon; it was all too much and thankfully after only 4 hours, she was close.

"How about I get you some more ice chips?"

"No." She tried breathing through the pain but it hurt so bad and she forced her breath as she wept and lay there holding her belly.

_"When I'm done fucking you" He said as he gripped her by the hair. He was on her back and taking her from behind, she thought she would pass out from the pain. "I'm gonna take my knife and I'm gonna cut that baby out of you, and then while you watch I'm gonna..._

"Olivia, baby what can I do?" For the first time since she'd been here she began to cry out. "Liv?"

"Get the doctor, the baby's coming now!"

* * *

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They were taking her to an operating room with the NIC-U on standby just in case they were necessary. Olivia couldn't stop herself and had begun pushing on route despite the doctor's wishes.

"Olivia, stop pushing!"

"I can't hold it!"

"Liv, if shes born in the hallway and there's a problem, the NIC-U can't help her in time, you have to stop!"

The baby was coming out and she couldn't hold it and after only two pushes, the head was crowning. Doctor Roth was literally holding the baby in with her hands and by the time they got to the delivery room it was go time and Doctor Roth wasted no time getting into place at the end of the table.

"Come on baby you can do it!" Trevor coached. Olivia drew a breath and pushed hard with all her might and the head came out.

"Olivia, I want you to stop pushing." Dr. Roth told her as she began cleaning the baby's nose and mouth.

"Hurry please!" Olivia begged. Being so close, she was ready for it to be over. Dr. Roth quickly finished.

"Okay honey, one more push!" Dr. Roth said.

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**Tune in next time to see what happens. But in the meantime how about a review?**


	22. A New Beginning

**So here's another chapter for those interested.**

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In the last two hours he had become a father again; Casey Alexandra Langan, though she had been tiny- 4lbs 5ozs and measured in at only 18 inches, she was a fighter. She'd screamed loud enough in the delivery room for everyone to know she had arrived. Big powerful cries, as big as she could, from the second her mother had pushed her into the world and they'd pulled her out.

They had been worried that she'd need oxygen and were worried about her heart among other things, but Trevor knew she'd be okay. From the second he saw her come out of Olivia he'd fallen in love and when he held her in his arms for that brief moment when he handed her to her mother, so much became clear to him and he knew that things had to change. Now as he sat in Olivia's room while she slept, him holding Casey who thankfully checked out just fine, he had a lot to think about.

"You gave us all a scare coming so early. I tried being strong for your mommy but I was so scared..but you're alright, you came through for us and I swear I'm gonna come through for you." The tears that were in his eyes spilled over.

"I'm done; the alcohol...I'm done!" He promised his newborn daughter. Seeing her born reminded him of a promise he made to Jamie and Drew when they came into the world and he knew that he couldn't keep going the way he had.

"Trevor..." Olivia murmured as she started to wake.

"I'm here baby." He said, putting the baby in her bassinette as he went over to Olivia and took her hand.

"Trevor..." She said to him as her eyes opened and began to focus coming into a more serious tone. "The baby...is she okay?"

"She's fine..."

"Why aren't you with her? ...you're not supposed to leave..."

"Baby...she's okay." He turned to pick Casey up from the bassinette and brought her to Olivia.

"She's okay?" She asked with tears in her eyes as Trevor placed the baby in her arms for the second time that day, only this time, she got longer than just a few seconds and the tears in her eyes quickly broke down to full fledged crying.

"Here's mommy." He said and sat back on the bed.

"Two whole months; I didn't know if she was really okay- I didn't know..." She said through her tears, her cradling the baby as Trevor looked on teary eyed. "She's alright..." The baby let out a cry.

"Shh, shhhh. It's okay." She put the tip of her pinky in the baby's mouth to soothe her. "I tried to stay awake while I was waiting to hear but I was so exhausted." She said looking down at the baby.

"You know, I remember the day the twins were born and I knew that I could not love you more than I did in that moment but I do. You've been through so much..." The tears began to fall from his eyes again. "Liv; I'm so sorry."

"I don't...wanna talk about it, I don't...Casey's here, and she's healthy." The baby started to fuss again and she began undoing her gown. "I don't want to think about him and what he did to me. I just want to enjoy today, okay. Please, let's just enjoy today." She said with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He kissed the top of her head as she tried to get the baby to latch on. Looking at the faint traces of the bite marks that were on her breasts, she quickly blanked them out and focused on her daughter who was having trouble latching on.

"You want me to get the nurse to help?"

"No, I got it." After she tried a different position, the baby finally got it and latched on to her breast sucking hungrily. Olivia flinched as she tried to get settled.

"You're in pain..."

"I can handle it."

"Honey please, let me call the nurse."

"Trevor please don't." She grabbed his hand and kissed it. "I promise, it doesn't hurt so bad."

"You're doing a lot better than you were after the twins were born."

"Baby the twins were eight lbs, each. I went through twenty one hours of labor and Jamie got stuck on the way out. I promise, if the pain gets worse you can call the nurse, but right now how about you call the kids and let me talk to them."

"Yes ma'am!" He said and kissed her sweetly on the lips.

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**More to come, a much longer chapter next time. Reviews are love.**


	23. Holding Water

**Sorry it took so long for me to update this, I just haven't had the urge to write it; I still don't but I figured either this or let my mind stay in a place so I'm putting some energy into this and I hope that I can give something good and if it's not then blame Sara. As usual, Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters, the rest are mine.**

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**Reader comments**

**Saradawn723**

**Yay! The baby is ok! You know what scares me? Your happy chapters...because that only means you're gonna kill me soon.**

Or I'm gonna make you very happy...I'm lying.

**Guest**

**Great chapter...kind of a tease tho! Glad Liv &amp; Casey are okay. Hopefully Trevor keeps his word! Pls update soon.**

We'll see.

**rebeccak2009**

**Aww I love the moments here between Liv and Trevor and Liv and baby Casey**

**I have this nagging feeling something is going to happen...**

Well, not this chapter...

**Bobbie23**

**Aww lovely name. I'm so glad Casey is here safely but I'm worried how her parents will deal with the repercussions from her emotional birth. Trevor seems to be making progress but will he be able to keep his promises when he hears what Olivia wanted to tell him before? Until next time.**

So glad you like it, and we'll definitely see.

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It had been two weeks since Olivia had given birth to Casey and ten days since they came home. The doctors wanted to make sure that Casey was breathing and maintaining her body heat on her own and they kept her for four days to monitor her progress during which time she and Olivia received so many visitors, Alex was among them and she and Olivia had a private moment over the baby's name, reminiscing over their friend and missing her so much.

On the day that the baby was finally allowed to go home, Olivia was apprehensive to say the least. Neither she or Trevor had been at all prepared for Casey's arrival and with her coming so unexpectedly, other than a few outfits, they hadn't gotten around to setting up anything for her, not even a place for her to sleep which was why when they got home, Olivia was surprised to find that Trevor had set up a small nursery in their bedroom that would surely suffice until they moved. In addition to the many gifts they'd gotten from friends and family, they were again well set until that day.

Casey had had some issues that they discovered while still in the hospital. It was during her first feeding that Olivia noticed she wasn't sucking properly; actually, not strong enough to get any milk down, it just wasn't flowing. The doctor suggested a bottle with breastmilk at feeding times but that Olivia should continue to try, saying that Casey could improve quickly, Olivia trying with every feeding to encourage Casey, wanting desperately to feed her baby.

Now, two weeks after the birth, they were all settled in at home despite it being somewhat busy with 2 three and a half year olds, an almost two year old and a newborn but thankfully Trevor's mother had once again come when they needed her and was there to help with Noah and the twins, giving Olivia time to recover from the birth but with her becoming increasingly stressed over the fact that she couldn't feed the baby, and now haunted by dreams of her attack, it was trying and with Trevor trying desperately to stop drinking; so far succeeding but still the urges were there every minute. He was thankful that he had the kids to take his mind off of the urges for the most part but he found himself unable to sleep most nights , wanting a drink and usually found himself up cleaning.

Late that night as he was up scrubbing the imaginary dirt of the kitchen, Olivia came down with the baby to get a bottle of breastmilk from the fridge.

"I called for you." She said as she started for the refrigerator, now unsure if she should tell him about the dreams she'd been having since Casey was born, terrible dreams in which she saw Faust and just as vividly saw over and over what he did to her. She'd had another of those dreams just moments ago, thankful that the baby had woken her before the rape could replay again.

"I'm so sorry. Here, let me get that for you." He said as he reached for a bottle of milk and put it under the faucet to warm.

"Could you hand me a bottle of water while you're in there?" She said as she took a seat at the island with the baby who was now fussing quite loud. She put her to her shoulder and patted her back while gently rocking her. Trevor unscrewed the cap and brought the water to her.

"Thanks" she took a long drink and sat it back down, now definitely deciding that she should keep the dreams to herself.

"You look uncomfortable" He noted.

"That's because I need to pump." She half lied. What are you doing down here?" She said.

"Uh, just...I couldn't sleep." He said as he went back to the sink to monitor the milk while the baby continued to cry. "Have you tried to nurse her?"

"No..." She said trying to soothe Casey while waiting for the bottle. "She doesn't want to feed from me...I stopped trying two days ago."

"Liv..."

"She probably knows he..." Her eyes were filled with tears. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be..." He said as he walked over to her with the bottle, having tested it on his arm. He kissed her head and held her, wanting to let her know that the beating wasn't her fault but how many times could he tell her before she started believing him?

"Why can't everything be easy again?" She asked quietly, cradling the baby in her arm to feed her the bottle.

"I guess life thinks were pretty special to keep throwing things at us the way it does." Casey wouldn't take the bottle and began fussing again getting all worked up, kicking her little blanket free.

"Well we're not." She said as tears fell down her cheeks. She wiped them and felt herself getting frustrated. "Casey please honey..." She said, trying to feed the baby the bottle.

"She can smell your milk; it's distracting. Why don't you try..."

"Because it won't work Trevor, I've tried... She doesn't want me!" She started to cry and Trevor took the baby from her arms.

"Liv that's not true, she just needs a little help, that's all." He said, rubbing Casey's back.

"I know, I'm just... I feel overwhelmed... It wasn't this hard with Jamie and Drew; even with Noah! I feel like she hates me!"

"She doesn't hate you. Come on" he said as he took her hand.

"Where are we going?" She asked wiping her tears and grabbing the bottle from the island.

"Just to relax" he said and led her out of the kitchen.

... ... ...

Moments later they entered the family room and he sat her down in a corner of the giant, white sectional and covered her with the cashmere throw that hung on the couch.

"Trevor, I need to pump, now." She said, feeling like she was going to burst. She was about 30 seconds from springing a leak.

"You will, just hold on." He handed her the baby then took a seat so her back was against him and she leaned in his arms.

"This feels familiar..."

"I used to hold you like this when you were pregnant with the twins, remember?"

"Every night for those last three months...well the last two; nothing could make me comfortable that last month." She smiled.

"Except getting them here." He laughed. "Look, I know you're frustrated but so is she, don't give up just yet. It may take her some time but she'll get it, I promise."

"What if she doesn't?"

"If she doesn't then I'll get in a lot of feeding time, but I know how much this means to you, so keep trying." He said and kissed her cheek then moved to get up.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"To give you two some privacy."

"I think we're private enough just as we are; stay?" She said and he gave a brief nod. She leaned back against him as she unzipped her tee shirt and undid her bra, putting the crying baby to her breast, immediately she latched on and they waited to see if anything would happen. After about 30 seconds, Liv was feeling rejected again and ready to quit.

"I told you, she doesn't want to-"

"Give her a minute. Come on baby girl." He whispered as he rubbed her little foot through her sleeper.

"Trevor, this is pointless. She's hungry and I need to go pum..."

"See, all you need is patience." He whispered excited but she didn't answer. In seconds her milk let down, the baby began drinking hungrily and Olivia sat there astonished to tears and started to cry.

"Liv?" But she wasn't able to speak, she was so overcome except to whisper: _"__She's doing it!__"_ and continue in her tears while Casey fed from her for the first time. Trevor didn't want to ruin the moment and just wrapped his arms around them, looking down at them and smiling leaving Olivia to bask in her happiness.

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They stayed there like that; Olivia in Trevor's arms, just the three of them in the family room. After her feeding, Casey stayed awake for a few minutes where Trevor and Olivia played with her but soon they were all pretty tired and decided on sleep, Casey being the first to go down. It was just after two when she woke up for another feeding, Olivia thankful once again that Casey had woken her from another dream. She lifted her daughter, pushing the nightmare from her head and undid her bra and prayed that her earlier feeding wasn't a one-time thing. She quickly, blessedly discovered that it wasn't, quietly and happily feeding her only to realize halfway through that she hadn't brought a diaper down when it became apparent that she'd need one.

Quietly, Olivia got up and tiptoed out of the family room. She lightly kissed Trevor and went upstairs, stopping in to check the children on her way. Satisfied that they were okay, she continued to she and Trevor's room where she managed to finish feeding Casey and get her all changed without waking her after she'd fallen asleep again and Olivia decided that she'd probably sleep better in her cradle and put her down, adjusting her blankets and watching her for a few minutes, so thankful that she turned out to be fine. Those two and a half months... She quickly put the thought out of her head as she kissed her daughter, grabbed the monitor and headed out, back downstairs to Trevor.

Tonight was the first time she'd ever walked the house alone since that night and part of her felt a coldness as she descended the main staircase. Semper and Jax, as if knowing this, came to meet her at the staircase having finally woken up. She quickly pet their heads, bending down to give them love then pointed them towards the bedroom door.

"Watch the baby!" She said. They took great pride in being given orders to protect and immediately Semper went to take watch, getting comfortable by the cradle while Jax stationed himself outside the door. As Olivia continued on down the stairs, taking a moment to look back she couldn't help but wonder how much different that night would have turned out if they'd been home instead of at the Groomer's. She'd had that run through her mind so many times since then - what if her security hadn't been in an accident, or plain and simple, what if Trevor had never left the house that night? That was her biggest regret. Thinking back she wishes that they would have just fought, no matter how bad but that she would have kept him home when all was said and done because so much could have been avoided from that one night. She wouldn't have had to go through what she went through, Adrienne would have never come running in front of that knife and Travis would still be here. He'd be here and Trevor wouldn't have felt so alone with all that happened to her and Drew and Travis, trying to process it all, that he started drinking and while she couldn't live with it, she couldn't blame him. Their lives had come completely undone in the span of just one night; one night that she wished she could take back.

She stood downstairs looking at the front door and she remembered three and a half years ago when she and Trevor first brought the twins home through those very doors. They were new parents and totally unprepared and unaware but then time passed and they grew and soon they were like old pros and then Noah came through that door and suddenly it felt like everything changed. Here they were with a three month old that they didn't know and who didn't know them, he was scared and they were scared but they did know that they would love him, they'd already fallen that first night and from that moment they were a family, a happy family then everything changed when Faust came through that door...how odd was it that giving birth to Casey two and a half months later and bringing her through that same door would feel like home? Except for as long as she kept the truth from her husband, they would never feel at home no matter where they were. The last thing she wanted to do was upset Trevor in his recovery but it had to come out. He'd trusted her to tell her that he hadn't quit drinking but that he was now trying; they trusted each other, it was the thing that built their relationship. He'd nursed her through those injuries and the whole time she lied to him and kept up the lie for over two months. Two months where she needed him; still does. She thought she could carry it on her own but she was wrong. He needed to know.

... ... ...

She got down the foyer to the family room and entered to see that Trevor was still sleeping but she went and curled up beside him anyway. Laying her head on his chest and putting her arms around him. He was like a big, safe bear and she felt no fear as long as he was beside her so why was she so afraid to tell him this? He'd stood by her side through everything else; it was why she loved him; one of the reasons. He always understood without judging - he made her feel whole and loved and right now she needed that, she needed it so much.

"Hey." She heard as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey..." She said through her tears without looking up at him but wrapped her arms even tighter around him, trying to squeeze her courage from him.

"Cold?" He asked, now squeezing her tight.

"No." She said and just held him thinking that if she didn't do this now she would never be able to. "I need to tell you something." She practically whispered, still cuddled up to him with her head down against his chest.

"Okay...uh, now?" He was a little thrown off by this at almost 3AM. Still with her head to his chest, she nodded against him.

"If I don't... I'll lose my nerve." She said quietly.

"Is it about Casey?" He asked. "She's eating okay? Is that...?"

"No, she's... No." There were tears in her voice and he was worried now and couldn't hide it. He pulled her away and looked at her. She was crying. "Baby whatever it is, it's okay. We'll handle it together.

"I just..." She wiped at her tears "I wanted to tell you. In the beginning I wanted to but then...and when I realized I needed to I didn't know how to...I still don't, I don't know how to say this" She cried.

"Olivia stop; look at me. Whatever you say, whatever it is we can work through it... I just, tell me it's not somebody else."

"It's not. Don't ever think that." She said as she threw herself in his arms. "You love me so completely." He couldn't stand seeing her hurt and not knowing the cause of it.

"You had another dream didn't you? Is that what this is about?"

"Not like you think" She said, holding on to him then quickly pulled away.

"I don't understand."

"That night that I asked you to leave and Faust got in... He beat me and then he hurt Drew, and then he hurt me even more" she was picking at the arms on her sweater, seeing it so vividly in her mind.

_"Not only am I gonna do this..." He said, twisting her broken arm. "But I'm gonna enjoy it!"_

_"Please don't; I'm begging you...please... No!"_

_"Might as well enjoy it bitch!" he grinned with his torn, bloody lips as he pushed himself against her entrance, ripping into her mercilessly while she screamed against his hand that was now clamped over her mouth, gripping her hair with the other as he took her..."_

"Olivia..."

"I said no, I screamed it...and I fought so hard; you have to believe me. I didn't want it but he held me down and I was already so broken I couldn't move, I couldn't fight..." She said through tears.

"Olivia..."

"He... Raped me! He raped me and then he stabbed Drew before he plunged that knife in my chest and I'm sorry!" At a loss for words, he took her in his arms and just held her as she cried.

"You have nothing to be sorry about...you hear me? Nothing!" He said as he cried silently. "Nothing!"

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**I need a tissue... Reviews are nice... Bye.**


	24. Drowning

**So here chapter 24 and I'll just cut it short cuz this chapter... I'm sorry. Enjoy!**

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_._

_"It's really ours?" Olivia exclaimed excitedly upon running through the house and stopping in the kitchen. She was like a kid at Christmas and Trevor couldn't stop smiling._

_"All ours" he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her close._

_"We're really moving out of the city" she put her arms around his neck smiling. "How is that gonna work"_

_"I don't know but since you had me drop a bundle on this house, I'm hoping it'll work perfectly." He said before he leaned in to kiss her softly but passionately._

_"That was nice."_

_"Yeah?" He said._

_"Yeah, but you know what I think would be nicer?" _

_"I'm sure I could guess" He smiled. He leaned in to kiss her again, this time with more passion. He picked her up while they continued, walking her over to the nearest counter in the empty room, the island, and depositing her there. She quickly reached out and removed his jacket, letting it land on the floor and tearing his shirt open. They kissed like they were a on fire for a long time during which they took the time to grope each other, clothes coming off and being shed all over the floor until she was in nothing but her red bra and thong. He stood between her open legs and pulled off her panties, kissing her stomach as he went down until he was on his knees and spread her knees apart, putting them on his shoulders and kissing her inner thighs until he made his way to her mound. He blew softly on her clit after giving a slow, sensuous lap with his tongue then pulled it into his mouth with a suck._

_"Shit!" She breathed through ragged breath. "God this man!"_

She smiled remembering the first time they ever made love in this house. She was ten weeks pregnant with the twins and extremely horny. Though she was worried that her tiny swell would make things a little awkward without furniture to do it on, but they managed and it actually turned out to be some of the best sex they'd ever had; god, she must have come five or six times before they were done!

She opened her eyes to find Trevor and all of the children gone, they'd fallen asleep in their bed last night and they were so tired that they just left them there, she putting the baby in the bedside cradle and they all conked out. Now this morning, she gathered that they must be downstairs and closed her eyes and opened them again before sitting up, noticing how heavy her breasts felt and the fact that her nursing pads were very wet, she threw back the covers and with Semper and Jax now on cue, went in search of the baby or a pump but quickly changed plans when she saw a note scribbled in Trevor's handwriting:

_Baby,_

_Took the kids out for breakfast, didn't wanna wake you. _

_Love,_

_T_

_P.S. dogs are fed._

"Pump it is!" She said out loud to no one in particular and made her way down the back stairs to the kitchen.

... ... ...

It had been three weeks since she confessed her rape to Trevor and she wondered why she waited so long; probably because like always, her head let her believe that she could handle it when the truth was, she needed him just as much as he needed her. Faust left a lot of destruction in his wake and it affected them both in ways that no one can understand. Aside from herself, Liz is the only other survivor of the psychopath and she was unconscious for what he did to her. She, thankfully won't have the memories of the way he beat her then held her down and forced himself...

"I won't think about that today." She said out loud to no one. Just a simple affirmation that she made. She was determined to get past this, she knew that she would never get over it but she would get past it and thankfully she had a wonderful, supportive and loving husband that she could depend on and he could depend on her just as much. Together, now that they had lain it all on the line, they'd be fine.

_Two nights ago they reaffirmed their love. They had gotten the kids down early, the baby fed and sleeping as well and for the first time since the baby was born, they made love. They probably should have waited the six weeks, but almost five weeks was good enough and he and she were in need. While she was feeding the baby, he drew her a bath complete with rose petals and her favorite oils. She convinced him to join her and they started with kissing which led to his hands in some very interesting places._

_"If you don't want this to end up where it's going, I suggest you stop me now!" Trevor said as he kissed her. He already had his hand between her legs manipulating her clit while the other worked her breast and she was going insane from not having been touched in almost five weeks._

_"I'm fine...oh god keep doing that with your fingers!" She cried as she arched against him and he sped his pace, parting her with those same fingers and sliding them inside her. He made her come as she rode them then again while she worked his shaft. He was so thick that she'd once again forgotten his size and was surprised when he'd gotten inside her. She moaned, thoroughly enjoying him as did he and they both came hard, her biting her lip so she wouldn't cry out and wake the baby while he sunk his teeth into her breast causing her to cry out more. He took her from the bathtub and they made love against the wall, then on the floor and then finally in their bed where both exhausted, he went, this time on top of her until they both came for the last time and then drifted off to sleep in each others arms. Thankful that Casey slept four hours this time._

She shook the memory off and went about pumping, a smile on her face as she withdrew it from the drawer.

"Definitely gotta get the kids down for a nap again!"

... ... ...

She was sitting at the counter filling her third and fourth bottles and talking to Fin about work and other things...

"So do you think you'll be coming back?" He asked.

"It's still undecided, I just, I don't know. I'm back to that same spot I was before where I just feel like I'd be missing out on so much with my kids."

"I know, part of it's selfish. We just miss you here so much; sucks without you!" She broke into laughter.

"I can always count on you to make me smile, Fin."

"Well I'd be smiling if you came back, then I wouldn't have to be in charge here."

"Oh, your real motive comes out" she laughed.

"I could kill Murphy for taking that UC gig, this is hectic!" He complained.

"You'll get through it. You're my sergeant for a reason."

"Yeah, yeah." He grinned. "But seriously, you doin okay?"

"I'm doing fine, actually better than fine...I told Trevor the truth and we're handling it. I'm... blessed!"

"Blessed? File that under '_things you never thought you'd hear from Olivia Benson's mouth' _

Wow!"

"Shut up!" She laughed. He was too busy cracking up. "Hold on a second." She turned off the pump and detached the bags, sealing them before putting them in the freezer with the others and the pump in the sink. She was on her way back to the phone when the television caught her attention and she turned it up.

_...the crash was caused by a drunk driver, who has been taken to a hospital for treatment. Meanwhile, we are told that the other vehicle flipped over several times before landing in this ditch upside down over here. The fire department has just arrived along with ambulances and police, and we are told that in addition to a man, there are children in the car..._

She looked at the scene of the accident and her heart stopped beating.

"Liv?"

"Fin I'll call you back" she said and disconnected the call before he could say anything. She looked around, grabbing her car keys in a hurry and ran out the door before Semper and Jax could catch her, immediately jumping in the car and speeding off, still in her sleep clothes and desperately calling Trevor on her phone.

* * *

.

When she got to the scene fifteen minutes later she was a mess. She jumped out of the SUV, not bothering to shut the door and ran, her feet being carried by adrenaline.

"Trevor!" she cried as she ran to where the barricades were set up.

"Ma'am you can go past this-" the deputy started but she was unable to hear or even comprehend as she headed towards it.

"Ma'am" he went and grabbed her arm. For a moment she flashed back and saw Faust but quickly got herself in check as she snatched her arm away.

"That's my husband and my children down there, get out of my way!" She cried.

"Ma'am you don't wanna go-"

"Please, they need me, I have to-"

"Ma'am!" He yelled. "...I'm sorry, they're already gone."

Those words hit her like a truck and she wasn't sure if she'd heard him right but something inside her knew that she did. She looked up at the officers and collapsed.

* * *

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At the hospital, she'd come to after being unconscious, her mind immediately hit with the realization tears flooding her eyes. The doctor was right there waiting for her to wake up.

"Mrs. Langan?" The young doctor called.

"Please leave me alone." Olivia said barely above a whisper, her voice shaken by tears. She laid back for a minute and suddenly sat up, taking off the oxygen tube and the pulse monitor.

"Mrs. Langan-"

"I just wanna go home!" And she broke down sobbing as she tried to stand but quickly stumbled, the doctor helping her sit back down.

"I got you"

"Don't touch me!" She sobbed. "Where are my babies...my husband?" she continued to cry. The doctor was heartbroken at seeing her like this.

"At the morgue" she watched as Olivia broke even harder and curled herself in a fetal position. The doctor was at a loss for words and exited the cubicle as two police officers came in.

"Mrs. Langan?" But Olivia just cried. "Mrs. Langan, I'm sorry to bother you but we got a call; we think we have your baby.

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**Okay before you all go all batshit on me, let me just say that I'm sorry, I apologize for the inhumanity of my actions and um, sometimes bad things happen to good people and um...well that's all I got for now. No twitter spoilers please and while you're on it, how about a review to let me know how you feel?**


	25. Blurred Reality

**A bunch of you wanted my head for the last chapter and I don't blame you, but can I just say that once the rain is gone, a storm usually clears up, probably...well a lot of the time! Dick Wolf owns, I just rent. Enjoy.**

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In her black dress she stood at their coffins, holding their baby; their only surviving child and she wept uncontrollably One would think that it would be impossible to muster more tears after crying an ocean over the course of a week, but there she was and there they were; the tears that started silently at first then before she knew it were rolling in torrents; her self composure rolling with them and before long she was in full mode sobbing, her pain so great it's as if it were pulling out of her.

She tried to do it; to be strong for today but how can one be expected to be strong when everyone they love, save one, is gone and being committed to the ground? How can anyone be strong when the life they had is essentially over but they're still breathing?

_"My husband- my love, our babies- my world. He said he'd never leave me, that we were forever, that we were all forever."_

In that moment, the pain was so great, the hurt so undeniably real that she sobbed so loudly she woke Casey and I proceeded to hug her for dear life.

Why was this happening?

... ... ...

It's been three weeks since...and not a day came that was any easier. I'll never understand that thing they say about time being a healer; it just isn't. The hurt forces me to go back when I lost Chloe; its the only thing to compare it to and I thought nothing could ever top that pain but I was wrong. Only now, I can't shut down because I have this little person who's depending on me for her survival.

I opened my eyes to feel her nipping at my breast from where she lay beside me and I immediately looked down at her to say _good morning _as I scooped her up in my arms and unbuttoned the top three buttons on my shirt to give her what she needed.

"There you go" I said gently as she latched on and ate without a care in the world. I snuggled close to her and dreaded the task of leaving this bed today. _Living was just too hard. _I thought as I closed my eyes, leaning back against the pillows.

_The day the police told her that they had her baby she thought it was a cruel joke. There she was, her heart broken beyond all measure, her world crashing down around her and they were standing there telling her that her baby was alive. _

_It turns out that Trevor, so busy with Noah throwing a fit over his turtle that had been left at home, and the twins fighting; he left the restaurant and Casey sitting there at the table in her car seat. He was only gone about 10 minutes when he realized and he called the restaurant in a panic but they assured him that she was fine and they would take care of her until he got there._

_He was on his way back to the get her when that drunk driver came speeding the wrong way and ended everything._

She shook the thought out of her head and wiped her tears. The baby was looking up at her and she forced herself to smile for her sake.

"Your two months old today" She suddenly remembered. "Happy birthday little one." She whispered. Casey stopped sucking and smiled at Olivia, milk spilling down her chin and Olivia couldn't help but smile as Casey went back to feeding and she was overcome with tears, Casey looked so much like Trevor. _Adrienne looked like Trevor... _She was pulled out of her reverie when the phone rang and she quickly wiped her tears before she answered.

"Hello" there was no way to describe her tone. Three weeks later and it was dull and lifeless, still full of so much pain.

"I just thought I'd call and check on you" Alex said.

"I'm here too, Liv" said Brian.

"How are you doing?" Alex inquired. There was a lengthy silence before she got an answer.

"...I'm tired...I miss them..." She said as the tears fell. "But um, ya know...I'm...Casey's here so..."

"Oh honey" Alex exclaimed

"It's... Please don't okay; I'm fine I just..." She made an effort to wipe her tears but they kept coming.

"Liv if you need anything; hell, if you _want_ anything..." Brian offered.

"...just my family back" she said in a whisper pained with tears. "I have to go...thanks for calling guys." And she hung up.

... ... ...

"How could you say something so completely-" Alex started but Brian was already there.

"I know...I didn't think. God I feel like an ass!"

... ... ...

Tricia came by and knocked lightly on the door to Olivia's room. She didn't get an answer at first and started to walk away, but then:

"Come in" she heard in the faintest voice. Tricia gathered herself and entered the bedroom, walking in and standing at the door.

"I thought maybe you'd like to come down for breakfast." She said in a low, sad voice.

"I'm not really hungry" Olivia said barely audibly.

"Olivia, honey you've got to eat."

"I will; I just... I will." She allowed the baby to wrap her finger in her palm as she ate, Tricia started to go but then turned back around.

"Honey, we're worried about you. You've barely left this room"

"I'm just tired."

"Why don't you let me take the baby for-"

"No! She stays with me!" She said on no uncertain terms.

"I'm sorry, of course" Tricia stammered "I didn't mean to-" Olivia started to cry. She didn't mean to act this way, but with losing everything the baby was all she had and she couldn't let her go. She was her last connection to Trevor and the last piece of her heart...it just came out all wrong.

"I'm sorry..." she apologized.

... ... ...

"Olivia... Olivia..."

The doctor waited, taking a long moment. It seemed as if she would come out of it but after a while, examining her and finding anything new or encouraging, the doctor had to assume that it was just another case of being wrongfully hopeful.

"I don't see a change...it doesn't mean that she won't wake up, but right now...I'm sorry" she said before walking out of the room. With a look of despair about him, he took a seat beside her bed and took her hand which she squeezed involuntarily.

"Olivia?" But there was no answer. "Come on baby...come on back to me. It's been three weeks and I can't do this without you...the kids miss you so much...I miss you so much." He kissed her hand.

"Just come back, please come back" he stood up and kissed her lips. He thought to himself how they tasted like watermelon, he had put on her favorite lip balm in addition to her favorite lotion, everyday. He wouldn't have her accusing him of letting her skin dry out while she was unconscious. He took his seat by her bedside once again, still holding her hand. "I know you're in there...just come back!" And he rubbed her belly when he noticed the baby moving.

"Don't worry little one, mommy'll wake up soon." He promised the baby just like he did every day for the last three weeks. By the time they'd gotten her to the hospital the night of the attack, she had lost so much blood from the stab wound and other injuries and her head wounds caused her to seize which left her comatose. Thankfully she hadn't since day two of the coma, the doctors were worried about the effect it may have taken on her mentally but they wouldn't know for sure until she woke up.

"Keep moving baby girl, mommy can feel you. Just keep moving." He said while feeling the baby through her exposed stomach, careful of the baby monitor and the bruising that was still apparent weeks after the attack. He thought about it and was again made angry that he wasn't there to stop it.

"I guess this is another thing I will spend forever making up to you..." When her eyelids began twitching, he thought it was just another spasm like the doctor said and he kissed her hand to tell her that she was alright. But then with the twitching, words came.

_"Trevor...don't leave me..."_

"Liv?"

_"...it's not our time..."_ And she appeared to be crying. Trevor stood up and stroked her face, moving her hair back.

"Olivia, Liv I can hear you!" Her breathing became frantic and in a panic he pushed the call button. "Liv?" She opened her eyes and looked around the room from where she lay.

"Trevor...Trevor..." She cried through her whispers and heavy breaths reaching for him, scared and in tears.

"Baby!" He was in total disbelief.

"You're alive!" She whispered through tears and touching him with the hand that was in a cast. He looked confused but sprang to reassure her nonetheless.

"I'm fine, baby I'm here!" He said soothingly to her, taking her hand. Tears poured from her eyes as she tried to steady her breathing.

"You..." Experiencing confusion and having a hard time grasping reality, she looked around before she focused on him again and seemed frightened when she felt the baby moving. "The... Baby. I don't understand... You're here!" She whispered as she cried and he held her as best he could.

"Honey; you've been in a coma for three weeks. The attack..."

She seemed as if she were taking all of this in as much as she could but she couldn't seem to get her head around it through her tears and before he or she could get another word out, the doctor entered the room.

"I don't believe it... Olivia, welcome back." Dr. Childs said as she entered, a nurse following and stepping near the bed. "Trevor, could you step out for a moment? I wanna-"

"No! Please...please!" She begged, holding on to Trevor's hand weakly. She was still so confused and she was afraid of her surroundings but most of all she didn't want him to go because in her mind she had just gotten him back and she couldn't bear to let him go.

"I'm not leaving her." He said holding her hand and kissing it gently. Doctor Childs nodded and approached Olivia quietly to begin her exam.

"Olivia, can you follow this light with your eyes?"

* * *

Some time later after they had gotten all of the exams out of the way and Olivia had been cleared of any ill effects from the assault, she lay in her hospital room, surrounded by all the flowers, get-well cards and gifts that people brought and sent over the three weeks she had been hospitalized, but best of all, she lay with Trevor by her side, curled up against him as they talked while she fought to keep her eyes open.

"I'm so glad to have you back. I kept thinking..." He started.

"I'm so sorry" she wept.

"Hey, don't." He said and kissed her head.

"I dreamt I lost you" she said, shaking and with teary eyes. "You and the kids...you all- you all died in a car accident and I... It was so real; all of it was..." She cried. He pulled her into his arms and held her close.

"It was just a dream, I will never leave you again!" She blew out a deep breath as she shifted in the bed.

"You okay?"

"The baby...I didn't know that it had grown so much, it's so big now." She said rubbing her belly with her unbraced hand and let out a long, deep breath."

"She moved and kicked like crazy the entire time you were asleep." He told her, touching her stomach. "It's how I knew you'd be okay...she wouldn't give up."

"She?"

"The doctor told me; well he let it slip after your surgery... We're having a girl!"

"A girl? Adrienne wanted a sister..." Her smile quickly dissipated "Drew...Travis. He, he got to them, he..."

"Baby, it's okay, it's okay. Adrienne is fine. The stab wound thank god turned out to be just that; a stab wound. Nothing was damaged, the doctor stitched her up and she's fine and so is Travis.

"They are?" She cried.

"I promise. First thing tomorrow I'm going home and I'm going to bring them to you, they're gonna be so excited."

"I miss them"

"They miss you too, so much! Every night they say their prayers just for you...so has their dad!"

"Everything I dreamed...how could it feel so real? Travis, Drew...the kids, you. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. I'm so sorry I made you leave that night, I wish you would have stayed, I wish..Trevor, where is he; Faust?"

"You don't have to worry about him ever again; Fin shot him and he died a few hours after he got here."

"He's dead?"

"He's dead, I promise." She leaned into him and let out a cry that broke his heart and he held her tight. "What is it?"

"...he raped me, if I had never told you to leave it never..."

"Shhhh! I know. The doctors told me. They needed my consent to give you the antivirals and I want you to know that I don't blame you." He had tears in his eyes that started to run over.

"I wanted to die. I tried to fight him but he overpowered me and I begged him...I begged him...I'm so sorry." She sobbed.

"No, you have nothing to be sorry for babe okay? Nothing at all, and don't you ever blame yourself do you hear me? We're gonna get through this, I promise you but don't you ever blame yourself!"

She cried in his arms until she closed her eyes and fell to sleep so thankful that she had only dreamed the tragedies that had happened. Her daughter was fine and her children were safe; so was her brother in law. Nick wasn't moving away but more importantly than that, Trevor was here and alive and she felt like she could get through this as long as she had him.

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**Y'all didn't really think I was gonna kill Trevor right? I can't kill him, he's Olivia's love, have some faith! How about some reviews to thank me? No twitter spoilers please!**


	26. Healing

**Hope you're all over being tricked, lol. Here we are with chapter 26, this chapter doesn't really get much lighter but it does give Trevor being oh-so-sweet and the kids so it evens out. Dick Wolf owns what's his and I own what's mine.**

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So it was my intention to post some comments but there were so many good ones that I couldn't choose. All your responses have been heard, and to the guest reviewer, that sappy chapter is coming up after this one!

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It had been two weeks since Olivia woke from her coma, two weeks in which she reunited with her children and got to see first-hand that Drew was healthy; they cried upon seeing one another the first time and Olivia held her; all of them like she never wanted to let them go.

She saw Travis and then her squad and privately rejoiced in her good fortune and that Faust was now dead and she got to see Alex and Brian who were so thankful that she woke up and had come back to them. When it was quiet, she got to be alone with Trevor and just cry for what happened to her. It was something that would take time with coming to terms with but she didn't know how she ever would. She was just thankful that she had Trevor to lean on because she couldn't do it on her own. She had woken up from that coma so emotional and right now she couldn't handle facing it by herself. Though she wasn't yet ready, Trevor wanted her to talk to him as much as she needed which often brought her to tears when she thought about it. She couldn't bring herself to talk yet, but knowing that he was there made all the difference. Each day she found it harder to deal with until the sixth day when she couldn't help it and just began sobbing when Trevor came. He didn't ask questions, just came and took her in his arms and held her, letting her cry herself to sleep.

Finally after two weeks she was allowed to go home, something that frightened her to death. The thought of returning to that house, walking in that front door and seeing where he knocked her down; the staircase where he began beating her before he...

"Babe, you ready?" He startled her and she jumped, the baby suddenly doing cartwheels to protest the intrusion.

"I can't go back there!" She whispered quietly through tears, rubbing her belly with her unbroken hand. "I can't..."

"Baby, listen to me; it's okay, you never have to go back there. When you're ready I'll have a realtor looking for us a new place and in the meantime, you, me and the kids have a house that I've rented.

"We do?" She wiped the tears that stained her face but more came quickly.

"We do" he said as he caressed her face. "You don't ever have to lay eyes on it again."

"I'm sorry..." She cried.

"For what?"

"This isn't me, I don't...I don't..."

"Baby, it's okay, I promise"

"It's not okay Trevor. I was raped and I try so hard to let it go but I can't...every time I close my eyes I see him; and I hear him...and smell him. I can feel him; on me...in me" she said through tears.

"Olivia..."

"How am I ever gonna be the wife you knew...how am I ever gonna be whole for you...how am I gonna be whole for the children, for this baby when I haven't stopped falling apart?"

"Look at me..." he said as he got down on his knees in front of the bed where she sat, and took her hands. "If I were to tell you I had the answers I'd be lying to you because the truth is I don't; but you have the support of your family, your squad and when you're ready your friends. You don't have to carry this alone; we're here for you!"

"Okay..."

"And you have been more than enough for me and our children...they know how much you love them; I know it and I know how much you love me and this baby. You're just...I know this is hard for you but you are going to be fine; regardless of how long it takes to get there. Just give me what feel you can't handle."

"Can you take it all right now?" She cried. "I can't..." At that she threw herself into his arms and let her tears go, holding onto him like she never wanted to let go.

* * *

Later at Olivia and Trevor's rental home, a luxurious single level, she, Trevor and Travis sat around the living room with Adrienne and Jamie who were curled up beside Olivia, both had their heads on her belly listening for a sound.

"Feels good to have you home, Liv!" Travis said and kissed her cheek.

"It feels good to be home" She answered, looking down at the children and smiled.

"Listen, I gotta get going but you take care. I'll see you guys later!"

"Bye uncle Travie!" The twins said. Trevor got up and walked him out, disappearing down the hall.

"Mama, the baby kicked my ear!" Jamie laughed.

"I felt it little guy; big kick huh?" Olivia answered. Jamie continued laughing and stood up to kiss her then hugged her neck.

"I love you mama!" he said, her eyes filled with tears as she turned and kissed his cheek.

"Me too!" Drew said, climbing up to kiss Olivia, Trevor smiled as he reentered. "Daddy, when is my sister coming?" she asked as Trevor sat down beside them.

"About ten weeks" The twins looked at each other and slapped their heads.

"That's forever!" They both exclaimed. Olivia sat wiping the tears from her eyes and smiled.

"Why don't you guys run into the kitchen and ask Rebekah for a snack" Trevor said

"Yay!" and they jumped up and ran for the kitchen, Trevor and Olivia watching them until they were gone.

"You okay?" He asked Olivia as he put his arm around her. She nodded and broke into tears.

"I'm sorry...I'm just, I'm just really tired that's all. I'd really like to lie down."

"I'll take you..." Trevor started.

"I can manage" she said quietly.

"Why don't I just..."

"I can manage!" She reiterated louder, sounding agitated as she struggled to get up, finding it difficult with her arm and leg in casts. Trevor helped her to her feet and she hobbled off down the hall with her cane as Trevor looked after her.

... ... ...

After checking on the twins and looking in on a sleeping Noah, Trevor went back to the master bedroom to check on Olivia and found her having trouble getting into bed. Trevor immediately rushed over and picked her up, gently placing her in the bed against the pillows then placed the covers on her.

"Thank you" Olivia said in a barely there voice, feeling embarrassed.

"You don't have to thank me." He stated causing her to nod with tears filling her eyes. Trevor took a seat in front of her on the bed and Olivia cast her eyes down as she started to cry.

"I'm sorry" she said, her voice breaking "I shouldn't have yelled"

"Olivia, it's okay..."

"No...no it's not" she cried and he took her into his arms and held her.

"Just let it out. It's alright."

"I ruined everything"

"This is not your fault."

"It is Trevor. I caused this" she said through her tears "he raped me and he stabbed my baby and I still don't know if she saw..."

"Liv, you have to stop doing this, you couldn't control what that monster did, this is not on you and Drew doesn't show any signs of remembering what happened, the doctor says she probably won't; we just have to hope!" She nodded as she tried to stop her tears, so ashamed that she was again falling apart.

"Why don't you get some sleep before Noah wakes up? He's gonna be so excited to see his mommy home."

"Will you lay with me... Just till I fall asleep?" He looked at her and smiled sweetly before climbing in and putting his arms around her. She immediately curled up beside him, resting her head on his chest and he kissed her head while rubbing her stomach.

"Tell me again that I'll get through this" she said in a whisper. He kissed her and looked into her tearful eyes.

"I promise you will." He said, meaning every word. He knew his wife and even if she didn't feel it right now, he knew she'd be okay and he knew that he'd give her all his love and support to see to it.

* * *

**3 weeks later...**

"How are you feeling?" Amanda asked Olivia. She had been coming by for a couple weeks, when she got the chance and Olivia was slowly becoming more comfortable in her presence.

"I'm doing" Olivia said quietly, rubbing her belly nervously. "The doctors took the cast off of my arm yesterday so..."

"So I see" Amanda smiled. "But you still haven't answered my question " she laughed. Olivia gave a smile.

"I...I don't know, I guess um, you know it's a struggle some days...most days but I'm coping...one day at a time right?"

"Right"

"I mean, I have jitters and nightmares but you know..."

"I get the feeling that there's something else?"

"Nothing gets past you, does it?"

"Not much; no." Amanda replied with a grin. Olivia continued to fidget, rubbing her newly uncast wrist.

"I don't know, I just...I'm afraid that if I say to him what I want to..." She wiped the tears that suddenly appeared in her eyes. "I um, I got a visit this morning from Fin... He couldn't stay long but he wanted to tell me... Well he gave me a heads up; the brass they... I'm being relieved of my position effective immediately."

"Olivia, I'm sorry" Amanda said sympathetically and grabbed the box of tissues from the coffee table, allowing Olivia to take a few. As much as she tried to be strong in the face of her squad, lately she couldn't seem to control her emotions.

"It is what it is... I just, I don't know, I thought... I don't know what I thought." She wiped her eyes with the tissues. "This rape... It's costing me everything!"

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**That's all for now, we'll bring some light to the story next time. If you leave a review, I'll love you! **


	27. Attempting Normal

**it took a little while to write this chapter but here it is. Sorry for the wait. Dick Wolf owns, enjoy.**

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Later that day as Amanda walked into the squad room, all eyes were on her.

"What?" She asked.

"Murphy wants to see you" Fin said.

"What? Why?"

"No clue...where were you anyway?"

"I went by Liv's...she's not doin too good" before she could finish, Murphy appeared in the office doorway.

"Rollins" he motioned for her to come into the office and walked inside. She looked at Fin and Amaro as she took off her coat, both who shrugged. She dumped her coat, rolled her eyes and followed.

"Shut the door" Murphy instructed. She closed it and walked over to his desk.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Sit"

"So what is this about?" she asked.

"Narcotics"

"Drugs?"

"The department, without giving too many details; they need help with a case and you've been requested."

"Me? I've been requested?"

"I know. Anyway, they need a girl to go undercover and you would be the perfect candidate."

"Me? Why me?" She wondered. "Why not somebody; I don't know, from narcotics?"

"Between us; I'm going on this assignment and I want someone with me that I can trust"

"All due respect, you barely know me."

"...to get the job done. You don't have any family, no husband, no kids; nothing to distract you"

"Gee, thanks"

"Point is, I want you with me. You do this successfully and you can write your own ticket in the department" Amanda sat there for a moment.

"Can I think about it?"

"I need an answer in a week" she nodded.

"You'll hear from me sooner." she said and got up and left. as she approached her desk and sat down, Fin and Amaro came with the questions.

"He fired you didn't he?" Amaro asked

"What?"

"He transferred you?" Fin said. "I knew it, he didn't sound right when he said he wanted to talk to you!"

"It's nothing like that" she said as her desk phone rang. "well talk about it later… Special Victims Unit, detective Rollins…"

* * *

.

Over at Liv and Trevor's, the kids were asleep and she was in the kitchen cleaning when he came in from the office. Standing at the sink washing dishes, she started to slip into a memory.

_Faust was on her back, riding her hard as he whispered in her ear; taunting her while he violently raped her and she lay beneath him face down while she cried._

_"You love getting fucked you don't you you little whore?" But she continued to cry as he was hurting her. "I said you love getting fucked, don't you?!" He gripped her hair tight in his fist and continued to twist her broken arm._

_"Yes..." She screamed painfully as tears ran down her face. _

_"I wanna hear you say it, say 'I love it' you slut!" He said and pulled her arm and hair tighter as he got deeper in her and she screamed louder._

_"...I love it" she cried. "I love it...please..."_

Just then Trevor came in the kitchen and put his arms around her from behind to hold her and she jumped and screamed, dropping a large bowl that went crashing to the floor, shattering in pieces.

"Damn it Trevor!" She yelled, as she struggled to breathe with the baby now kicking like crazy from her being frightened.

"Oh god, I didn't mean..." He apologized as he stepped over the glass to see about her. "I'm sorry babe..."

"You can't sneak up on me like that!" she said in tears as she leaned over, rubbing her stomach and trying to catch her breath. "It's okay sweetie!" She said as she rubbed circles on her belly.

"Are you okay?" He said impishly.

"I'm fine...I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me." She was blinking back tears and trying to soothe the baby who still hadn't calmed. "I didn't mean to yell at you"

"It's alright" he said, kneeling down to pick up the glass. Thankfully it hadn't broken into little shards and he was able to get it all in one pickup and tossed it in the trash. "I shouldn't have scared you and I'm sorry!" He took her in his arms and held her for a long moment and she broke, crying in guttural sobs.

"Liv it's alright..."

"It's not...when do I get to feel like normal again? I just want to feel normal; I want to go a day without thinking about what he did to me, how he violated me, I just want..." She said as she cried hard in his arms and held on to him, not wanting to let go.

* * *

.

"So you gonna go?" Amaro asked.

"I don't know" Amanda said sipping a beer. "I mean the man is right, if I'm successful at this, I can write my own ticket…"

"but?' Fin asked

"But...we're not talking a quick operation, I mean this could go on for god knows how long; you guys have done this, what do you think?"

"If it we're me I'd go..." Fin said "but then of course you gotta think that you're not me. You're someone I care about and I don't want you going."

"Same. But if you do, know we got your back." Amaro chimed in.

"Thanks guys; I think I need to sleep on it, get some clarity. I can't talk to Liv about it cuz...I'm gonna call it an early one." She said and finished off her beer. "...'night guys"

"G'night Amanda"

"Night Rollins... Penny for your thoughts?" Amaro asked Fin.

"Same as yours; just thinkin about Liv. 1PP really did a number on her.

"It's still hard to believe that she won't be our C/O, and now with Murphy leavin; well I guess that leaves you!"

"Yeah, but look at the way it came to me...I should have never taken that damn exam. I mean the money is good but look at where I am, I don't want Liv's position. Not like this."

"You got a choice; you can either take it or see somebody else come in and do the job not as well. Either way it turns out the same way- with Liv out." He said with tears in his eyes. "I'm gonna call it a night!"

* * *

.

That night after they talked for over an hour and Trevor managed to calm Olivia down she went for a shower, scrubbing herself until she felt clean, only then did she leave the shower and dress for bed.

"I started to come in after you." Trevor said to her as she sat on the bed. She gave a small, faint smile as she turned to him.

"I'm okay." She whispered almost silently and took a deep breath before climbing into bed and getting under the covers, cuddling up in Trevor's arms. He kissed the top of her head as he put his arm around her.

"The twins asked me during dinner when they were gonna get to go home."

"I'm sorry honey, they've asked that a lot lately. I didn't want them stressing you out with it."

"It's not your fault; the truth is I miss my house. I thought that I'd never want to lay eyes on it again after...we started our life in that house; we brought our babies home there and had so many memories... Trevor I want to go home. I don't wanna give him any more power over me; over us." She said looking up at him.

"I just; babe I saw the house after...that space; I need to know that this isn't too much for you. We can find another place, we can buy this one- the kids will be okay if we don't go home."

"They won't...and neither will I. We put so much of ourselves into that house and now we're having this baby; something else he tried to destroy and didn't and when she's born I want her to come home- to our home unless you can't..."

"I can, I just want to be sure that this is what you want."

"It is. It's what I want more than anything"

"Then we'll go." He said and kissed her head. "We'll go..." She hugged him tighter as she started to cry.

"I love you so much"

"And no matter what, I love you... I'll always love you!"

"Would you do something for me?" She asked.

"Anything"

"Kiss me... I want you to make love to me" she took him by surprise with her words and he had to be certain.

"Liv...are you sure? I don't want to traumatize you; push you into something you're not ready for"

"I need to feel my husband" she said with a hand to his face. "I need to feel loved."

"I can do that...just tell me it's what you want" she searched his eyes with her own before speaking.

"It's absolutely what I want, just...please be gentle." He leaned in to her and kissed her hand then her cheeks and her nose before he kissed her lips; slowly and sweetly like a first kiss that carried on for a moment before it stopped.

"You okay?" He asked as he looked down at her. She reached for him and kissed him.

"I'm okay" she said and they continued kissing. After a moment he reached for her sleep shirt, slowly undoing the buttons, as the last of them came undone her breath hitched as he opened it, stopping to look at and trace with his fingers the scars and not-quite-healed bruises that littered her torso.

"You're so beautiful!" He whispered. "So beautiful..." He said as he kissed his way down her neck until he was at her breasts where he licked and planted gentle kisses. Olivia began remembering as Faust held her down, biting her breasts as he was inside her, brutalizing her insides as he'd done her outside. She tried to close her eyes and block him out; to block the memory of what he did to her and just enjoy her husband and the feel of what he was doing to her but every time she tried...

_"You love it bitch, don't you"_

"No!" She screamed, shaking. Trevor immediately stopped what he was doing and sat up.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry" she was in tears and pulling her shirt closed.

"It's okay"

"It's not...it's never gonna be okay!" She said sobbing and he took her in his arms and held her close while she clung to him and cried. "I'm sorry baby...I'm so sorry."

* * *

**.**

**Zurich, Switzerland**

4AM and he couldn't sleep, not with so much on his mind. Since the talk with the doctor his memory has been coming back more and more and where he only had pieces before, there were now large parts, parts that told him stories, stories that made him even more determined to get out of here and get back to his people- the people who had done him wrong.

"Soon...you'll all get what's coming to you, soon enough." He whispered. "Especially you Olivia!"

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**.**

**Reviews? See you all next time.**


	28. Adlib

**Chapter 28. Things will start looking up for Liv next chapter but not yet. Dick Wolf owns, I just borrow.**

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.

The following day at Trevor and Olivia's, the kids were sitting around the table having breakfast with Trevor when Adrienne stopped to ask him a question.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah baby?"

"When is mama getting up?"

"Um...you know what sweetie, mommy had a not-so-good night last night and I thought we'd let her sleep in this morning." He said as he wiped Noah's mouth.

"Is she mad at us?" Drew asked.

"No baby, mama could never be angry at you guys. Okay? Don't worry." He said and kissed her head.

"Is she mad at you?" Jamie asked. Trevor laughed.

"No. She's not mad at me either, Jamie. She's just tired." He grinned. Okay, you guys done with breakfast?"

"I'm done!" Jamie said

"Me too!" Drew added.

"I fin" Noah quipped. Trevor kissed him and lifted him from his chair.

"Okay, let's go get into our coats and get to school, grab your lunch boxes."

"Can we give mama a kiss?" Jamie asked.

"I think she'd like that" Trevor smiled.

...

By the time Trevor got back to the house, he put Noah down in his playpen then put the dishes in the dishwasher, then went to the bedroom to see about Olivia only he got about 5 feet from the door when he heard her.

_"Stop...please. Please no...please..." _Trevor ran inside to see that she was crying in her sleep and he immediately started to shake her out of it.

"Liv...come on baby, wake up!" He said as he sat beside her.

_"Please don't..."_

"Liv!" he shook her harder than he'd meant to but he needed to pull her out of the dream and she suddenly snapped awake, disoriented for a moment and flew into his arms sobbing.

"It's alright"

"He was..." She could barely speak through her tears. "and he held me down...and I couldn't stop him...I couldn't..." He held her and she collapsed against his body, holding on, her sobs seemingly unstoppable. Trevor was unsure exactly what to do and he couldn't stop the feelings of anger that took over at what Faust had done to his wife. He was holding a broken woman. As much as she tried to keep it together, and she tried so hard but she was just broken and he couldn't do anything. Faust was dead and he couldn't hurt him, he couldn't make him pay for what he'd done; never cause him the pain he'd caused his wife.

...

After a while she had exhausted herself from crying and her tears finally stopped and she just lay there in his arms, quietly against him, finding comfort in being held by the man she loved so deeply. He rubbed her belly to calm the baby and his touch, his scent, his warmth; all of them made the bad seem that much further away and she wished that she could just get lost in it and hide from the world until he made her better.

* * *

"So I'm thinkin maybe I should go..." Amanda said. She'd been thinking about her decision all last night and the more she thought about it, the more it seemed like the right choice.

"Just like that?" Dean asked.

"Well not _"just like that"_ I mean; as far as guys go, we got a nice little...thing goin on here." She playfully ran her fingers through his mass of thick hair as he leaned back against her.

"Yeah, we do."

"This'll be a big deal for me you know? I mean I've been undercover but nothing to this degree...it'll be exciting"

"But...?"

"But... I'm gonna miss it...I'm gonna miss you." She said much to his surprise. Amanda had been someone he never thought he'd get to and now... Her thighs were parted and her legs were wrapped around him as he sat on the floor and she sat on the couch in nothing but a thin tee shirt. "I'm especially gonna miss what you do to me!" She said as she leaned forward and kissed him while she wrapped her body around his and soon was in his lap facing him.

"Maybe I should do it a lot more then!" Instantly, her tee shirt was off and he was lying her down on the floor, his mouth to her breasts while her legs found their way around his waist and she arched her back to get more of his beautiful mouth.

"Oh god your mouth...go lower!" She moaned. While she was enjoying the feeling of what he was so magnificently doing to her, he was plotting; he'd fallen for her and he couldn't let her go so he had to keep her here any way possible!

* * *

The next day Olivia was insistent that they go to the house. She was determined that she would live without the shadow of _him_ over her life but the very moment they stepped in the front door of the house she froze. She hadn't been here since the night of the attack and though Trevor had gotten most the first floor remodeled it was as if time had frozen what happened there.

"You sure you want to do this?" He asked, seeing the look on her face; she was terrified.

"I have to" was all she uttered in a quiet tone. She let go of his hand that she had been holding onto tightly before she slowly walked into the house from where they stood at the door.

She stood in the foyer with her hand to her belly and she very quietly just looked; emotion welling up. The house was no longer filled with Christmas but she could still feel the way she felt that night as she came down those stairs, greeted by the giant tree in the foyer as she opened the door and…

_...when she saw Paul Faust standing there, thunder booming as lightning flashed, without wasting a split second she attempted to slam and lock the door but he pushed it in, knocking her to the floor in the process before entering the house._

_"I've been waitin a long time to get to you!"_

_...he'd grabbed her by the hair from behind and slammed her face into a wall before throwing her across the foyer, sending her body crashing through the French living room doors and tearing out a fistful of her hair in the process._

"Liv?" Trevor called to her softly when he saw that she was in distress and he walked over to her, touching her shoulder lightly. She turned to him with her eyes full of tears and he threw his arms around her. From over his shoulder she could see the living room…

_"I've waited ten long years for this!" Faust seethed as he got down and straddled Olivia's body, an evil snarl on his face and loving the sight of the bloodied pregnant woman beneath him as he used his fists to viciously pummel her face, she clawed and screamed and swung desperately at him, trying with everything she had to stop the assault, but with her energy quickly depleting she was no match for his strength..._

She quickly withdrew from his embrace and went to the kitchen in tears. Trevor stood for a moment, looking around and anger threatening to rip him apart. He took a deep breath, running a hand down his face to wipe his tears before he turned and went to the kitchen.

He got there to find Olivia sitting at the island counter crying. Not knowing what else to do he went over to her and took her hand, and took a seat on the stool in front of her.

"Liv...it'll be okay." He said. It took her a minute to collect herself but once she did, she looked up at him, then looked down at her hands.

"Do you remember the day you bought this house for me?" She asked him, the memory of that day forever fresh in her mind. He smiled as she jarred the memory.

"You were carrying the twins…"

"Ten weeks" she said as she felt her belly.

"You remember what we did in this very kitchen; on this actual counter?" He laughed and she smiled; actually smiled.

"We christened it pretty good...we were so happy" suddenly her eyes ran over with tears again.

"We're still happy"

"We're not...you take care of the kids because I'm unable to most of the time; and you take care of home and your job and when we're alone you have to deal with this...and it's because of what he did to me and I'm trying so hard but I can't let it go!"

"I take care of the kids because I love them; like i love you! For better or for worse Liv; remember? We took those vows. We're just going through some of the worst right now but it takes time baby, you just need time!" she wiped her eyes; standing up to walk the kitchen and let off nervous energy; stretching her back before suddenly turning back to face Trevor.

"Do you regret marrying me?" She said almost in a whisper. Shocked, he looked at her and quickly, vehemently answered her.

"Never! Do you understand me? Never! Since the day I met you I've felt nothing but happiness even when we go through tough times because I know that we'll come through it stronger."

"It just feels like since I came into your life I've brought you heartache and I'm sorry; especially now...If you want out, I'll understand I swear I will, just please don't stay because you feel obligated; I never want that for you!" Her tears had gotten stronger.

He walked over to her and ran his hands over her stomach. "Do you hear your mother?" He spoke softly to her belly then looked at her and meant every word. "I am here because I want to be, because I love you; not out of obligation...don't let what he did to you make you doubt me; I am never going anywhere, I swear it! You and the kids are everything in this world to me; I couldn't breathe without you!" He said and hugged her as she cried.

"Let's come home!"

"You still want to?"

"I do!" She said in tears.

"Then let's come home!" He said and kissed her before hugging her tighter.

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**More to come. In the meantime, reviews are welcome.**


	29. Your Love

**Chapter 29 already. This one is a much happier chapter for Olivia and I hope you all like it. Dick Wolf owns, enjoy!**

* * *

.

It had been two weeks since Olivia and Trevor moved their family back home and while it hadn't been easy for Olivia, she was determined to make it work, therefore he was determined, though it was hard, to be there for her and give her the support she needed.

Therapy hadn't been working too great for the last month since Olivia didn't want to be there and only went because Trevor wanted her to; she didn't open up to Dr. Shields, just sat there until enough time would pass where the doctor would let her go home. She wasn't ready to share with anyone that she'd been raped, didn't want to deal with the stares; she didn't want the pity so instead of allowing herself help she would shut down at home until it all became too much, usually a day or two and then she'd break down and thankfully Trevor would be there to catch her.

Now that they were back home there was other stuff to deal with. In addition to shutting down and breaking apart, she refused to use the front stairs for any reason; always opting instead to go for the back stairs. If she had to go out it would be through the back door or either the garage entry through the hall. She didn't dare enter the living room or the main foyer, it was like she had cut them off in her mind and she was never remiss to steer clear of them and while her breakdowns had become less of an occurrence, it was still hard for Trevor to see her struggling when she was trying so hard to be strong for herself and the children.

"Trevor…" she called to him as she lay one night wrapped in his arms.

"Yeah babe?"

"Please don't give up on me!" She said in tears. She was aware of all her problems and she wanted him to know that she knew and she just needed time to get through them, but most of all she needed _him_. He held her, letting her cry for a long time until again, she exhausted herself and fell asleep in his arms.

...

The next day after Trevor had taken the children to school and come back, Noah was still asleep in his nursery, he had been running a fever due to teething so they had let him sleep after Trevor woke him to give him Motrin and some breakfast. After checking on him he went into their bedroom and was surprised when he saw Olivia; she sat looking through a photo album that he immediately recognised as Chloe's baby book. He hadn't seen it in a long time and it immediately brought back fond memories and then the hurt came. He and Olivia never quite got over losing her but he wondered why today of all days… He got his answer the minute she saw him standing there.

"Noah's fine; I just checked him." she said.

"You're up!" He said as he came around to the chaise and kissed her.

"She was kicking and I couldn't…" She said as she touched her belly through her nightgown. "Plus I had to pee!" She smiled wanly.

"Can I sit with you?" He asked. She looked up at him and nodded. He eagerly took a seat beside her on the chaise. "Chloe's book…"

"Her birthday is coming soon…"

"She would've been…"

"Six years old." She said sadly; longingly. Neither of them had ever given up missing her. "You know, I realized that since I found out…"

"With all that's happened, we never got the chance." He finished. She paused and looked down, smiling at how he knew her thoughts.

"I've thought about it...and I understand now that you were doing it to protect me."

"I swear to you, that was my only intent; I never meant to lie to you, I never meant to cause you pain...but that night I did and I'm so sorry."

"I know that now and I hate that I couldn't forgive you then... I'm sorry that I wasn't able to work it out when I found out, If I had…"

"Stop. I know where this is going and it's not your fault."

"I'm sorry...it's just hard to associate one…"

"I know; believe me I think about it every day...but Liv, you have to forgive yourself. It's easier said than done but you can't go on blaming yourself forever you know? You didn't cause this and I can't stress that fact enough."

"What about you?"

"I don't…"

"One of the hardest parts of this has been knowing that you blame yourself and you shouldn't." She cried. "I freaked out, I told you to go; you were trying to respect what I thought I wanted at the time and this...happened. If I'm ever going to forgive myself of anything, it's of letting you think that any of this was your fault!"

"We keep putting the blame in a lot of unnecessary spots, don't we?" She lightly touched his hand, taking it in her own and then squeezing it tight while they looked each other in the eye. "Do you remember what I said to you after we lost Chloe and you were wondering if you'd ever be able to feel normal again?"

"You said that I'd always make you happy…"

_"...no amount of tears or sadness can ever change that. What happened…it changed us both but as long as we're determined that it won't break us, we'll be fine." _

"And I meant it; it still adheres...we're going through a change, that's all this is and it's hard; and it's scary I know, but we're stronger than this! I love you and I know that we'll get through this...we just have to trust in the process. It won't break us, Liv!"

"I love you!" She said as her tears spilled and she held him tight. "I love you…"

"I love you Liv...always" she was in his embrace and for that moment felt invincible.

"Trevor love me…" when he paused, looking at her and before he could speak, she kissed him. "Maybe you're the only thing that can shut out this noise in my head again...I need you!" She whispered against his mouth. He, in a flash kissed her deep then stopped as he held his head against hers.

"I know I've asked you this before…" before he could answer she kissed him and immediately thoughts began playing in her head.

"_Look at that you sweet bitch" Faust said as he pounded her asshole so hard, she couldn't catch her breath and thought she'd black out. "...you are somethin special!"_

But she blocked it out and continued kissing him. He stood up and took her hands, pulling her to her feet before he caressed her face, leaning down and planted another sweet kiss to her lips.

"You take the lead…I want you to go at your own pace; do whatever makes you feel comfortable." He said. She pulled him close, kissing him again before she led him to their bed and once the were there she looked up at him and paused, unsure.

"We can stop, it's okay…" He assured her.

"No...I want this, I want you..." She said "I need this!" And she kissed him some more before she got on the bed and laid down. He stood above her, watching her as he took off his shirt and finally joined her on the bed, caging her in with his arms as he hovered over her.

"You're beautiful, I mean that!" He said she looked up at him and smiled as he leaned down and met her lips with his, softly. "If you want to stop, just say the word like last time…"

"I don't want to stop...please make love to me!" she pled. He kissed her lips before he travelled to her neck, his hands slowly lowering the thin straps of her nightgown but not exposing her breasts, kissing her there and lingering in her scent, then back to her lips again; her mind suddenly bombarded.

"_Say "I love to be fucked!" whore"_

She squeezed her eyes shut trying to shake it out.

"Hey...hey, look at me" Trevor said. "Look at me, I'm here...right here." She opened her eyes to look at him. "Don't be afraid...I would never hurt you." He said with a delicate stroke of her face.

"I'm okay…" Her eyes were wet with tears but she meant what she said, she was okay. She looked into his eyes and saw so much love there and she knew that she could stop it all right now but she didn't want to. Faust had taken so much from her life when he'd raped and beaten her; she wanted this and for the first time, in spite of the memories that tried to dissuade her, she took her husband's head in her hands and she assured him that she was ready for this.

He took his time with her, careful of the bones in her face and bruises on her body that hadn't yet completely healed and he loved her slow, asking every few minutes if she was alright. He stripped her nightgown away and kissed and licked every inch of her body, driving her to come as he did her nipples. She came quietly at first, then louder as he added fingers to her clitoris, stroking her as he sucked her then making his way down to taste her.

Again she was bombarded with thoughts and those thoughts made her want to say no to that at first but he told her on no uncertain terms that he loved her and he wanted to do this, not just because he loved it but because he wanted to make her feel good in every place that Faust touched; every place he hurt and after she consented he ended up driving her into a frenzy with his mouth, holding onto her hands as he did and when he'd taken and swallowed every drop that she gave as she broke down and cried as she came. He held her, telling her it was alright and she kissed him long, letting him know that she needed him inside her and after flipping them, putting her on top so that she could control his depth, he was inside her. The feel of him so overwhelmed her that she cried happy tears, stilling herself to adjust before she rode him slow. They went on, eventually she came twice before he did, crying out as she did. He filled her with himself before she collapsed beside him totally spent, out of breath and both in tears.

"I've never felt so loved...thank you!" She said before she curled into him. He pulled her into his arms and pulling the covers over them before kissing her, letting her know that she felt loved because she was loved.

For the first time in months she felt like she could get through this as she put her arms around him and held him tight.

* * *

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**See y'all next chapter. PLEASE review, I'd like to know what you think and I'm off twitter for a while.**


	30. Making Strides

**Chapter 30, won't keep you waiting so let's find out what our citizens are up to in this chapter that didn't want to be written. Per usual, the Wolf man owns, I just borrow.**

* * *

**Many of you may notice that I've removed the part about Noah's birthday, I absently put it in and it wasn't intended, Noah's nowhhere near two. Sorry!**

* * *

**.**

**1 month later...**

"I think you're ready!" Murphy said much to Amanda's delight. It had been five long weeks of training and preparation, of getting her background straight and working on her character, Jasmine Tremaine, a 26 year old wide eyed girl from Louisiana who came to the city to catch a big fish but got caught in the limelight.

"Wait...you mean I'm done, no more training?" to say she was thrilled would have been correct; learning another person, their mannerisms and everything, that had taken a lot of hard work and to hear Murphy say she was finally finished...

"It's a wrap, you're done, you are Jasmine Tremaine!" Amanda couldn't control the sense of accomplishment and joy she felt and jumped into his arms to hug him, quickly realizing what she was doing and immediately went to standing back at attention.

"I didn't mean…"

"It's okay detective" he smiled. "How do you feel?"

"Woo...uh happy, nervous, excited, relieved...ready!" She answered.

"Good, cuz you go under the day after tomorrow...no turning back. I suggest you take this time to say goodbyes, get your medical cleared." He said. And please for the love of god, cut down on your eating, you've gained a little." He stated harshly.

"I eat when I'm stressed...but I'll get it under control."

"Good, you have a role to play and that role requires a tiny you!"

"I got it"

"You got a new life starting!"

* * *

A month brought a lot of changes for Olivia, mainly positive. Slowly she was coming back to herself, determined that Faust wouldn't win and Trevor was right beside her helping through every step of the way. She had opened up in therapy a little, at last admitting her rape to the therapist; a big step that she was able to take by finally listening to Trevor's encouragement. Dr. Shields was extremely proud of Olivia for trusting her with that step, until Olivia had told her, Trevor had been the only person who knew besides Fin, Nick and Amanda and she never really discussed it with them, instead choosing to act like it never happened and instructing them to do the same and never talk about it. They did as she asked but it was hard for them to see her drowning.

Now that she had told her therapist, she could start to heal and that's exactly what she was doing. In the last two weeks she had learned to use the front stairs; it had been hard at first and she had cried every time she made an attempt and couldn't go through with it. She'd stand in the hall near the exit to the stairs and she'd cry and eventually go back the other way but then one day she just did it; with Trevor at the bottom landing, she gathered up the nerve and she went down the stairs. She swallowed her ghosts and trepidation and went for it; she was fully in tears when she reached the bottom but they were tears of joy mixed in with her hurt and sadness and as she went in to Trevor's arms she let out a huge sigh of relief.

"I did it...I really did it!"

It hadn't been an everyday thing at first but she had made it a part of her routine and now for the last three days she only used the kitchen stairs when it was absolutely necessary and though she still wouldn't enter the living room, Trevor and Dr. Shields understood that she was taking baby steps and would get there eventually.

...

Today they were putting the finishing touches on the new nursery. They'd had a room designer come in and create a truly beautiful space like he'd done for all of their children, but there was something about this space, knowing that she would be their last child...it kind of reminded them of when Chloe was coming. She was the beginning and now this little girl would be the end. Trevor stood watching as Olivia stopped folding clothes and instead went to rubbing her belly and looking down with a beautiful smile where she sat in the huge rocker. He took out his phone and snapped a picture before he went back to watching her; he couldn't remember the last time she looked so happy and wished the moment could last forever.

About a minute passed before she looked up at him where he stood on the other side of the room.

"What?" She said, the smile still on her face and her hand on her belly. He hung the last few outfits in the closet before he walked over to her and sat down on the ottoman he pulled in front of the chair.

"You're beautiful" he took her free hand and placed his other on her stomach, feeling the baby move.

"I'm huge"

"You're perfect!" As he leaned in and kissed her sweetly on the lips, Noah suddenly came barreling in the room and ran straight for Olivia. He was about to smack into her stomach when Trevor swooped him up just before impact.

"Whoa there, little guy!" Trevor said as the dogs playfully chased Noah into the room but stopped and took on a serious tone when they saw Olivia and gently marched into the room and sat by the chair as Olivia stroked their heads.

"Good babies!" She sang as she petted them.

"Daddy down, want momma!" He said without missing a beat.

"Sorry daddy!" Olivia said laughing as she struggled to lift Noah up onto her lap. "Either he's getting bigger or I'm really tired." She added as she finally lifted him.

"I think a little of both" Trevor mussed Noah's hair playfully while Noah had settled against Olivia and was on his way to sleep but slowly fighting it.

"What did you get into out there, little one?"

"Better question, what did they get into with him?" Trevor said as he scratched the dogs under their chins.

Olivia smiled again as she held Noah, asking Trevor to put away the tee shirts and blankets she had been folding. He took the large basket and went over to the dresser while she suddenly grew quiet as he put the things away. "I can't help but think how different it would've all gone if Semper and Jax had been home that night."

He closed the drawers as he put the last of the onesies away and went to her. "I know" he said as he kissed her hand. "But I thank god everyday that he didn't…" He held the nape of her neck as he was overcome with emotion. "I couldn't take losing you, I couldn't…"

"You don't have to worry" She kissed him as tears flowed from her own eyes. "I'm gonna wonder...maybe everyday but I'm still here, you won't lose me!" She said and kissed him. "You won't baby!" She kissed him again.

...

After he'd put a sleeping Noah down in his room, they went back to their room for some alone time, quickly undressing and making love. He took her in a spooning position as it was the only one comfortable for her at this point in the pregnancy and as their bodies synced, him kissing everywhere he could reach as he held her and made love to her. When those same, haunting thoughts came back, she closed her eyes to block them out as she breathed through the sensations in her body, grabbing his hand and holding tight to it with their fingers intertwined.

"Harder!" She cried, needing to chase away the demons in her head.

"Baby, I don't want to h-"

"You won't, please...harder baby!"

The truth was, he'd wanted to take her harder, to get deeper but he was afraid that with the rape it would be too much for her. They'd made love four times since that night and each time she'd begged him to take her gently. Now he wasn't sure that she was ready for what she was asking for but when she started to throw herself back against him, he thought that maybe she might be and held and kissed her while he took her harder and before long she was begging for him to go deeper as well.

"Liv…"

"Trevor please; ...just fuck me, I'll tell you if you're hurting me just…"

He didn't know if it was bad judgement but he prayed that it wasn't as he fucked her how she asked. In that moment he lost all reasoning, he fucked her in deep, powerful strokes, her body coming quickly but she insisted that he keep going. He'd emptied 3 loads inside her and lost track of how many times she'd come but she still begged for it. Finally he took to rubbing her clit as he gave her a final round and when she came this time, she was done for and collapsed against him out of breath.

"Jesus Christ, what got into you?" He said, barely able to breathe.

"I don't know...I just..." She was breathing equally hard as she curled against his chest and lay there quietly for a moment.

"What's wrong, was I too much?" He asked her, sensing that something was amiss.

"It's nothing...just thinking." he reached down and lifted her chin.

"You sure?"

"Mmhm...I'm fine." She promised, and knowing that he wouldn't drop the subject otherwise. "I'm just tired."

"Okay, you sleep and I'm gonna grab a shower before I pick up the kids." He kissed her and got up, heading to the bathroom. When he was gone, she started to cry and eventually sobbed herself to sleep.

* * *

The next morning when they got up to take the kids to school Olivia wasn't feeling too well. She had been having back pain for the better part of the night and it was still there when the morning came. Trevor stayed up most the night with her wanting to watch for labor and by the time morning came neither of them had gotten much sleep. Still, not wanting to disappoint the twins she grabbed a quick shower, threw on some Uggs and jeans and met Trevor downstairs in the car to take them to school. The whole ride there she sat quietly, praying that her back pain would go away and was thankful when they got there. That meant that she could go home and lie down, maybe take a hot bath to relieve the pain.

"Momma, are you okay?" Jamie asked as he prepared to get out of the car.

"I'm okay baby." She said "be a good boy okay? I'll see you later."

"Okay. Bye momma" and he kissed her.

"Bye momma" came from Drew who also gave a kiss. "Don't have the baby yet, okay?"

"I'll try" she said and kissed them both, waving at them as the Trevor took them inside.

"Mama hut?" Noah asked from the back seat.

"Yeah baby, momma has an owie!" She said trying to stretch her back from where she sat. When Trevor came and got in the vehicle…

"You're still in pain?"

"No...no I'm fine, I just need to lie down!"

"Olivia"

"Trevor, it's not back labor and I don't wanna go to the hospital to be sent home, let's just wait, please."

"Are you sure? The hospital is just 15 min-"

"I'm sure, please. Let's just go home."

...

They arrived home and instead of lying down, she immediately went to roaming the large house, cleaning in the downstairs rooms with Noah trailing as she went about trying to get her head straight. Trevor tried helping but she'd just get frustrated and send him out of whatever room she was in until finally, she got so frustrated that she sent him and Noah out of the house altogether.

"I don't care, go to the park or something!"

"Hmm, it is a nice day but honey, your back…"

"I have a phone if I need you, get out!"

...

A little later Olivia had finished downstairs and then made her way upstairs. She cleaned the bedrooms, the play area and the bathrooms and mopped the upstairs hall and as she was finishing up, putting the cleaning supplies away in the upstairs closet her phone rang. She pulled off her gloves and locked the closet, straightening up as best she could before answering, wiping her brow with the back of her hand.

"Alex, hey."

"Hey. Thought I'd call and see how you're doing." Olivia stretched her back. "So what's going on?"

"I think my labor is going to start soon." She said as she made it to the nearest chair in the hall and sat down.

"Where's Trevor?"

"I don't know, I sent him out somewhere. But don't worry, I'm not contracting yet, I just feel…"

"Achey...Lots of pressure?"

"Like crazy. I swear, my water's ready to pop." she said sadly, rubbing her belly.

"What's wrong?"

"Who said anything's wrong?"

"I can hear it in your voice; what is it?" Olivia took a deep breath then let it out.

"I'm just a little apprehensive about the baby coming, that's all." She said that but the truth was, she was a lot apprehensive.

"Liv, honey you'll do fine and you're gonna be so happy with this little one."

"I hope you're right."

"Hey, you know we're here right? Hell, I'm here and if I have to move in and be your nanny…"

"Sounds like something Case would say…" She let out a small laugh in spite of the tears that streamed her face. "god, I miss her; she didn't deserve…"

"Do you need me to come over? I'll bring Jake, he and Noah can keep each other busy..." Alex said, trying to keep her tears from making her lose it.

"I'm just being a baby right now" she said through her tears. "Really, you don't need to"

"You sure, I can be there in a hour"

"I'm sure, I'm just tired. I'll take a nap and it'll be okay"

"You promise to call; for anything." Alex said.

"I will," Olivia ended the call and was getting up to go to her room when her phone rang again, she saw that it was Trevor - for the fifth time, this time instead of ignoring it, she picked up.

"Hey, you alright?" He asked, thankful that she was actually answering. He knew that sometimes she got moody and needed room to breathe but with her being so close to giving birth, he got a bit worried about her.

"Yeah, I'm alright; just in my zone, cleaning...are you still at the park?"

"No, I took Noah for lunch and now he's asleep so we're on our way home. You okay?"

"I'm okay...Trevor?"

"Yeah?"

"...I love you"

"I love you too, Liv!" He smiled. "I'm gonna get Noah in the car, I'll see you soon."

* * *

"So word has it that their gonna offer Liv a position with major case." Fin said to Nick while taking a bite of his club sandwich as they sat in the diner having lunch.

"Where'd you hear that?" Nick wondered. He certainly hadn't heard any rumors concerning Olivia. "I thought they wanted her out." He popped a forkful of salad in his mouth.

"I got a guy down at 1PP, and he tells me that the commissioner is lookin to offer her a position over there real soon"

"So in other words, she's not comin back to SVU?"

"Man you know how that goes, especially now that she's become…"

"Don't say victim" Nick said.

"I'd never say that...still hard for you to deal with?"

"Yeah, every day I think about how we found her…it just hasn't gotten any easier. I still have nightmares about them."

"It wears on you when you see it every day but when it's someone that you love it breaks you that much more." They sat quietly for a moment when Amanda walked in.

"Where you been?" Fin greeted.

"Medical, getting my physical, guess what? Ooh!" She said as she sat down and took a piece of Fin's sandwich, gulping it down. Fin and Nick watched her, amazed that she was eating so fast and so ravenously and then looked at each other as she shoved his fries in her mouth.

"You finished your training?" Fin guessed.

"I finished!" She declared "ain't y'all proud? I pick up my physical papers at five… God I'm so hungry!"

"That means…" Nick started

"I leave the day after tomorrow...come on, I mean, y'all are happy for me right?"

"Of course we are...it's just now it's not so far away anymore; you're gonna be leavin!" Fin always prided himself on his ability to hold back his feelings but Amanda was like another little sister to him and he couldn't help but get emotional.

"Please don't make me cry!" She said.

"We're happy for you...congrats!" Nick said feeling down suddenly, everyone was leaving.

* * *

At Liv and Trevor's, while Noah was asleep the two of them were in the family room, Olivia lying on the couch while Trevor sat massaging her back as they watched a movie.

"You should definitely quit the partnership at the law firm and do this full time!" She said as he rubbed her back and he laughed. "Ohh...right there." She said as she arched her back and let out a long, satisfying moan as he concentrated near the base of her spine.

"Sorry, my talents are reserved for you only."

"Lucky me!" She smiled as the baby moved from where she was lying and sought another place, her hands and feet protruding through Olivia's belly as she stirred and Olivia took on a forlorn look as she touched the little foot on her bared stomach. "I've kept her safe in here all these months." she said in a near whisper as she struggled to sit up.

"Easy…" Trevor said as he helped her. When she was sitting comfortably… "She'all always be safe." He said as he palmed her belly. "What's going on with you?"

"So much ugliness has happened with this pregnancy and I'm about to give birth...what if I can't do it during labor? What if when she's here I can't give her what she needs emotionally...or physically?" He took a long pause before he spoke, wanting to get the words right.

"I know how hard it's been since the rape; since you woke up...especially with her and Drew."

"I thought I'd lost them; I just...I'm not ready for her to come yet. I'm just figuring out how to deal with the rape and now I'll have this brand new little life that's depending on me; I don't think I can do it."

"Sometimes it doesn't feel like you can, but Liv you're strong…"

"But I'm not! When the twins were born I didn't have to constantly worry if I could do right by them...I just wish my life could go back to how it was before all this happened."

"And I wish to god that I could do that for you, to just make all of this go away."

"Every day is like learning how to breathe all over again and some days I feel like I'm drowning; what if I can't with this baby?"

"You have been an incredible mother to Noah and the twins and you're going to be incredible with this one."

"I'm scared and I just wish my mom were here!" She said with tears in her eyes. Trevor didn't know what to sat to say to her when she was like this. At the end of the day, no matter how close they were or how much he loved her, his mother was still just a phone call away and as much as he wanted to he couldn't understand what it was like and he just held her while she lay against him and cried.

...

Later that evening in the kitchen…

"Jamie, how about you go and get mommy for dinner?" Trevor said as he closed the refrigerator.

"Okay. Come on Jax." He said, that was all the dog needed to jump up and run behind Jamie.

"No running" Trevor reminded him as he went up the stairs one by one then, when he was out of earshot, ran the rest of the way.

He got to the top of the stairs and saw a light on in the new nursery and went toward it. Inside Olivia was organizing the changing table, Semper sitting close by. She had just put the lotions and powder in their compartment when another pain came from around her back and shot through her abdomen and thighs. She immediately grabbed the table, taking a deep breath.

"Six in 72 minutes…" She said to no one. Semper licked her hand to let her know she was there and Olivia scratched the dog's head before going to the chair to sit, Semper following her every step. "I'm alright girl." She said to the worried dog and scratched the dog's ears while breathing in and out. Jamie suddenly popped in.

"Momma, Daddy said dinner time, and guess what?" He said.

"What?" She said with a smile.

"I helped cook" he boasted quite proudly.

"You did? She said smiling.

"Yes!"

"Alright, high five!" She said as they slapped hands.

...

Moments later they were walking slowly down the hall when Olivia had to stop. Her back was killing her and she needed a minute to stretch it so she stopped and leaned on the wall when she felt the contraction. Her first instinct was to cry but her son was standing in front of her so she bit back her tears and said...

"Jamie, run and get daddy!"

In the kitchen, Trevor was putting the food out on the table while Travis who had come by moment ago, sat playing with Drew and Noah.

"Let me help you with that, man." Travis volunteered and took two dishes from Trevor's hands.

"Thanks. So let me get this straight, you have a couple divorcing and their fighting over which one gets custody of their ghost?" Trevor said laughing. "This is why I'm a corporate lawyer, how…"

"Daddy, mommy says come. Now." Jamie said as he came down the the stairs.

"Did she say what she wanted!"

"Hi uncle Travie. No but she looks like it hurts." Trevor and Travis looked at each other with worry etched on their faces.

"I'll be right back, Travis why don't you go ahead and get started?" He said and kissed Jamie's head on his way out of the kitchen and shot up the stairs.

...

Upstairs, Olivia had slowly made her way to the bedroom

"I'm not ready for this!" She whispered to herself. _"Please, pleasepleasepleasegod!" _She didn't notice that Trevor had walked into the room and was staring at the sight in front of him.

"Liv?" He said, her standing in the room in tears

"Trevor I don't want this, not yet!" She cried as he came to her.

"It's alright baby, okay? It's gonna be fine." He spoke in a serene, calming voice attempting to counteract her frenzied feelings as he took her hands in his. "Liv look at me; you're fine. You're gonna do this and I'll be right by your side.

* * *

Eight hours later at the hospital, they were pacing the room with Olivia leaning on Trevor for support. Her contractions had gotten a lot closer together and with that came more nervousness about the baby coming. She didn't think she was in a place to give this baby what what she needed right now and she was scared. Trevor had been trying to reassure her that everything would be fine but the closer she got to actually delivering, the more panicked she became until finally she was just a mess of tears and Trevor didn't know what to do.

"Liv, honey why don't we try resting on the bed to give your-"

"I need an epidural!" she cried, trying to breathe through a contraction. This was new to him, with the twins and Noah, she'd been adamant about not having pain medication.

"Here...what now?" He said, somewhat confused.

"Oh my god, yes now!" She closed her eyes as the contraction peaked and he pressed the call button while holding her hand; she tried to hold it back but couldn't help the scream that tore from her throat… _These contractions are trying to kill me!_ She thought, trying to remember if they hurt this bad with the twins as she tried to get through it.

* * *

Over at Amanda's, for the last half hour she had been in her bathroom vomiting. Every time she thought she was done, she was hit again and finally just sat there on the floor until it was over. Right now she was emptying again and this time when she finished she closed the lid to the toilet and sat on it as she flushed, in tears.

"How could you be so stupid...again?"

* * *

In the hospital, the doctor was examining Olivia who had a hard time staying still with the pain and discomfort she was in.

"7 centimeters" Dr. Gates said as she removed her glove and tossed it in the trash. "This baby's coming fast!" Olivia turned her head as her tears flowed then closed her eyes as she squeezed Trevor's hand. He looked over at her then at the doctor.

"Maybe…" he asked

"3 to 5 hours at most, I'm gonna give you guys some time while you wait for the anesthesiologist. Page me if she needs anything." She said and left.

Trevor sat down on the bed. He had her hand and with the other he stroked her hair, the newly short haircut starting to stick to her skin. "That's it, just breathe baby." As she tried to breathe through the contraction she suddenly felt a pain that was worse and she doubled over in bed.

"Trevor, something's wrong… Ahhh!" She cried out as it got worse.

"Liv, baby?" The cry became a scream as it got worse and she tried to breathe but the pain was blinding; she couldn't even think. Trevor hit the call button and immediately two nurses came in.

"We need anything?" The nurse asked.

"Please, help her!" Trevor cried as he held her hand and she continued screaming.

"Mrs. Langan?" the nurse said but the pain took Olivia's breath away and she couldn't speak. One nurse ran to the bed and lifted the sheet and was shocked when she saw bloody water. "We got a rupture! Olivia, stay with me!"

"The...baby" Olivia cried weakly, looking at Trevor as the energy left her and she suddenly went unconscious as the monitors went off. Trevor was moved out of the way as the team frantically went to work.

"What's happening?" Trevor said, frightened as medical personnel filled the room.

"She's crashing! The nurse said as the doctor came through.

"We gotta get this baby out, now! Call the O.R. tell them to prepare for an emergency c-section"

"On it!" Someone responded.

"Tell them to have the NIC-U ready!" The doctor said as they put the oxygen mask over Olivia's unconscious face and started CPR as the orderlies moved the bed out and began rushing it down the hall with the nurse on top continuing compressions. Trevor ran out with them until the got to the double doors that led to the operating suites.

"Sir, this is as far as you can go!" the man said as they took Olivia through.

"That's my wife and baby...please, you have to-"

"Sir I'm sorry...we'll do everything we can!" He said and disappeared and Trevor was left alone, staring at those doors and wondering how it got to here as tears dropped from his eyes. This wasn't part of the plan.

* * *

**.**

**Poor Liv, poor Trevor, poor baby! And Amanda, damn Dean! (Fans self) Dis tew much! **


	31. Redux

**Okay, sorry about the wait. Here is the revised version of the ending, I couldn't satisfy everyone so I satisfied myself. It's no longer rushed and I think it's fitting. Dick Wolf owns, thanks for reading and enjoy!**

* * *

.

He stood outside the delivery room waiting. He should be pacing; at least that's what they do in movies but the energy in him is just so static that all he can do is stand still, wait and pray.

He remembered the way she looked at him just before her eyes closed; like he was the one who held her fate. Forget that she was surrounded by nurses and doctors, she kept her eyes on him, looked to him like he could fix everything…

_The baby_

Were her last words to him. _The baby_. After everything she'd been through, even voicing her fears about being able to provide for this child, when it was all said and done, she'd thought only of her; they had to save her and if there was a god in heaven his wife would be spared too.

Suddenly the doors opened and out stepped the nurse. Trevor wasted no time in rushing over to her, his heart beating a million miles a minute and his stomach in knots.

"Mr. Langan..."

"...tell me they're okay." He said it so small with so much fear as he looked at the nurse. Was it a question or statement? There were tears in his eyes that he tried damn hard not to cry but they rolled down his cheeks of their own volition.

"We got the baby out in time and she seems perfectly healthy." At hearing this he broke and began sobbing uncontrollably. "Congratulations, you have a 7lb 4oz baby girl!"

He couldn't stand. Leaning against the wall until he composed himself, he cried it out before he straightened up enough to talk.

"She's okay?"

"Beyond okay, and loud! The pediatrician is checking her out but she looks and sounds good so far." Trevor stood there nodding as his tears flowed.

"And my wife?" He asked, making the nurse suddenly grow quiet. "Sharon; my wife?"

"The doctor is still working on her"

"What does that mean?!"

"In addition to the placental rupture...she's hemorrhaging. I'm sorry but we're doing everything we can!" Those words hit Trevor's ears like a muffled echo and he closed his eyes as they reverberated. The nurse stood for a moment and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Why don't you go down to the nursery and see your baby, she could use somebody to hold her."

_The baby; their baby. _

He wiped his eyes and turned back around to the nurse but before he could speak…

"I promise, we'll come get you as soon as we know...go, welcome your daughter." She smiled before she turned to leave.

* * *

_**6 years ago…**_

_"While you're forgetting me, you can forget your baby too!" she screamed._

_"I dare you to try to keep me away from what's mine!" he threatened_

_"What 'was' yours…you're a piece of shit and I don't want any part of you!"_

_"I'm a piece of shit? Tell me something, Duck Dynasty does you-know-who know that I've been fucking the trailer park outta you for the last five months?"_

Now that the vomiting had subsided, she sat down at her small table smoking her fourth cigarette in the chair she sat in, legs curled to her chest. She thought of the first and only time she had been pregnant; a baby she didn't really see herself having but one that she loved on some level and she thought of the trauma she went though because of it.

_"...you're sick and I thank god that I had the sense to do what I did because the thought of being tied to you for the rest of my life-" she yelled._

"What?"

_"That's right, I terminated the pregnancy last week! So you and me… we ain't got shit else to talk about, now ge-"_

_Before she could finish he punched her hard in the mouth, knocking her into the wall. She'd barely scrambled to her feet, blood running from her split lip before he snatched her up and violently beat her, delivering blows and kicks to her petite frame. She tried her best to shield her baby from his vicious attack but by the time he'd stopped and stormed out of the apartment, she knew that it was too late, for no sooner than she'd managed to pull herself up, she doubled over in a tremendous amount of pain; pain so intense that she had to crawl her way to the phone to call for help._

She took a drag, a long one and let the smoke through her lungs before she blew it out through her nose then stubbed out the butt and lit another. She never told Olivia how she betrayed her all those years ago...not that it mattered now; probably wouldn't have matter then…

*Except you would have alienated your friends and lost Olivia…" She let out a laugh that quickly became a cry as she put her cigarette out and got up from the table with tears running down her face. 3AM and she was up smoking and crying over a baby she hadn't thought about in years when the one she should be thinking about…

"The one you should be thinking about is again the one that shouldn't be here… You can't go undercover with a baby your belly; you shouldn't even have a baby in your… Jesus, what is Dean gonna say?"

* * *

At the hospital, Trevor sat in the nursery with the baby who was asleep in his arms. He had been talking to her for the last twenty minutes, marveling at how beautiful she is; her dark hair and brown eyes just like Olivia's but offset by a peaches and cream complexion. Trevor was once again in awe at the stunning new life that his love had given them and couldn't wait until she was out of surgery so she could hold her. He sat there for the last ten minutes, a feeling of uneasiness all about him but he pushed it away and focused on the baby.

"Your mommy is gonna be so proud of you." He said as he looked at her. "I still can't believe you're here...you and your mom went through so much; I'm just glad you're okay." He kissed her then looked up and saw the doctor approaching. She came to the nursery window and stood there and suddenly that uneasy feeling that he'd had just moments ago came back.

"I'll be right back!" He said and gently kissed the baby and then just as gently placed her down in her bassinet then left the nursery.

...

"Trevor…" Dr. Gates started

"I was just about to go up to see if I could get some information. She came through alright?"

"Trevor...we-"

"The nurse said that there was hemorrhaging on top of the placental rupture...you managed to stop it?" The doctor looked down, trying to gather her words.

"You did stop it?" But she couldn't answer him and those feelings he was having a few minutes ago suddenly made sense. "Doctor; tell me something." He cried through tears.

"There was a placental abruption...apparently it happened during the rape and we missed it, when her water broke, her placenta separated from the uterine wall and caused the hemorrhage… "

"But you stopped the bleeding...I mean; she'll be okay, won't she?" He hoped against everything. No, she had to be alright! They had a whole other chapter to their lives; one far from the tragedies that they had seen the past 6 months; one that promised them happiness again. They had a life to live, children to raise, things to see, to do; he wasn't through loving her yet...she had to be okay!

"We nearly lost her but she's going to pull through." Those words reached his ears and he swore that he heard her wrong. "Your wife is going to be fine, Trevor."

His eyes filled with tears, relief making its way out of his body and his shoulders slumped forward, his legs going weak as he hung his head and cried, thanking God. As he looked back through the nursery window at their baby, he cried harder, realizing that he wouldn't have to explain to the children...they would have never understood; he would never have understood and he began to thank the doctor amidst his tears.

"Thank Olivia, she's a fighter." The doctor said with a hand to his back. "They're moving her to recovery now, you'll be able to go in shortly… Congratulations, dad!" She said and walked off, leaving Trevor there with a million emotions; gratitude the strongest, and staring at the new life he and Olivia had just brought into the world.

...

"She's gonna be alright!" Trevor told Travis. "We have a beautiful baby girl and her mother is gonna pull through!"

"Thank God! So she's awake?"

"Not yet, she's just getting out of surgery; they're being her to recovery. I'm gonna take the baby and go down there, would you call everyone and let them know?"

"I will...ay man, congratulations and I'll see you tomorrow when I bring the kids. You kiss that little girl and kiss Olivia for me.

* * *

"Brian, it's 4:30 in the morning!" Alex whispered sleepily with her eyes still closed and resting so comfortably under the covers. "What are you doing up?"

"The kids will be up soon, Jake in particular, hogging my boobs...but I figure we might as well get some alone time now!" He responded while kissing her. Slowly on her neck then up and behind her ear where he lingered, making her smile.

"That certainly feels good…" She breathed with her eyes still closed. "But I'm tired!"

He kept kissing, going back down her neck and to her shoulder where he pushed down the strap on her nightgown to have better access. "Come on baby...it's been a couple weeks and I am horny as hell!"

"Brian…" She whimpered as his hand went under the covers and in between her legs, caressing her lips, and when she felt his fingers on her clit, that got her attention and her eyes popped open. "Oh god!"

"Like that huh? You know, we can work on that baby you've been talking about…" He said as he continued; driving his fingers inside her."

"Yes...oh god, I need...please eat me first!"

"Love to!" He said and slid beneath the covers and between her legs, caressing her breast and pulling her nipple that came out of her nightgown while he went to work. She lay there in ecstasy; writhing and moaning, enjoying the pleasure he was giving, not minding the stream of milk that came out but suddenly his phone started to vibrate and that nearly killed her enjoyment.

_You've got to be kidding me! _She thought and quickly, without pulling Brian away from his duties; snatched the phone off the nightstand and without looking at it, answered. "Ahhh, h-hello? Travis...yeah...he's a little busy right now, can I take a… WHAT?" She suddenly shot up, forgetting about the oral and Brian came up from under the covers.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he climbed up beside her but she shushed him.

"Oh my god! But they're alright?" Brian snatched the phone.

"What happened?" He asked, anxious to find out. "Wait, who's this… oh Travis hey, she what? Man why didn't you call…"

* * *

At Amanda's apartment, she was curled up on her couch with a blanket when Dean came over to hand her a cup of tea.

"Here you go!"

"Thanks" She said as she took the mug, took a sip and sat it down on the coffee table beside him.

"You wanna talk about it?" Amanda couldn't help the tears that started to flow. "Hey, it's okay."

"Dean I'm pregnant...and it's okay if you don't wanna be a part of it but I'm having this baby...god I don't know what the hell I'm doing here!" She said and started to cry.

"Amanda…" He took her into his arms. "This is...well it's huge; and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a shock…"

"Shock is too-small a word…" she said as she wiped her tears and sat up.

"Granted, but hey, I'm not going anywhere"

"You're not?"

"I'm not. This baby is a surprise but we'll figure it out"

"Not much to figure out. Dean, I'm gonna have this baby; and I don't expect you to rearrange your life, I just need to know whether you'll be here with me."

"Listen to me, I love you and whatever happens, we're in this together, okay?"

"You...you love me?" She said with tears in her eyes and now he had tears in his.

"I do" He suddenly realized "I love you!" He confessed. She looked into his eyes as her tears fell from hers and she dropped her head as she started to cry.

"Or I don't? ...I'm sorry, I didn't, I don't…" He said, unsure of what he did to make her cry but wanting to fix it; however, before he could say another word…

"I love you too…and that scares the shit out of me but I do and I want us to work. I don't know what happens; I don't even know where we're gonna live or what's gonna happen when this baby co-"

He kissed her. Slow at first then deep and heavy, his fingers running through her hair, tugging it, pulling it and nipping the skin of her lips with his teeth before he finished and she smiled.

"We'll figure it out." He said and dove back into her, she dove into him; kissing each other with all intensity as she climbed on his lap.

"Tell me again!" She said as she ground her hips against him.

"I love you!" He said as they kissed and threw her down, climbing on top of her. "God help me, I love you!"

* * *

That morning at the hospital, Trevor and Olivia were in her hospital room with the baby. Olivia having woke up not too long ago and in considerable pain and nauseous.

"How do you feel?"

"I can't get over how tiny she is!" she said, despite the misery she was experiencing, of the baby from where she lay in Trevor's arms, her eyes were full of tears, not having stopped crying since she woke up. "She's so beautiful!" she cried, her tears heavy. Trevor wiped her eyes and kissed her hand

"You wanna hold her?"

"I don't…"

"It's okay, she's dying to meet her mommy!" He said and lay the baby down across her chest, the sleeping child curling into a ball and cuddling close to Olivia's naked shoulder.

"Ohhh…" She covered her mouth and cried harder looking down at her daughter. "She's here; and she's okay; that's all I really wanted!"

"No more fears about if you can take care of her?"

"I had them until I thought I might lose her..." she said as she held her daughter's tiny hand. "Then I knew." She kissed the baby on her tiny head and lingered there for a moment, inhaling her scent.

"Four children" she smiled. "You ready?"

"I'm ready for anything as long as you're by my side. I love you!" He said and kissed her sweetly on the lips. He wiped her tears as she reached to wipe his.

"I love you too!" and she lingered in his arms for a moment, laying her head against his chest and listening to his heartbeat, smiling at the promise it held while she cried.

"You know, our daughter needs a name." He said piercing the silence.

"Casey...it's all I've wanted since I found out we were having a girl and Patricia."

"You wanna name her after my mom?"

"Well, we named Chloe after mine...and it fits"

"Casey… I think it's beautiful; I think Travis will love it." They looked down at their daughter and smiled. "Welcome to the world, Casey Patricia!"

* * *

In Switzerland, the nurse was coming into the man's room to check on him when she noticed that he wasn't in his bedroom. Thinking nothing of it, she went to his bathroom and knocked and upon getting no answer, she proceeded to make her way inside.

"Sir, I'm coming in!" She said, only to open the door and find that he was nowhere in sight. Panicking, she quickly ran from the room.

"Elin, what is it?" The Elder nurse, Sylvie asked as Elin collided with her while running from the room.

"I can't find him. I went in to check his vitals and he's gone!"

"Calm down, I'm sure he's just in one of the common areas. I'll check the gymnasium and the cafeteria, you go and check the spa and the library and we'll meet back here in 20 minutes.

...

**20 minutes later…**

"Dr. Ahlberg is going to kill us!" Elin said.

"He cannot hold this against us...can he?"

"Well, here's our chance; he's coming this way!"

...

"Yeah, just have everything ready for me. I'll be landing in 6 hours… Not if I see you first! Alright." He laughed and ended the call. He turned his seat on the private plane and looked out of the window as the flight attendant came by in her skintight short skirt to serve him champagne.

"Dom Perignon '99!" She said as she handed him the glass and bent over to pour, sure to flaunt her assets in his face and he couldn't help but look and felt himself getting excited. Who the hell knew that it would still work after waking from a five year coma just 9 months ago?

"Tell you what, why don't you put that down, and put on a show for me." He said, she was all too happy to comply.

"As you wish Mr. Stabler." She said, undoing her blouse.

"Please, call me Elliot."

* * *

**.**

**Okay, thanks for reading and this is goodbye for real this time. Love you guys. =) **


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